Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy? (4 page)

Ps. 27:10

The first night that I began teaching on this subject, a woman happened to attend who told us during the prayer time afterward that she “felt the meeting was just for her.” She was under such physical attack that she spent most of the meeting in the restroom. “But,” she said, “I heard enough of the teaching to know it was aimed directly at me.”

She told us that her mother had plenty of money to be able to enter a nice retirement home, but instead, the mother recently pressured the daughter, against the daughter’s will and wishes, to take her into her home. The stress of this episode had made the daughter physically ill.

The mother employed several common, manipulative arguments such as:

• “You are my only child.” (obligation)
  
• “It’s your responsibility to take care of me.” (duty, obligatory responsibility)
  
• “Remember all that I have done for you.” (more duty, obligation)
  
• “If you loved me you’d do it.” (using love as a weapon of compulsion)
  
• “What will people think?” (pressure of public opinion)
  
• “I may not be around much longer.” (a manipulative ploy)
  
• “I might have to cut you out of my will.” (financial threat)
  

This poor daughter was also under the enemy’s standard condemnation for not “honoring her mother.” Parents often fail, and hurt their children. They may be abusive, alcoholic, cruel, violent, and behave inhumanely toward their children, yet the child still feels tormented and guilty for not loving the parents as Scripture seems to direct. Note that such guilt and condemnation only strengthens unhealthy soul-ties.

Union with Fellow Believers

The Scriptures provide a most familiar example of good soul-ties between believers in Jonathan and David:

...the
soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David
, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

1 Sam. 18:1

Strong’s reveals that the word rendered “knit” in this passage is
kaw-shar’
(#7194) as noted earlier in connection with family ties. Jonathan and David actually entered into a covenant relationship. As a result of their covenant, Jonathan attempted to protect David from Saul’s rage, and David later cared for Mephibosheth, the last surviving son of Jonathan.

Love is the bond that links souls together in the kingdom of God. It is the very essence of soul-ties in the Body of Christ.

That their hearts might be comforted,
being knit together
in love
, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

And not holding the Head, from which all the body by joints and bands having nourishment ministered, and
knit together
, increaseth with the increase of God.

Col. 2:2–3, 19

In these passages, the emphasis is on the believers of God being the family of God.

The Body of Christ is thus seen to be vitally bound together by means of Godly bonds, or godly soul-ties. God likened the body of believers to a human body, whose members were to be completely linked and interdependent. An Old Testament version of this truth is seen in Judges after the abuse and murder of a concubine.

So all the men of Israel were gathered against the city,
knit together as one man
.

Judg. 20: 11

The men were united in purpose (in New Testament usage, “in one accord”) and became as “one man.” Just as there is great power for good in a healthy marital soul-tie, so also is there in a healthy mutual friendship. Two in agreement can form a church!

For where
two or three
are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Matt. 18:20

The Satanic based counterfeits standing in opposition to the godly ties of friendship are those of so-called lovers or friends who constantly use each other to meet their needs, to build themselves up at the friends’ expense, or repeatedly abuse their friendships by betrayals. A friendship soul-tie which experiences betrayal and abuse “spoils” the soul, and certainly ruins the godly benefits of friendship. David experienced this.

False witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not. They rewarded me evil for good to the spoiling of my soul.
I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother.

Ps. 35: 11–14a

Thus, a wall, partition, division or block is placed in the relationship. David’s soul was “spoiled,” damaged by the cruel and unkind actions of others.

David was certainly innocent, but his innocent state did not prevent him from incurring damage to his soul. We observe the same truth in the case of those who were victims of rape, molestation or child abuse by those whom they considered trustworthy. These children too were innocent, yet their souls were damaged, and they often carry great guilt. They need loving ministry to remove the fiery darts and to help heal the wounds. The damage is greatly worsened when the betrayal comes from “the house of a friend.”

Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.

Ps. 41:9

God warns us to not be yoked to unbelievers, or with any of Satan’s forces.

Be ye not
unequally yoked
together with unbelievers: for what
fellowship
hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what
communion
hath light with darkness?

2 Cor. 6:14

Many promised to be faithful to God, but proved to be unfaithful. In Scripture we find man being brought into bondage by mere men acting as agents for Satan.

This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to
make us slaves.
We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you.

Gal. 2:4–5 NIV

These men were merely masquerading as Christian brothers and as leaders. Their goal was not liberty but bondage for the people of God. They attempted to impose their will upon the group to bring it into subjection to their false doctrines. The Scriptural remedy and answer is to resist the lie with the Truth!

All soul-ties and all demonic problems are rooted in untruths or lies spawned by the “father of lies,” or by his agents. Such is seen in the above passage referring to “false” or lying brethren. We must especially avoid the demonic stronghold of “believing a lie about God.”

Believers should exercise great caution before opening their trusting hearts to another believer who forcefully attempts to impose his or her ways, or the traditions of men. This would include bringing another believer under superstition, public pressure and the opinions of man.

...how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to
be enslaved by them
all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years!

Gal. 4:9–10 NIV

...[take] up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one [Satan or his agents].

Eph. 6:16 NASB [
Brackets Ours
]

Man and Authority Figures

(leader, pastor)

The Scripture establishes a godly relationship of deference and submission to God-established authority.

...the men of Judah clave unto their king, from Jordan even to Jerusalem.

2 Sam. 20:2b

Submit yourselves
to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; or unto governors...
For so is the will of God
...

1 Pet. 2:13–15

The church was endowed by Jesus with ministries to build up the faith and maturity of His believers.

...When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men... And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ...

Eph. 4:8, 11–13

Many people distrust their churches and their government today because of broken soul-ties with their leaders. Men in the churches and government who were trusted, and to whom submission was granted, betrayed that trust and the people were wounded.

Similarly a pastor can only function effectively if the bonds of love and trust have been established. Trust must be established like that of patient-to-doctor, or of client-to-lawyer. The pastor should have the same spirit of love and concern for the rights and well-being of the believers in his charge that Christ had for His sheep. Love is a two-way street. The same is true of soul-ties;
every soul-tie is a conduit
!

In the Old Testament are several instances of soul-ties between men of God and their leader or authority figure: Joshua and Moses, Elisha and Elijah, and clearly in the New Testament between the disciples and Jesus, and Timothy and Paul.

If man rejects the godly established authority, then the result is rebellion and anarchy. Also by contrast, if the authority is not godly, the results are ungodly: if the head is sick, the body is sick!

Imbalanced soul-ties of devotion that led to self-destruction occurred in WWII, when certain devoted followers of Hitler and Tojo became suicide warriors, such as the Kamikaze pilots of Japan. Their soul-ties and devotion led to the destruction of their very lives and souls.

The Israelites too demonstrated an example of an ungodly bondage to a leader, contrary to the will of God. In this example, the men of Israel rejected David, God’s anointed king. The fruit of this was not only to miss God’s best, but also to find themselves opposing God.

So every man of Israel went up from after David, and followed Sheba the son of Bichri…

2 Sam. 20:2

The Actions of Authority Figures
Affect their Followers

When King Ahasuerus came under the influence of Haman, there was a spiritual effect upon the people of his kingdom. When the head becomes involved in evil, there is a spirit of confusion loosed that affects those under his headship, and they are not sure what to do or to think. On a conscious level, they may be totally unaware of what is taking place in the mind of their leader, but they are influenced nonetheless.

And the king and Haman sat down to drink; but
the city Shushan was perplexed
[in confusion].

Esth. 3:15b [Brackets Ours]

Correspondingly when the King repented, or when a leader is restored to his right mind, or to Godly behavior, the people will feel a lifting and will rejoice.

And Mordecai went out from the presence of the king in royal apparel of blue and white, and with a great crown of gold, and with a garment of fine linen and purple: and
the city of Shushan rejoiced and was glad
.

Esth. 8:15–16

When a godly individual was exalted, and the king restored to godliness, the city rejoiced and became glad, no longer perplexed or confused. Notice that the entire city was blessed and rejoiced twofold, with joy and gladness. At the same time the people of God within the same city were perhaps even more blessed, four-fold, receiving light, gladness, joy and honor.

What caused the difference? In the former instance the one in spiritual authority was under the influence of, and cooperating, with evil. In the latter case the king was restored to a godly influence and brought his nation back under God’s blessings.

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they
watch for your souls
...

Heb. 13:17

The Morals of a Pastor Limit
& Affect the Congregation

I recently spoke with a man who mentioned a relative whom he described as “the greatest person in the world.” However, since the time of her divorce, she had been sleeping with the men she was dating. “And the worst part of this” he said, “is that her daughters have been exposed to that example.”