Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) (22 page)

He smiled sheepishly, once again showcasing the deep dimple in his right cheek. “Cheap shot. I know.”

I rolled my eyes and continued. “I already let myself down and there I went again, only this time I was kissing someone who wasn’t available—”

He looked taken aback. “What do you mean unavailable?”

“—in front of his girlfriend no less!”

This time Jacob’s face contorted into one of confusion and almost immediately switched to understanding. “I guess Gemma did have a way to make it look as if we were together.”

I only half heard him. “Yeah, and that’s why—wait, what do you mean she made it appear so?” I demanded, quickly switching gears.

He rubbed his neck awkwardly. “She…um.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Gemma’s always had a bit of a crush on me. She really wasn’t coy about it.”

I raised an eyebrow. “No, she wasn’t.”

“Though she never really took her crush a step further since she knew how much of myself I invested into breaking and knew I really didn’t have time for her other than training her.”

“So she wanted training to get close to you?” I gaped.

He shook his head slightly. “No, we actually met because she was into breaking, however I think her feelings grew because of the amount of time we spent together.”

“Oh.”

He licked his lips slowly. “She never really did anything crazy or anything. I guess she was happy with our arrangement—I had a protégé and she had a pseudo relationship in her mind.”

“Did you see her like how she saw you?” I asked quietly.

“No,” he answered with a shake of his head. “Honestly, I didn’t see anybody like that. Like I said, I was too into my dancing to care about anybody else.”

Well, I guess that answered my next question.

I was starting to feel a bit crestfallen when he suddenly added, “Until you came along.”

Okay, I was definitely hearing things. “Come again?”

He pressed his lips together and smiled. “Wasn’t it obvious? The way I doted on you? The way I looked at you?”

“The way you looked at me?” I stared at him blankly.

He quickly lost his smile. “I guess not. Maybe I was more out of practice than I thought.”

I looked down at my feet and frowned. “That…that’s a load of information, but still doesn’t make what we did right.”

“And what did we do, exactly?”

I could tell by his tone he was teasing, but I wasn’t having any of that. “Jacob, we cheated.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said? We weren’t dating. Gemma and I were nothing but friends.”

It was as if the glass house I spent my nights in shattered to the ground.

“But…but you hung out with her all night at Club Mal.” My eyes darkened. “David said she spent the nights in your room. He even said he had to stay at a friend’s house because you two would be…well, you know, until the morning.”

Jacob’s shoulders stiffened. “He said that?”

I nodded. “Are you saying he was lying?”

“No.”

“Oh.”
Well, hello my old friend, Disappointment. Great to see you again!

“She did spend the night, but we were watching old breaking videos and coming up with new moves and routines. It’s more time consuming than you’d think.”

“No, I think I know…”

“No, you don’t. Gemma wanted us to hook up and even tried, but I wouldn’t. In fact, one time I even told her no—flat out no.”

“Then why…?” my voice trailed off. I cleared my throat and forced myself to ask, “Club Mal?”

“I was growing too close to you, Estelle. I was falling for you. Here you came, an innocent Virginia girl who walked in ready to throw my life for a loop. I already spent all my time breaking and studying, where would I have the time for you? I’d only end up pushing you away.”

“Have you ever pushed anyone away?”

“I’ve seen it happen,” he told me. “And I didn’t want that to happen to us. I couldn’t stand knowing those sweet eyes could look at me in pure hatred. I’ve seen you…I’ve watched you. Have you ever looked around at a battle?”

“Uh, yeah?” The sarcasm was heavily evident in my tone. “I took photos, remember?”

“No, I’m not talking about that.” He sighed and leaned forward, placing his finger on my eyebrow, tracing it from one edge to another. “For the most part we’re all friends, but have you ever seen how riled up people could become? One moment you’re fine and the next you have a beef with someone you were high fiving just seconds ago. You never were like that. You were a breath of fresh air and despite all the critiques I gave you, these eyes never looked at me angrily and somehow, I felt as if you never could.” He bowed his head and laughed. “God, I must sound so stupid.”

My eye twitched as soon as he lifted his finger. “Um, no. Not stupid at all.”

He nodded his head grimly. “That night at the club, I realized how close I was to doing something we may both regret. When I walked to the bar, Gemma was there to remind me about all the events I had signed up for the next year. Though I’m pretty sure her intentions weren’t all that innocent, she did make a good point. I couldn’t get distracted.”

“So that’s why she spent all night at your dorm? That wasn’t a distraction?” I shot back.

“It was…from you.”

My eyes, widened. “Wait, what?”

“If she wasn’t there all night then I would have probably walked straight to your dorm and done what I should have that night in the club.” His eyes grew more intense with each word he said. His energy was buzzing and I felt his heat radiating against my own skin. “When I found out you were dating my roommate, of all people, I was beyond pissed.”

“But I didn’t do anything! I gave you what you wanted—room!” I argued.

“I was mad at myself, Estelle. I was kicking myself for allowing you to get away and I promised myself that if a chance with you presented itself to me again then I was going to take it. Then there you were walking down my hallway crying. As bad as it sounds, I was hoping you and David had broken up and you did…I couldn’t wait and so…” He motioned between us. “I didn’t regret it, but then you left. You know what? I still don’t regret it.”

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. “I thought Gemma and you were…I didn’t want to be that girl. I was never that girl. I never had a boyfriend until David and never…”

I couldn’t bring myself to finish that sentence, but judging by Jacob’s expression he knew exactly what I had never done before David. Luckily, he decided not to mention it.

“Then you ran away and not only from my dorm, mind you, you ran away from the whole university!”

“I told you that my dad was—”

“I know,” he interrupted, clearly not wanting to make me relive that memory. For that I was most grateful. “At the time I didn’t.”

“You could have called me,” I reminded him.

“Phone works both ways and after you left me there I figured I was probably just a rebound. I couldn’t allow the first girl I fell for to use me as a rebound. I wanted…”

“Wanted what?”

“All of you.” The intensity in his eyes deepened. Once again I felt like it was just the two of us in the room.

This time we were.

Chapter 45

Outside the window, the sky began to brighten, casting hues of orange and gold onto the wall across from us. My cheeks felt flushed and though I could no longer look at Jacob, I could feel his gaze on me, traveling up and down my body.

“Estelle…”

He called me Estelle again. His yo-yo name calling was getting to me until I figured out that he called me Estelle when he was speaking from the heart.

“I don’t get you, Jacob,” I said with a soft laugh. “One moment you hate me for ruining your career and the next you’re practically telling me…”

“Estelle, look at me.”

“No.”

“Estelle.”

Reluctantly, I turned. The moment my eyes landed him on him I knew I couldn’t look away. It was as if they were literally glued onto his. It was partly the reason why I didn’t want to catch his eyes in the first place. I knew I’d never let go.

“I ruined everything. I messed everything up for you and now your friends hate you too.”

“They don’t really hate me,” he admitted.

On the verge of tears, I looked at him with doubt. “They don’t?”

“They all read your article, remember? If anything you portrayed me as a martyr. Thank you for that, by the way.”

I couldn’t fight the deep frown that worked its way on my face. “So what with all the anger earlier? Why were you basically guilt tripping me?”

“I felt that you went behind my back. Anybody would be mad.”

“True,” I replied, though I wasn’t sure if I really agreed.

He bit his lip before saying what he did next. “And I was angry you ran out on me at the Hall, but I guess that was karma for Club Mal right?”

“Why were you mad?”

Ignoring me, he pressed on. “I was angry at the fact that you ended up with a douche like Kurt. Even David was a hundred times better than he was!”

My frown deepened. “Like you hadn’t ended up with anybody bad either?”

“I haven’t.”

“Yeah, right…” I crossed my arms and looked away, but he reached out and gently cupped my chin turning me back towards him.

“After you left, I realized I never wanted to second guess my feelings for anyone again. Though I admit I tried my hand at dating here and there, especially when you know, things happened.”

I shut my eyes. I knew what ‘things’ meant.

“I kept hoping it would feel as great as that one crush I had on a sweet girl in college. None of them ever did, and I’d just feel as if I was wasting my time when I rather be practicing. No one lasted more than two dates.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” I demanded.

“Besides the fact that we’re locked in a room and there’s nothing to do to pass the time but talk?” he quipped.

“We could sleep?” I replied, fighting back a yawn.

The red splotches that appeared on his cheeks told me he totally took that statement the other direction.

“Estelle, do you believe in fate?” his voice seemed lower, grave almost.

“Fate?” I asked dumbly. “No…I mean…I just hate to think that life is planned out for you. What’s the point of free will, right?”

He nodded his head for a moment and then said something that floored me. “Love is supposed to help people grow, right? Love is not constricting. Love helps people grow together.”

My eyes were as big as saucers. “Wise words.”

“Yeah, I read them in a book once. I thought the philosopher was very insightful.”

“Oh.”

With a coy grin on his face, he mused, “Maybe whether we knew it or not, we were helping each other grow.”

“Huh?” I had no idea how this conversation even turned.

“Think about it. We both worked hard to grow in our careers to somehow get thrown into each other’s paths again.” He turned to me and stared. His body may have not been moving, but it seemed as if he were once again making love to something. It was no longer the air he wooed, it was me.

“Jacob…”

“It’s fate, Estelle, and this time I’d be a damned fool if I didn’t take advantage of it this time around.”

In one graceful move he wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck and pulled my head toward his, planting his lips against mine.

Now, I’d look back at our first kiss before and despite it being marred by Gemma and David, it was a kiss I’d compare others to. It was on its own pedestal. Yet, no matter how many times I’ve dreamt of his soft lips on mine, the memories did no justice to feeling his skin on mine once again.

His warm breath bathed my cheekbones, though our noses were pressed against each other in a tangled mess. His upper lip sucked my lower one, heightening its sensitivity. I have no doubt that our kiss probably looked pretty ugly from an outsider’s point of view. Lips mashed, drool slipping from our lips; but isn’t that how the most passionate kisses are?

Passion isn’t neat. It’s not made up of straight lines and black and white. Passion is like growth. Things aren’t as clear cut as you’d want them to be. You don’t have to be a pushover, but you don’t have to be a bitch. You can be a great dancer, but you don’t have to be lonely, either. Passion is a tangled web and the best things in life are the messiest.

I gripped onto the back of his shirt as if it were a life preserver because I felt myself slipping…slipping downward. It didn’t matter because I knew he felt the same way.

His fingers pressed into my waist, traveling up the waistband of my sweater until they rested on the soft skin beneath my belly button. I whimpered slightly as his fingertips caressed the skin, tickling me slightly.

Déjà vu hit me and I had to consciously remind myself that I was not in Cal U’s dormitory. I did not just break up with my first boyfriend or pseudo-boyfriend. I did not just run into my crush and make out with him while the girl I thought was his girlfriend watched in anger behind us.

Jacob and I were now adults.

Though I technically did just break up with yet another boyfriend of mine, the situation was different. The dynamics were vastly on another level.

Maybe it was fate. God had given us a second chance to put all our childhood nonsense aside. All the bad advice given by friends and self—this was us.

Our sides were still pressed against the wall by the window and as much as I was enjoying feeling his warmth and tasting him, things were getting a bit uncomfortable. Somehow in a majestic move—seriously, maybe I should have taken up dancing—I reached my leg to the side and somehow pulled the extra rolling desk chair toward us. Jacob must have taken the hint because he quickly backed up into it, sitting and pulling me down with him. In a move that would make any contortionist proud, I somehow placed one leg onto the vinyl handle and the other squeezed outside Jacob’s leg. My butt lowered, semi-resting, on the top of his thighs.

Our kisses changed intermittently from small pecks to wet sloppiness. It was if we were making up for lost time by covering years’ worth of kisses. From level one of coyness to level five-hundred and sixty-three downright devouring each other.

Maneuvering my hands so they sat at the bottom hem of his shirt, I ripped it off of him, only pulling myself away from his lips long enough to allow the shirt to come off his head. His thick head of hair stood on end, but its messiness just made him look even hotter.

Though I knew kissing with your eyes open is a bit on the creepy side, I couldn’t help myself. I had to look down and admire his bare shoulders, arms, and…pulling away, I smirked at the sight of his chest. Anna wasn’t kidding. Jacob shirtless was really a sight to behold.

The warmth pulled in my center, all the blood rushing down to my sex. The moment Jacob ripped my sweater off, I felt as if I were about to explode.

Would we take it that far?

I didn’t know if I wanted to. As turned on as I was, I just wanted to stay in my innocent fantasy. I was worried that at the moment we flew back to reality we’d realize everything about us was wrong.

Fate’s kicked my ass before. Why wouldn’t it do so again?

“Estelle,” he breathed into my mouth. Hearing his breathy grunt coupled with my name was like music to my ears.

Fate wouldn’t kick us in the ass today.