Begin Again (14 page)

Ryan sighed and sat back. “I've always wanted a family. Just not like this.”

She rested her head against his strong shoulder. “I know. I can't believe Beth just handed him over to you for a couple of days.”

“What, you don't think I'm capable?” he joked.

“It's not that. If he were mine, I wouldn't let him out of my sight.” Some women didn't know how lucky they were.

• • •

As Ryan watched Maisie with Jay, he fell in love with her even more. She would make a wonderful momma someday. His heart hurt for her, knowing what she'd lost and how hard it must be now to hold a baby in her arms that wasn't her own. He wished she'd talk to him about what had happened to her. He'd do anything to make her happy.

She set the empty bottle down and burped Jay like a pro.

“I'm glad you're here.”

She handed the baby over to him. “I do need to get to work. It would be easy to tell Lola and Ginger what was going on.

• • •

It wouldn't be so easy to clarify why she was happy one minute and sad the next. Ryan's ex-fiancée was glamorous, and she was just a waitress who wore jeans most of the time. Was she really someone Ryan would stay attracted to? Maisie poured the steaming coffee into a mug and carried it over to the guy in a window booth.

“Thank you,” he told her, looking up from his newspaper.

“You're welcome.”

She went over to the counter where Lola stood looking through a fashion magazine. Why did her life have to have so much drama? Why couldn't she just be a girl like Lola, with her biggest worry being if she had the latest clothes? Thank goodness the lunch crowd would be walking in the door shortly. Busy work was good for her.

Lola looked up from the glossy page. “What's with you today?”

“Nothing.” She needed to change the subject before Lola asked too many questions. “That green dress would look great on you.” She pointed to a model wearing Christian Dior.

Lola popped a bubble and smiled. “You think so?”

• • •

Maisie rang the doorbell hoping Ryan's ex wouldn't be the one answering his door. She let out a sigh of relief when Ryan smiled and motioned her to come in.

He held his finger to his lips and whispered, “He's still asleep. You want something to drink?”

She shook her head and handed him the to-go box with a slice of pie inside. “I thought you could use this.”

He pulled her into a hug. “Thanks.” A loud cry came from the back room. “Be right back.”

Maisie sat down on Ryan's sofa. Diapers, wipes, and sleepers were sprawled out on the arm. She shook off the sad feelings creeping into her brain. She might as well get used to the sight of baby stuff. Her sister would be buying the same things soon.

Ryan walked into the room with Jay cradled in his arm. The baby sucked loudly on his little fist.

“I think he's hungry.”

His eyes widened. “I think you're right.”

Maisie stood up. “I'll take him, you go mix his bottle.” Ryan handed the baby over to her and smiled. She sat down and deep blue eyes met hers as she held the infant in her lap. This was so unfair.

• • •

So. Much. Blood. Maisie grabbed her belly as pain seared through her skin. Her hands searched for the roundness that was supposed to be there, but instead it was flat. Where was her baby? She looked around the bathroom and heard a laugh. She looked and looked but didn't see anyone.
Hello? Help me, please. My baby …
Beth came into view holding a baby in her arms, laughing at her.
Give me my baby back!
She screamed, but her words came out as a whisper. Beth held out the baby, and Maisie grabbed for him, but he disappeared.

Maisie gasped for air and sat up in her bed, drenched in sweat. The nightmare had morphed into something even worse than usual. She pushed the wet hair off her forehead and swallowed. After a minute of steady breathing, her heart rate returned to normal. Maisie pushed her cover away and went to the bathroom. Relieved the room was empty, she splashed cold water on her face. Maybe it would be better if Jay wasn't Ryan's. After seeing the evil look on Beth's face in her nightmare, that was a face she never wanted to see again.

• • •

Ryan rocked Jay, struggling with the fact that he both wanted and didn't want the little guy to be his. It was easy to get attached to such a sweet little baby, but raising someone else's child wouldn't be easy for Maisie, and how easy would it be for Baby Jay? If only he hadn't been weak in the hot tub, he wouldn't be in this situation now.
Lesson learned.

The doorbell rang, so he eased off the couch with the baby asleep in his arms. Beth stood with tears streaming down her face.

“What is it? What happened?”

She shoved a folded paper in his free hand, walked over to his couch, and sat. He unfolded the paper and looked over at Beth.

“He's not mine.”

She stood up and walked over to him. Frowning, she placed a hand on his arm. “I wanted him to be yours so bad. It was a fifty-fifty chance, Ry.”

His mouth went dry. He carried Jay back to his room to lay him down on the bed. When he came back into the living room, Beth stood staring out the window at the back yard.

Ryan tried to control his anger. “What do you mean, ‘fifty-fifty' chance?”

She wiped her eyes and turned to him. “The reason I left you. I found out I was pregnant and wasn't sure if the baby was yours.”

Ryan's mouth dropped open and he rubbed his face. “Who did you betray me with?

“Ed showed up out of the blue, and I had a moment of weakness. But it didn't mean anything, I promise!”

A bad taste formed in his mouth. “Ed, your ex-boyfriend?” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “The one that went to jail for stealing cars?”

She nodded and produced more crocodile tears.

Ryan rubbed his face. “What you did was inexcusable. And now you've showed up here, making my life a mess once again. It stops here, do you hear me?”

Beth tried to hug him, but he pushed her away. “You should have told me about the fifty-fifty part the moment you showed up here.”

“I know. If he were yours, it would have worked out. It still could, you know. Ed is back in jail — he doesn't know about Jay.”

Ryan shook his head. How had he ever been with someone so manipulative? “No. I'm sorry, but as sweet as that little guy is, I will not pretend to be his daddy.”

“Please, Ry, please don't turn away from me.” She clung to his arms.

He looked her right in the eyes. “You've made some bad choices. You need to get it together for that little boy in there.” He went to his desk, pulled out his checkbook, and began writing. “Here's a thousand dollars. Go somewhere, get help. This is the last help you'll get from me.”

She wiped her tears and took the check. “You loved me once; you could again.”

Ryan shook his head. “No. No, I couldn't. Take care, Beth.” He picked up the phone and called a taxi for her.

“Don't do this,” she pleaded.

He had to be strong. She'd take advantage of him if he let her. “I already have.”

She nodded and went back to his room to get Jay.

Ryan felt bad, but he couldn't let her keep ruining his life. He had his own life to live. What she'd done to him had been unfair, but he forgave her for everything. He was too happy to have found Maisie to be bitter.

Beth came out of the room holding Jay and the diaper bag. “I'm sorry. I truly am.”

He looked at the little boy he had thought was his. “I forgive you. Please just take care of Jay. He needs you to be strong.”

She nodded. “We'll wait on the porch for the taxi.” She turned around when she got to the door. “Goodbye, Ry.”

“Bye, Beth.”

She closed the door, and all he could do was stand there. If Jay wasn't his responsibility, why did he feel so guilty?

• • •

Maisie peeked through Mr. Oliver's toy store window. The lights were off and most of the window frosted, but she could just make out the full shelves of stuffed bears: teddy bears in every shape, size, and color. She wanted to get one for Jay. The little baby had a hold on her heart.

Mr. Oliver came out of the back of the store and squinted his eyes at her. He smiled and ambled over to the door to unlock it.

“Maisie Scott, what can I do for you?” He reminded her of Geppetto, with his square-rimmed glasses and white hair.

“I was just peeking in to look at your teddy bears.”

“You know I'm closed for a few months, but you come on in and pick one out, on me.”

Maisie smiled. “Really?”

He laughed. “Sure, I've known you since you were this high.” He lowered his hand to a foot from the floor. “Not to mention, you always bring me the best breakfast an old man could ask for.” Mr. Oliver ate breakfast at Ginger Snaps once a week like clockwork.

“Thanks, but I can pay you for it.”

“Nah, you'll be back again when we reopen. Besides, you look like you could use a bear hug.” He patted her back. “Take your time. I'll be behind the counter.”

Maisie nodded and stood in front of the mountain of stuffed teddies. It was as if someone had given her the key to Santa's workshop. Dozens of eyes stared back at her. Funny how one stood out immediately. She reached for the fuzzy brown bear with purple paws and a purple nose. The fur was soft and smelled like berries.

She walked over to where Mr. Oliver was packing boxes of toy cars. He looked up at her selection.

“Ahh, that one had just come in before I shut down the store. Nice choice.” He smiled. “Enjoy your Berry Bear.”

• • •

Ryan opened his door to a stuffed bear in mid-air. He peered around the purple-nosed critter, happy to see it was Maisie holding the toy.

He laughed. “For me?”

She smiled. “No, for Baby Jay.”

Great. She'd gotten attached to the little guy as much as I had.
“Come inside. We need to talk.”

She let the bear drop to her side as she walked in. “Anything said after ‘we need to talk' is never good.”

Ryan took the bear from her and motioned for her to sit down on the couch. Was the fear in her eyes because she was afraid he had a son or afraid he didn't? “He's not mine.”

She opened her mouth but closed it again and looked over at the toy on the coffee table.

“Beth lied. There was only a chance that baby was mine. Until I forced the DNA test, she'd planned on passing him off as my son.” He paused to take her shaking hands. “If you weren't a part of my life, I may have accepted it without proof.”

She looked down at her lap. “I don't know what to say.”

“You don't have to say anything. I was hoping we could pick up where we left off before this mess, before Beth showed up.” He didn't know how to make this right.

She looked up at him. “Are you okay? I mean, you looked so happy holding him.”

Ryan took her chin in his hand. “I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about.”

Her green eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “I'm okay.” She slipped her hand away from his. “I should go. I'll call you later.”

He could see she needed some time alone, so reluctantly he let her walk out the door. The toy bear still lay on the table when the door closed behind her. He picked it up and did something he had only done a few times in his whole life. He cried.

• • •

“I can see why you're upset, but it's better in the long run, trust me.” Cady handed Maisie a mug of coffee and sat down at the table beside her.

Maisie took a sip and nodded. “I didn't even get to say goodbye.”

“I know.” She paused to take a drink of her decaf. “I have some good news. Mom and Dad are on a flight home.” Maisie almost dropped the half-empty mug in her lap. “They are?”

Cady wrapped her hands around her mug. “Yes.”

Time to count her savings. If she lived with her sister, they'd be hovering. They pretty much lived at Cady's house on weekends. “That's great.”

Cady smiled. “Don't worry, they won't be coming until next week. They said they have lots to get caught up on at home.”

“I wasn't worried.” Maisie got up to put her mug in the sink.

“Uh-huh.”

She ran downstairs and went into her bedroom closet. Anxiously she reached up to the top shelf and grabbed the shoebox where she'd been keeping her money. She hadn't counted it in a few weeks. The last time she'd made a bank deposit and checked her balance, she only needed about a thousand dollars more. She took a deep breath and lifted the lid. Her heart sped up as she thumbed through the cash and counted past the amount she needed. She had more than enough for a down payment on a decent house.

• • •

After seeing two other homes, when Maisie walked into this one, she felt some sort of connection. The house needed some TLC and was about fifteen years old, but the man who had built it had been an architect and put lots of special details into the design. The half-basement was unfinished, and the yard wasn't huge, but she didn't like mowing anyway.

Ryan walked around on the squeaky hardwood floors. “I don't know. It needs a lot of work.”

Maisie shrugged. “I have to look within my price range, and I want to stay in this area. I knew I wouldn't be getting something that didn't need some repairs.”

He raised an eyebrow and walked over to a piece of loose trim. “Let me lend you some money so you can get into something nicer. I know you're good for it.”

He was sweet, but this house had felt like home the minute she'd walked through the door. She could see past the cosmetics. “Thanks for the offer, but I need to pay for this myself. I have to know for myself that I can be on my own again.”