Bound by Honor Bound by Love (9 page)

“
The chief?” she
whispered.

He gave a slight nod, gulped and
looked at the river.

Not knowing what else to say, she
faced the river and wondered why he would bother telling her all of
this. Maybe he needed someone to talk to, someone who wasn’t
involved in the situation? Whatever the reason, she knew it was
hard for him. He was questioning the chief, something they weren’t
supposed to do. But if he confided his misgivings to her, then
maybe his brother was wrong. Maybe she had a better place in
Citlali’s life than Ukiah would have her believe.

She reached out and touched Citlali’s
hand. Though he didn’t say anything, he squeezed her hand. And for
now, that was enough. They remained there, sitting next to each
other in silence, and let the peace of the day settle their
souls.

Chapter Seven

It was early March when Penelope woke
with a start at the sound of her son’s crying. She bolted up from
the bed she and Cole shared in the small room that had at one time
belonged to Onawa and ran to the room next to it where Etu and Yepa
slept. The covering had been tied to the pole so the children
wouldn’t have to sleep in the dark since the fire in the middle of
the lodge lit it in a soothing light. Etu had slept well, so
Penelope assumed it was enough to banish the nightmares, but it
wasn’t.

She gathered him from the bed and took
him in her arms. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face
in the nape of her neck. He sobbed quietly while she stroked his
back in circular motions that she knew would calm him down. Despite
her exhaustion, she went to the fire and sat in front of it,
immediately warmed.

“
You and pa left me and
Yepa here,” he whimpered. “I kept crying for you to come back, but
you didn’t.”

She kissed his cheek and whispered,
“It’s alright. I’m here. It was a bad dream. Your pa and I are
here. We’d never leave you and your sister. You’re
safe.”

She gently rocked him from side to
side and hummed his favorite tune. After a couple of minutes, he
stopped crying. She sighed and closed her eyes. This was the first
time he’d had this type of nightmare. She wondered what made him
think she and Cole would ever leave him and his sister.

The sound of footsteps broke her
all-too-familiar thoughts of how helpless she was to help her son.
She opened her eyes and smiled as Woape sat beside her.

“
How is he?” Woape
whispered.

Penelope glanced at Etu and realized
he’d drifted off to sleep, finally looking content. She breathed a
sigh of relief. “He’ll be fine for the rest of the night. When Cole
and I adopted him, we expected him to go through a period of
adjustment, and back then, he had nightmares once every couple of
months. It was only late last year that he started having them
every other night. It was always the same thing. A bad man was
coming after him and his sister. He had to hide with his sister and
keep her quiet. If they made any sounds, the bad man would find
them.” She took a shaky breath. “We thought if we brought him here,
he might find whatever it is he needs to find peace.”

“
But he’s still having
nightmares?”

Penelope wiped the tears from her
eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I mean, I’ve put the pieces
together. His parents were here when Hothlepoya attacked the tribe,
and his mother hid him and his sister and told them to be quiet.
Then his sister ran off and he went with her, and they got lost. I
don’t know the details. He was too young to remember
everything.”

“
But he remembers
enough.”

She nodded. “And tonight, he dreamt
that Cole and I abandoned him and his sister.” She released her
breath and hugged him tighter. “Why would he think that? Cole and I
have never given him a reason to think we’d desert
them.”

Woape leaned forward and brushed a
stray lock from his eyes. With a heavy sigh, she shook her head.
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault his parents died. If it weren’t for me,
Hothlepoya wouldn’t have ever come here.”

“
It’s not your fault,
Woape. You didn’t know what would happen when you left the
tribe.”

“
No, I didn’t, but I was
selfish and irresponsible.”

“
You can’t dwell on the
past. Nothing’s going to change it.”

“
I know, but I still get
sick to my stomach when I think of the way I ran away from the
tribe. Citlali wouldn’t have married me if he knew how much I
opposed it. I should have talked to him and his father. The chief
had a lot of respect for Citlali’s father. Citlali’s father was a
good man.” She closed her eyes and rubbed them. “I could have
prevented so much heartache and death if I’d done it. The final
time Hothlepoya came to this tribe, Citlali’s father died defending
us.” She opened her eyes and looked at Penelope. “There are so many
things I’d do differently if I could.”

“
Don’t blame yourself,
Woape. Hothlepoya was responsible for his actions. You couldn’t
control what he did any more than Etu could control the fact that
his sister ran out of the bushes. From what their aunts said, the
attack happened so suddenly that no one had time to prepare. It
must have been horrible.”

“
Hothlepoya showed no
mercy.”

Recalling the things Hothlepoya had
done to Woape, Penelope knew this was true. She glanced at Etu and
kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry, Woape. I’m glad Gary found
you when he did, and I’m glad I got to see you again.”

With a smile, Woape rubbed Penelope’s
back. “It’s good to see you, too. And you’re happy with
Cole.”

“
Very happy. He’s
wonderful.”

Woape’s gaze went back to Etu. “Do you
think he’ll be alright?”

“
For the rest of the night,
yes. But tomorrow night…?” She shrugged. “I thought coming here
would give him something he needs to be at peace. I thought it
would answer some questions he’s had but couldn’t ask me since I
didn’t know his past or his family.”

“
I think he just needs time
to work through his past. He could have been suppressing the past
and now it refuses to be pushed away anymore.”

“
That could very well be
it. I just feel so sorry for him. If I could take the pain for him,
I would.”

“
I know you would. You’re a
good mother, Penelope.”

“
Thank you. Being married
to Cole is wonderful, of course, but I could never see my life
without children, and Cole was willing to adopt them so I jumped at
the chance. They might be a lot of work, but they’re worth
it.”

“
Yes, they are.”

Still holding Etu, Penelope stood up.
“I should put him back in bed. The poor thing has been through an
ordeal in coming here.”

Woape nodded and got to her feet. “You
all have. I hope you’ll sleep well for the rest of the night. In
the morning, we’ll make the children’s favorite meal.”

“
They’ll like
that.”

After saying goodnight, Penelope
tucked Etu into bed and kissed his forehead. For someone so young,
he’d dealt with too many hardships. She’d do whatever she could to
make sure he was safe.

***

In April, Onawa confirmed she was
expecting a child. This would please Citlali and the chief, and
Citlali would undoubtedly prefer her to the chief now because she’d
be the mother of his child. Then Ukiah couldn’t claim that she
wasn’t important to Citlali.

She didn’t have the patience to wait
for Citlali to be done talking to the chief, and she didn’t want to
tell his family, not even his sister, until she told him. So she
spent a lot of time walking along the village, noting the melting
snow and the sun which warmed her enough so she didn’t have to hold
her buffalo robe so tightly around her. She already decided that
Citlali could name their child whatever he wanted. She was sure he
might choose the chief’s name, his father’s name, or a name that
held some significance to the tribe.

She passed by the chief’s lodge,
wondering if Citlali was still in there. He spent most of his time
there. She gripped the edges of her robe and debated whether or not
she should go into the chief’s lodge and ask to speak to Citlali.
Even though the chief would be happy to learn she was with child,
she still preferred to talk to Citlali alone. But did she dare
interrupt them? No one interrupted the chief. But then, this was
good news, and perhaps the chief wouldn’t mind being interrupted
this once.

Taking a deep breath, she got ready to
enter the lodge when someone called her name. She turned around and
saw Citlali. “I thought you were in the lodge,” she said, hoping he
didn’t detect her nervousness.

“
No. Usually I am, but I’m
about to go into Bismarck with Gary and Achai to pick up supplies.
Do you wish to talk to me?”

Her heartbeat picked up. “Yes. I have
something important to tell you. I don’t want to interfere with
what you need to do, though.”

His eyebrows furrowed, he asked, “What
is it?”

“
Well, I…” She glanced at
the opening of the lodge. Could the chief hear her? She wasn’t sure
she wanted to say anything when they might be overheard. “Can I
tell you over there?” She pointed to an area between the lodges
where no one would overhear.

“
Is this bad
news?”

“
No. It’s good
news!”

He nodded and led her over to the spot
where she wanted to talk to him.

When he turned his expectant gaze to
her, she blurted out, “I’m with child!”

His lips curled up slightly. “When
will the child be born?”

“
The beginning of
December.”

“
The chief will be glad to
hear it.”

Her smile faltered. “But you’re
pleased, too, aren’t you?”

“
Of course I am. This is
good for the tribe.”

“
Oh.” She wasn’t sure if
this was good or not. She wanted to do what was best for the tribe,
and she was glad the chief would see another full-blooded Mandan
born. But she also felt this was a private matter, something that
should bond her and Citlali together. Unsure of whether she wanted
to hear the answer or not, she ventured, “You’re happy because
you’ll be a father. It’s not just because it’ll make the chief
happy?”

She saw the slight furrow of his
eyebrows and sensed his confusion, but then his face resorted to
its usual neutral expression. And that meant his smile was no
longer there, assuring her everything was alright.

“
Onawa, a child is a
blessing,” he softly stated. “I anticipate the birth.” After a
strained moment, he added, “I’m glad to hear you’re expecting a
child. Thank you for telling me. I’ll tell the chief.” He gave her
a hug. “We’ll talk more when I come home.”

Before he entered the lodge, she
blurted out, “Do you look forward to seeing me?”

“
Why do you
ask?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.” Perhaps
she shouldn’t have. It was a stupid question. He never complained
about being with her. At the very least, he was content with
her.

“
Being with you is good.”
He cleared his throat and added, “I’ll see you when I get
home.”

She watched him as he slipped into the
lodge. He’d hugged her, said he was glad she was expecting a child,
and assured her he liked being with her. So why wasn’t that enough?
With a sigh, she turned from the lodge and decided to take a walk
by herself along the Missouri River.

***

Onawa wasn’t sure why, but it seemed
to her that making love to Citlali was different than it’d been
when they were first married. He was still tender with her, but she
thought he had a tendency to rush the process. She remained awake
long after he’d fallen asleep after being intimate with her. Even
though she was snuggled in his arms, she couldn’t get rid of the
nagging doubt that he didn’t want to take his time to enjoy their
time together.

As it was, she saw so little of him
during the day. Her time with him at night was all she really had,
though she had to admit the talk they’d shared earlier that day had
been nice. Not that they talked often. Woape often said he seemed
to have no emotions, that he went around and did what was right but
never indicated if he wanted to do it or not. For that reason, she
had dreaded marrying him. But Julia once confided to Onawa that
Citlali felt deeper than people realized. At the time, Onawa hadn’t
asked her why she’d said that, but now she thought it might be a
good idea to talk to her.

Onawa sighed and thought about the
first month she’d joined Citlali in this bed. He’d been passionate.
She felt the heat of his desire in his touch and kiss. She felt
enveloped in the warmth of his love. Their union had been
uninhibited. Now, it felt as if he held something back from her, as
if he was retreating within himself. And she didn’t understand that
at all. Weren’t they supposed to draw closer to each other as time
went on?

He stirred in his sleep, and she
lifted her head to see if he was awake. His eyes remained closed
and his breathing steady. She rested her head on his shoulder and
mindlessly ran her fingers over his chest. He murmured her name, so
she looked at his face again. This time his eyes were
open.