Benevolent (6 page)

“Well, I was thinking that because I don’t want to be on any medication if we’re going to start trying again.”

Damn it. I thought it was going to be a good night. I should have known better.

“Gabi, I told you, we don’t need to think about that right now. Let’s work on you first.”

“I am, Dane.” She was getting defensive and loud.

“I know that, and I appreciate that. It’s not gone unnoticed. However, it’s going to take more than one day to fix it. It’s going to take more than one shopping trip or one call to Doctor Greiner. It’s going to take more than one visit to see him.”

“And then we’ll try again?”

“When the time is right, then yes, we will try again.”

What I didn’t tell her was that even then, I would still be hesitant. The depression she fell into after the miscarriage wasn’t the first one. She battled with it so many times before that. And although she’d manage to find her way back, something else would happen and she’d find herself right back there again. It wasn’t like she was just a depressed person, there was always something horrific that happened to her that put her there. So even though she was on the road to recovery, I feared another shoe would drop and she’d be just as bad as or worse than the last time. It always got worse. Every single fucking time. I didn’t know how much more I would be able to handle. But I knew I couldn’t leave her over it. Leaving her over the depression would mean I was leaving her over what had put her there in the first place. And I would never be able to do that. The memory of the very first time she battled with it was something I would never be able to forget. And for that, I couldn’t leave her. I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted her to get better. And I wanted more than anything for misfortune to leave her the fuck alone.

After dinner, she went to take her bath and I decided to use the time to take a walk along the beach. I hadn’t planned on going back to the pier, the memory of the night before nearly ruined that safe haven for me, but my feet led me there and I followed like the slave my body was.

Just as I was approaching it, I noticed her. I didn’t see her until I was right up on the old pier because she was standing in the surf on the other side. The sun had gone down, but there was still remaining light in the sky, bright enough to see her clearly once I made it there.

I turned around, but she’d seen me by then.

“Now who’s stalking whom?” she teased.

I spun back around in the sand and faced her. Again, I didn’t plan on walking toward her, but my feet moved and I followed. I was beginning to think my feet had GPS straight to Eden.

“Like I said, the beautiful always get stalked.”

She smiled. I smiled. And there was nothing but silence.

“I shouldn’t be here,” I finally said.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“I should go home.”

“Yes, you should.” She spoke, but her words were mostly filled with air and heavy breathing. I could practically see her internal struggle. I noticed it because it was the same struggle I was feeling inside.

“No.” I shook my head. “This is my pier. I have been coming here for as long as I’ve lived here. You just moved here. You should leave. You should go home. Why should I give up my favorite place in the world because you’re here?” It sounded like a joke, but I was bringing up a valid point and asked an honest question.

“You’re right, I should go,” she said but didn’t move her feet from where they were rooted just beneath the shallow surf.

“Yes, you should.”

“I was here first, but you’re totally right, I should leave,” she said with a smile.

I smiled, too. “Yup. Right again. You may use my pier until I show up.”

“That’s so very thoughtful of you, Mr. Kauffmann.”

“I’m a thoughtful guy, Miss Clare.”

“If you were so thoughtful, you’d share it with me.”

“I am. I’m allowing you to be here when I’m not.”

“Why are you so scared of being here with me? Scared you’ll do something you shouldn’t?”

I swallowed hard and replied in a less-than-confident voice, “Why do you want to be here with me? Do you want me to do something I shouldn’t?”

That line… that fucking invisible line just kept popping up where she was concerned. I hated that pesky little thing and wanted it to go away. I wanted to be able to have a normal conversation with Eden without it appearing. I knew it was there because my balls suddenly felt heavy. That was a sure indication that the line was getting closer.

“Why would I want that? I already told you, I hate cheating bastards.”

“And like I told you, so do I.”

She looked down into the water covering her feet and smiled shyly.

“Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” she asked as she looked back up at me.

“Stop getting shy.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“You have nothing to be shy about.”

“It’s just who I am, Dane. Always been like that, and always will be.”

“Well, then, maybe that’s why we met. Maybe the purpose of you being in the same bar as me and me owning the only company you want to work for is for me to bring you out of your shell. Maybe it’s for me to un-shy you.”

She laughed and splashed her feet around some. “Oh yeah? And then what is my purpose for you?”

To make me happy. To make me smile. To make me feel something other than down. To bring me light when the rest of my world is so dark and to make me feel like this. But of course, I didn’t say any of that. That would be crossing that line. That would be going into the murky waters on the other side and causing nothing but pain for everyone involved.

Instead, I said, “To make my job easier at work.”

“Good answer.” She began to back up in the water until her feet were back on dry land. “Goodnight, Dane. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Eden. And don’t be late again.” I tried to sound stern and serious, but I guess I failed because she smiled at me and turned around.

I watched as she walked down the beach. She only made it about a hundred yards before walking up to a set of small condominiums. That must’ve been where she was staying. Fucking aye. Out of all the rentals in the area, she had to choose one on my beach, by my pier, in walking distance from me. No matter what I did, I wouldn’t be able to get far from her. She would always be there. I smiled at that thought and walked back home.

The rest of the week went by much of the same. Gabi was showing some improvement, but it didn’t often last very long before she was back to being down again. It frustrated me more than anything because I didn’t want to get my hopes up when she was acting fine. I knew it wouldn’t last long, and it didn’t. She’d go right back to being depressed—crying about the baby, crying about her mom, crying about anything and everything. I wanted to make it go away. I wanted nothing more than to make it all stop. But I couldn’t. And I think that was what frustrated me the most.

Work was fine, though. I sent Eden off with files and she worked alone on them, barely coming to me about any of it. I did tell her about her needing to take lunch breaks. She’s a real wise ass. The next day, she had lunch in her office—while she worked. I had to clarify that a break meant no working. That was Thursday. On Friday, she sat in my office while she ate. Sounds like a break, but I wouldn’t have considered it one since she spent the time talking about work. I didn’t complain because it meant I got to spend time with her.

There had been no more running into her at the pier. That part made me a little upset, even though I told her we shouldn’t both be there at the same time. I’d walk there every evening, but would only spend a few minutes before turning around and heading back. After the first night there with her, it wasn’t the same. I knew it was stupid of me to be searching her out, but that was what she made me—fucking stupid.

Saturday rolled around and my boy, Eddy, had been planning a day out on his boat. He had just gotten it and wanted to take it out. He invited me and Gabi, and she was looking forward to it until the morning of. She said she wasn’t in the mood to be out on the water, so I didn’t push it. I offered to stay back with her, but she wanted to be alone. Call me a dick, call me insensitive, but I didn’t argue. I couldn’t sit in that condo and watch her cry any longer, so I put on my board shorts and headed to the marina.

Just before we had everything loaded, I heard someone behind me say, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I spun around and nearly fell on my ass. I couldn’t believe it. In the middle of the marina, loading up a boat with my buddies, and there was Eden.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but damn, every time I turned around, there she was. No matter what I did, where I went, or who I was with, there she was.

“Ummm, Eddy invited me out on his boat.”

“Eddy? How do you know Eddy?”

And just then, the man of the hour came walking down the dock. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pressed his lips to her cheek. Her eyes never left mine and her face fell. Mine probably did, too. I wasn’t expecting that. I’m sure she didn’t, either.

“There you are. I was worried you’d stand me up,” Eddy said as he took her bag from her.

“Oh, sorry, I was just running late. I didn’t hold you up, did I?” She seemed nervous as she tried to pay him attention, but her eyes stayed on me. Her smile seemed strained and her movements were jumpy.

“No. I wouldn’t have left without you, anyway.” He kissed her cheek again, that time with a big-ass smile plastered on his face, and jumped on the boat.

I pulled her aside to talk without the chance of being overheard.

“How do you know Eddy?” I asked, trying not to sound pissed. But I was, and I didn’t know why.

“We’ve been out on a few dates. How do you know him?”

“He’s one of my best friends. I can’t fucking believe this. You’re dating my best friend.”

“Not dating. Have gone on dates. There’s a difference.”

I scratched my scruff, not knowing anything else to do with my hands. I knew the kind of guy Eddy was, and I knew the kind of dates he took women out on. Just thinking about him with Eden set me off. I wanted to tell her to leave and never speak to him again, but what right did I have? None.

“I’m sorry, should I not be here? You were here first; maybe I should just leave. He’s your friend. I don’t want to cause you any inner turmoil over being on a boat with me.” She was pissed. I had heard that tone before and knew it should not have been taken lightly.

I grabbed her arm just as she began to walk away. “Stop. Don’t be ridiculous. You’re dating my friend, so what. I’m a likable guy; I have lots of friends. If I asked you to not date any of them, you’d never date here,” I joked. I hoped she got that.

She smirked and rolled her eyes. Yeah, she got it. “Okay, whatever. So, is this going to be awkward? Am I going to have to be on a boat in the middle of the water and keep my cover-up on so you don’t get a stiffy?”

She was baiting me, but she didn’t know whom she was playing with. “No, you can take it off. I might get a half-chub, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I know it’ll be hard to do, but just don’t check out my cock and you’ll be fine.” With that, I walked back to the boat and hopped on, leaving Eddy to help his date out.

We rode out for a while, going in and out of no-wake zones. It was nice because it allowed Eden and me to talk some. We had some beers during the ride out and it seemed to mellow us both out some.

“So, tell me about her,” she said out of nowhere.

It completely caught me off guard. I didn’t want to talk about Gabi with Eden.

She must’ve picked up on the hesitation because she started talking again. “Why don’t you want to talk about her? I think it would be a good idea. It would put us in the friend zone and then we won’t have to worry about this awkward thing anymore.”

“You think so? You think if I talk to you about Gabi I won’t want to kiss you anymore? You think if you hear about her you won’t think about that night on the pier? Don’t tell me you don’t. I know you do. This awkward thing between us isn’t going to just fucking disappear because I tell you about her.” My tone was short and clipped. I didn’t know why I was suddenly being an asshole, but I was. And I couldn’t stop once I got going.

“What would it hurt?” She paused and looked right at me. “So, her name is Gabi. That’s a pretty name. Is it short for something?”

I didn’t want to answer her. I didn’t want to be having that conversation, but she wouldn’t let up on it. “Yeah, Gabriella.”

“Very pretty. Is she Spanish?”

“Her father was from Peru.”

“Does she speak Spanish?”

I grew more and more impatient with each question. I didn’t know why she cared what ethnicity Gabi was or what language she spoke. I didn’t understand how talking about that would make me stop thinking about what she looked like naked. I was pretty sure I could’ve introduced them and I still would have thought about fucking her brains out.

“Come on, Dane. It won’t kill you to talk about her.”

“No. She doesn’t speak Spanish. Her dad died when she was younger.”

“That’s sad. Does she remember him?”

I shook my head, not understanding why she kept pushing the topic. “No.”

“I couldn’t imagine. Does she have any siblings?”

Just then, Eddy had made his way out of a no-wake zone and opened the boat up. We were pushed back in our seats as the engines roared to life and the breeze knocked us both back. It didn’t stop me from responding.

“What the fuck does it matter, Eden?” I yelled over the wind that was hitting our faces.

“It just does!”

Her red hair was whipping around her face and all I wanted to do was reach out and touch it. I wanted to grab ahold of it and pull her mouth to mine to shut her up. I didn’t want to be asked any more questions. Gabi’s story wasn’t mine to tell. It certainly wasn’t mine to tell to the woman I fantasized about fucking.

“I need to know she’s real. I need to be reminded that she’s a real person, with real feelings. Without that, I don’t have a reason to not kiss you. I won’t have a real reason to not act on these impulses. And I need that, Dane. I need that more than anything right now. So please, tell me about her!”

Her words drove straight into me. They exploded inside of me and headed straight to my cock. I knew what she was doing, but hearing her admit how she felt and what she thought about made me go mad. I wasn’t sure if even the force of God would’ve been able to keep me in my seat. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to fist my hands in her hair and bring her mouth to mine. I wanted to kiss her and never stop.

Instead, I got up and went to the back with my empty beer can. I left her sitting right where she was without even a glance back. She wanted me to talk about Gabi in order to keep a safe distance from me. It didn’t matter who the fuck I talked about, nothing would help me that way. The only thing I had hoped would work was distance, but I didn’t seem to get that. She was everywhere. All the time. Either in person or in my head. I was fucked no matter what.

“How do you know Eden?” Eddy asked as I made my way to him at the helm.

“She works for me,” I answered in a casual tone, which was the complete opposite of the way I felt. I was boiling. I felt crazy as adrenaline rushed through me. My hands felt shaky and my heart pounded inside of my chest. I most certainly wasn’t feeling casual. I hoped he hadn’t noticed.

“That’s cool. She never told me where she worked.”

I didn’t want to hear that. All that translated to me was that they didn’t talk, they only fucked. And the thought of him fucking Eden only pissed me off further. I didn’t want to think about her fucking anyone but me. But that wasn’t fair since I wasn’t available to fuck to her. Damn, I was screwed. I wanted to punch my best friend in the face for doing what he always did, which had never bothered me before. But since it wasn’t some random whore, it was Eden, it had gotten to me. That wasn’t entirely fair to him or anyone else involved.

The boat slowed as we ran up to the shore of a secluded beach. Most of the small island was covered in mangroves, but there was one spot on the south side that had a short, sandy beach. We had discovered it years ago and it quickly became our boating place.

We let out the anchor and the guys started hauling the coolers to the shore. I watched as Eden sat in her seat where I had left her, staring off at the beach. It wasn’t too far away, but she’d have to wade in the water to get there. I could tell by her stiff posture that she was uncomfortable.

“Why would you go out on a boat if you can’t swim?”

I must’ve scared her because she jumped at my words. “He said we were going to a beach. I guess I didn’t think too much about it until now.” She was scared; I could tell in her shaky voice.

I wanted to make it better. I wanted to make her feel safe.

“Come on, take your clothes off. I’ll help you get there.”

She looked at me with wide eyes. “I’ll just wait for Eddy.”

“No. He’s already up there. He’s not coming back. Let’s go. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

Eden stood up but walked away from me. She covered her face and practically raced to the back of the boat. I followed her, making sure she was okay. By time I was standing behind her, she was shaking uncontrollably.

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s pretty shallow. I’m sure you can reach just fine.”

She shook her hands beside her and finally looked back at me. “Okay,” she agreed and I couldn’t help but smile.

I waited as she took her top off, followed by her shorts. I had to adjust myself because just one look at her in a bathing suit gave me a hard-on. She was so beautiful and ungodly sexy, and I finally got to see the full tattoo on her arm. They were colorful flowers, but I had seen those before. What I had never seen was the tree branch that extended across her upper back that led to those flowers. It was an amazing piece, really. I had quite a bit of art on my body and had seen a lot on others. But I had never seen something that amazing.

On her entire right side was a tree. The trunk was twisted and dead, but as the dead limbs stopped just under her right armpit, the left side had live branches that flowed just under one shoulder blade, across the other, and ended in the most beautiful explosion of colorful flowers that made up her half sleeve. I wanted to touch every inch of it, and then follow its path with my tongue. I wanted to run my fingers over it as I had her bent over. I wanted to see the transformation from grey to color as I thrust in and out of her with her fiery red hair entangled in my hand.

I had to stop staring at her, otherwise I would’ve blown a load in my shorts just thinking of all the ways I wanted to explore her ink.