Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy? (7 page)

A child is a memorial of the relationship that exists between the parents. The soul-tie is a memorial of the sin (lust) that existed between the unmarried couple. Both the child and the soul-tie serve as reminders to the couples of their relationship.

The righteous soul-ties that God designed and intended for marriage can be corrupted into unrighteous soul-ties, as can happen when marriages break up and divorce results. As in most soul-ties formed from illicit sexual union, the love expressed usually turns to abject and dangerous hate when the tie is broken. Such is found also in the story of King David’s daughter Tamar, which provides another Scriptural example of a soul-tie formed in fornication and immorality.

And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that
the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her
. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.

2 Sam. 13:11–16

Tamar points out to Amnon that the evil of sending her away, rejecting her, was worse than his original sin of forcing her into sexual union. The commentary of the Word of God itself is enlightening in this case. It points out that the resulting hatred of Amnon was greater than the initial love which caused him to sin in the first place, a clear example of love turned into hate. This condition is not uncommon in our day, and is often observed both in divorces, and the breakup of non-marital relationships. The fact that hate exists in these cases is indicative that the soul-tie has not been broken, even if the relationship has. Hate forms its own chain, linking two people.

Witchcraft invariably uses sex to attack and bring down men (and women) of God. I wish it were not the case, but we can all think of cases of nationally known ministers who were caught in sexual snares and scandals which have brought reproach upon the Body of Christ. In my prayer room during deliverance, I have had witches admit to using sex and drugs to lure men under their control. I pray the following condemnation may never be spoken of us.

For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, [lit: “as a result of your actions”]

Rom. 2:24 [Brackets Ours]

It is also obvious that
evil spirits
seek an opportunity to ensnare vulnerable souls who become entrapped in situations involving fallen men and women, as Proverbs 7 warns:

And behold, a woman comes to meet him, Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart. With her many persuasions she entices him... Suddenly he follows her… As a bird hastens
to the snare
, So he does not know that
it will cost him his life
.

Prov. 7:10,21–23 NASB

Many years ago, a woman from our own prayer group confessed to my wife after a prayer meeting that she had wanted to seduce me.

“But it really isn’t Bill I wanted to seduce; it’s the Christian bookstore, the publishing company and the entire supernatural ministry of healing and deliverance.” Her aim was to control the move of the Holy Spirit through the seduction of a leader. Yet, because of her honesty and repentance, she was delivered and is still walking with the Lord today, more than twenty years later.

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from
the snare of the devil
, having been held captive by him
to
do his will

2 Tim. 2:24–26 NASB

Sexual Perversions

Homosexuality, lesbianism, and other forms of perversion cause ungodly links of guilt, shame, and sin. Extremely strong soul-ties are often formed between individuals involved in such relationships.

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Lev. 18:22

Quite often, we have found that it is a young child or teen who is led into a homosexual lifestyle by an older man or woman. Once the child is taken advantage of or abused sexually, the door is opened through illicit sexual encounter for unhealthy soul-ties to form with the same sex. Sin and guilt combine to create a barrier of hidden shame.

Agreement by Two Parties
to Accomplish Evil Conspiracies

Herod and Pilate became allied against Jesus:

And the same day Pilate and Herod were made friends together: for before they were at enmity between themselves.

Luke 23:12

They were united by agreement in rebellion against God. They became bound together in a friendship of sorts. We have expressions that describe this type of activity: “Birds of a feather flock together” or “They are thicker than thieves” are two examples.

The Scriptures contain many examples of the enemies of God banding together against His anointed ones. Consider the enemies of Joseph, the enemies of David, and the enemies of Jesus Christ, all of whom united to oppose them in agreement against the will and working of God. This united opposition is to be seen in several Scriptures.

...for the Jews
had agreed already
, that if any man did confess that he was Christ, he should be put out of the synagogue.

John 9:22

...How is it that ye have
agreed together
to tempt the Spirit of the Lord?

Acts 5:9a

Now the chief priests, and elders, and all the council,
sought false witness
against Jesus, to put him to death;

Matt. 26:59

Then gathered the chief priests and the Pharisees a council... Then
from that day forth they took counsel together for to put him to death.

John 11:47–53

When a person seeks to harm another, he often requires an accomplice. Gossip unites or binds people together in a common assault against someone else. Be careful not to enter into harmful gossip; you may find yourself bound to the soul of one who unrighteously seeks to harm another.

Agreement through an Obligation

Man often comes into a soul-tie of agreement because of bondages of obligation, sometimes introduced through a sense of false responsibility, and other times introduced through gifts or assistance that are given with an expected obligation.

Watch out for “the strings” when you hear statements like
:

• “You had better do this for me now, remember I won’t be around much longer.”
  
• “You know your brother (or sister) would do this for me.”
  
• “lf you don’t do this for me, I don’t know if my heart can stand the strain.”
  

Soul-ties of false responsibility are a form of bondage, and are based on a lie. These lines may feed our egos but are simply not true.

• “Only you can save me.”
  
• “You are the only person who can help me with my problem.”
  
• “No one else can witness to me like you can.”
  

Obligation can be created by some kind of preferential treatment. For example, the firstborn grandson or grand-daughter is selected as a favorite and treated differently than the other grandchildren. It is not uncommon for this to cause jealousy and rejection by siblings, as was the case with Joseph and the special gift of a coat. The effect of such rejection results in even more dependence upon the one favoring the child.

The adult gets their hooks, chains, or cords of bondage established in that individual by granting a favored status and by “loving them more,” but it is conditional love and therefore the specter of losing that status remains constantly in the background. The child is in an unstable relationship, and fear is present because the favored status is somehow, in a vague, ill-defined way, conditional upon continually pleasing the donor. Or, the conditional love requires continually proving oneself to meet the unstated standard.

Gifts

How can one differentiate between good and bad gifts? The key resides primarily in the motivation of the sender. What does he or she hope to gain by giving the gift? Is the motivation godly or ungodly? What is expected in return? Are there strings attached to the gift?

A test for
bad gifts
would include the following questions:

• Do you have a bad feeling about the gift?
  
• Has the Spirit given you a check in your spirit?
  
• Is the gift inappropriate?
  
• Did it cost too much?
  

Is it too personal? For example, a man giving lingerie to a married woman is inappropriate. Gifts often create an unhealthy obligation. Jewelry is often such a gift. Rings particularly are used to bind someone, and often excused or disguised as rings of “friendship.” They are usually inappropriate.

Years ago the husband of a professional tennis player came for ministry, seeking help to recover his wife from a lesbian society connected to women tennis players. This perverted group sent the young wife to a “special trainer,” someone who also indoctrinated women sexually. At the close of the training sessions, she gave each woman a ring. Afterward, there were strong soul-ties bound to that perverted society.

Most of us are not used to thinking in such terms, nor are we in the habit of looking a gift horse in the mouth, but we need to be wary of any gift that we feel is in some way inappropriate. Any gift received which the recipient would be unwilling to publicly acknowledge having received, is probably an inappropriate gift.

We were called for help in a case that involved a female prayer group leader who complained of confusion and mind-blockages. She also mentioned having been repeatedly sent expensive gifts by a woman in her prayer group. She, and we, finally determined there were lesbian overtones to the gifts. When they were all returned or destroyed, the woman’s power over the prayer group leader was broken.

Gifts of large sums of money given by one family member to another can create a great bondage of obligation and soul control.

Assistance

Even assistance can create bondage if strings are attached. The bondages may not come directly as the result of a gift, but rather as the result of “help extended,” often in a time of need. For example, someone pays your fine or bails you out of jail, and thus puts you under obligation.

How may we determine whether a gift or action is intended to create a problem for us? Is there a test? The difference between a kind act and a manipulative act tends to be determined by ascertaining whether there are “strings” attached to the act, and whether you feel free to subsequently “walk away.”

A parent or friend may perform valid acts of generosity, or again, there may be strings attached.

If there are manipulative phrases such as the following attached, beware:

• “I’ll buy this for you, if...”
  
• “Your father and I will buy you a house, if you’ll live next door to us.”
  
• “If you really loved me, you would...”
  
• “Don’t tell your father, and I’ll buy it for you.”
  
• “This is a family heirloom, and I have always wanted you to have it. However, if you don’t use it [i.e. put it on display], I want it back.”
  
• “We’ll pay for the remodeling of your home, but don’t let your husband take that job out of town.”
  

Notice that all of the above are
conditional
, and have the effect of exercising control, manipulation, or domination over the one on the receiving end. This is actually witchcraft, and puts one in bondage to the will, wishes, demands or control of the other party.

Through yielding to such pressures, and failing to resist this type of control, one can become vulnerable to a soul-tie. In fact, each time one gives in to such control,
the soul-tie grows stronger
, and becomes increasingly harder to break.

Moses gives us an excellent example of the means of breaking free from the bondage of this type of soul-tie, which often develops in family situations. He broke a strong soul-tie by refusing and resisting the draw of the luxurious life of Pharaoh’s court. In fact, he took a bold and risky stand against it:

By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter.

Heb. 11:24

This must have been a difficult decision for him, because he no doubt loved and respected his “mother” and would not have desired to cause her pain. It was necessary, however, for his growth and freedom in God.

Submission To ESP,
Hypnotism Or Divination

Soul-ties can be created by allowing oneself to be hypnotized, or permitting someone to “practice” ESP or fortune-telling upon us. We have encountered numerous severely tormented individuals who had been the victims of hypnotism, and more commonly ESP. Usually Extrasensory Perception (ESP) is either a form of drug-related witchcraft, or a merely a cover for overt witchcraft.

God designed Adam (and all subsequent mankind) with an inherent defense mechanism against demonization, which is called
willpower
. Man can elect to voluntarily lower the drawbridge of his mind by allowing someone to hypnotize him, or to practice ESP on him. This doorway to his soul can be opened through illegal drugs, through fear or simply through voluntary submission to a stronger individual. Nonetheless, man has the power to refuse to allow his mind (soul) to be violated. Even if in the past his mind has been violated by demonic intrusion, or by the presence of soul-ties, Jesus still wills for such captives to be free!

Souls Bound (-Tied)
With an Oath or Vow