Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) (19 page)

Chapter 38

“You have really great taste in men.” Jacob rolled his eyes and looked back at me. “Is this what New York has turned you into? Someone who is in deep denial?”

I scowled. “No, it turned me into someone who is strong enough to stand on her two feet and isn’t some blubbering, anxious idiot anymore.”

Jacob’s face softened. “You were never that.”

“Please.”

He threw his head back and took a deep breath before grabbing one of my hands.

I stared up at him blankly. “What are you doing?”

“Let’s dance.”

“Excuse me?” I pulled my hand away. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Who’s also my boss. He told me to take you dancing, and you know what? I’m not about to make him mad again.”

I refrained from reminding him that as Kurt’s client, he was technically the boss and asked, “What do you mean by ‘again’?”

“Never mind.” He grabbed my hand once again, this time entwining his fingers with mine. “Let’s go.”

I was so captivated by the familiar feeling of his skin against mine that I followed him aimlessly to the floor.

Like watching a replay of a bad movie, the strobe lights above us and the beat of the music reminded me of that one time at Club Mal where Jacob and I were in this exact position, only this time we kept a good three inches in between us. We looked like an awkward middle school dance at summer camp.

After two stepping quietly for a bit, Jacob peered down at me with furrowed eyebrows.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I demanded.

“What happened to you?” he asked simply.

I blinked in surprise. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“You’ve changed a lot. You’re…not the ‘E’ I used to know.”

I shrugged. “People grow up, Jacob.”

“Are you sure about that?” he mused.

Now that comment got me irritated. I stopped dancing and glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re totally not the same person I knew. You’re mean…a definite bitch.”

My mouth dropped open in shock. “Well, you’re still an asshole.”

Ignoring me, he remarked, “Am I going too far to assume this change of attitude stemmed from a certain fucked up night during freshman year in college?”

“Yes, it would!” I snapped angrily.

“Yes, it came from that night? Or yes, it’s wrong to assume?” Somehow I didn’t think he’d change his mind even if I denied it, so I didn’t bother to answer him. Jacob stopped in his two steps as well and looked down at me sadly. “What happened to you, E? This isn’t you.”

“Maybe it is,” I shot back, crossing my arms tightly across my chest.

“No, it’s not.” He took a deep breath and stared at me in pity. “The E I used to know had a certain kindness in her eyes. It’s what attracted me to you in the first place.”

I swallowed. “What?”

He ignored me and continued rambling. “You had a spark of innocence about you—a genuineness that was hard to find in the crowd I rolled around with. Now look at you, you’re acting even worse than some of them.”

I hated feeling as if I were being reprimanded, especially for learning how to stick up for myself. It was a hard lesson, but a necessary one. “Maybe I realized that the longer I stood on the sidelines nothing was going to happen for me. I spent most of adolescence thinking, second guessing, and then watching other people get what I wanted. Once I moved here I realized that there were about fifty other people exactly like me who were gunning for the same apartment, same job, and same—”

“Kurt?” he interrupted with a grunt.

I pressed my lips together and frowned. “I needed to stop putting my fears and insecurities first and stand up for everything I wanted. You know what? I got everything I wanted.”

Well, maybe not everything.

As if reading my mind, Jacob smirked. “Are you sure about that?”

“I…shit!” My eyes wandered around him and caught sight of Devon Lucia, one of the Broadway board members that I had outed for screwing his dancers. The last time we met face to face wasn’t particularly a fond memory of mine and one that I’d rather not relive.

Jacob shot a glance over his shoulder and frowned. “What? See another man from your past?”

“Yes.”

He blinked in surprise, obviously not expecting to get an honest answer from his little jab. “Huh?”

I tried to make myself as small as possible, hiding behind Jacob’s muscular frame. “You see that guy in the navy blue suit?”

“Where?” He turned once again, but I reached up and pulled his chin back toward me.

“Don’t look!”

He rolled his eyes. “How am I supposed to know who you’re talking about if I don’t look?”

I shivered slightly and felt my teeth begin to chatter. As “bitchy” as I’d become, I still didn’t fare well with conflict. “Just trust me on this and don’t catch his attention unless you want to witness a screaming match between him and me, which will probably end up with one of us in jail.”

“Estelle,” he said my name firmly, but it still felt like music to my ears. “Who is he?”

The protectiveness in his tone sparked a little flame in my heart, but now wasn’t the time to relive old feelings.

“He’s from Broadway,” I explained. “I sort of wrote an article about him sleeping with a few of his dancers.”

“Like a casting call type thing?” Jacob grimaced.

I shook my head. “Nah, more like he just really liked cheating on his wife. You know, a wandering penis sort of thing.”

“Lovely.”

“Needless to say I broke up that marriage, along with a few others, with just that one article alone. Not to mention it did start speculation about the audition process, which I swear was not my intention.”

“What if he sees you? What do you think he’ll do to you?” Jacob’s jaw was stiff. He looked prepared to attack at any moment.

Realizing I needed to smooth over the situation, I quickly assured him, “He’s not part of the mafia or anything. He’ll probably just use his chops to get me kicked out and embarrass me along the way. I just don’t want to deal with it.”

Jacob looked down at me, narrowing his eyes so I could only see the thick fringe of his eyelashes. His mouth curled to the side in an almost mocking grin. “Oh, I see what this all is.”

“What are you talking about?” I took a slight step back, glancing around the club anxiously.

“All this bitchiness is just a front, isn’t it? Somewhere deep down there…” He paused and placed his finger lightly against my chest, causing me to tremble. “…is the sweet girl I had come to know.”

He shot me a smug smirk, but I couldn’t be mad about it. It wasn’t as if being called sweet was the worst thing in the world. In fact, it was sort of nice to hear that word again, given all I’ve been called in recent memory stemmed from “She-Devil” to “Asshole” and a particular four-letter ‘C’ word I’d rather not repeat.

I shielded my eyes from his gaze and shrugged my shoulders. “I need to be strong to get somewhere in this city. As much as it sucks, I need to be aggressive. If you want to call it a front, fine. Truthfully, I don’t care.”

I glanced back up and noticed Devon walking in our direction. I let out a soft yelp, causing Jacob to take me by the waist and press my body in to his. His hand traveled up my back and rested at my nape, lightly cupping the back of my neck.

“What are you doing?” I hissed; though I can’t say I didn’t particularly enjoy smelling his familiar cologne and feeling his body against mine.

“Bet that Lucia guy isn’t going to notice you dancing with some nobody like me, right? Here, stay close.”

He didn’t have to ask me twice.

Soon our hips were swaying in synchronization, our torsos pressed up against one another. I never took my gaze away from his and reveled in the way his stare burned right into me. We were the only ones in the room—no, on the planet! I felt as if I were floating away, my head up in the clouds. It was something I hadn’t felt in a while.

Whenever I was with Kurt I felt heat and power. It was obvious we were always in a constant power struggle driven by jealousy and lust. Being around Jacob made me remember the emotions that I had long sought for—innocent attraction, genuine care, and maybe even love. Everything I’d ever read about this emotion, I felt with Jacob. With Kurt and his authoritative personality, I felt more confined and maybe even stifled…

Kurt did help me grow, but into a woman I wasn’t too proud of.

Feeling a surge of sadness constrict my heart, I tore my gaze away from his in time to spot Kurt headed over to the restrooms. Worried that he’d seen whatever the hell Jacob and I were doing, I pushed away from the b-boy and took a quick step toward my boyfriend. It didn’t take me long to figure out there was no way he could have spotted us. Especially since he was gripping onto a blonde tightly and ushering her over to the men’s room.

Do you know those scenes in movies where the camera rushes toward the protagonist’s face during a particularly climactic scene? That was exactly what it felt like as I watched my boyfriend disappear into the brightly lit room with the skank. Yet I couldn’t find it in myself to become angry. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t hurt somebody else before. Maybe it was my karma.

“Shit,” I muttered, pushing past the suffocating crowd.

“E! Estelle! Where are you going? Our set is about to start!” Jacob’s voice grew more distant as I continued to run toward the back of the club. I didn’t know what I was planning to do, but it was as if I needed to see everything for myself. Maybe I was just a glutton for punishment like that.

I slowed to a stop once I neared the stained wooden door with the Volvo looking symbol painted on it marked “Men.” As if the bathroom had a negative aura about it, there was about a five feet radius where no one would come close. In fact, the club patrons looked practically shoved together to avoid going anywhere near it.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed against the swinging door and found myself inside the brightly lit room. It was empty for the most part and as I walked down the long row of urinals to the few stalls, I heard a sound that would haunt me forever.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh…” the woman’s breathy moans echoed inside the vacant bathroom.

I winced at the tap of my stilettos as I tiptoed toward the last stall, which shook with the sound of somebody’s body crashing into it.

“Whoa!” The woman’s high pitched voice cooed with a laugh, which sounded like a witch’s cackle to me.

Kurt’s familiar grunt, his signature sexual catcall, quickly followed along with the sound of his belt buckle jingling with each thrust. My gaze dropped down toward the floor, where I spotted his pants rolled down to his calves. Feeling disgusted, I quickly averted my eyes, only to find the woman’s hot pink nails showing from the top of the stall, which she gripped as if her life depended on it.

Just when I felt as if I couldn’t stand the sound of slapping skin anymore, the stall’s door burst open and Kurt stumbled back, still holding onto the blonde, who was still riding him. Surprisingly, they didn’t notice me, though I was merely a couple of feet away.

“Kurt!” I screamed, feeling my blood start to bubble with intense heat.

Their movements immediately ceased. The woman, whose nose had a tiny drop of blood skirting the bottom of her nostrils, looked at me with glazed eyes. “Who is this bitch?”

Kurt’s lips curled up into a creepy looking smile. “Shit, Estelle! Babe!”

“Don’t you ‘babe’ me,” I snapped. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Uh, fucking?” Both Kurt and the woman began laughing hysterically.

Though it should have hurt me to find my boyfriend screwing another woman, it didn’t. For some reason I felt relief, but I didn’t know why.

Without another word, I spun on my heel and stomped out the door, leaving it swinging behind me. I walked between the groups of people, not caring whether Devon Lucia or any of his whores spotted me and I was totally not paying attention to the commotion as a crowd gathered near the main stage.

“E! Estelle!” Amidst the commotion, I could clearly make out Jacob’s voice. It was as if somehow I was programmed to hear him and him alone.

Despite myself, I glanced up toward the stage and saw the guys had already started the routine. That probably explained why half the women on the floor were going wild.

“Estelle, where are you going?” he yelled above the music.

I bit my lip and turned away, ready to put the whole night behind me.

Chapter 39

“I’m sorry, ma’am—”

“Ma’am?” I grunted. “You do realize I’m only three years older than you are.”

My assistant jumped from one foot to another nervously. “Um, yes. I-I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“Well, go on with it,” I snapped.

“Mr. Steffersen is here again. This time he said he won’t take no for an answer.”

I felt bad for her. I really did. Natalie reminded me of the girl I used to be. Figuring I owed it to ‘College Estelle’ to cut Natalie a break, I sighed. “Fine, let him in.”

She bowed—bowed!—and immediately shuffled out of my office just as Kurt stepped in. I sighed when I laid eyes on him. Once again he was dressed to the nines, with a fancy new watch, but unlike before, everything just seemed so superficial to me. He was plastic—only beautiful on the outside. Everything else was a lie.

“Why are you here?” I asked in a muted tone. I planted my elbows on top of my desk and smirked. “Surprised you had the balls to show your face given that slut rode them sore last night.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and plopped down on the chair in front of me. The air of confidence about him irritated me to no end. Did he really think I was about to take him back after everything I saw?

“Listen, babe—”

“Do not call me babe! Not now and not ever!” I screeched.

He snorted. “It’s not like we haven’t done this to each other before.”

The blood immediately drained from my face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Okay, maybe it was me who’s done it before.” He reached out and began to finger my paperweight. He ran his finger seductively over the sloped walls and even had the audacity to trace the point of the pyramid in a circular motion. Was this douche really trying to turn me on?

“I guess that explains why you were always so jealous. You were worried I’d go and do the same thing you were already doing to me.” My voice was a lot calmer than I would have expected it to be. Then again I guess I’d already accepted the inevitable. What was the point of prolonging my negativity?

He chuckled and shook his head. “I do love you, Estelle. I really don’t want to lose you and it sucked to think you’d ever look at someone the way you looked at me.”

“Oh, you have a funny way of showing it. Didn’t know ‘I love you’ meant shoving your dick into someone else’s vagina.”

“Those women don’t mean anything to me, baby. I just have needs, you know?”

“Needs. Right,” I spat out.

“But you have my heart,” he pressed.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, nearly knocking my chair over. With my chin lifted high, I walked around my desk and watched as Kurt raised his arms, as if holding them out for me. I cringed. “Do you seriously think I’m going to get anywhere near you right now?”

Kurt’s nostrils flared. “Seriously, you can say that to me? You did the exact same thing last night with one of my clients, no less!”

Horrified, I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything but dance with Jacob, which you told us to, by the way!”

“Since when do you listen to anything anybody ever tells you to do? That’s what I loved about you. You only thought—”

“About myself, right?” I bowed my head and smacked my mouth as if to get rid of a bad taste. “Well, maybe that’s what my problem is. I got sucked into this egotistical world, but I’m sure as hell getting out of it.”

“You know what you want, so what? No use running away from it.” He bounced his shoulders in a mock shrug.

“Just get out of here, Kurt. I never want to see you again.”

“There you are, being a bitch once again. It’s what you do best though, isn’t it? Always the first to boss other people around to get what you want? Always the first to point fingers instead of sucking up your own blame?”

“Why are you turning this around on me? What the hell did I do?” I practically screamed, not caring that we were probably garnering an audience outside of my office door.

“I saw the way you were looking at Jacob. I may have slept with other women, but I never fell for another one. If you ask me, what you did was a hundred times worse!”

I crossed my arms over my chest and sneered. “Well, nobody asked you—”

“Typical response,” he mused.

“And I did not do anything with Jacob! He’s an old friend, that’s it.” I threw my head back and groaned.

“So are you saying you never had feelings for him?”

I narrowed my eyes into two tiny slits. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I rest my case,” he replied proudly.

That was it. I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Get the fuck out of my office, Kurt. I never want to see you again.”

“Oh, please. Do you think your CEO will have that? Do you recall who buys a majority of your ads? Besides, you still owe me photos from last night, which I assume you didn’t take.”

“No, I didn’t,” I replied with fervor.

He let out a puff of air from his mouth, jutting out his bottom jaw. “Well, you certainly owe me a great article on the crew, then. Especially on your boy toy.”

A sick feeling settled into my stomach. Recalling how Jacob had mentioned pissing Kurt off, I asked, “You’re not planning on screwing Jacob over too, are you?”

“Now why would I do that? He’s my meal ticket.” He stretched out his arms, clasping his fingers together in quick stretch. Noticing the look of bewilderment on my face, he shot me a wink.

I blinked in confusion. “Your meal ticket? What do you mean?”

He took a step forward and bent his head down, making me feel even more like a child. “Think of every group—Justin, Jordan, Nick, Harry—there is always one member who stands out among the rest. Not that they’re not all talented in their own right, but this one member exceeds everything that makes this group tick.”

“I’m not following…”

“Perhaps I saw that spark in Jacob. No offense to the other guys, but Jacob can go further than they can—movies, performances—he can have it all.”

My blood ran cold. “What are you saying?”

Kurt lifted his hand and began to examine his male manicure. “Of course he needs to add more moves to his repertoire. Sure spinning on your head is cool, but I love Crimson’s hand hops and Pharaoh’s baby freeze.”

That’s when it hit me. “You’re telling Jacob to steal their moves and sign with you separately, aren’t you?”

“Ah, you’re right on the money, my little investigative reporter.” He puckered his lips, making me want to sock him straight in the face.

I let out a strained laugh. “You know he’s not going to go for it, right? He’s always been one to put his integrity first. Unlike some people I know.” I ran my gaze up and down his body with distaste.

“Oh, yeah? Then tell me why I already booked him a ticket to this year’s International Battle—alone,” he replied with a proud glint in his eyes.

“You need a crew for that, dipwad.”

“A crew is easy enough to come by, Estelle. Already hired some extras who don’t mind staying out of the spotlight. Trust me, Jacob’s going to be on top…” An evil glare flashed between his eyes. “Or bottom, so tell me, which one does he prefer?”

“Get out!” I walked over to the door and pulled it open, causing Natalie to stumble inside. My nostrils flared as I glared at her angrily. “Were you listening in?”

Her mouth dropped open. “I…uh…um…just making sure…”

Kurt straightened his tie and took a nonchalant step toward the door. He whizzed right past me and as he tried to squeeze by Natalie, he stopped and placed a gentle hand under her face, cupping her chin. “You know, Estelle, maybe you should think twice about being such a hardcore bitch. Sometimes the sweet ones aren’t as insecure as you think. They’re actually sweeter in every sense of the word. Trust me, I’ve tasted this one too.” He paused and glanced down at my horrified assistant. “Isn’t that right, sweet cheeks?”

Her lips wavered. “Miss Donovan, I’m so sorry! It just happened—”

Kurt rolled his eyes in annoyance and cut her off as he shot me another angry look. “Try to remember to lock your office door next time you go out of town, babe.”

My body shook uncontrollably. If I ever wanted to know what rock bottom was, I found it.

***

“Miss…Miss Donovan?” Natalie’s squeaky voice called quietly from my doorway. I didn’t bother to lift my cheek from my desk and busied myself by playing with the copper pyramid beside me. I shut my eyes and sighed, not even caring that some drool had flowed out of my mouth.

“Miss Donovan?”

“What do you want?” I snapped angrily.

She audibly gulped. “There’s a Jacob Silas here to see you.”

I immediately sat up. “Well, what are you waiting for? Send him in?” She nodded her head eagerly, but before she could walk away, I added, “Or were you waiting for a chance to fuck him in my office too?”

The look of fear on her face warned me of an impending resignation notice. If she was as smart as she seemed to be, then she’d better think twice about using me as a reference.

Jacob walked in, glancing curiously at Natalie, who had run past him sniffling. I lifted my head, remembering to wipe away the sliver of drool from my chin.

“Jacob,” I breathed. “What brings you here?”

“Um, I tried to call you, but I realized that I didn’t have your number anymore.”

I scratched my head. “Um, yeah, I changed it a few years back.”

“Oh.”

A few seconds of uncomfortable silence stretched between us. I eyed him curiously.

He remained standing stiffly near my door and stuffed his hands into his pocket. “Um, you left rather quickly last night. Are you okay?”

I shrugged my shoulders. Though I wanted nothing more than to vent, I didn’t really feel as if he would be the right person to vent to. Not after how everything went down last night. “Shit happens.”

“Yeah…”

I took a deep breath and settled back into my seat, staring at my old friend. Handsome looks aside, there was always something about him that seemed different than most guys. Maybe it was his intensity, the way he always put his best foot forward, or maybe it was the way he seemed to befriend everyone that crossed his path. Looking at him now, I think it was more so his personality—it was sweet, but strong, soft, but hard. Jacob was the X-factor Kurt made him out to be—but he also had the integrity most people in the business didn’t.

“Jacob, I know,” I said simply, clasping my hands together on top of my desk.

He raised his eyebrows and puckered his lips in response. “Know what?”

“Kurt told me about his…um…proposition to you.”

The color left Jacob’s cheeks, but he tried his hardest to maintain a straight face. “You make it sound like I’m cheap street hooker—”

“Jacob—”

“Or maybe a high paid D.C. escort,” he added with a wink.

I sighed. “Jacob, I know Kurt has a way to make things look all glittery and pretty, but trust me, his reality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

The smile immediately left his face. “What brought this up? Is this the reason why you left early last night? Did something happen between you two?”

Even after all these years he had a way of reading right through me. My voice cracked, “No.”

“You sure about that?”

My lips twisted into a frown. “Jacob, this isn’t about me. This is about you. I really think you should just walk away from whatever deal you have with him.”

“And, uh, what deal might this be?” His eyebrows furrowed together as he glared at me.

I had to look away. “Jacob, I know he wants you to leave your crew and go off by yourself.”

“And what’s so bad about that?” he asked with little to no emotion in his voice.

My head whipped back around. “Are you being serious right now? Jacob, you can’t possibly be thinking about ditching your friends.”

“And why not?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and clasping his hands together. “E, you have to understand this is my shot. You do remember how much I wanted to travel, right? I already have a ticket for International—this is my shot!”

“But not at the expense of screwing your friends!” I shook my head with disgust. “Do you know what I remember? Your integrity. The question I have for you is if you remember it. You keep asking me why I’ve changed, well, how about you? The Jacob I knew would never dick his friends over some golden ticket. He’d stand up for them.”

Jacob blinked quietly and didn’t respond. After a few moments of silence, I sighed and added, “And if you ask me, I think it’s fucked up you’re going to steal their moves. What the hell is wrong with you?”

His silence didn’t last long. He quickly jumped out of his seat and growled, “What the hell is wrong with me? What about you?”

“What about me?” I screeched.

“Where do you get off throwing these accusations at me?”