Begin Again (4 page)

“For two years I looked for you. I sent letters to where you were stationed and sent letters to any Carter I could find in the phonebook.
I shouldn’t have bothered.” Journey was close to breaking, but she wouldn’t do it here. Not in front of these people. “I wasn’t stalking you, asshole. I was trying to find you to tell you I was pregnant, and then I tried to find you after I had MY son. Had I not been here today, I may have never found you and Joey would miss out on knowing you, but now I wish I never did, because you are obviously not who I thought you were.”

The silence around them was deafening.
He didn’t move a muscle. He just stood there staring at her. Journey wasn’t sure how long they stood there until he opened his mouth and said the worst possible thing to her.

“Are you
even sure he’s mine?”

She jerked her head like she’d been slapped
. It did feel like he had slapped her and ripped out her heart. Reaching into her clutch, she pulled the picture she kept with her of Joey when he was six months old. She had carried it around with her phone number written on the back so if she had ever found him he could have it so he knew how to get a hold of her. Slapping it to his chest, she let go and backed away from him.

“See for yourself
: he’s yours. Call if you want and we’ll figure out visitation. If not, I don’t care, since we’ve been doing just fine on our own.” She turned to Stacy and Dustin, Stacy looked like she wanted to reach out to her, but didn’t. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen here. Congratulations.”

Because she was a
glutton for punishment, she turned to Dylan’s date, who was looking at Dylan with a pissed off expression. Good. “I’m sorry to ruin your evening. That wasn’t my intention.”

Not waiting for a response
, she turned, walking to the door as quickly as possible. The tears fell freely as she made it outside. What was she going to tell her son when someday he asked about his daddy? She’d never tell him the truth; why subject him to the hurt? Climbing into her car, she started it up and took a minute to collect herself. She was wiping her eyes when there was a knock at her window. Zach stood there, so she got out.

“I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry. Maybe we should just call it quits.” She stepped up to him, and reaching up on her toes, she placed a kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you around the school.”

Turning to get into the car
, he stopped her with his hand. “Journey, why are you apologizing? Is that what you want? To stop seeing each other? Because I don’t want that. I really like you, Journey. We’ll figure this out, okay?” He kissed her forehead. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Journey shook her head
. “No, you stay. They’re your friends; you should be here. Nan’s keeping the kids all night, so maybe I’ll catch a movie or something. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Dammit! I don’t want you to be alone right
now.” Before she knew what he was doing, he was leading her around to her passenger side and helping her in. She put on her seatbelt and watched Zach climb in the other side. He handed her his cell phone. “Okay, sweetheart, see what’s playing, but no chick flicks.”

Her laughter filled the car.
“Okay, it looks like we’ve got action, horror and raunchy comedy.” They both looked at each other and said in unison, “raunchy comedy.” It didn’t start until eight, so Zach said he was taking her to dinner first.

She put the Dylan situation out of her mind.
Journey grabbed Zach’s hand and brought it to her lips, kissing it quick. “Thanks, Zach.”

“No problem.
It’s all going to work out. You’ll see.”

She hoped he was right.

Chapter Four

“Are you seriously going to let her just walk away?
What the hell is your problem, Dylan? I’ve never known you to be so cruel. Did you not see the look on her face when you accused her of stalking you and then asked if she was sure the baby was yours? My god, if this weren’t my freaking wedding day, I’d knock your ass out.”

Dylan didn’t say a word. He could hear his brother talking, but he was barely listening.
He held the picture in his hand, but didn’t dare look at it. If he looked at it and saw
his
son, he’d lose it. It would be that reminder that he fucked up with her, with his Journey. He’d never witnessed someone’s heart breaking before, but he’d just seen it. His words were cruel, callous, and he was a fucking coward.

He walked away from his brother and Stacy, even as Dustin was still talking to him.
He took the picture and without looking at it, shoved it in his pocket. Why’d he do it? Because he couldn’t deal with that right now. This was his brother and Stacy’s day and he was fucking it all up. Did he dare tell them that he never cared about anyone the way he cared about her? Leaving her had been the hardest thing he had ever done, but they had no future together. He was eleven years older than her, for fuck’s sake.

“I’m leaving
, Dylan.” He turned to see Cassie standing there, looking as disgusted as he felt. “You never struck me as the cruel type, but what you did to that poor woman was just mean. You’re my friend, and you’ll always be my friend, but that’s it. I don’t want you treating me the way you treated her…ever.”

“Cassie, don’t leave.
I’m sorry, okay? It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated? I offered to help you find her and bam
, she’s here. You have a son, Dylan. Don’t you want to meet him, be a part of his life?”

His head was so fucked up right now.
He needed some air. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

“That’s it?
You’ll walk me out?”

“Cassie, what do you want me to say?
I fucked up; I fucked it up the minute I lied about my last name. I fucked it up when I left without saying goodbye. I fucked it up now. Of course, I want to meet him.”

Because deep down
, he knew Journey wouldn’t lie about something like that. Call it a gut feeling, but she wasn’t the type to lie. He walked Cassie to her car. She kissed his cheek. “Call her.”

With that she shut the door and drove away.
He wished that he hadn’t hurt Cassie, but he knew he did.

Sunday morning,
Dylan woke up and groaned as the sunlight poured in through his window. He rolled over and buried his head under his pillows. After Journey and then Cassie left, Dylan may have had too many drinks. He was trying to put on a happy face for his brother and Stacy, but he knew he was failing when his mom kept coming up to him asking him if he was okay and where Cassie went.

He did his best man duties, mingling with the guests.
Stacy pulled him out to the dance floor and thank god, hadn’t brought up Journey. When it was time to leave he caught a ride home with his parents. At some point he was going to have to pick up his truck.

He walked sleepily to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.
While it was brewing he jumped in the shower to clear his head. After throwing on a t-shirt and track pants, Dylan picked his tux up off the ground. He grabbed his wallet out of the back pocket, tossed it on the bed, and then reached in the front pocket. Pulling the picture out, he sat heavily on the bed. Dylan wasn’t sure how long he sat there trying to summon up the courage to look at the picture.

“Stop being a pussy,” he muttered.
Turning the picture over in his hand, he immediately felt the tears fill his eyes. It was like looking at his own baby picture. The boy had lots of dark hair, big blue eyes, and a big dimple in each cheek. The boy was sitting up with a stuffed dog clutched in his hands. He wore the biggest smile on his face, and Dylan could just imagine that he was smiling at his momma.

She was right
: there wasn’t any doubt at all that Joey was his son. He had to tell his family and then he had to call Journey so he could meet his boy, his son. Programming her number from the back of the picture into his phone, he put Joey’s picture in his wallet and set it on his dresser. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fix the mess he made, but later when he told his parents, he hoped they had some advice for him about how he could fix it.

He
pulled into his parents’ driveway, parking behind Luke and Bellamy’s Escape. Every Sunday night they all came to their parents’ house for dinner. They were going to watch Stacy and Dustin open their wedding gifts. The couple decided to wait to take a honeymoon. Neither of them wanted to leave Violet for that long, so they decided to wait until she was a little bit older. Joey had to be around the same age as Violet. She and Carrington would have a new cousin to play with.

Stacy’s parents, Gary and Renée, pulled in right behind him.
They were a great couple and quickly became friends with his folks after Stacy and Bellamy met. He watched Gary pull his niece Violet out of the backseat. It was a sight to see—Gary, all big and rugged looking, talking to Violet in a soft singsong voice.

“Hey
, guys, how are you?” Dylan asked as he leaned down to kiss Renée on the cheek.

“We’re good
, sweetheart. We enjoyed our day with this little princess.” She grabbed Violet’s foot and gave it a playful shake. She clapped at her grandma and then reached for Dylan. Sometimes they wondered if it confused her that Dylan and Dustin looked the same, but the kid was smart. She knew who her dad was.

“Come here
, squirt.” He carried her to the house with Gary and Renée following close behind. “Are you my big girl?” he asked, tickling her belly until she was giggling.

They were greeted by Stacy
, who looked beautiful and relaxed. “Look, it’s Mommy.” Violet started smiling and reaching for her. He kissed Stacy’s cheek and handed off the baby. “Sweetheart, you look gorgeous, as usual.”

H
e walked further into the house and was greeted by his niece, Carrington. “Unca Dyl, up up up!”

“Okay
, sugar, up you go.” He picked up his petite little niece into his arms. His sister came up to kiss his cheek. “After dinner tonight I need to talk to y’all.” He only wanted to say what he had to say once.

“Is everything okay?” His sister wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I don’t know, twerp.
I really don’t.”

“Well
, okay. We’re here for you no matter what it is.” She squeezed him tight then let go.

After greeting his brother-in-law, dad and mom
, he settled with the men on the back deck. Dustin signaled for him to follow him out into the yard. He wanted to just talk to everyone together about Journey, but Dustin was his best friend and they had a bond that could never be broken. They stood in silence under the shade of the large maple tree in their parents’ backyard.

Dylan pulled his wallet out of his pocket and grabbed Joey’s picture.
Handing it to his brother, he waited to hear what his brother had to say.

He watched him study the picture.
His facial expression remained unaffected by what he was seeing. Maybe he had imagined that the boy looked like him. Finally Dustin looked up.

“How is it even fair that you get to have the first boy?”
Leave it to his brother to ease the tension. His brother’s expression turned serious. “What are you going to do? It’s obvious he’s yours. He looks just like us. He’s beautiful—hell, she’s beautiful, too.”

“I want to meet him.
I want to be part of his life. How is she ever going to forgive me for how I treated her?”

“Well
, I’m glad you want to be a part of his life. I don’t know, but you were really kind of a dick to her. It seems like she really wants him to know you, so even if she doesn’t forgive you, she wants you in his life.”

His brother was
right, so now he just had to call her and ask to see Joey. He didn’t know how serious she and Zach were, but it was going to blow seeing them together. He had no right, but he wanted to call Zach and tell him to stay away from her.

“What’s going on?
Is everything okay?” They both turned to see their mom walking towards them with Violet in her arms.

“
Yeah, Mom, I just needed to talk to Dustin about something real quick.”

“Okay
, honey.” She turned to walk away, but Dylan called her back.

“Hey
, Mom, tonight after Stacy’s parents go home, I need to talk to you guys.”

“Dylan, are you sure everything’s okay?”
He hated his mom worrying.

He assured her he was fine and she went back up to the house.
Dustin slapped him on the back and followed their mom. It took a minute to get his shit together and then headed back up to join the others.

After dinner
, everyone gathered in the family room to watch Dustin and Stacy open their wedding gifts. Violet ended up “helping” them open gifts, quickly followed by Carrington who made it her goal to bring every gift to Violet. His mom and Stacy’s took pictures of the kids opening up the presents and playing with wrapping paper. Dylan hoped that in the future Joey would be there to get in on some of the shenanigans. He took a drink of his soda and smiled when his dad sat down next to him.

“What’s up
, Pop?”

“Nothing,
son. How are the new crews you’ve hired?”

Business had really picked up for them in the last six months
, so they had to hire more help. It kept him busy most days, driving from site to site checking in on things. He loved it, though. It was busy and he enjoyed the hands on part of it.

“They’re great
: hard workers, minimal overtime and quality work. We got really lucky with these guys. I can’t thank you enough for helping us find them.” He meant it too. Although his dad was retired, he still enjoyed when the boys came to him for help.

“I’m always happy to help you boys.
I know Luke still asks his dad for advice and help too. You boys have been so busy lately we’ve hardly seen you, but busy is good.” His dad turned away from him to scoop up Carrington onto his lap. “Give me some sugar, baby girl.”

Carrington beamed at his dad, “Otay, Pop-pop.” She gave him a loud-lip smacking kiss
and started giggling when Dylan’s dad tickled her. Of course, Violet had to be included. She came over to Dylan.

“
Up-up.” She smiled and started bouncing up and down. He picked her up, blowing raspberries on her cheek. She tried to do the same thing to Dylan, but he was left with a cheek full of drool. He held Violet as Dustin and Stacy looked at all of the gifts they received. For once in his life, Dylan was jealous of his brother. He had a gorgeous, amazing wife and a beautiful daughter. A person would have to be blind not to see the love Dustin had for his girls. Stacy’s love for Dustin was just as strong. He wasn’t looking forward to telling his family how bad he’d fucked up.

Stacy’s parents
had left a while ago and it was just his parents, Luke, Bellamy, Dustin and Stacy. They were all sitting in the family room drinking coffee and talking. Both of his nieces were asleep. Carrington was curled up on the love seat curled up against Luke, who absently stroked her hair. Violet was asleep on Bellamy’s lap. Taking a deep breath, he knew it was now or never.

“Hey
, y’all. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“What is it
, honey? Is everything okay? You’re not sick, are you?” Leave it to his mom to think worst case scenario.

“I’m fine, Mom. I’m not sick.
I’m just going to start from the beginning. When you guys sent me to Florida for those two weeks when I first got home, I met someone. We spent the entire two weeks together. She was funny, smart, and so damn beautiful, but she was also eleven years younger than me. Anyhow, the night we met I was attracted to her, but for all I knew, she could’ve been a psycho, so I gave her a false last name.”

“Oh
, Dylan.” His mom definitely didn’t like that.

“I know, and it didn’t take long to realize she wasn’t one, but it was too late.
I already lied, and was worried she wouldn’t see me again if she knew the truth, so I didn’t tell her. Well, my last night there I swear things were changing between us. I felt a strong connection to her and then I heard her whisper that she loved me when she was falling asleep. I panicked but didn’t leave. The day I left I told her I’d take her to lunch before I went to the airport. I didn’t go back to get her; I just left and went right to the airport.

“
By the time Dustin picked me up I already felt guilty about it. I told him about her and he told me to call her, but I didn’t have her cell phone number. I called where she worked, but the girl who answered told me that she’d come in that day and quit. She told the girl she was moving.”