Broken (5 page)

G
rant cranked his car
, but sat in the parking lot of the coffee shop for a few minutes. What was it about this woman? When he was around her, she made his skin tingle. Maybe he was just getting sick. It was early Fall after all. Wasn’t the flu going around?

The last time he had thoughts like this about a woman, he ended up making the biggest mistake of his life and marrying her. And even then, he didn’t feel like this. Grant felt an inexplicable force drawing him to Bella. He wanted to take care of her, yet she was a virtual stranger to him. Maybe he was just a nice guy trying to do kind things for a woman who’d lost her sister and was raising someone else’s child. Or maybe he was about to head down into dangerous territory.

He needed to clear his head and focus on something else, so he pulled out into traffic heading toward the grocery store. Making dinner for Bella and Ethan was making him more excited than he would have imagined.

B
ella finished
her shift around five o’clock and had to rush home to get ready for her dinner with Grant. Sharon had come by and picked up Ethan around three, so she’d have to swing by to get him first. As she rushed through the pre-dinner activities, she started to get excited about their upcoming evening together.

It wasn’t a date, and she was well aware of that. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been on a real date, anyway. During her adolescent years, she wouldn’t have called what she was doing “dating”. There was a lot of sex but little dating. Having come from the background she did, Bella was always more interested in zoning out than being loved by any guy. She just wanted to tune out her world of abuse, neglect and loneliness more than anything.

When she became an adult, her focus was on raising Lori and Ethan. Once they were stable, she had to focus on making money any way she could. That’s when sex took on a whole new meaning. It wasn’t about love or attraction or anything of value. It was about money. It was about control. Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her phone, and she recognized Nathan’s number. At that moment, she decided there was no choice anymore. She couldn’t leave Ethan, so she would change her cell phone number and hopefully fade into the background of small town America… out of the clutches of Nathan and his seedy movie business.

“
S
orry we’re a little late
,” she said apologetically as Grant answered the door at ten minutes after six.

“I’m just glad you guys are here. Come on in,” he said with a smile that eased her. Why did he comfort her so easily? No man had ever brought comfort to her. Not ever.

Bella and Ethan walked into the house, which was filled with smells that overwhelmed her senses. It smelled like a home should smell.

“Wow, it smells amazing in here,” she said as she took off her coat and walked into the kitchen. Ethan headed straight for the TV in the living room, which Grant had already set up on the cartoon channel for him.

“Thank you. I hope the taste lives up to the smell,” he said, raising his eyebrows. Bella walked to the stove and saw country fried steak with gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans and a pan of homemade biscuits. Her eyes almost watered from the smell.

“From the looks of it, I think it definitely will. I don’t think I’ve ever had a meal that looked like this,” she said with a hint of sadness.

“Really? Your mom didn’t cook a lot?” he asked. It was an innocent question, but it reminded her of all that she had missed after her mother had died. None of her foster parents had prepared home-cooked meals for her. Home cooking represented love to her. It meant someone cared enough to slave over a hot stove just so she could have a filling meal.

“My mom died when I was eight,” she finally said. She couldn’t keep hiding the facts about her past from him if they were going to be friends.

“Oh, wow, Bella. I’m so sorry,” he said taking a step toward her. She busied her hands with wiping some stray water droplets off his countertop so that she didn’t have to make eye contact.

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago,” she said softly. “What about your parents? Are they still together?”

“My grandmother raised me,” he said.

“Roslyn?”

“Yes. My parents were pretty young when they had me and not at all equipped to be parents. My father died in a work accident when I was sixteen. My mother lives in Louisiana, but I don’t really see her much. She wasn’t a big figure in my life.”

“It must have been wonderful to have Roslyn as your grandmother,” she said with a smile as she sat down on one of his dark wooden bar stools.

“Sometimes. But don’t let her fool you. That woman is some kind of tough when she wants to be,” he said, smiling as he leaned against the counter.

“Really? That’s hard to imagine.”

“I remember once, when I was in high school, I had the bright idea of sneaking out at midnight with a couple of my buddies to go skinny dipping in Lake Walton. So, I climbed out of my second-story bedroom window onto this little section of roof and then down our big oak tree. Jumped in Jimmy Smith’s 1964 Mustang, and off we went. Well, about ten minutes into our skinny dip with the Owen sisters, my grandmother shows up in her pink house coat, slippers and hair curlers with a spotlight. Needless to say, everyone’s parents got a call, and I got grounded for a month!”

“I’m shocked at you, Mr. Brady! Skinny dipping? How scandalous,” she said, batting her eyelashes at him with a grin. It was the first time she really felt herself easing up and enjoying any man’s company in a very long time. This man didn’t want her to perform for him; he seemed to genuinely want her company.

“I’ve gotten a lot tamer since then,” he said with chuckle as he started taking plates out of the cabinet. “But, trust me, my grandmother reminds me of that little escapade any chance she gets.”

“I’ll bet…” Bella said getting up to help him. She found the glasses in his cabinet and started putting ice in each one.

“You don’t have to do that, Bella. You guys are my guests,” he said, putting his hand over hers on the counter as she set down one of the glasses.

“I like to earn my keep,” she said. He slowly removed his hand and turned back to the stove as Bella struggled to get her hand to stop shaking. What was it about this man’s touch that was getting to her?

As the three of them enjoyed dinner together, Bella was struck by how different it felt to be part of a family. Even though there were only three of them sitting at the table, she was overwhelmed with emotion and had to excuse herself for a moment at the end of the meal. Standing in Grant’s hallway bathroom, she allowed a couple of tears to escape her eyes before taking a deep breath and walking back into the hall. Grant was standing there, arms crossed and leaning against the wall.

“Everything okay? You seemed upset when you got up from the table,” he asked softly so Ethan couldn’t hear.

“Oh, I’m fine,” she said, trying to force a fake grin as she pushed past him. He grabbed her arm, gently but strongly and pulled her back.

“I might be a guy, but I’m not stupid, Bella. What’s wrong?” he asked. She looked around as if searching for Ethan. “He’s back watching cartoons. Oblivious.”

“I’m fine, Grant. One thing you’ll learn about me is that I’m not much on sharing my personal struggles or thoughts or emotions…”

Little did he know just how closed off Bella was. Maybe it was her abusive past, or maybe it was because she had a crisis of identity while playing porn star Desiree Drake for two years. Her walls were high and strong and usually unbreakable. Why she was allowing her emotions to bubble forward now was beyond her.

“You should try to open up more, then. People can’t care about you if you don’t let them,” he said, tipping her chin up with his fingers. The gentle touch of his hand almost had her crying again. What was wrong with her anyway? Why was the sweet touch of a real man causing her such angst?

“Grant, please…” she said quietly. “I’m fine. Can we just continue with our evening?” she asked trying not to make eye contact.

“Okay. I was just trying to help,” he said. He turned and walked back toward the kitchen, and suddenly her gut wrenched at the thought of him walking away. She’d never cared if any man walked away from her, so why start now?

“Wait. Grant.” She didn’t know why she was about to open up to him. In her experience, opening up to people was dangerous, but she was going to have to trust him enough with basic information if he was going to be a friend and neighbor, not to mention her nephew’s teacher.

Grant turned around and stared at her for a moment. “Yes?”

She pointed toward a room off the hallway, not realizing it was his bedroom until they were inside. As she looked around, she hoped that he wasn’t getting the wrong idea like she was easy or wanted to get him in bed. Then it hit her that anyone on the outside would certainly think she was easy if they knew where she’d been for two years.

“I’m sorry if I snapped at you. I suppose if we’re going to be friends, then I need to tell you a few things about myself so you can understand my quirky personality traits better,” she said with a half-hearted smile as she sat down on the corner of his soft bed.

“Okay. Fire away,” he said sitting on a chair across from her.

“Things were great in my life until one day in elementary school when I was eight years old. That was the day I was told my mother was dead. Lori was six, and our lives were thrown into turmoil immediately. One minute we have our little family, and the next minute I learn that my mother had been wiped out by a drunk driver on Tollison Road.”

“Tollison Road? You mean over in Clayton Springs?” he asked, furrowing his eyes as he clarified that her mother had been killed just one city over.

“Yes. A drunken teenage driver hit her and tore our world apart. That’s where we lived back then. Our mother was all we had, and she adored us. We never had a father or any other family, so when she died, we immediately went into foster care.”

“Oh, wow, Bella. I’m so sorry…” He sounded so anguished when he said it that Bella felt sorry for having told him. The last thing she wanted to do was bring her sordid past into his pristine world; it wasn’t fair to him.

“It’s not your fault. It’s just that sometimes I really miss not having grown up with a family, and it’s so important to me that Ethan get that experience. Lori was a fantastic mother, and I’m afraid I will be a poor substitute for her. I have no clue what I’m doing. The poor kid has already been suspended from school, for goodness sakes. What kind of role model am I?”

“That’s not your fault, Bella. It was just the circumstances. And trust me, I plan to keep an eye on things so that it doesn’t happen again.”

“Well, thank you. Anyway, I just got a little emotional out there because I miss my sister and my mother more now that I’m back in this area. When I get that feeling of ‘family’, it brings it all back that I lost so much,” she said, trying not to allow the tears to escape again. Her efforts were fruitless as one stray tear rolled slowly down her cheek. Grant knelt down in front of her and wiped it away with his thumb. His gaze cut through her in a way she’d never felt before. Fear overtook her whole body, but she was determined to sit still.

“I’m so happy to hear that you feel comfortable here, Bella. You and Ethan are always welcome. You know that, right?” he asked softly as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. She wanted to squirm and run from the room, but she decided to push her limits for once.

“Thanks,” was all she could manage to say. “I really didn’t intend to screw up the evening. I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. I’m just glad that you’re opening up to someone. The more you open up, the better Ethan will get through this. He needs to know that he can come to you, and you have to be willing to show some emotions. It’s okay to be sad or angry or depressed sometimes…” She knew he was right, but letting down her guard and expressing emotions didn’t come naturally to Bella. Weakness meant danger. It meant that someone could turn it on you and take advantage.

“I’m not so good with emotions, Grant.”

“I can tell,” he said with a slight smile. “Practice makes perfect. Maybe you can tell me more about your past when you’re ready.”

Bella thought to herself that there was one part of her past she’d never tell him. Her hope was that no one would ever find out she was Desiree Drake, the online porn vixen who cried every night after work and who drank herself to sleep after sex scenes.

“Maybe,” she said as she stood up. Grant got to his feet and followed her out of the room and down the hall.

A
s the days moved on
, Bella settled into her role as Ethan’s new mother better than she’d thought she would. She still thought she was a poor substitute for Lori, of course, but she was trying her best.

Ethan went back to school and was doing better, thanks in large part to Grant looking out for him. Thankfully, the bully got moved to another class, which meant that Ethan didn’t encounter him very often. Bella was thankful because she was not known for being able to hold her tongue, and she was considering making a visit to his parents.

She and Ethan had continued eating dinner with Grant several nights a week. It had become a comfortable routine for her, but she was determined not to let it go any further than friendship. Halloween had come and gone with Ethan dressing up in his Spiderman costume. Things were starting to get back to normal for him, and that was all Bella cared about.

As the leaves turned from green to shades of orange, yellow and brown, Bella started to feel more antsy. The holidays were always the hardest time of the year for her. She felt a void every single year as she watched friends and co-workers enjoy memories with their own families. For the last two years, she’d sat in her small California apartment eating a reheated TV dinner while her friends had their big Thanksgiving dinners. She was always invited places, but she just couldn’t do it. As she got older, the sense of loss plagued her more and more, and she could no longer trust her own emotions while sitting at the table with strangers.

“So, Bella, tell me more about living in California,” Grant said one night over lasagna at his house. Ethan was playing video games while Grant and Bella finished eating.

“What about it?” she asked, feeling that familiar pit in her stomach at the mention of California.

“Well, I’ve never been further West than Texas, so I was just wondering what it’s like.”

“It’s different than Georgia, that’s for sure. A lot of nice people, healthy people, plastic people. It’s quite a variety,” she said smiling.

“Did you, um… have a boyfriend out there?” he asked, looking down at his plate.
Was that nervousness she was sensing? Oh no. He had the wrong idea. He wanted to date her?

“No, no boyfriends.”

“Really? I’m surprised,” he said, looking at her and cocking his head.

“Why are you surprised?” she asked, feeling sure that her cover was blown. She must look like a slut even with little makeup and her hair in a ponytail. Would she ever shake that “look” of hers that said she got around?

“Because you’re stunning, Bella. I would think men would be chasing after you asking for your phone number.”
Was that a compliment? A real compliment from a man?

Bella choked on her bite of lasagna and took a sip of her tea. “Thanks…” was all she could manage to say.

“Surely you know how beautiful you are?” he asked, obviously surprised at her shocked reaction. Bella had never thought she was beautiful. Maybe it was the fact that she never had a mother or father to tell her how pretty she was or to buy her frilly dresses. Maybe it was being used by her foster brothers for three years. Maybe it was working in the porn industry and being used by every man she met. What kind of value could she possibly place on herself? Being beautiful to other people had been a negative thing throughout her life. It caused her to get unwanted attention and allowed her to degrade herself for money. “Bella? You still with me?”

“Yeah. Sorry…” she said, realizing that she looked a million miles away. “We should get this cleaned up. I’ve got to get Ethan in bed soon,” she said standing up as she reached for her plate. Grant reached out and grabbed her forearm lightly.

“Bella? What is it??”

“Grant, I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t talk about all of my feelings like you do. No offense,” she said as he released his grip, and she walked to the sink.

“I’m just trying to help you,” he said, standing up and facing her.

“I’m not some charity case, Grant. I’m just a woman working through the death of her sister and learning to be a mother. I don’t need pity.”

“Is that what you think this is, Bella? Pity?” he asked in a sharp whisper as he walked closer to her.

“Isn’t it? You cook me and Ethan dinner almost daily. Don’t you feel sorry for me?” she asked, staring at him closely.

“No. I’m starting to feel sorry for me, though,” he said with a frustrated laugh.

“Then what is it?” she asked, crossing her arms as she leaned back on the counter.

“Did living in California make you dense?” he asked, crossing his own arms.

“Excuse me?”

Grant walked toward her and put his hands on her shoulders as she slowly released her crossed arms. Her body tingled at his touch, and she hated it.

“Bella, I invite you over for dinner because I enjoy spending time with you. I ask you questions because I want to know you better. It has nothing to do with feeling pity or trying to fix you. I swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think that you’ve never dated anyone in your life,” he said, shaking his head.

Dating? What was he talking about? Was he crazy? Bella didn’t date. Well, actually Desiree didn’t date, but he didn’t know Desiree existed.

“Grant, I’m not in a position to date anyone right now…” she started to say, trying to figure out a way to tactfully turn him down. It wasn’t that she wasn’t attracted to him. He was handsome, chivalrous and a hell of a good cook. But, she also knew that she had to devote her attention to Ethan and no one else. And she had grown to care for both Grant and Roslyn. The last thing she wanted to do was drag them into her world.

“I know that, Bella. I wasn’t asking for a relationship. I was just letting you know that I like spending time with you. There’s no ulterior motive for me saying that I think you’re beautiful,” he said. She wondered how he knew just what to say. “I don’t know what happened to you in California, Bella, but you need to know that you’re stunning. And kind. And a plenty good mother to Ethan.”

“How do you do that?” she asked looking down as her cheeks blushed.

“Do what?”

“Know just what to say?” she said softly as their eyes connected.

“I’m just gifted, I suppose,” he said with a grin. The thought of what other areas he might be gifted in sent her cheeks into blushing mode again. “Are you blushing, Bella?”

“No!” she said, waving her hand in front of her face.

“I think you are,” he said poking at her in the side until she was in hysterical laughter. “And ticklish too! Ethan, your aunt Bella is ticklish!” he called to Ethan who came running to join in the fun. Within minutes, Bella was on the kitchen floor, red faced and laughing harder than she had in years.

B
ella drove
into town on her way to work at the coffee shop. Overnight, the square had been turned into the epitome of autumn. From scarecrows to bales of hay, the Harvest Festival preparations were in full swing. In just two days, the festival would take place, and families from across the area would descend on Madison Falls for fun family memories. Apple bobbing, funnel cakes and hay rides would abound during the one day festival that the whole area waited for each year.

And Bella was dreading it. She knew Ethan wanted to go because Lori took him each year, and she couldn’t let him down.

“Morning, Bella!” Roslyn called from the back room of the coffee shop as Bella arrived at work.

“Good morning,” Bella said as she put her purse under the counter and tied on her apron.

“Did ya see the decorations for the Harvest Festival on your way in?”

“I did,” Bella said trying not to make eye contact. Roslyn could see right through her.

“You are taking Ethan, aren’t you?” Roslyn asked as she prepared a new pot of coffee.

“Of course. He wants to go, so I’ll take him.”

“Don’t you want to go, Bella? It’s a lot of fun,” Roslyn said with a hint of desperation in her voice. Bella knew that she only wanted her to be happy, and she wished that she could make everyone happy.

“Ros, I’m just not into that kind of stuff. I much prefer quiet evenings at home with a cup of coffee and a good book,” Bella said, trying to make up an excuse why all the family stuff wasn’t her thing.

“Bella, can I say something, as a friend?”

“Sure. You’re one of my best friends here, Roslyn,” Bella said fully prepared that she wasn’t going to like what Roslyn had to say.

“I get the feeling that you’ve had a challenging past,” she started. “But, maybe Madison Falls is your new beginning. Sometimes opening up to new things and new emotions will set you free,” she said. Before Bella could say anything, three customers walked in and placed orders.

B
ella walked
into Ethan’s school to have lunch with him on Friday. It was parent day at school, and she was all he had.
Poor kid, she thought.

When she rounded the corner, she saw Ethan sitting with Howie at a table in the corner. They both had bagged lunches and were laughing at something obviously hysterical to seven year olds.

“Hey, Ethan!” she said trying to sound excited about eating cafeteria food at an elementary school.

“Aunt Bella!” Ethan said, grinning as he stood up and hugged her.

“Hi there, Howie. Where’s your mom?” Bella asked.

“She had to work,” he said with a hint of sadness.

“Oh. Well, she must be working extra hard since Christmas is coming up!” Bella said, trying to make him feel better. Howie’s eyes brightened up at the thought of Christmas presents.

“I bet she is!” Howie said with a huge grin. With that, the boys started talking about Legos and every other thing they wanted for Christmas. As Bella listened, her stomach churned a bit as she thought about how she would afford gifts on a coffee shop budget. This was the first time in two years that she had to really worry about money, and now there was another mouth to feed.

“Hey there,” she heard Grant say from behind her. “I didn’t know you were coming today.” Bella stepped away from the table while the boys chatted about every toy under the sun.

“Yeah, your sweet grandma gave me the day off today,” she said with a smile.

“Don’t let her fool you. She can be a ruthless woman,” he said, winking at her. Sometimes his winks and grins made her toes curl, but she hated to admit that to herself. She was in control. She was in control.

“Well, maybe she just likes me more than she likes you.”

“I’d bet on that,” he said, laughing. “I have something for you.” She hadn’t realized he was holding his hand behind his back.

“Oh, yeah? I love surprises!” she said, grinning like a kid. “What is it?” He pulled a plastic-wrapped sandwich and a bag of chips from behind his back. “What’s this?”

“Lunch. I made an extra one in case you came today. You probably don’t want to eat the cafeteria food. I know how particular you are about what you eat,” he said with a sly grin. “You can get a Coke in the machine over there. Do you need change?”

“There you go taking care of me again,” she grumbled sarcastically. She had to admit it was nice to have someone care about her for a change. “Seriously. Thank you.” Her eyes cut to the line against the wall where other parents looked like they were going to jail while they waited for their plastic trays of inedible food.

“It’s fun.”

“What’s fun?”

“Trying to take care of you. Always a challenge, Bella… See ya later,” he said, backing up and waving as he headed toward his class. Bella stood there for a moment trying to stifle the grin that was welling up from her heart to her face. What had just happened? She wasn’t sure, but she knew she was playing fast and loose with her heart.