Bleeding Heart (3 page)

I tensed. Yes, I knew arguing with Calix was pointless. He had proven, countless times, how very much he didn’t care.

Chapter 3

I tried to ignore the warmth of Calix’s hand holding tight to mine, as we walked along the expertly manicured stone path leading from the grand patio to the lake. I tried not to think of the rough sensation of his callouses on my soft skin, or the way his thick fingers linked through mine, spreading them apart in a way my body was beginning to
know
. I hadn’t spent all that much time with Calix, but my body was beginning to recognize him the way I once thought I would know the man I would spend my life with - my prince.

When I closed my eyes, I saw Calix’s face. When I fell into dream, my moments were spent beneath the man who held so much of my life and happiness in his damning palm. Throughout the days I spent without him, I’d caught hints of his scent when I least expected, and I’d find myself thinking of him, aching for him. There was no explanation or logic in the way my body and mind had been tricked by this cruel, manipulative man - there was just the fact that I had been tricked, and although I was angry with him and so desperately hurt by him, the fact remained - my heart had somehow entered into the equation. It was the undefined variable, the unsolved X, and the answer.

I was beginning to believe I really would spend my life with this man - my captor. But he wasn’t my prince. He wasn’t my white knight, but rather, he was a dark spirit on a dark stallion and I was in his prison, never to find release.

I had a feeling that even if I were to find bodily release from Calix, I would never be free of him. The man was a part of me now. As much as I wanted to fight that fact, it was the truth. He had taken so much from me - stolen so many of my firsts - things I was saving for only one man. I doubted, that before my time with Calix McKnight was through, I would still own my innocence. I mean, what kind of monster would my captor be if he didn’t steal the one thing I valued most?

Looking up from the stone, my eyes travelled over the man who held me firm in his inescapable grip. Seeing him here, in front of me, leading me to a lake as though we were lovers out for a night swim made my heart throb in aching beats. I couldn’t help but think of the last time we were together. I had been so close to giving him
everything
. I had been so close to allowing this monster of a man inside my body, begging him to take me, body and soul, as he had once predicted so confidently that I would.

And then he had shattered everything inside of me. The little hope I had held onto fled when he admitted his reason for stealing me. Then he’d left me - going away to work after he’d only just come home. He’d left me alone with only our last moments to chew over, for six days. Yes, he’d called, but I hadn’t wanted to talk over the phone. I was saddened by the history that led us to this place. My father had murdered Calix’s parents. In my mind, there was no hope for us. Even if I did spend my entire life as Calix’s wife, loyal to his forcible ways, he would never love me. Even if I allowed my heart to walk its own foolish path and fall for this man - I just knew there was no way he could love me in return.

How could someone love the child of the man who killed his parents?

I knew the answer. They couldn’t. And I knew, even though I didn’t know my father well, that if Calix killed him as he vowed he would, I would never forgive him. I could never love after such a crime.

I couldn’t imagine the torture it would be to spend my days with a man my soul loathed as deeply as I knew I would loathe him if he remained true to his word, and murdered my father.

That’s when I realized what I had to do, as impossible as it was. If it killed me - if it robbed me of every ounce of pride - if it abolished my dreams and slaughtered my future - I had to
make
Calix McKnight fall in love with me.

I knew that in order to find success in my mission, I would first have to lose my own heart to the dark monster within the haunted man.

Lifting my chin, I decided that I would really try with Calix. Fighting him had gotten me nowhere, but I knew I would have to take my time. In order for him to fall for me, I really would need to fall for him and that wasn’t going to happen at the drop of a hat. However, I was done pushing away his touch, fighting his kisses, dismissing the desire that bloomed in my body when he was near. I was done fighting him. I was hoping, with my entire soul, that in my love for him, he could find forgiveness for past actions. And if not forgiveness - than acceptance.

Calix had lived with revenge’s poison for far too long. Despite the fact that I didn’t agree with his actions in taking me against my will - or the ever-constant threat to my family looming over my head, I ached for him. I ached for the pain the little boy he’d once been had endured. Although he was a dark and haunted man, my heart bled for him and my soul wept for him - for all that was lost in the name of revenge for an action I would never comprehend.

Calix turned at the end of the dock to face me and I felt my heart race. His cold blue eyes were fastened determinedly on me. He didn’t say anything as he dropped his towel to the floor of the dock, exposing his navy blue swim shorts. I literally could not move as his eyes remained on me. My pulse was beating so violently, I could feel it.

Reaching out, Calix caught the tie of my wrap between his fingers. He tugged, opening the bathing suit cover to expose my pink bikini. I didn’t take my eyes off him - not once. At the sight of the bikini, the corner of Calix’s lip twitched into the formations of a grin and a little of the ice in his cobalt eyes melted away to a heat I was more familiar with.

My pulse raced.

His hands moved up to my shoulders, pushing the fabric of the cover from my body, it fell in a heap to the floor of the dock.

“You’re a very beautiful woman, love.” His voice was deep and smooth. It was surprising how smooth it sounded, actually.

I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing at all.

Calix seemed to expect my lack of reply, because this time, he did smile. “Are you ready for a swim?”

“No.” I hated the choppy uncertainty that sounded from my lips when his voice had flowed so smooth, without even a minuscule hitch. “I don’t want to swim.”

“Too bad.” He trailed his fingertips over the exposed flesh of my side and I hissed in a sharp breath. “I want to swim and I want you next to me.”

“Calix,” I moaned his name, both at the feel of his hand on my body and the thought of submerging myself into the currently black waters. “Please,”

“Please what, love?” Calix asked and I knew he heard the dual plea in my tone.

“Please don’t make me swim.” I replied.

“Why are you so against it?” He cocked his head to the side.

“I don’t like being in water at night - when I can’t see something coming for me.”

“There are no sharks in this lake, love.” He teased and I stiffened. He just had to go and put the image of a big human-eater in my mind.
Great
.

“There are other fish.”

“Nothing that will hurt you.” He stepped forward, circling his arms around the small of my waist until his bare chest was flush with my face. “You know I would never allow anything to hurt you.”

“I want to believe you, Calix.”

“Why don’t you?” He asked seriously, all the play that had been in his tone vanished.

“Because you’ve already hurt me so deeply.” I replied, looking straight at his chest. I couldn’t find the courage to meet his blue eyes. They were - intimidating. But it wasn’t only that, I was afraid I would see a flash of pain in response to my words, and being the coward I was, I avoided that pain.

“How?” He held his breath and I knew my reply was going to surprise him.

“You left me.” I whispered. I didn’t say anything more. I didn’t need to. I was being truthful with him in a way that both shamed and liberated me.

He hissed in a breath, pulling away to catch my chin in his hands. He tilted my head back, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Look at me, love.” He commanded gently. I obeyed. “What do you mean I left you?”

“After telling me why I was here - after telling me why you took me - you just left me. For six days. You didn’t think that would hurt me?” I felt my throat close with emotion I choked through. “You didn’t think I was confused, shocked, afraid? You thought you could just walk away and not return for
six days
?”

Calix caught my face in his hands, resting his forehead against mine. “Shhh,” he cooed. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. You’re right, love. It won’t happen again - I’ll never leave you again.”

“You will.” I predicted through an unsteady breath, before half-heartedly joking. “You still have to work.”

“You’ll come with me.” He vowed, kissing the top of my head. “I won’t leave you.”

Closing my eyes, I wondered where my outburst had come from. Deep inside, I had known I was hosting these feelings of anger and resentment and hurt toward Calix, but I hadn’t expected, in my wildest dreams, for them to surface. At least not like this - and I hadn’t expected his reaction either. To say I was surprised, by both of us, was an understatement.

Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his middle and reveled in the intimate contact. Calix was solid and warm - always. There was something both unsettling and soul-quenching every time I found myself in his embrace. My feelings should be unsettling, but they weren’t. I was done fighting feelings for him. There was no point - not when there was no possibility of my freeing myself from this man.

Wrapping me tight in his embrace, Calix sighed. “I’m truly sorry, Nova. Leaving you to deal with everything alone was selfish of me. I should have stayed, but when you looked at me that night, the horror and disbelief in your eyes - I couldn’t stick around.”

I shook my head against his chest. “Why won’t you tell me what happened - between our parents?”

Calix hissed in a breath. There was a long pause before he answered. “Because you’re innocent to the evils in the world, love. I don’t want you to change.”

“I,”

“Nothing you can say will change my mind, Nova.” Calix announced firmly. “I’d prefer you accept that as fact and move on.”

“But,”

Calix lifted me in his arms - and before I knew it - he’d jumped from the end of the dock. The cold water was a shock at first. It submerged us entirely before the fight or flight response ignited in my brain and I kicked, flailing my arms desperately in my need to resurface.

Somehow, I’d broken away from Calix, and when I surfaced, I heard him laughing deeply.

Wiping my eyes of the water, I sputtered. “You’re, you’re,”

Calix swam closer to me, his hands finding my waist in the water. “I’m what, love?”

My breath caught at the feeling of his warm hands connecting with my body. With the cold water surrounding us, the feeling of his warm hands on my skin was intense. Flattening his palm against my lower back, he pulled me closer to him and my legs, as I continued to wade in the water, slipped alongside his.

“You’re - not very nice.” I replied quietly and he flashed a grin.

Beneath the light of the almost full moon, Calix was captivatingly beautiful. He looked almost - seraphic. His inked hair, so deep and dark, appeared as though it were streaked with blue beneath the glimmer of the moon. His eyes were so bright and playful they practically glowed.

As I stared at him, the water of the lake lapping at my chest, I felt the hottest, most burning desire to kiss him. It was the first time I had wanted to kiss him without any of his prompting. I wanted to kiss him because he made my heart flutter and my belly feel all light and airy. I wanted to kiss him
because I wanted to.

I didn’t think or hesitate as I slid my arms around his broad shoulders, pulling myself closer to him. I saw his eyes widen and I knew I’d startled him - but I didn’t care. Pressing my lips to his, I kissed him softly. His reaction was instant and filled with fire. His lips moved against mine determinedly as he took control of the kiss. And like always, I submitted to him as he claimed me.

Soft moans filled the silence and I realized, with a blush, that they were sounding from deep inside of me. Calix must have liked my panting breaths, because I felt his hand dip into the bottoms of my swimsuit to cup my ass. Parting my lips on a gasp as Calix pulled me closer into his chest, I wrapped my legs around his waist. His tongue slid into my mouth, tasting, licking and sucking. Fire exploded in my body, it’s liquid heat soaring through my veins. I was hot. The cold of the water was long ago forgotten as I dove my fingers into his hair - pulling.

Calix groaned and liquid desire pooled in my core. I wanted him. I wanted to hear him making those sounds as I brought him pleasure. I wanted to be the reason he moaned. I wanted to be the reason he ached and trembled with desire and I wanted to be the reason he found satisfaction.

My thoughts were quickly dissolved as Calix lifted me higher against him. Tearing his lips from my mouth, he kissed and sucked his way down my throat. Tipping my head back, I moaned into the night - to the moon. His lips found the hollow of my throat and he sighed.

“You’re so fucking perfect.” His hand gripped my ass tightly, holding me in place as he brought his other to the cup of my swimsuit. Pulling it down, he bared my breast to the night. My pale skin appeared smooth and creamy in the white light of the night sky and my nipple was beaded - begging for his touch.

Splashing cool water over the flesh of my breast, Calix palmed me. His fingers kneaded the flesh as he watched, through hooded eyes, as I caught my lip between my teeth to restrain a moan. As though taking my lack of audible panting as a challenge, Calix’s eyes glimmered and he lowered his head, catching my breast in his mouth. Swirling his tongue around my nipple, I pressed myself against his mouth, aching for more, begging for something I couldn’t comprehend. I wanted him. Despite the water we were wading in, I knew I was wet with my desire for him. I was ready for him. When he bit gently, but firmly, around the bud of my nipple, I cried out into the night.