Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) (23 page)

Chapter 46

Those romance books had nothing on us.

Sure we were in the “deep throes of ecstasy” but we never took it further than the occasional groping and sucking.

Jacob ran his lips down my chest to the tops of my bra; my sweater thrown carelessly to the side. It sat in a crumpled pile on the floor. My skin felt hot and cold at the same time. It was electric, charged by his firm touch.

“Estelle—”

“Ahh!” I pushed him away and fell back, landing on the floor. I winced as the pulsing ache began to climb up my ass.

The office lights had been turned on to their fullest power; the fluorescent light bulbs shining brightly around us. As the bulbs buzzed, awakening, I glanced around the room in shock and surprise, throwing a chagrined look at two of my coworkers who remained at the door, gaping at us.

Charlie, the sports editor, whistled in appreciation. “Guess this is what happens after hours at the office?”

I scrambled to my feet, covering my chest. Jacob quickly reached down and threw me my sweater, which I hastily pulled over my head. All the while, Kristin, the fashion editor who looked the part, stared at me with distaste. Her wine colored lips curled into a judgmental smirk and her liquid-lined eyes narrowed in disapproval.

“Guess you didn’t wait too long to get over Kurt,” she mused, scanning Jacob from head to toe, who was now fully dressed. He smoothed out his hair nervously as Kristin shrugged. “Can’t say you didn’t do a great job rebounding.”

I winced at the word. It was something Jacob never wanted to be and someone he definitely wasn’t.

Jacob couldn’t wait another second to get out of there. “I have to go,” he said gruffly without so much as a goodbye or even one last look. He stormed past my coworkers, but still had the decency to whisper an, “Excuse me.”

“Jacob!” I yelled after him.

Charlie and Kristin stepped aside and motioned after him. “Aren’t you going after him?” Charlie said with a wink. Apparently he was the romantic of the two.

I paused for a moment before running toward my desk and grabbing my pea coat. I threw it on my back without bothering to put either my arms through their rightful sleeves and ran past them. “Tell, Sully I’m taking a personal day today.”

***

The New York streets were as empty as they were going to be, with only a sprinkling of street vendors setting up their carts and businessmen rushing toward the metro. Curious, I glanced at my watch and noticed it was only six in the morning.

“Wonder what Charlie and Kristin were doing at the offices so early. Maybe the same thing I was?” I thought wryly. Realistically it wasn’t uncommon for editors to come in at the crack of dawn to meet their deadlines.

I ran as quickly as I could with my clunky boots, dodging stray pedestrians. “Jacob!”

I spotted him at the end of the street, shivering slightly. In his hurry to leave my office he had neglected to grab his jacket. My lips turned down in pity as I ran up to him, watching as he rubbed his hands over the thin sleeves on his arms, trying to stay warm.

“What are you doing, Jake? You’re going to get sick!” I desperately glanced around for an open building we could take refuge in, but alas most were still closed. Sighing, I raised my arm in the air. “Taxi!”

“What are you doing?” he asked incredulously.

“Getting us a cab. You’ll catch pneumonia out here.”

“I’m not a child, E.”

E.

I felt myself wilt a bit, but tried my best to ignore the feeling. “Come on. Let’s get you back to your hotel.”

“Don’t you have a job to go to?” he snapped.

Taken aback, I stuttered just as a yellow cab pulled up at the curb beside us. I was half expecting Jacob to walk away at this point, but to my relief he opened the car door and motioned for me to get in. I obliged and scooted over, giving him room to climb in.

“Where to?” our Doritos-scented cab driver asked, coughing rather loudly.

“The Ritz Plaza at 48
th
street,” Jacob answered, staring out the window. All at once the pangs of regret and sorrow hit me. He was savoring each moment. He really didn’t think he’d come back.

We rode in silence for a good five minutes before I finally spoke, “I’m sorry about what happened. I had no idea that—”

“Your coworkers would walk in?” he replied angrily.

I frowned, taken aback. “Um, yeah.”

“Actually, it’s a good thing they came in. It could have gone further. That would have been bad.”

I shifted uncomfortably. “Why would that be bad?”

“You have a life here, Estelle. Though I don’t really agree with how you’re going about it, you’re doing well here.”

“I guess that’s subjective,” I mused through puckered lips.

“What did we think was going to happen?” He threw his head back and lightly hit it on the vinyl headrest. “We were both just emotionally charged…tired…locked in a room.”

“So all that crap you were spewing about me being the one to break your no-woman-streak was for nothing?” I snapped angrily. Jacob nervously glanced at our driver, who couldn’t have cared less about our soap opera in his backseat. I rolled my eyes. “Please, this guy has probably seen people shoot up and fuck back here, we’re fine.”

Jacob’s eyes darted to the side. “And this is why I’m sure what we did was a mistake.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not from your world, Estelle. I never will be. Our college fantasies are just that—fantasies.”

The cab pulled up in front of the Ritz and before I could digest what just happened, Jacob thrust a twenty into the driver’s hand and jumped straight out. I gaped at him for a split second before jumping out right after him. I ran to keep up with his long strides.

“Jacob, what’s the big idea? Why are you so mad all of a sudden? I thought…” My voice trailed off. How was I supposed to find the words to describe everything I felt?

Jacob remained quiet and opted to take the stairs to his room. I followed right after, neither speaking nor staying fully quiet. Soft whimpers escaped my lips uncontrollably. By the time we made it to his door, Jacob was acting as if I were nothing but a shadow.

He unlocked his door and walked right in and turned at his waist. “You coming?”

I gulped. “I didn’t think I was invited.”

There was a hint of amusement on his curled smirk. “Then why did you follow me up there?”

“I didn’t really think this one through,” I admitted.

“Come in.” He stepped aside and motioned toward his hotel room. I raised my shoulders a bit, stiffening as I walked past him, the knowledge of what we just did that morning still playing strongly in my head.

Jacob walked toward the kitchen area of the room, which looked more like a furnished apartment. It was surprising that Kurt hadn’t kicked him out of what I assumed to be company provided rooms, but considering the pile of luggage stacked in the corner, I’d say his welcome was dwindling.

“I thought that speaking in private as opposed to an audience of one seedy looking individual may be better.”

“Private?” I scoffed a bit. “We were locked up in my office all night and you want privacy again?”

Oh God, I hoped he wanted a specific kind of privacy.

He pursed his lips. “Estelle, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. Tomorrow you’ll walk back into that office of yours and sit at that desk and write whatever…” His voice trailed off and he sighed. “Where will I be? Back in California trying to make a living in the public school system as a substitute teacher.”

“I didn’t know you worked as a sub,” I remarked, racking my brain to remember our hours’ long conversation in my office.

“It’s not full-time,” he clarified. “And it’s not b-boying. It’s a j-o-b, nothing less and nothing more. Either way I’ll be going back to California, back to square one. I don’t know how I expected my life to pan out, but this wasn’t it.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I pleaded. “I can make this right. I can try to pull strings with my connections—”

“The connections that hate you,” he asked doubtfully. “No offense, but you even said there are a lot of people who would drop me knowing I was connected with you.”

He was right. What could I say?

His top teeth pressed into his bottom lip, raking inward. “It was really great to see you again, E. I think it’s time we part ways once and for all. What we did in the office was a bad idea…old feelings or not, we’re two different people. It didn’t happen in college and it sure as hell won’t happen now.”

“Jacob…” My nose began to prickle. It’d be the first time I cried in years. Front or not, I put on a brave face once I moved to New York. Crying wasn’t part of the package.

Jacob walked up to me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Goodbye, E. I promise you, this will be the last time we’ll see each other again.”

As if an autopilot I walked toward his door, never bothering to turn around. Once I was in the safety of his hallway, which I admit was really bad déjà vu, I came to an abrupt halt and turned to stare at the closed door. Almost in a daze, I whispered, “He called me ‘E’…he wasn’t speaking from his heart.”

Chapter 47

Six Months Later

My skin felt slick and sticky at the same time. The summer humidity reared early this year, suffocating with no end in sight. Even staying indoors was not an option as the scent of the “outside” would leave my body smelling weirdly metallic. The incessant body odor of the indoors almost made suffering through the humidity bearable, but not by much.

I adjusted the strap of my camera and followed my boss, who was incidentally three years younger than I was. As he barked orders of what to shoot and what filters to use, I reminded myself that he was ten times better than Stanley and that I was finally doing something I loved.

I had found my niche.

The day I walked out of Jacob’s hotel room I did a lot of self-evaluating. He was right. I did have a life in New York, but nothing I seriously was proud of. Working at
NYC Journal
made me into somebody I didn’t like. Needless to say I turned into a person I never thought I’d become.

My career—er, my job—made my soul cry. No joke, the more I thought about it I could feel myself deteriorating.

Figuring I need to get out of that job and out of the city before another part of me died, I quickly quit my job, which I knew devastated my colleagues and the rest of New York entertainment—insert eye roll here—and jumped on the next plane to Virginia.

Now, I have to be honest. There was a little part of me that was tempted to fly to San Diego. It was the part of me that hated to wonder about the “what ifs” and was okay with dealing with regret.

Of course that part of me was soon hushed the moment I clicked ‘Submit Order’ for a ticket to Virginia on United’s website.

I needed to get back to my roots and find myself once again. In my opinion, the best way to have a second coming was in a place I felt secure—at Mommy and Daddy’s house. Hey, a grown woman still needs her parents!

Long story short, I was back and basically going through my growing pains all over again. Running into Jacob and his crew again was a blessing in disguise because it reminded me how much I missed photography, so when a spot opened up for a camera assistant, I jumped at it. Of course, I could have done without my twenty-year-old boss.

I pushed my bangs back as much as I could, but a few tendrils still stuck to the moist skin of my cheekbones. “Of course Alan would choose the hottest day of the year to shoot in the swamps.”

I climbed into my old Wrangler and pulled my hair up into a messy top bun. I flipped on the AC, which did nothing but blow hot air out, making me feel as if I was being boiled.

“Uh, I can’t wait until I get home so I can take a nice, cool shower.”

The jeep bounced around with stones popping under my tires. Exiting the marsh, I found great solace once I hit the highway. There was something about being surrounded by flies and the color of mud that made a hot day seem even warmer.

I pulled at the hem of my thin camisole, confident that I had sweat stains up my back and ringing my armpits. “Thank God, I don’t have to do anything else today…or see anyone.”

Of course expectation can sometimes lead to disappointment.

Fifteen minutes later, I rounded the corner to my parents’ house and nearly slammed on my brakes. “What the fuck?”

Jacob abruptly stood from our stoop the moment he laid eyes on me. Like a zombie, I pulled into my driveway without consciously knowing what I was doing. All I could do was stare at my fantasy, right there in the flesh—in Virginia, no less!

I placed the car in park, but couldn’t bring myself to come out. After a few moments, Jacob frowned and jogged down the three steps of my porch to my car.

“Hey, Estelle,” he greeted me, opening my door in one swift move.

My jaw dropped involuntarily. “Hey, Estelle? That’s all you can say to me?”

Jacob rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably. Since the last time I’d seen him he looked a bit tanner, healthier, and happier. I guess not having Kurt in your life could do that to you.

“Um, I guess this is a bit of a surprise,” he remarked.

“You think?”

He glanced over at my house and grimaced a bit. “Um, your parents wouldn’t let me inside the house to wait for you…only child?”

“How can you tell?” I asked flatly.

“Lucky guess. Will they let me in now that you’re here?” I could tell he was a bit weirded out by the situation. I couldn’t really blame him. The thing about moving back home is that I once again was the apple of my parents’ eyes and still the kid I was before I left. As hard as it was to rally, I needed it.

“Yeah,” I lied. Thinking twice about it, I added, “Wait here.”

I ran inside and in an almost sitcom-like fashion, went head to head with my parents. Imagine a tape on fast forward, that was how it felt like as we argued, debated, and came to a conclusion in a little under three minutes.

Breathless, I ran back out to Jacob, whose shirt was now stuck to his body in sweat. My eyes greedily traveled up and down each bump of his torso. I swallowed. “You can come in.”

He threw me a look of doubt before entering our humble two story home. Nothing about it had changed since I was a child and it still had walls made out of wood paneling, gingham patterned curtains, and a fluffy couch with matching love-seat whose cushions were a bit depressed.

“Nice,” he commented as he gazed around our den.

“Yeah, nice,” I mumbled, running my gaze over his biceps, which seemed a bit bigger, but that wasn’t what caught me a bit speechless. Jacob’s eyes, which were always so kind, looked a bit different than I remembered them to be, and believe me, I didn’t need a photographic memory given I stalked his online profile as much as I could.

His eyes gazed at me with a sense of softness and happiness that complemented the curve of his lips and the slight indentation of his dimple.

He was looking at me as if he…no, it couldn’t be.

I motioned for him to take a seat. Though I was tempted to sit beside him on the sagging couch, I decided to go for my dad’s old recliner.

I swallowed. “Jacob, what are you doing here?”

He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and began moving his fingers around as if he were typing on an imaginary keyboard.

“Are you rehearsing your lines are something?” I laughed softly.

“Yeah.”

His answer definitely surprised me and made me feel a bit more nervous. I swallowed. “Jacob, why are you here?”

This time he made no hesitation before answering. “I spent the last six months in California.”

I knew that of course, but I played dumb.

“I was angry and I was depressed. I lost some friends, but gained others. I landed more teaching gigs, but that took time away from b-boying. It was a pretty sucky time.”

“I’m sorry?” The words came out like a question. I didn’t know how else to respond. “With all due respect, why are you telling me this?”

“Estelle…I realized I was the only one holding myself back. I didn’t need Kurt or anyone to allow me to do what I wanted.” He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. “I quit my job. Took whatever savings I had, and traveled around the country competing in different battles.” He paused and opened his eyes, gifting me with the sight of those soulful eyes yet again. “I won them all.”

They have a decent size scene in Virginia…

Vivian’s words echoed through my mind. That explained why he was in the area. He was at a battle. He didn’t come all the way here to see me.

“Um, congrats.” I shifted my weight from one foot to another. “I knew you were great enough to do it—all of it. Win, travel…yeah…”

He nodded. “You want to know what I learned?”

I tilted my head to the side and frowned. “That, in Rob Schneider’s profound words of encouragement, ‘You could do it’?”

He burst out laughing. “No. What I found out is all this trying to do it on my own; pushing people away so I could ‘focus,’” he paused and made quotations in the air, “was a load of bullshit.”

My heart was pounding so hard I was afraid it would fly out of my chest and land in a bloody mess on the floor. I gulped. “Okay…?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders. “None of it is worth it if I’m lonely the whole damn time I’m doing it.

Okay, my heart was officially in a clump at my feet. “What are you trying to say?” I whispered.

“Estelle…”

He called me Estelle!

“Maybe I was too brash. Breakdancing…I don’t need to do it alone. All the years leading up to when we saw each other again, well, as much as I loved b-boying, it became monotonous, but seeing you again…it made me feel the way I used to. It made me remember how I did it for pure grit when I was younger, not for fame.” His mouth tightened. “Seeing you reminded me how my integrity was more important than the recognition.”

My breaths came out staggered.

He slowly rose from his seat and walked over to me slowly. “I can always dance. I can always compete. I can always travel. You know what I won’t always have the capability to do?”

I shook my head dumbly.

“I won’t always have the opportunity to come over here and tell you how I have not stopped thinking about you since you walked out of my room in New York.” He grunted. “It must have been how David felt that day.”

My eyes were sewn shut. “Please do not mention his name again.”

He bowed his head apologetically. “I know it sounds crazy, given I really haven’t known you for as long as many people in my life, but…”

“But what?” I whispered.

“Sometimes in life you meet people that you know will make a big dent in your life. You meet people you just know are meant to be in it and meant to help you grow.” His lip curled in that way I loved so much. “From the moment you called me ‘amazing’…”

“Seriously?” I snorted.

He couldn’t help but laugh. “I knew you were different. I knew you were meant to be in my life. Heck, I even sought you out.”

“What do you mean?” I gasped.

“I’d look around campus for you all the time and…yes, I actually knew you were dating David before that night…I was just hoping that it had ended, given he’d never talk to you or brag about anything you guys, you know, did.”

I shrugged shyly. “It wasn’t as if we did anything worth speaking about.”

“Until…” He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, let’s not talk about that.”

He laughed again and smiled. “When I saw you again in New York, I felt as if I were being given a gift to start over with you. No more David, Gemma, and stupid head games. Now that I was hitting it big, I didn’t need to sacrifice all of me…then there was Kurt.”

Kurt. He was like a dark cloud that hung over my head.

“Look, I don’t need to rehash everything that happened because truthfully, I hate thinking about it,” he admitted.

“Same here,” I whispered.

He nodded. “I’m glad we agree, so let me say this. Estelle, I can’t stop thinking about you. I know you’re meant to be in my life and I know I can do everything I always wanted to do in my life with you. I don’t need to be alone anymore. I dance better with you watching me—”

“Are you sure about that?” I quipped. “Memory tells me you’ve tripped over your feet a few times with me in the room.”

“Would you believe me if I told you I was falling head over heels for you?”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe just a little.”

He grinned. “I can travel the world with you, Estelle. We can see the world together.”

“Oomph!” Both my parents stumbled through the kitchen door, looking completely embarrassed.

My mother smoothed out her bob and smiled up at us sheepishly as my dad dusted off his tailored khakis.

“Really, guys?” I rolled my eyes. Maybe Jacob wasn’t too far off thinking my whole living arrangement was weird. My parents’ inability to eavesdrop well did dampen a rather romantic moment.

Jacob coughed “Ahem, thank you all again for your hospitality. I hope you don’t mind that I actually came inside…I mean in the house…um…er.” He rubbed at the back of his head awkwardly.

I shut my eyes and shook my head. “Guess I’m not the one who word vomits anymore,” I murmured.

“Shut up,” he hissed, just loud enough for me to hear.

I snickered as he jabbed me lightly in the ribs. I cleared my throat. “Mom, Dad…don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

In a scene reminiscent of a cartoon, my parents nodded quickly and practically sprinted out the front door. As overprotective as they could be at times, I was sure they were happy to see a great guy come calling for me. After everything that went down, they really didn’t trust my taste in men anymore.

Jacob and I waited until they were completely out of earshot to continue.

“Wow, I can’t say I’ve ever been in an incident as awkward as all that.” Jacob shrugged, trying to alleviate the mood.