Broken (8 page)

“
S
o
, what do you say, Bella? Have Thanksgiving dinner with us!” Roslyn prodded as she refilled the sugar packets.

“I don’t want to intrude, Ros…”

“Intrude on whom? It’s just me and Grant. He cooks for you all the time anyway!” she said. “It would so lift my spirits this year, and I know it would lift yours, too. Will you at least consider it?”

Bella stood there for a moment before finally agreeing that she would have dinner with Grant and Roslyn on Thanksgiving. It was only two days away, and she’d avoided invitations from others so far. She didn’t like that feeling of pity she got from people, even though they were well-meaning.

“Say, Ros, do you mind if I leave early today since we’re slow? I want to surprise Ethan.”

“Surprise him?”

“Yeah. I wanted to put up some Christmas decorations in the yard. He said Lori never did that, so I thought it might be a great new tradition to start.”

“Sure! Do you have decorations to use?”

“Well, I bought some multi-colored lights, and I have a big inflatable snowman I want to put by the fig tree.”

“He’s going to love it,” Roslyn said.

A couple of hours later, Bella was in her front yard covered in lights and wondering why in the world she’d taken on this task. She didn’t love Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore, but she knew Ethan needed good memories this year. Maybe she could make some new memories, too, now that she’d left her old life behind.

She was worried about Grant, though. He’d come around a lot less lately, and she didn’t know what was wrong. They weren’t a couple, she told herself, so he could do whatever he wanted. Getting attached meant opening herself to pain, and she wasn’t about to do that.

As she strung out a long strand of lights, she decided to take on the task of putting them around the huge fig tree in her front yard. She’d never seen a fig tree so big, and she wasn’t altogether sure what she’d do with all those figs come spring and summer since she didn’t like them.

“Damn it!” she snapped as she tried to lean into the tree and overlap a strand of the lights. She leaned too far and went toppling into the enormous tree so that only her feet were sticking out the side. Standing on her hands, she had no way to push out and get back on her feet. “Oh, God… Help!” she yelled, but no one could hear her from inside the tree. Just as she was about to give up hope, she heard laughter and then felt someone tugging on her feet. She was so embarrassed that one of her neighbors had seen her in this predicament.

“Thank you…” she said as she got to her feet and turned around to see Grant’s face. “Oh, no… Why did you have to see me?” she asked with her face turning even brighter red.

“Just lucky, I guess,” he said, smiling at her as he brushed stray leaves and debris off her clothes. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“I know you like to climb trees, but I thought you went up them and not actually into them.”

“Ha ha ha… You’re a regular comedian.”

“What are you doing anyway?”

“Trying to surprise Ethan with some Christmas lights,” she said, attempting to string the lights again. As she leaned back into the tree, she almost fell in yet again. Grant grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him.

“Do you have a death wish?” he asked, laughing as he took the lights out of her hand. “Let me help, Bella.”

“I’ve got it,” she said, pulling the lights back. They were at a stand-off, staring at each other.

“Are you mad at me or something?” he asked.

“I could ask you the same question, Grant,” she said, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. “I finally went on a date with you, and I got the big brush off.”

“I didn’t brush you off. I’ve just been… busy,” he said, lying through his teeth.

“It’s okay, Grant. I’m used to it.”

“Used to what?” he asked.

“Being pushed aside. I’ll live.”

“Hey, now wait just a minute! That’s not fair, Bella. You’re the one who said she didn’t want any kind of relationship.”

“Yes, I did say that, but I didn’t know that meant friendship, too. That’s fine. Now I know. Give me the lights.”

“No.”

“Give me the lights, Grant,” she warned as she tried to reach around and get them from behind his back where he was holding them.

“No.”

“What’s your problem?” she asked, throwing her hands up in the air. “What do you want from me?”

“This,” he said as he dropped the lights and pulled her to him, pressing his mouth over hers. Shocked, Bella tried to push away for a moment before reaching up to pull his mouth closer to hers. A mixture of warmth and wetness, his kiss was unlike anything she’d ever experienced in her life. Full of real passion, she was almost overcome with emotion as his tongue teased its way into her mouth over and over again. Moments later, he pulled back and caught his breath as he looked at her.

“Why did you do that, Grant?” she asked, lips swollen from a kiss that rocked her world.

“Because I needed to… And it was the only way to shut you up,” he said with a dry smile.

“That can’t happen again,” she said, wiping her hand over her mouth.

“I hope that’s not true,” he said, grinning as he started to string the lights again. Bella stood there dumbstruck and unsure of what to do next. One thing was for sure - she wanted more of Grant Brady.

G
rant walked
home after helping Bella hang her Christmas lights. He tried to play it cool after the hot kiss they’d shared. Act aloof, he thought to himself. Be a guy. Be cool. Didn’t work.

He was sure that she saw right through him, and he hoped that he didn’t scare her off. He wasn’t sure how to approach her romantically with her past. And, with the new information Red shared with him about her most recent past, he still wasn’t certain how to approach things. Did he want to risk his career for some woman he just met? Being aggressive with someone who’d suffered through so much abuse seemed like a bad idea. But then, how did she put herself through being in porn movies if she was so scarred? He couldn’t reconcile the two images he had of her.

Having a hard time putting her porn star image as Desiree in his mind next to sweet Bella, he popped open a beer and sat on the sofa. What was he going to do? He’d already been hurt by one woman in his past. Was he willing to open up again – especially to a woman who’d obviously been around the block on the Internet? Was he willing to be a knight in shining armor and defend her honor to everyone in town? To his grandmother?

One thing was for sure, Thanksgiving was going to be interesting.

“
W
elcome
, Bella! Hey there, Ethan!” Roslyn said with her bigger-than-life smile as they walked into her house on Thanksgiving. She only lived a couple of blocks away from Bella, so she and Ethan had just walked there figuring she could work off the extra calories of Thanksgiving food.

“Hey, Ros. Thanks so much for inviting us. I brought some sweet tea and a pumpkin pie,” Bella said putting both items on the kitchen counter.

“This looks yummy,” Roslyn said as she took the pie and put it on the counter where the desserts were. “Grant’s in the living room back there. I think a football game is on, of course,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Bella walked into the living room while Ethan hung out with Roslyn in the kitchen to help set the table. She’d become his stand-in grandmother, which made Bella happy and sad for her own mother at the same time.

“Hi there, beautiful,” Grant said with his sexy, dimpled smile as she walked into the living room. He was sitting on the leather sofa watching some football game while he enjoyed a glass of iced tea.

“Hello,” she said, trying not to smile at his attempt to woo her with his words.

“Have a seat,” he said, patting the sofa next to him. Bella sat across from him on an ottoman. “I don’t bite.”

“Not yet,” she whispered with a growl, referring to his surprise kiss from two days before.

Grant stood and knelt beside her. He leaned into her ear, which made her heart speed up and her skin blush. “Admit it. You kind of liked that kiss,” he said as his warm breath caressed her sensitive neck.

“Grant…” she purred without thinking. Catching herself getting caught up in him yet again, she sat bolt upright and pushed his chest away.

“Are you going to answer my question?” he asked, staring at her. “Did you enjoy it? And keep in mind that I have a pretty fragile male ego.”

“Fragile? I think not!” she said, laughing. “But, yes, I have to admit that I didn’t hate it,” she said quietly. She knew she shouldn’t admit it, but she couldn’t help herself. He was sexy, and he made her feel things that she’d never felt in her life. Wanted. Safe. Secure. Worthy.

Grant’s face lit up when she admitted that she’d enjoyed their moment just as much as he had.

“Bella, I’m so glad you’re here with me,” he said, putting his hand on hers.

“Well, I’m thankful you guys invited us.”

“No, I don’t mean today. I mean I’m just glad you’re in my life,” he said as he patted her hand and stood up to say hello to Ethan who was walking into the room.

Bella sat there stunned for a moment trying to absorb what he’d just said to her. How happy and thankful would he be if he knew her porn star past? How could any man, especially a small town school teacher, want a worn-out porn star? He could never find out, she decided.

“Bella? I think you’re cell phone is chirping in here, honey!” Roslyn called from the kitchen. Bella had left her purse on one of the kitchen chairs, so she went in to retrieve it. As she looked down at the incoming text, she was stunned to see it was from her only friend in California, Sonya.

It was a simple text that just said
“I’m so sorry Bella. Nathan threatened me. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

What did that mean? She was getting ready to text Sonya back when Roslyn said it was dinnertime. She’d text Sonya later, she decided. Why did Nathan threaten her?

For the moment, she decided to enjoy her first family Thanksgiving dinner with people she adored, and let her problems drift away for at least one day.

A
s Thanksgiving came to an end
, Bella sat on the sofa chatting with Roslyn and trying to stay awake. Something about the massive amounts of turkey were making her incredibly tired and wishing for a nap.

“Say, Ethan, I’m going to make some of my famous Christmas cookies tonight. Do you like sugar cookies with lots of icing and sprinkles?” Roslyn asked grinning.

“I love them!” Ethan said as excited as any seven year old American boy would be.

“Well, if your aunt doesn’t mind, I sure could use your help. See, I’m making about six dozen of them for the local firehouses. It’s my way of giving back during the holiday season.”

“Yes, my grandmother gives back by fattening up our first responders,” Grant quipped with a laugh.

“Can I help, Aunt Bella?” Ethan asked as he dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together. “Please?”

“I don’t see why not. Are you sure Roslyn? You’ve got to be exhausted!”

“I’m positive. Why don’t you leave him here, and I’ll call you later when we’re all finished?” she asked with a wink. At that point, Bella knew she’d been had. Ros was always angling for her to get together with Grant, and this was her chance.

A short time later, Bella and Grant were kicked to the curb by Roslyn who was ready to start her cookie baking adventure with Ethan. As they walked home, Bella could feel the anxiety growing in the pit of her stomach. She’d already admitted that she had enjoyed their kiss, so there was no denying it.

“You’re being awfully quiet,” Grant said, looking at her as they strolled slowly down the sidewalk.

“Am I? Just enjoying the peace and quiet out here. It’s very different from the big city where I lived before,” she said, looking around at the quaint houses with trees covered in the beautiful shades of orange and gold that Fall brings.

“Can I ask you something, Bella?”

“Sure.”

“Do you ever think about the person who killed your mother?”

“The drunk driver? Not really. Why?” she asked.

“I guess I don’t know if I could ever get over that myself. You must be stronger than me. I don’t think I could deal with that kind of anger.”

“Well, I was eight years old, so anger was not an emotion that I’d had much experience with at that point. No one really told me much about the circumstances. It was only later that I finally dug around and got more information on the person who hit her. He was just a teenager coming home from a party after being out all night drinking with his buddies. My mother had just dropped us off at school and was on her way to work. Apparently, he still had a good bit of alcohol in his system, and then he fell asleep at the wheel and hit her.”

“Do you ever think about how that moment changed your life and Lori’s?”

“All the time. The anger came much later, but then I realized that being angry at him was useless for me. It serves nothing for me to be angry at someone I’ve never met or seen. It’s more pain and sadness and regret that I feel now, but not anger. Things happen. I know that people make mistakes, especially when they’re young. I shudder to think about the mistakes I’ve made in my own life…”

“What would you say to him if you met him?” Grant asked.

“I guess I would have to talk to him to see if he was even remorseful. If he was, I’d probably forgive him.”

“Really? You’d forgive the guy who killed your mother?”

Bella stopped and turned to Grant. “Yes, I would. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that forgiveness is more about the person doing the forgiving than the one being forgiven, Grant. I’ve got enough regrets and scars in my past for a lifetime, but I don’t need anger at some faceless stranger clogging up my mind and heart, too.”

“Do you know his name?” Grant asked as they started walking again.

“Yes. Scott Crawford. He was seventeen. If he’s still alive, I guess he’d be in his thirties now. Hard to believe…” she said as she put her hands in her pockets to protect them from the cold.

Grant came to a stop and turned Bella to face him in front of her house. “Have I told you lately how amazing I think you are, Bella?” he said softly.

“Once or twice,” she said with a smile. “But you don’t know the real me, Grant. There’s a lot about me that is less than stellar, I can assure you.”

“We all have skeletons, Bella. The fact that you’ve survived what you have is a miracle and shows the strength you have inside of you. I am in awe of you.” The sincerity in his eyes made Bella’s heart melt and her legs get weak.

“I cannot imagine that you, Grant Brady, have any skeletons in your closet. I would expect your closet to be perfectly neat and tidy and organized. You are squeaky clean compared to me,” she said, poking him in the chest with her index finger.

“How do you know that? I might be a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” he said, grinning. “I might be a member of a gang of thug teachers who run gambling and dog-fight rings in the summer months.”

By this time, Grant had Bella in hysterics. She hadn’t laughed that hard in years… if ever. He could look so serious, yet say something that reduced her to tears from the kind of laughter where you lose your breath.

“Can I ask you something else?” Grant said.

“Oh, Lord, I’m scared now… But okay…” she said, still smiling and wiping away the tears.

“Will you go out with me? On a real date? I mean, even though I’m a gang member?” he said, trying to break her down into laughter again.

“You know what, Grant? I will go out with you. On a real date this time.”

Grant was shocked when she answered him so quickly, and so was Bella. She never even had the time to think about her answer because her mouth took over for her. All she knew was that she was growing closer and closer to Grant, and the thought of spending time with him made her feel good about her life and her future.

“Wow, that was way easier than I expected,” he said, shaking his head as they walked onto her front porch.

“Well, I fought it as long as I could.”

“And why did you fight it, exactly?” he asked as he leaned against the post on her porch.

“This might be hard for you to believe, but I was scared. I don’t get close to people easily, Grant. You have to understand that I guard my heart in a fierce way because of my background. I thought I could trust certain people in my life, but I couldn’t. I had to protect Lori and then Ethan. When you grow up like I did, no one is safe, and it takes a long time to break down these walls I’ve built over the years,” she said, running her finger across the grain of the wood on the porch railing.

“I understand, Bella. And I am so thankful and proud that you’re willing to take a chance on me,” he said, rubbing her arm. She turned to look at him, and all she could see was a man she could finally trust.

G
rant walked
in the front door of his house, unable to wipe the smile from his face. Bella had finally given in and said she would go on a real date with him. Not a date with his buddies from college or dinner with Ethan in the other room. A real date.

The other part of him wondered what he was doing. Against his better judgment, here he was getting ready to date a former porn star. He hated keeping the secret from her that he knew about her past, but he didn’t want to hurt her any more. He was pinning his hopes on the idea that no one in this little Georgia mountain town would ever recognize her.

One night he decided to get online and see if he could find out more about Desiree Drake. What he saw her doing on video clips astounded and sickened him. He wasn’t upset with Bella at all. He was incredibly angry with all of the men in her life who’d taken advantage of her and her beautiful spirit. In anger, he’d slammed his laptop so hard that he’d cracked the screen.

It made him sad to think about how desperate she must have been for money to have lowered herself to that. The thought of men leering at her from the other side of their computer screens made him nauseous. She had such a sweet spirit, and so many people had taken advantage of that over the years. Her beauty had been a curse to her, and he wanted to help her feel different about herself.

He and Bella had planned their date for Saturday night, and he was going to make sure it was as memorable as possible. She was special, and he wanted to make sure she knew it.

As he went through some paperwork on his desk, he thought about the big secret he was keeping from Bella. If she ever found out, she might never feel the same way about him again. In fact, she just might hate him forever.

B
ella touched
up her makeup one more time as she waited for Grant to pick her up for their long-awaited date. Ethan was spending the night with Howie again because they’d decided that they were long lost brothers separated at birth. Seven year olds are hugely imaginative, Bella thought to herself as she slipped on her shoes.

Grant had been tight-lipped about where they were going, but he did tell her to dress warmly. She wore a soft red sweater, a pair of jeans and her favorite brown cowboy boots. As she spritzed on her perfume, she heard the doorbell ring, which was strange since she never heard his car door shut.

Swinging the door open, Bella was shocked to see a real horse and buggy sitting in front of her house. Grant was nowhere to be found, so she stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her.

“Good evening, madam,” the man driving the buggy said as he waved her into the seat.

“Good evening,” she said. “Will Mr. Brady be joining me?”

“In due time, ma’m,” was all he said as he called the horses to attention and started down the road. As she listened to the horses’ hooves hitting the pavement, Bella looked at all of the houses on the way to her destination. Amber light streamed from windows inside of homes where she imagined happy families lived. Seeing houses lit up at night made her sad as a kid because she could envision a mother and father sitting around the table with their kids, asking about how their day at school went. Although she was often envious of happy families, it was more the sense of loss that cut through her.

A few moments later, the buggy came to a stop at the end of a small, wooded side road. “We’re here, ma’m,” the driver said as he took her hand and helped her down.

“Where?” she asked confused.

“See that path over there? The one lit up? You’ll need to follow that.”

Bella nodded, still confused. As she walked toward the path, she felt a bit like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Follow the yellow brick road… Only this time it was “follow the well-lit path”.

It appeared that Grant had taken the time to string beautiful white lights down the path. As she reached the end, she didn’t see anything but suddenly heard his voice.

“You made it!” he said.

“Um… Grant? Where are you?”

“Up here!” he said. Bella looked to her right and up a bit to see Grant sitting in a big climbing tree smiling at her.

“What on Earth are you doing up there?” she asked, laughing.

“Hanging out!” he said with a chuckle. “You said you loved to climb trees, right?”

“As a kid, yes…”

“Well, come on up,” he said, climbing down a limb and holding out his hand.

“Grant, I can’t get up there! I’m a grown woman now.”

“Come on. The view up here is amazing,” he said. “Please…”

“This is the most unique date I’ve ever been on, for sure!” she said as she walked to the bottom of the tree. Carefully, she placed her boot on the tree and began the climb up. It wasn’t an overly tall tree, but it was very old and had huge thick limbs. Bella didn’t want to say so, but it was the perfect tree for climbing. As she reached Grant’s perch, he took her hand and helped her sit down. Their legs dangled over the side like two monkeys in a tree.

“Welcome to my tree,” he said, nudging her. “Surprised?”

“Well, yeah, I’d say so!” she said, smiling. “What made you do this?”

“I just wanted our first date to be interesting and unique and special.”

“You did that!” she said.

“I remembered how much you said you loved to climb trees as a kid, but I didn’t want to take you back to Clayton Springs. So, I searched the woods all day yesterday to find this tree. I call it Bella’s Tree, of course,” he said softly.

“You spent a day looking for the perfect tree for me?” she asked, touching her chest as if she was shocked that anyone would spend the time to do something so special for her.

“Of course, Bella. You’re worth all the time in the world.”

Her eyes filled up with tears at the thought of Grant trouncing through the woods in the cold on the day after Thanksgiving. Who did things like that? For her?

“Wow, Grant. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

“No thank you necessary, Bella. Now, turn this way and look,” he said, pointing off into the distance between two branches. “See the lights?”

“Yes. How beautiful,” she said as they looked at the Christmas lights that had just been turned on in the city.

“In about ten minutes, they will be lighting the town square Christmas tree. We will have the best view in town,” he said.

“Oh, that will be amazing!”

For the next few minutes, they sat side by side quietly watching the lights across the mountain landscape. The smell of Grant’s cologne and pine trees was enough to make Bella weak in her knees. He wrapped his arm around her in an effort to keep her warm, and instinctively she put her head on his shoulder. Never had she felt safer and more cared about than in that moment, and she wished it could last. But she knew that this was one of those fairytale nights that couldn’t turn into anything more because of her past. She never wanted to shatter Grant’s image of her, and she never wanted to see that look in his eyes change to one of disgust.

When the lights on the town Christmas tree lit up, Bella clapped like a child. It was one of the most beautiful moments of her life, and she never wanted to leave that tree. As Grant leaned over to kiss her, she was afraid that leaving that tree would mean the end of her relationship with him. The tree was a safe place - away from the potential of Grant finding out about her alter ego.