Brax (14 page)

Kellan leaned forward and shook his head. “No. I think what
Colt means is . . . well, we’re just sorry. That’s all. I hope you know it’s
nothing personal.”

“You’re sorry? I mean.  Um. I’m sorry? What?”

Colt shrugged and leaned back in the booth.  “We’re sorry we
can’t help you with your brother’s predicament. That’s all. I feel bad about
it. Believe me, I do. Every one of us has, let’s just say, a little experience
with what you’re going through. But things are complicated, as I’m sure Brax
explained. And I felt we owed it to you to hear it from us too. This was my
call, not Brax’s. Just so you know. We just can’t get the club involved right
now. But, like I told him, we’re going to keep an eye on things for a little
while. That’s the other reason we wanted to stop by personally. Don’t be
surprised if you see a couple of our guys around more often.”

Colt kept talking, but I felt like I’d fallen through a hole
in the floor. Phrases he’d just uttered echoed in my brain.
We can’t help
you . . . can’t get the club involved . . .

Brax had said nothing to me about any of this. Even after this
morning. I’d told him I loved him. I’d made him promise me again that he
wouldn’t lie to me. And he’d said nothing.

I plastered on my shield of a smile and nodded as Colt finished
talking. I said something, I don’t even remember what. But I was awkward as I
cleared my throat and made some excuse to leave their sight.  I called Kirsten
over to take their order as I worked on finding a way to breathe again.

I don’t know what Kellan and Colt must have thought as I
stuttered and backed away from them. Hot rage filled my heart. It hadn’t even
been twelve hours. I’d told Brax I loved him and already he’d kept something so
important from me.

They can’t help me. They can’t help Doug. Brax had guaranteed
me nothing. But he hadn’t told me the truth either and it felt the same as a
lie. I knew what it meant.
Brax
had to know what it meant. If those
thugs came back for my brother he’d be on his own. And all last night and this
morning, Brax knew it.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces.

Chapter Nineteen

Brax

“Jesus, man, what the hell is wrong with you?”

I sidestepped just in time before crashing into Tate with a
tray full of beer glasses. Whenever the girls needed help carrying them out, I
was usually the one they asked. I shot him a sideways glance and heaved the
tray onto the bar.

I wasn’t supposed to be at
The Den
today. Colt and I
were going to scout out a location for some office space for when we moved
forward with the security firm. But he got called away on something else and I
needed something to occupy my mind and my hands. It didn’t work though. I just
kept looking at the damn clock. Nine couldn’t get here fast enough. But it was
six now, and the bar was starting to fill. Tate and the girls didn’t really
need me anymore.

“Sorry, man.”

Tate laughed and squeezed my shoulder. “My brother’s got a
date tonight, I think. I know that look.”

“What look?” I flinched and faked a punch. I wanted to give
him shit, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

Tate shook his head and made a clucking noise with his tongue.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this about a girl, Brax. I mean, not
even Joleen. And I thought you were going to marry that chick.”

Ah. Joleen. Best hostess we’d ever had at the bar until I
fucked it up. She got spooked when some heat came down on the club and split
with her son. I couldn’t blame her. And Tate was right, I’d been into her. But
with Nicole it was apples and oranges.

“Yeah? Well, this one’s special. That’s all I got to say.”

E.J. and Joker chimed in and lent some off-color jokes that
earned them both a headlock. But they couldn’t kill my good mood and they knew
it.

“How’d she take the news about the club vote?” Tate asked and
everyone grew silent.

I let out a breath. I should have told her last night. I knew
that and felt like a shit for it. But I didn’t know she was going to tell me
she loved me. Or that I would tell her. I still wasn’t sure I’d processed all
of that fully. But I’d talk it out with her tonight. No matter what, we had to
make a plan where her fuck-up brother was concerned. I had to keep her safe.

The band took the stage before I could answer Tate’s question
and I was kind of glad for the distraction. I turned and watched. Kellan’s girl
was our usual headliner, but she was still down in Florida helping the Emerald
Coast charter book acts for their
Wolf Den
.

“Where’d you find these guys?” I shouted over the music to
E.J.

He shrugged. “Local group. Thought I’d give them a shot.
They’re all right for now, right?”

They were. But they were also nothing special. They played
classic rock covers and their lead singer was on key, but wasn’t a draw like
our usual band. Kellan’s girl, Mallory, was pure sex on the stage. The girls in
the bar liked her guitar player too. These guys sounded okay but they were
nothing to look at.

“When’s Mallory coming back from Florida?” I shouted to E.J.
in answer to his question.

He shook his head and shrugged. I smiled and gave him a slap
on the back. “I’m outta here. You think you ladies can keep things under
control tonight?”

Tate flipped me off behind the bar as I ducked under his arm.
The driving drum beat in time with my heart as the clock edged closer to nine.
I had just enough time to get home and make my girl dinner. Then I planned on
holding her close all night.

I made it home just as the rain started. It poured in sheets
and I thought about driving out to the ice cream parlor and picking her up. The
back roads out to my place flooded a lot and I didn’t want her stuck.

When she didn’t answer my calls, it worried me a little, but
we were busy at
The Den
. It was Friday night. Different crowd entirely,
but
Ridley’s
was probably packed too.

Nine came and went and Nicole didn’t show. Ten minutes to ten
and I was pacing like a damn tiger in a cage. Five calls she hadn’t returned.
None of my texts either.

“Fuck this,” I yelled at ten thirty. I grabbed my cut and
stabbed my arms through it. I had a thousand horrible thoughts about what could
have happened to her on the way here. I got halfway out the door when my phone
buzzed in my pocket. My heart lifted until I saw the caller ID.

“Hey, Colt,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.

I don’t even know what he said. Something about a promoter
coming into town to look at one of the fighters at the gym. All I heard was the
wah wah voice from the
Charlie
Brown
cartoons.

“Brax!” Colt shouted into my ear as I grabbed my keys off the
hook near the door.

“Colt, look. Sorry, man. My head’s elsewhere. Nicole was
supposed to drive out to my place after she shut down her shop. She’s not here
yet and the weather’s getting bad. I gotta head out there and see if she’s all
right. She’s not taking my calls.”

Colt got quiet on the other end. “Yeah. You know, Kel and I
went out there today. Just a couple of hours ago. Hey, you told her about the
vote, didn’t you? I mean, well, Kellan kind of mentioned it. I wanted her to
know it was nothing personal. She got kind of quiet and I don’t know her well,
but it seemed like a surprise.”

My heart flipped. Fuck. I pressed my lips together and slammed
my fist into the wall. “I was kind of saving that for tonight. I gotta admit I
was hoping maybe I could change your mind before I had to.”

Colt sighed into my ear. “Well, shit. If we fucked things up
for you a little bit, I’m sorry. You know, you’re new at this. But you’re not
going to win any points with her keeping secrets. I wish things could be
different but right now you know why they can’t be.”

“Look, I’d love to have this little heart to heart with you,
but right now I just need to go find her. Is there anything urgent you need
from me tonight? If there is, you know I’m there, but …”

“No. Man. I get it. And we like this girl. A lot. Go do what
you gotta do.”

“Thanks.” I shoved my phone back into my pocket and curled my
fist around the front door knob. I swung it open and meant to storm out, but
Nicole was right there, standing in front of me, drenched to the bone with cold
fury in her eyes. She had her hand curled in a fist ready to knock on the door.

I don’t know what happened when I saw her. Maybe I was more
worried about her sliding into a ditch than I thought. Or maybe it was guilt
for not being straight with her about the club vote and now I’d get the chance
to set that straight. But as pissed as she seemed to be, I couldn’t wipe the
smile off my face. She was here. She was mine. And I just wanted to hold her.

But Nicole would have none of it. The storm raged on behind
her as if she’d conjured it herself to match her mood.

“Come inside,” I shouted over a crack of thunder. “You’re
gonna freeze to death.”

Shivering, her teeth clattered together as I got an arm around
her and brought her into the house. Jesus, she was ice cold.

“S-stuck in the mud. My back wheels.”

I poked my head back out of the front door but didn’t see her
car anywhere. “I’ll take care of it. How far did you walk?”

I got her coat off her. Her clothes were soaked through
beneath it and she folded her arms in front of her. This was a real spring
storm. The rain came down sideways and the trees lining my property swayed
dangerously. Tornado weather. My heart raced, thinking of Nicole walking even
two feet in this. She went stiff beneath my hands as I rubbed her shoulders and
brought her into the great room. I’d already built a fire and I made her sit on
the hearth until color came back into her lips.

“Wait here.” I went into the kitchen and made her a quick cup
of tea from the machine and brought it to her. Her fingers still shook as she
brought it to her lips and sipped.

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?” I wanted to kiss
her and shake her all at once. “I was starting to get really worried.”

She took a breath and then another sip of tea. Then it looked
like she had a hold of herself finally. She set the tea in her lap and squared
her gaze at me. “I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to come. Then my battery
died.”

I swallowed hard, knowing she was about to give it to me with
both barrels. “I heard you had a visit from Colt and Kellan today.”

She set the cup on the hearth and got to her feet. I stayed
where I was. The girl looked like she needed to pace.

“I asked you one thing. I asked you not to lie to me. I can’t
deal with that, Brax. I swear to God.
One
thing! And you can’t even go
half a day without breaking that promise.”

She was working herself into a white rage. Fuck. I couldn’t
help it. She had on a heather-gray University of Michigan t-shirt and it clung
to her, damp from the rain. She smoothed her hair back away from her face and
tiny droplets of rain sprayed around her.

“Nicole,” I finally said when she stopped to take a breath. “I
told you I’d
try
to see if the club would step in. And I did.”

She whirled on me. “But you knew yesterday when you came to
the parlor that they said no. You
knew.
And you didn’t tell me. You
think I don’t get it, but I do. I knew it was a big ask. And I knew it wasn’t
going to be your call alone. But you didn’t say a word to me. We spent the
night together. We . . .”

She trembled again and I knew this time it wasn’t from the
cold. I stood and walked toward her. Nicole slowly lifted her eyes to meet mine
and hers glistened with hot tears. Fuck. I seemed to have a knack for making
women cry.

“Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you let
me
say
all of those things to you? How could you just stand there after I did it and
then walk out this morning?”

My stomach churned. This girl had a way of cutting me to the
quick. And I fucking deserved it. She asked me not to lie to her. It was in me
to argue with her that I hadn’t. Because I
hadn’t.
I’d told her straight
from the beginning there would be club shit I couldn’t talk about. She
knew
and she said it was okay. But as Nicole stood before me with fury in her eyes,
I decided to honor the promise I made her and I told her the truth.

“Because you said it,” I said, putting my hands on her upper
arms. Her skin still felt like ice and I wanted to pull her close to me and
warm her with my body. She shuddered at my touch. Pissed as hell, her body
still responded to mine.

“What are you talking about?”

“You told me you love me. No one else ever has.”

Her face dropped and her eyes flashed fire. She opened her
mouth to say something, then closed it. She brought her hands up and touched my
elbows. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’re the first. I’ve never heard it before.”

“How? I mean. You’ve had girlfriends. And . . .”

I shook my head. “Yeah. I’ve had girls. But nothing serious
like what I have with you. It’s been . . . shit. Until now it’s been too
complicated to let anyone in like that. And my home life when I was a kid?
Well, I’ve already filled you in. And anyway, maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe loving
me is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made and it’s only a matter of time
before you figure it out.”

There was more to it. I felt something harden inside me. That
same wall of armor I used to get through the shit I’ve had to do. She said she
loved me now. But that’s because she hadn’t seen every side of me. She hadn’t
seen me with blood on my hands. Fists cut raw from bashing in the face of some
Devils Hawks scum or piece-of-shit drug dealer. I might go to hell for the
things I’ve done.

And there it was. Maybe the best thing to do would be to let
her go now. Because if she ever saw the real darkness, she’d take back those
three words.

“Don’t,” she said, stepping into my arms. “Brax. So you’ve
never heard them. Well, guess what? I’ve never said them without having my life
fall apart.”

It was impossible. Me with someone like Nicole. And yet, she
was still standing there. She still tilted her head when I did. She still went
up on the balls of her feet to reach me when I leaned down to kiss her.

Nicole stepped back but threaded her fingers through mine. “I
can handle it. Do you get that? It’s okay to let me love you, I think. I’m not
scared of who you are or anything you’ve done. I’m just scared of getting hurt
again. So don’t. Don’t hurt me.”

I smiled. “I’m willing to try if you are. And I’m sorry. I
should have said something to you about the club vote last night. I know. But a
part of me was and still is kind of hoping I’ll be able to get the guys turned
around on that. I’ve . . . I’ve given a lot to that club. That alone might be
enough of a reason if I put it that way. Just give me some time.”

She nodded. “I can do that. And if you can’t, then you can’t.
My brother’s done a hell of a lot to destroy his own chances at good things. I
don’t have to let him destroy mine anymore. I get that.”

“Come here.” I folded her against me. “Let’s not talk about
Doug or the club or any of that shit anymore. Let’s just, I don’t know . . .
be. I want to watch the storm come in with you.”