Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (31 page)

“But he didn’t have any proof. How can he justify going after you?”

“Wayne was bad news all around. I guess he and the Sheriff had some crooked business together. I found some papers in my uncle’s office, seems they were in cahoots. All the sheriff cared about was locking me up.” Will shakes his head as if something just dawned on him. “That must be why the government is looking for me.”

I process what he’s saying, but it doesn’t add up. “That was over seventy years ago. Besides, if you were being investigated for murder, that’s state, not federal jurisdiction. There’s gotta be something more.” I can feel it. He’s still giving me half the story. “You said there’s somewhere you needed to be. Who are you looking for?”

Will straightens in his seat. His square jaw rigid, he takes a deep breath and faces me head on.

“I’m looking for Lily.”

Like a jackrabbit, my heart races to escape. He knows how I feel about Tommy, I’ve made that clear.

“Will,” I swallow nervously, “I’m not that Lily.”

“I know,” he says, tone steady and certain. “I mean
my
Lily.” A glimmer of ache flashes in his eyes. “Your grandmother.”

CHAPTER 29

Ileana

I’m hyperventilating.

My feet falter, and my hands shake. I plop down onto the nearest chair.

My brain frantically switches the puzzle pieces every which way, trying to make them fit. The questions must show on my face as plain as day because Will answers.

“I found her at the farm. April 1, 1947.” Will’s voice is filled with nostalgia.

Each hair on my arms rises up in goose-bumps when I hear the date.

What are the odds my grandmother would travel through time and land in the same spot I did, and on
that
date?

Breathe, Ileana.

“Actually, in close to the same spot I found you before.” Brilliant blue eyes shimmer with affection.

His Adam’s apple bobbles up and down. “I should start from the beginning.”

I nod numbly.

“When Al Jr. didn’t come back, it almost did Doc in. The Harpers wanted nothing to do with Sue on account of her being disgraced, so Doc took her in. Then Lily was born, and he just shined like a new penny.” He eyes me fondly. “He nicknamed her Lily, after you. Then Sue goes and…well. Doc didn’t want his granddaughter to grow up with folks whispering and pointing at her, so he packed up and left town.”

“So after they moved away, did you see them again?”

“No. Your grandmother was but a few months old. One day, she’s a baby, then….” His perfect dark eyebrows rise. “I find this woman who looks like…anyway, it took me two shakes but I figured it out. She was younger, but she looked just like you.” His strong features flicker with melancholy and affection. “Or rather, you look just like her.”

Will’s gaze traces my facial features with a pain and longing that makes my heart ache. I remember my mother telling me how much I looked like my grandmother. I guess she wasn’t exaggerating.

“She came to Bloomingfield looking for family a few years after her little girl was born. Once there, she said she felt the pull…that the field called to her. Next thing she knew—”

“Flash of light. Lights out,” I finish for him.

“That’s right. She had no clue what was going on and was out of sorts. I happened to be out there that day, so I took her to my house instead of the farm. I tried to keep her away from meddling eyes, tried to help her, but.…” He swallows thickly, and there’s nothing but heartbreak and loss whirling around him.

“But what?”

“She never got back to her little girl, did she?”

I shake my head. “All I know is she was in and out of my mother’s life, and then vanished.”

My grandmother disappeared when Sophia was little. That matches up with what Sophia has told me, that her mother left her with a friend and never came back for her, and then she ended up in foster care.

Will’s shoulders slump in defeat. Obliterated by my answer, he buries his face in his hands.

“Wait. Did you call Doc? Lily must have been with him in 1947, making her, what? About two years old?”

Will fidgets uncomfortably in his chair, his spine straightening defensively. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, he was in Ohio with a two-year-old that was at your place as a full-grown woman.”

His square jaw tightens, and those strong hands clench nervously. “I’ve already told you too much as it is.”

Great. He’s freezing me out. This isn’t how I pictured learning about my past.

“Did you ever meet her?” Will asks curiously.

“My grandmother? No, never.” Something dark flashes across Will’s features, like a storm rolling in, so I try to offer comfort. “You did what you could, Will. You have to go home now. Your family is probably worried sick.”

His nostrils flare in stubborn determination. “I can’t do that.”

“Yes, you can. You did what you could.”

“She’s your grandmother. Don’t you care to know what happened to her?”

“I don’t. It’s in the past. All we can do is move forward.”

Sapphires shoot daggers through me with no mercy. “How dare you dismiss her life like that!” Contempt and indignation boom my way like thunder.

I take a deep breath, seeking composure, because William Shaw is pushing his blessed luck. He’s doing it again, using that holier-than-thou sanctimonious tone. He doesn’t get to come into my life and pass judgment.

“I am not dismissing her. All I’m saying is that there’s nothing we can do now. Now, being the operative word.” I motion around the half-furnished apartment. “The present. It’s done, Will. We try our best, that’s all we can do.” 

He won’t stop shaking his head. Frustration, fury, anger, and helplessness bubble through him and he shoots up from his seat. “I can’t just forget! I made her a promise.” Regret instantly flashes in his expression the second the words fly out.

There’s something else he’s not telling me. I watch his posture, his body language, those expressive eyes, and that stern character that seeks to remedy what’s broken.

“I know you made promises.” There’s an Ileana inside me that wants to help, but I tread carefully. “You tried to help her but it didn’t work out. I get it. I helped Sue Harper, remember? But that didn’t stop her from killing herself, did it? Not to mention what happened this morning. We ended up bouncing like a pinball from place to place. Who is to guarantee where you’ll end up?”

“I’m not going to stop until I find her.” He tips his chin up in defiance. “And once I do, I’m going to make things right.”

Instinctively, I reach for my necklace. The cold metal brings me strength and fortitude. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, I’m going to find her, and then we’re getting her little girl.”

I blink in confusion. Is he trying to change my fate?

“I’m not going to help you mess up my life.” My words are strangled, but I stand my ground.

“What life?” he spits. “Look around, Ileana. Imagine where you would be if Lily and I were to raise your mother. Imagine the love, the stability—”

“Don’t make this about me! You have no right to rearrange my life because you don’t approve of my choices. Besides, Lily came back! She came back and made promises to her daughter that she never kept. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“It tells me she was in trouble and needed me! That’s what it tells me. Imagine what we could teach you, Ileana! Hell, you could stop Wayne before—”

“Stop! Just stop it!” I scream in desperation. “This isn’t a game! You can’t just go back and reset the pieces because you don’t like the outcome!”

Will’s glare is unforgiving and determined, and his chest expands in challenge. “I’m fixing everything, and you’ll thank me for it.”

Life is filled with moments where our paths and interactions set wheels into motion. Connecting us to everyone we’ve come in contact with by invisible threads, forming a structure to withstand time. Pull one of those threads, and the structure will shake and crumble.

I met Chris because I chose Northwestern. Chris and Nelson met because of me. Those two tours in Afghanistan, I kept my soldiers safe. I’ve brought criminals to justice. I’ve saved lives.

And then there’s Tommy.

He keeps me whole. He’s my gravitational pull, my magnet to this earth. I can’t let him go. I just can’t. I can’t let him take that away, let him undo what’s done.

There’s more to this. Will is all about doing the right thing, but to abandon his family, never to see them again? This isn’t about fixing my life. He wouldn’t leave everything and everyone behind for me.

“What’s in it for you, Will?” I scrutinize his features, his body language.  “What do you care where she is, or what happened to her?”

“I told you, I made a promise.”

“Bullshit. You would never leave your family unless….”

My
Lily
…Lily and I will raise your mother.

Realization rocks me to my core. How could I be so
stupid
?

“Oh God…you’re in love with her.”

He shuts his eyes tightly and he wavers like a tree in the wind. “She’s my heart, Ileana.”

The impact of his words crushes my soul.

I stand abruptly, my chair toppling over as I stumble back in horror. The walls of the small apartment close in on me. Clutching my pendant harder, I can’t take my eyes off his towering frame. The truth suffocates me; I can’t breathe, I can’t deal.

If he feels for her half of what I feel for Tommy, he’ll never stop looking for her.

He’ll never let this go.

He’ll never let
her
go.

“Don’t look at me that way. I can’t bear it.” His voice breaks in agony. “She wouldn’t leave without me until I promised her I would catch up. But I failed, every time, until I landed here. Maybe she’s lost like me. I have to find her, and you have to help me.”

The climate in the apartment shifts swiftly and a chill runs through me. This is just too much. Will and my grandmother…I just can’t.

“That’s it. I’m out. Good luck, you’re on your own.” I turn to flee.

He has no damn clue what he’s asking. I can’t be part of this. I’m running fast and far from this clusterfuck. 

“Stop right there,” he shouts as I bolt for the door. A few quick strides and he slams the door shut, arms clamping around me like a vise and rotating me to face him. “This is why I’m here! Part of my Lily is in there somewhere, and you’re going to bring us together.” His resolve is unyielding.

“Will, you can’t do this.” I grit my teeth in misery. “You have to let her go.”

“I can’t live without her, Ileana. I’ve given up everything to be with her.” His grief, longing, and desperation assault me while I try to pry away from his grip.

“Stop it, Will.” I plead, struggling to break free.

“Don’t fight it, sweetheart, I know you’re in there.” Crushing me against him, he holds me tighter. “I know you can hear me, Lily,” he whispers against my ear. “I’m sorry. I’ll fix it all, I promise."

My entire being struggles against him, fighting in panic. “There’s no Lily! She’s dead!"

That sapphire gaze braves the course, his thick, hoarse voice hammering home each point. “She’s somewhere inside you. You’ve known it all along. There’s a reason you told me the truth that day in Doc’s office.”

“Stop it—”

“The same reason you kissed me outside the house that night,” he rattles on with determination, imploring, trying to convince me. “You said you weren’t sorry. It’s been her all along. My Lily is in there, and I’ll never stop fighting for us."

I’m tired of being a pawn for destiny. I’m tired of doing fate’s bidding.

I’m tired of being a means to someone else’s end.

“If she is, she’s never coming back.” Bitterness coats my words. “I’m not giving up my life for her. Not
again
,” I spit defiantly, fighting the knot in my throat.

Will finches as if I’ve slapped him, his determined frame faltering.

I blink away tears while my heart pounds frantically, battling with some invisible force restraining it, but I fight with all I have.

Will loosens his grip, letting me go. His fists clench and his lips are a thin line. That bright blue spark of energy diminishes again, my refusal snuffing out that fire within.

“You’re right. You’re not her.
My
Lily is sweet, soft, and caring,” he replies coldly, his deep voice dripping with disdain, “and I will get her back, with
or
without your help.”

“Will—”

“I think it’s best if you left.” Pain and resentment coat his words.

He turns his back to me, stomps over to the dining room, and slumps down in the chair once more.

CHAPTER 30

Ileana

Stray tears escape my eyes, but I quickly erase them. Numbly, I let myself out and stagger down to my apartment, taking deep breaths and putting the battered pieces together best I can.
I’ve barely closed the door when my phone rings. It’s Nelson.

Wiping my face, I regulate my breathing and collect my wits before answering.

“What’s up?” My voice wavers a bit, but I get my head in the game.

“Warrant just came in. We got eyes and ears. I know you’re not on duty but we need a hand.”

“When are you going in?”

“We’re waiting to go in late this afternoon, during the window of when they’re normally out. Meet us at the apartment around four. We’ll bring Adams along.”

It’s a good chance to learn on the job. Nelson is going to make a great ASAC someday.

“Copy. See you then.” With that, I end the call.

I guess I’m returning to work early. I welcome the change of task.

After this morning, nothing for me will ever be the same.

One crisis at a time, Ileana.

This day couldn’t get any worse.

I’m not crazy…great. I’m sane, but I can travel through time—super.