Black Dagger (Mad Jackals Brotherhood MC Book 1) (2 page)

Chapter Three

The shots she’d been knocking back as if there were no tomorrow had done a pretty good job of numbing the pain in her heart, at least until some genius had requested ‘My Sharona’ on the damn jukebox. It brought back one afternoon, she’d been hanging out with Ray, listening to the radio as she watched him work on his beloved bike.

She’d started singing the words and, typically, got them completely wrong. She’d never been all that good at learning song lyrics; it was one of Ray’s pet peeves. He’d doubled over laughing when he’d realized what she was singing was complete nonsense. She’d punched him in the arm, instigating a play fight that left her breathless and in Ray’s arms. She remembers the streak of motor grease he had on his cheekbone, the intensity in his blue eyes as he looked down at her. He’d closed his mouth over hers, kissing her the way she’d always wanted; he turned her knees weak and made her stomach do little back-flips. It was their first kiss and it had been perfect.

The song took her back to that place and the realization that Ray was gone, that he was really gone and he was never coming back, hit her like a ton of bricks. That’s when she’d cried, and when she started it didn’t feel like she would ever stop. Eli had comforted her, held her while she sobbed and whispered words of solace into her ear. He’d taken her back to his place because he was worried about her – her housemates were out partying and he didn’t want to leave her on her own. That had always been Eli down to a t. He always looked out for her, always wanted to protect her.

She was drunk and tired, but there was also something else. Ray was gone and nothing would bring him back. Eli was all she had left and he had always been so kind to her. She’d fallen into bed with him that night. She’d slept with him, not because she was in love with him, but because she needed to feel something. She was desperate for comfort, desperate to feel something other than the heart-stopping pain in her chest that was suffocating her. And so Eli had been her first; she’d still been waiting for Ray, after all this time.

She doesn’t even really remember what it was like to lose her virginity. All she remembered was that it had been fumbled and awkward, nothing like how she’d imagined. When she’d thought about what it would be like with Ray, she’d imagined fireworks and heat and a kind of specialness that only he knew how to create.

Mia did remember the next morning with alarming precision. She’d hated herself for sleeping with Eli, for betraying Ray. And then she’d hated Ray for making her feel like that. She hated him for every reason she could think of: for promising to come back, for leaving her, for dying, and for still being able to make her feel like she should wait for him.

Eli had been kind and sweet to her. They’d already been friends for so long; becoming more intimate seemed like the natural progression of things. He’d told her that he’d waited for a long time, that he’d always wanted to be with her, but he wanted to give her space to get over Ray. He’d poured out his heart to her and Mia had been too shocked to say anything. She had never known how he had felt. Some psychologist she would make, she’d thought to herself. In one night, everything had changed and nothing could go back to the way it was before. Since that night she and Eli had been a couple. She’d never asked herself if the relationship was something that she’d just fallen into or whether it had been what she’d wanted. It was a stupid question to ask; she was with Eli and that was that and she was happy, wasn’t she?

She’d kept Ray’s patch under her pillow until that night. As soon as she’d gone back to her place, she’d taken it out and looked at it for the longest time, feeling the tears build behind her eyes. Mia had dropped it into the wastebasket by her bed, but, within a minute, she’d pulled it out again and slipped it into one of her books, keeping it safe. There was something about throwing it away that seemed wrong, disrespectful almost, not just of the dead, but of what she and Ray had – or at least what she thought they’d had. It took a long time for her to make peace with the fact that Ray’s pledge to return, to come back to her, had been nothing more than a childhood promise, one that she should never have expected him to keep.

“You’re thinking too much, Mia. Time to go to work.” She gives herself a quick once over in the rear-view mirror, her waterproof mascara is still in place and, apart from a little redness around her eyes, she looks much as she had when she left the house this morning. As she marches up to the entrance of the shelter her cell rings and she is about to let it ring out when she reasons with herself that it could be an emergency.

“Dad, is everything all right?” She wedges the cell between her shoulder and her ear so she can type in the code for the door. The shelter had recently improved its security – it had to, the women that come here wouldn’t have stayed if it were any other way. They were all running away from something – an abusive boyfriend, father, husband, an addiction, a life of prostitution. Whatever it was, they were here because they’d decided to get their life back together and the first step was for them to feel protected from the outside world, from whatever they were escaping from.

“Everything’s fine,
mi niña.
Can’t a father call his daughter without something being the matter?” His voice settles Mia’s nerves in a way that nothing else can.

“Sorry, Pops, I’m just late for work.” She bites her cheek in punishment for rushing her dad off of the phone. He’d only been out of hospital for a couple of months after his last health scare – that’s what a lifetime of smoking like a chimney got you.

“I won’t keep you, Mia. I just thought I’d see how you were doing. I know today is usually hard for you.” He coughed loudly and Mia wondered if it was to cover the sadness that had crept into his voice.

Of course he would have been worried about her, Mia thinks to herself. Today was the anniversary of her mother’s death – well, her suicide. She’d been gone for twelve years today. Eli had forgotten and instead picked a fight with her. It wasn’t his fault, she reasons to herself – he has a lot going on, he can’t expect to keep track of every little thing in her life. He’s the one that always remembers their anniversaries, the one that gets her expensive gifts for her birthday; she can’t fault him for one little mistake.

“Mia?” Her father’s voice reminds her that she’s been off in her own world and hasn’t responded to his question.

“I’m fine, Pops, honestly;
estoy bien.
Don’t worry. To be honest, I hadn’t even really been thinking about it.” As the words are out of her mouth she realizes that they are true. Her thoughts had been carried away with Eli and memories of Ray; it was only when she’d first woken up that morning and the image of her mother the day she found her in the bathroom filled her mind. There had been so much blood.

“Mia?” Her father’s voice is concerned and she realizes she’s missed whatever it was he’d just asked her.

“Sorry, Pops, the reception here is really bad.” She bites her lip hard, in punishment for lying to him.

“All right, you’re busy, I’ll let you go.” He sighs heavily as if he knows there’s something wrong.

“Love you, Pops. I’ll come by the house soon.” No matter how close she and her father are, Mia knows spending time with him is always a pleasure/pain experience. She looks so much like her mother with her dark curly hair and big, dark eyes that, sometimes, it’s hard for him to look at her without seeing the woman he loved and lost.

Mia heads towards Reception as she ends the call, plastering a smile on her face as best she can before Cassie pops her blonde head up from behind the desk.

“You’ve been crying.” It comes out as an accusation more than a comment, standard Cassie. “What did Eli say to you?” She plants her hands on her hips, giving Mia a look that makes her glad not to be Eli right now.

“Nothing, it’s nothing, Cass. It’s just today…it’s always hard.” Mia waves vaguely hoping that her best friend will just let it drop, but she knows her better than to expect that.

“I know, honey. I didn’t want to say anything in case you didn’t want to talk about it.” Cassie reaches out and squeezes Mia’s hand, looking at her with worry in her eyes.

“That’s never stopped you before,” Mia grumbles good-naturedly.

Cassie had made it her business to be Mia’s friend in college and, for Cassie, that meant knowing absolutely everything there was to know about her. Cassie had pretty much quizzed Mia on her life story the first time they’d met and that had been that; they’d been pretty much inseparable ever since. Cassie was a law major but she needed some voluntary work to make her more attractive to the big law firms, so Mia had suggested she spend some time at the shelter. Now she does all her pro bono work here and although she grumbles about it, saying she only does it because she has to, Mia knows differently. Cassie really cares about these women and the work she does with them; she just doesn’t like anyone to see past her hard exterior.

“You love me and you know you do.” Cassie blows her a kiss and pulls on her suit jacket.

“What are you doing here so early anyway?” Mia narrows her eyes at her friend, knowing she is anything
but
a morning person.

“Court this afternoon, but I wanted to check that our girl signed her restraining order ASAP. The sooner I get this filed, the safer she’ll be.” Cassie waved a file in Mia’s direction, ignoring her satisfied smile. “What? I’m efficient, okay?” Cassie huffs a frustrated sound as she gathers her bag and pointedly doesn’t look at Mia.

“Don’t worry, Cass. I know you’re just a big softie.” Mia holds her hands up. “But your secret’s safe with me.”

“You know that I could take you, right?” Cassie has about a foot on Mia and the woman is all lean muscle.

“You could try.” Mia winks at her, following the little routine they always go through. They’d gone to self-defense classes together after a mutual friend had almost been raped by one of the frat guys on campus. Both girls were seriously competitive to the point that they decided they should start going to separate classes to keep their friendship intact. Cassie was tall and skinny whereas Mia was petite and curvy, practiced in wearing skyscraper heels to make her feel like less of a midget. Mia knows she doesn’t look like much, but she wouldn’t be afraid to put money on herself if it came down to a fight.

Cassie’s digital watch beeps insistently and she swears as she looks at it. The watch is completely out of sync with her otherwise very polished look, but Mia knows that she’d been using it since college because, without it, she would be late for everything. Cassie has a serious case of terminal tardiness and the watch is the only thing that makes sure she’s anywhere on time.

“I’ve got to go. There’s a message for you behind the desk, delivered by a seriously hot guy, who, by the way, you need to tell me about tonight over a margarita.” Cassie is almost out the door before Mia has processed what her friend has said – that was another element of Cassie’s personality, everything happens at speed with her, even talking.

“What are you talking about? What guy?” Mia frowns at her friend’s rapidly disappearing back.

“Talk later. I’m seriously late, honey.” Cassie waves behind her as she virtually sprints outside and Mia is left staring at a closed door for the second time that morning.

She snaps herself out of it, wondering if the rest of the day would be any better than her morning had been. She has a few minutes before her first appointment – an assessment with the new arrival. From experience, Mia knows the first session is always complicated, difficult to handle, but the way she deals with it will set up her relationship with the girl from here on out.

The note is the only thing lying on the otherwise immaculate counter. Vera, the founder of the center, had a heart of gold but she ran a tight ship. Mia reaches her hand out to the note, quashing a feeling of trepidation that threatens to stop her in her tracks.

“Don’t be so ridiculous.” She mutters the words under her breath, wondering absently when talking to yourself stops being normal and starts being crazy.

She opens the note and feels like her heart has actually stopped as she sees the words. It’s not even really the words, it’s the spidery handwriting – she would know it anywhere. But it isn’t possible; it couldn’t be him.

We have a lot to talk about, Mimi. I need to see you. Meet me when you get off work, at the place we used to go.

She doesn’t need to read the signature; she already knows what it’s going to say.