Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) (21 page)

Chapter 42

The joke was on Kurt.

Sure, Sully wasn’t too pleased with what I’d done and though Xtension Management pulled out from doing business with us forever, all their competitors jumped at the chance to ride the waves of Xtension’s downfall. Not only did we sell out of ads for the next two months, but many agents were pushing to have the next big profile—with guarantee of a favorable one, of course.

“Didn’t think you could do it, but you’ve basically outdone yourself this time. The Broadway article has nothing on this one! Even MTV wants to consult with us!” Sully was practically hopping around in happiness. His big body jiggled as he dashed around like some obese squirrel.

I stared at him blankly, not knowing how to respond. Having convinced myself that I’d probably be packing up for Virginia already, I almost quit on the spot.

I really didn’t know why I wouldn’t.

I walked toward my desk and eyed Natalie’s empty one. “She had the right idea…of course I am the one who scared her off.”

I took my seat and switched on my computer. As expected, I had about a hundred emails—many not so nice—staring back at me. Groaning, I quickly clicked out of my email and settled back into my seat.

Journalism wasn’t something I totally loved, but more of something I fell into. Sure, I had majored in English, but I wanted to read not write. Still, I had a knack for it, and given my quest to find my niche, I took the first job I was offered, which happened to be this one…which I now loathed.

I sighed and looked around my office. Different awards, photos of Kurt, and other bullshit that was now meaningless to me stared back. Feeling my sense of self slowly slip away, I turned back toward my seat and caught sight of my camera. Though I had the right mind to throw it away, given that Kurt had gifted it to me, I just couldn’t.

With an amused grunt, I took the monstrosity into my hands and turned it on. I hadn’t even had a chance to use it before I ran out of the Hall.

“Well, it’s a shame to pack you away with no use, right?” I placed the leather strap around my neck and walked toward my windows, opening my blinds up. It was about ten that morning and though the sun was partially hidden by clouds, it was rather bright around the city.

Click.

A photo of the sky scape with the dull sunlight behind it.

Click.

Smoke clearing from a nearby stack.

Click.

An abstract view of the building across from ours.

I was on a slippery slope, falling further down the rabbit hole. I lost all track of time as I dove headfirst into my photographs. Before I knew it, the sun was settling on the horizon and the sky filled with lavenders and pinks. I sucked in my breath and watched as it lowered behind the buildings until the sky was close to indigo.

“Working late again, Estelle?” Sully walked up to my doorway and straightened his tie, eyeing the camera in curiosity.

I quickly lowered it and grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, you know with all these prospects, it’s a bit hard to keep up.”

Sully tipped his head forward and winked at me with his seedy eyes. “That’s my girl.”

Somehow being called his girl left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Not knowing how to respond, I lifted my hand and waved goodbye, turning back toward the window.

“More than half the city hates me,” I murmured, echoing Kurt’s sentiment. “A bit crazy to think I have that much power.”

Figuring that I really would not get any work done, I decided to call it quits for that night…not that I did much of anything all day.

Slowly, I began to pack up my stuff and once again the urge to pack up everything crawled down my skin.

“Don’t do it. You know what they say, never make any big decisions when you’re emotionally volatile.”

But was I, though? Or was I, for the first time in a long time, as stable as they come?

Sighing, I jammed my camera into my gigantic slouch purse and wrapped my Burberry scarf around my neck. “All stupid material items to show I’d made it, but have I really?”

Throwing one last glance at my office, I shut off the lights and began my trek to the ground level. For once in my career I hated the fact that our office was located on the seventeenth floor. For old times’ sake I’d much rather take the stairwell, but there was no way I’d make it all the way down without breaking a sweat.

Ding.

“Finally,” I muttered, stepping into the elevator. Though it was empty I walked straight to the opposite end and pressed my back against the wall. It felt as if I were partaking in some cheesy music video. All that was missing was a tenor crooning my woes out loud.

“This blows,” I sighed. The elevator doors opened, but before I could step out, I yelped in surprise. “Jacob!

Chapter 43

The seconds ticked away as we stared at each other. The elevator door began to close, but Jacob’s arms jutted forward, stopping it.

I gulped. “What are you doing here?”

Jacob motioned for me to step out, but I shook my head. He rolled his eyes and stepped inside with me.

Great. Now I was totally stuck.

I tried to keep my face forward, but I couldn’t help but sneak sideway glances at him. He wasn’t as disheveled as I would have thought. In fact, he was a far cry from what Kurt had looked like the night before.

Jacob’s face looked…awake, vibrant even. His brown eyes glowed and his five o’clock shadow was completely shaved off.

He was handsome.

“Some article you put out.” His voice was low, but any emotion was unreadable.

I pressed my lips together and eyed the elevator buttons. We were still stuck, stationary on the ground floor, and though part of me wanted to hit the Open button and run out as fast as I could, I extended my finger and jammed it against the 17
th
floor button instead.

Jacob lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, so you’re giving me the silent treatment? I should be giving you that. I mean, considering what you’ve put me through.”

“So why don’t you?” I demanded, hitting my head lightly against the back wall.

“Ah, so she speaks.”

I rolled my eyes. “I really want to be alone right now.”

“No offense, but I don’t give two shits about what you want,” he snapped.

Come on, come on. When is this damn elevator gonna stop?

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the telltale ring of the elevator went off. Sighing with relief, I rushed past him and ran straight to
NYC Journal
’s offices, fumbling with my keys in the process.

“I’m not dealing with this. Not now.”

Vaguely aware that he was following me, I quickly unlocked the glass doors, not bothering to close them behind me. Maybe a subconscious part of me was throwing out an invitation for Jacob to follow. Either way, he did, and soon we found ourselves inside my corner office.

“Where’s Natalie when you need her?” I muttered as Jacob slammed the door behind him.

“Probably moving as far away from you as possible.” He walked over to the overly stuffed upholstery chair and sat down, placing his ankle across his thigh and folding his hands on top of his dirtied red sneakers. “Can’t say I blame her.”

“How do you know…forget it.” I shook my head and frowned. “If you want to get the hell away from me, then why are you here?”

“Because I need to hear it straight from you. Did you write this article to get back at me?”

“To get back at you?” I gaped. “What would I have to get back at you for?”

“For…” He cleared his throat loudly and swallowed. “Never mind.”

He was keeping something from me and I desperately wanted to find out what it was.

“Jacob, I know…” I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. “I know I haven’t been the best ‘me’ lately, but I want you to know I wrote this article to help you.”

“Help me? Bullshit! Do you know what Kurt did the moment that article was published? He dropped me, E.”

I shut my eyes. I had an inkling he would.

“And he dropped the guys,” he added in a raspy tone.

I let out a breath and frowned. “He did?”

“Yup, and now those guys won’t even talk to me.”

“Well, did you actually think they would after you ditched them? Did you think it’d be all rosy?” I walked over to him and leaned over him, hovering near his face. “So tell me, did Kurt blackmail you or did it even get that far?”

Jacob dropped his gaze, avoiding my eyes, and it was all the answer I needed.

I took a deep breath and reached out, squeezing his shoulder. “Jacob, I couldn’t let Kurt get away with this again. Extortion is a federal offense. I mean, sure, you could have hit it big, and though you’d assume that the guys would be fine with their own contract, it’s only an assumption. You know what they say about assuming things?”

Déjà vu.

Jacob remained quiet. “I thought I’d be helping them out…I thought I’d be helping me out. This is what I’ve always wanted.”

“At the expense of your friends? I know I’ve fallen off the breaking scene a long time ago, but something tells me that stealing someone else’s moves is grounds for some extreme hate.”

His gaze skittered over to mine and he gulped. “Kurt told me that he’d keep the guys signed. He’d just make sure not to book us together.”

“You read the article, right? About Karen?”

He nodded silently.

“Needless to say, those venues he would have booked your crew in would not hold a pickle to the places he would take you.” My lips tightened. “I know you’d never forgive yourself for selling your soul.”

Jacob’s jaw hardened and he quickly jumped up, nearly knocking me off my feet. “Selling my soul? Selling my soul? What about you and the article you wrote? You basically strung me, all those artists and your boyfriend on the line.”

“It wasn’t like that! I swear!” I argued.

“So this wasn’t some revenge plot because ‘Boyfriend Dearest’ cheated on you?”

I felt my blood run cold. “What?”

He sucked in his bottom lip slowly until it reappeared with a pop. Any other time I would have deemed the act irresistibly sexy, but I was too shocked to even fathom how hot it looked.

“Yeah, Rodriguez saw him all over some blonde all night. We all figured that’s why you ran out, and lo and behold, this article comes out a week later. So tell me, was screwing me over just an added bonus to ruining Kurt’s life?”

My vision narrowed, appearing like a tunnel tinted with red at the edges. Through gritted teeth I ground out, “I was not trying to ruin anyone’s life! I was trying to help you with yours.”

“Well, I don’t need your help,” he snapped angrily.

I couldn’t do this.

My mind was too discombobulated to deal with anything at the moment.

“Get the fuck out of my office, then! Why are you even here?” I ran toward my office door, intent on kicking him out. I gripped the door handle and pulled, only to find it wouldn’t budge. I tried again and still nothing. Growing desperate, I wrapped both of my hands around the tiny brass knob and yanked as hard as I could.

Still nothing.

“Fuck me,” I growled, yanking and pulling with all my strength.

“What’s wrong?” Jacob growled from behind me.

I shut my eyes and whimpered softly. “It looks like we’re stuck in here.”

“Move,” he demanded.

I stepped out of the way and motioned toward the door. “Be my guest.”

I watched him basically mirror my attempts and bit back a sardonic grin when he leaned forward, resting his forehead against the door in mock defeat.

“Guess we can’t get away from each other after all,” he murmured.

I tightened my fist and let my head fall back. “Help!”

Chapter 44

Present

“You know, Europe’s not all that great, you know. Depending on where you go, it can get a bit dirty…not to mention expensive.”

The top of Jacob’s lips flared. “Let me guess, you and your rich boyfriend visited before?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I reminded him. “And no. I went by myself…well, with classmates. I did a semester abroad.”

“Huh.”

“Huh?” I lifted my head and scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just supposed to mean ‘huh.’ What else would it mean?” The coy look on his face annoyed me.

“I can read it in your tone.”

“My tone?” He laughed.

“I’m being serious. You think it’s odd that I can go somewhere by myself, right? Without a boyfriend or a college roommate to pull me along. Without you…” I clamped my mouth shut and shook my head. “Never mind.”

Jacob stared at me quietly, thick eyebrows pulled together. “What happened to you, E? When did you stop being you?”

I lifted my head and smiled. “When I realized the old me used to fuck up a lot of things. The old me would never get what she wanted.” I looked down at my feet. “She was too scared.”

“How’s ‘New Me’s’ life treating you now? You’re basically Public Enemy Number One—”

“So I’ve heard—”

“And you’re locked up here all alone.”

I let out a loud exhale. “I’m with you, aren’t I? That’s hardly alone.”

“I was talking about earlier,” he clarified.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I was waiting outside for a while. Wanted to catch you before you left for home. I waited in the lobby for a long ass time and you never showed. Figured you were holing up in here, so I went to look for you. Ran into you at the elevator, where you were alone.”

“Jacob, what do you want from me?” I sighed. “I’ve already apologized and explained myself. What do you want, exactly?”

“Why did you leave me in the hallway?” he blurted out.
The air felt suddenly heavy. I pulled at the neckline of my sweater, thankful that I had stripped off my wool coat and scarf a few minutes earlier. The combination of claustrophobia and Jacob had my body temperature peaking.

I pulled my bottom lip in and grimaced. I’d tried to open that can of worms up before and it didn’t end exceptionally well. There was no way I was even going to think about it.

“Estelle, why did you run away?” he repeated in a more forceful tone. Regardless of his inflection, the sound of my full name on his lips did things to my heart that I hadn’t felt in a long time. My name on his tongue was like light breaking through a room of utter darkness. Jacob woke me up again.

“Estelle? Please, answer me.” There was a hint of desperation in his eyes that I couldn’t place.

My insides churned. Did I really need to speak these thoughts that I tried desperately to bury?

Jacob’s eyes darkened before he turned away from me.

I did. I needed to.

“Gemma was behind us. You know, while we were…uh…” I coughed, fidgeting uncomfortably. “I’d just finished breaking someone’s heart. I didn’t want to do it again. Especially not so soon.”

He turned back toward me, an incredulous expression his face. He looked taken back as he spoke the next words slowly. “What are you talking about? Why would you break someone else’s heart, except mine…not to mention my ego.”

I shut my eyes and let out a high-pitched giggle. “Any increase in self-confidence will probably make a b-boy self-combust.”

Jacob bared his white teeth. “What did you just say?”

Realizing my mistake, I shook my head profusely. “I was just saying something Anna told me once when I first started to…”

What was I going to say that would fully encompass the magnitude of how much I used to care about him?

“Used to what?” he whispered.

I threw my head back and forced out a laugh. “I’m pretty sure you knew how much I liked you, Jacob. I wasn’t really too discreet about it.”

Jacob remained in his seat by the door and folded his knees up to his chin. His gaze dropped as he fingered a snag in the commercial issued carpeting. “Why didn’t you say something? I mean, I guess a part of me knew—hoped—you did, but then you ended up with David.”

My eyes widened. “Are you shitting me? You ditched me on the dance floor at the club and then went on to ignore me all night. Why else do you think Anna and I ditched you guys as soon as we could?” I snapped.

He shut his eyes and nodded his head slowly. “You were supposed to stay away—I was supposed to stay away from you…from anybody.”

“Okay, you mentioned that before and you never went about telling me exactly what it meant. Why was I supposed to stay away?”

“E, things don’t come as easy to me as they do to other people. I have to work hard to get the things I want.”

I tried my best to ignore the part where he called me “E” again and growled, “And you don’t think I don’t work hard? How else do you think I got here?”

“By stepping on people’s toes and making enemies?”

My jaw dropped. “That’s…that’s not fair.”

“Oh, it’s not? Because last time I checked it’s exactly what you did, E.”

E. Again, there it was.

I could have spent all night trying to decipher the reasons he bounced back from E to Estelle, but instead I said something I never thought I would. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” he repeated in surprise.

I nodded. “I work hard, Jacob, and though I admit the Broadway article was a bit distasteful at points, I really did try my hardest to help an old friend out with this one.”

He glanced back toward the window behind my head and frowned.

“Why…why do you keep looking out the window?” I snapped my head around and stared into dark night sky. The skyscape was barely visible now, but the lights scattered around the city made everything look like a gigantic Christmas tree.

“I want to remember what New York looks like, given that I’ll probably never get to travel again.”

A weight as heavy as lead crashed into my stomach. “Why wouldn’t you be able to travel again?”

“I got into Cal U on scholarship, Estelle. It’s the only reason why I was able to go, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to afford it.”

“I was on scholarship too,” I began to argue.

“But you’re smart, right? The bookish type. I’d always see you around campus reading.”

I frowned. “You had?” I shook my head. “What does that matter, anyway? You’re smart too.”

He ignored my question and pressed on. “I have to work harder than anybody to get where I want to go.”

“But even David said he had no idea when you studied,” I blurted out without realizing it.

Jacob’s eyes narrowed. “I do better in solitude. I’d study in my car.”

My mouth curled into an ‘O’ shape.

“Breaking is my passion. It’s something I don’t have to work hard to do. That being said, it’s also something I have to concentrate on in order to get places. Without breaking I’d never have seen anywhere past California’s borders.” He shut his eyes and swallowed. “I’d never be sitting in this room right here and now…”

“I ruined it for you,” I breathed.

He nodded silently.

“Jacob, I know I’ve apologized already and I know I keep repeating myself, but I really thought I was helping you out.” I looked down at my hands and clenched my fists. “I remember the day of my first photography lesson. I was a bit bummed out because not only did I think I sucked completely, but because I had missed one of the b-boying competitions on campus.”

He immediately perked up. “You were?”

I nodded. “Then lo and behold, Mr. Spinja came running after me, asking where I was.”

He snorted and rested his lips into a soft smile. “I remember that day.”

“Yeah…but do you remember how Joe was trying to force you into an award that you didn’t feel you deserved? You really laid it on him and insisted you wouldn’t be taking it…why?”

“Because I didn’t feel it was right,” he mumbled so low I almost couldn’t hear.

“Why was that?” I repeated in a louder tone that made me feel like a drill sergeant.

“Because I didn’t deserve it. My friend did, and I would be damned before I screwed a friend over.” Judging by the look on his face, he knew that he had fucked up—that we both had. “But you see, this time around I was still trying to help my friends. If I didn’t agree with Kurt, he would have dropped us all, and then where would we be?”

“Back to working at it the honest way.” I gazed at him in pity. He didn’t deserve any of this shit. He wasn’t made for the cutthroat world of show business…then again, I wasn’t either. “Jacob, be honest…did part of you want to take the deal because you knew it would catapult you to the top?”

He swallowed and glanced away before answering. “Yeah…the part of me that would do anything to hit it big.” He paused and glanced up at my various awards posted around my office. “I’m guessing it’s the same reason you earned all this recognition, right?”

“Yeah…in a way.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well…” I sighed. “Everything was basically an act. My ‘can do’ attitude was always so people wouldn’t see what I really was—a fraud, a phony. I’m not brave and I’m not some mean girl. Unfortunately, it’s the only way people take me seriously. If they fear me, they take me seriously.” I bowed my head. “I always was such a pushover…I think it’s partly the reason why I was halfway miserable throughout adolescence. I never had the guts to do something because I always feared what people would do and how they’d react. If I was the one who caused the fear then…but I’m really not like this…deep inside, I’m still me. This is just a mask—a façade.”

Jacob bit his lip, and after considering for a moment, stood up and walked toward me. He perched himself on the edge of the windowsill and followed my gaze out the window.

“Guess we both have our own set of issues, don’t we?”

“I guess so,” I mused, keeping my mouth puckered.

“I guess that makes us both normal then,” he commented.

I tilted my head to the side and gazed at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

“You thought you had to a be a certain person to achieve your dreams and I did too.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess if anything it just shows how goal-oriented we both are.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Too bad this isn’t really my dream.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “It’s not?”

“Nope.” I shook my head. “I just sort of fell into it because I needed a job out of college. To be honest, I don’t really know what my dream is.” I paused and bit my lip in thought. “You know how you said you always worked hard to get to where you wanted to be?”

He nodded.

“Well, I always worked hard to figure out where I wanted to be…what I wanted to be…who I wanted to be. I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere…that I didn’t have my niche.”

Jacob’s gaze flew over to where I haphazardly laid my purse. My camera’s lenses peeked out from the top. “Nah, I think you already found your niche, but you’re just too oblivious to realize it.”

I followed his gaze and frowned. “Pictures?” I shook my head in a hurry. “Nah, it isn’t even a hobby.”

Jacob smiled and crossed his arms over his defined pecs, which were fairly visible through his form-fitting long sleeved shirt. It took everything in my power not to overtly gawk at its silhouette. “Admit it. You never stopped thinking about it, have you?”

“Of what?” I whispered absently.

“Taking photos. For somebody who acted as if she hated to do it, you took to it pretty easily.”

I laughed. “To be honest, I never really stopped dabbling in it when I left California. When my writing took off I had no choice and really no time to do it. Until you guys came along, that is.”

“Until we came along,” he echoed, turning once again to stare out the window. The melancholy on his face twisted my heart so much that I could almost feel the guilt dripping out of it.

I reached out to touch his arm, but pulled back for some unknown reason. “You can still see the world. You can still b-boy. You don’t need Kurt for that—you never needed anyone. You’re talented enough to do it all on your own…”

A foot in the mouth if I ever had one.

He smirked, but didn’t comment. “You never answered my question. Why did you run away when you saw Gemma?”

“You’re never going to let this go, will you?”

“No,” he answered simply.

I licked my lips and snorted. “I just broke David’s heart and you expected me to break Gemma’s heart? Not only would I have been known as a tease around campus—”

“Uh, to be a tease you usually don’t sleep with a guy.”

I zipped my lips and threw him an irritated glare.