Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos Book 2) (15 page)

“They really are. I think you haven’t met the right horse. Some of them can be mean, but not all of them,” Jocelyn said kindly.

“Well that makes sense, just like people, huh? Some are nice, and some not so much.”

“Yes, like Sarah Burger.” Jocelyn wrinkled her nose.

“Jocelyn,” Mr. Miles said firmly.

“Sorry, Dad,” Jocelyn mumbled.

Snake ground his teeth.

“What do you like to do, X?” Jocelyn asked.

My girl wants to know about me?

“I like to go on long trips on my motorcycle.”

Jocelyn gasped. “You have a motorcycle?”

“I do. We drove today, but usually, I’m always on my bike.”

“Wow,” Jocelyn exclaimed with wide eyes.

He wanted to tell her she’d love him just as much as he did some day, but he didn’t have the right. Not yet.

They continued to eat and make small talk. The Miles remained quiet, and showed their disapproval as only a snob could. It didn’t bother him, or his woman. Es shined. He saw her hosting skills, and her ability to put a child at ease. He couldn’t help but wonder what their child would look like. The thought blindsided him. He took a healthy gulp of water and forced the wayward imagining to the back of his brain.
One thing at a time.

As brunch came to a close, they paid their bills and moved to the garden.

“Maybe you can walk with X for a while, and I’ll hang back and talk to your parents?” Es said.

Jocelyn looked to her parents for approval.

“Yes, dear, we’ll be right behind you,” her mother said.

“You’ve been here before, right?” Snake asked.

“Yes, many times,” Jocelyn said.

“Then how about you give me the grand tour,” Snake suggested.

“I can do that. Do you like flowers?” Jocelyn asked.

“I never thought about them much. It’s usually more of a girl thing.”

They walked through the well-tended greenery and he rejoiced as she became more comfortable with him.

“I really like your girlfriend, she’s nice,” Joc said.

“I can tell she really liked you, too. She loves kids. She used to teach kids.”

“She was a teacher? That’s what I want to do.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes, I’d love to teach art, like Ms. Scantily. She’s the best.”

He smiled. “What does she teach you how to do?”

“Oh, all kinds of things. Painting, drawing, we even made a sculpture out of clay that she baked in this really big oven called a kiln.”

“That is really cool!” he said.

She beamed up at him and he knew his life would never be the same.

§

Estelle

Estelle stepped back and studied her handiwork. They were set to begin bi-weekly visits. She wasn’t sure what Jocelyn thought about their newly cemented position in her life. They were still known as friends of the family. She had a feeling Snake wanted this room set up so he could make her feel at home before he revealed who he actually was. The Miles hadn’t made things easy. Every step forward had been like pulling teeth.

They didn’t want to leave Joc alone with them. They said it would confuse the young girl, and give her abandonment issues. It was utter bullshit, and she’d wasted no time calling them on it. It was a lifesaving decision when they began to let them take her alone for larger chunks of time. Snake had been nice out of courtesy for Jocelyn, but that wouldn’t last indefinitely if they continued to block progress. The bi-weekly visits had been suggested by their lawyer, after Snake started to list ways the Miles could disappear. Her man could be scary when he wanted to be.

The walls were a pale turquoise that she’d broken up with white butterflies going down the side of the wall beside the bed. Jocelyn was written in cursive above her bed with vinyl letters. A white shelf across the room sat next to a desk. It was filled with arts supplies, and picture frames waiting for photos. She’d hung gauzy white curtains around the bed and threaded white lights into them, turning them into something from a fairytale.

It was a room any little girl would love, but most little girls hadn’t been given the moon and stars like Jocelyn had. She wanted things to be perfect. The girl had warmed to them as friends. The truth would paint them in a different light—as her father and a maternal figure.
Am I ready for this?
She adored Jocelyn, but taking care of her every day would be tough. She would be resentful, confused, and rebellious. As her father, it would be Snake’s job to reel her back in, keep her steady, and provide stability.
Where does that leave me?
I’m not even her stepmother.

The last thing she wanted to do was make things more difficult for the pair. She ran her hands through her growing hair. They were so new. Would it be fair to bring an innocent child into the situation? What if they didn’t work out and she left? How badly would that impact Jocelyn? She hadn’t gotten cold feet like this until now. Normally she’d call Jole, but she’d made her views on Snakes
surprise
child pretty clear. She didn’t need to add fuel to that fire.

Kali.
Leaving the room, she grabbed her phone.

“Hey, girl, how’s the munchkin?”

“She’s not here yet, and I am freaking out. What am I doing? This is more than just me and Snake now. What if I screw this kid up?”

“What? Where the hell is this coming from?” Kali asked.

“I was putting the finishing touches on her room, and I realized I have no clue where I fit into this picture. This should be about him and his little girl.”

“You’re his old lady.”

“And what does that mean really? I’m not her stepmother.”

“You might as well be. You don’t need a label to love and care for someone.”

“No. But it would help me know my place. What if I cross a boundary I’m not meant to?”

“Is this about that, or the fact that you’re going to be around a child full time now?” Kali said.

“I can’t lose another one, Kal,” she whispered. Her voice cracked.

“Honey, you won’t. Do you really think Snake would let you go? He’d chase you down to the ends of the Earth and drag you home by your hair.”

Es scoffed.

“What? You’d like it,” Kali said.

She laughed despite the tears that rolled down her cheek. “Maybe.”

“Definitely. Listen, don’t self-sabotage yourself. You’d regret it for the rest of your life. This is going to be hard for all of you. Snake is going to need you to keep him grounded and be that bridge. He knows nothing about little girls.”

“And I do? I was a teacher, always the aunt, never the mother.”

“You’re a natural,” Kali remarked.

“You’re not going to let me win this one are you?”

“No, because you’re wrong.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Es said.

“It’s always easier to have clarity when you’re outside looking in. This is me giving you tough love. After what you’ve been through, I’m stunned you’re only getting cold feet right now.”

“It all happened fast…buying the house, decorating, moving in, and meeting Jocelyn. Now she’s coming here for the weekend and I get the feeling he’ll tell her who he really is. I don’t know how she’s going to react.”

“Whatever she throws at you, the two of you will be able to handle together. You’ve gone through a lot and it hasn’t been a year. That says a lot about staying power.”

“You really think so?”

“Girl, you know I don’t waste my breath or energy bullshitting,” Kali stated, sounding offended.

Es laughed. “I do know that.” She took a deep breath and thought of the things they’d overcome in the past ten months. “Okay, I think I’m feeling a little saner now.”

“Good. Is there anything I can do?”

“Keep your phone by you in case I need to nine-one-one you.”

“And then I rush over and whisk you away, like you’re in the midst of a bad date?”

“Exactly,” Es laughed.

A car pulled up in the driveway.

“Crap, they’re here. I got to go.”

“Relax, it’s all going to work out, babe. Call me Sunday and fill me in,” Kali said.

They disconnected and she made her way to the front door with her heart in her throat.

As they walked up the driveway, she pasted a smile and opened the door.

“Es!” Jocelyn cried, breaking into a run.

She hit her like a wrecking ball, almost knocking Es off her feet as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Hey, Joc,” Es said embracing her. She looked at Snake; the tension in his shoulders and around his eyes made her heart ache.

“We have a surprise for you, are you ready to see it?” Es asked.

“For me?”

Es glanced at Snake, trying to pull him into the conversation and out of his head.

“Yeah, little one. We’ve been working hard on it. Es will lead the way.”

She wrapped her arm around the girl’s shoulders and led her in the house.

“Welcome to our house. It’s not the biggest place, but we love it.”

Jocelyn glanced around the living room.

“Do you want the tour first, or to see your surprise.”

“Surprise, please.”

Es and Snake laughed. “All right, surprise it is.” Es steered the girl through the living room and up the stairs. They paused outside of the room and Es moved away from Joc. “Okay, close your eyes.”

Joc did as she requested, and she mouthed, ‘You show her,’ to Snake. He was adorable when he was around his daughter. The care, consideration, and gentleness he emitted made her fall even deeper in love with him. Es opened the door and stepped back, letting daughter and father have their moment.

“Okay, Joc, you can open your eye now,” Snake said.

Joc gasped. “This is beautiful! I-Is it for me?”

“Yeah, babe. This is your room. Go ahead and explore it.”

She stepped inside and did a full spin. The joy on her face made all the hard work and searching for just the right items worth it.

“I love it,” Jocelyn exclaimed as she hurried to the bed and ran her hand over the turquoise and white bed spread.

“We’re glad. We want you to feel comfortable here, Joc. It’s as much your home as it is ours,” Snake said.

Joc turned to him, confused. “Why?”

This is it.

“I have something to tell you.” Snake walked to the bed, and patted the area beside him. “Come and sit with me.”

“O-okay,” she said, fiddling with the bottom of her T-shirt.

Once she was seated, Snake took a deep breath. “I know your parents told you that you were adopted.”

Joc nodded.

“Did they tell you anything about your parents?”

“That they weren’t able to take care of me, because they had a lot of problems,” Joc whispered.

“Well, the truth is, you were taken away from your parents.”

“What?” Joc said, jerking away.

“There was a fire at your home. Your mother died, your father almost died, and everyone assumed you were dead, too.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You were always wanted, Jocelyn. I recently had someone look into the fire and we discovered you were still alive. I was ecstatic. It was like winning the lottery. But it was also the most painful thing I’d been through since losing your mother. I’d lost so many years with you.”

“You?”

“Yes, Joc, I’m your father.”

She shook her head back and forth.

“Yes,” he said, holding one of her small hands in his massive one.

“You always wanted me?” Her voice wavered.

Es took it as her sign to leave the two alone and slowly backed from the room, holding her tears at bay until she made it out into the hall. He needed this time to mourn the loss of what could’ve been, and forge a new bond with Joc as his daughter.

§

“How’s she doing?” Es asked, placing her book on the night stand when Snake walked into their bedroom.

“She’s a bundle of emotions. I finally got her to stop crying. She wants to know what’ll happen to her. I couldn’t lie. I told her eventually she’d come to live with us. She asked if she’d get to see her parents again, and I told her maybe occasionally. I refuse to lie to her. I want to get all the bad out of the way now so we can move on.”

“I can understand that,” she said.

“Do you think I was wrong?” he asked.

The vulnerability he showed ripped her heart in two.

“There are no right or wrong answers in this situation. It’s tough for everyone. You’re establishing a foundation with her. You want it to be built on trust. I agree with getting everything out there so you can both heal and move forward. It’s a lot for a young child to take in. Don’t get discouraged if she pulls away, rebels, or acts out of character. Stay firm with your rules and love, and weather the storm.”

“What if she hates me after this? I came in and took her away from a life most people would kill for. What can I give her that the Miles family couldn’t, huh?” He bent down and rested his elbows on his thighs. “Maybe I did all of this for the wrong reasons.”

Es crawled onto her knees and took his face in her hand. “You are her father. You give her everything they couldn’t. They may love Jocelyn in their own way, but it’s cold and removed. They demand so much from her.” Es shook her head. “No, don’t let the money they have blind you from the truth. She’ll be happier here with you in the long run. She’ll know where she came from, and who she takes after. You won’t discourage her creativity because you want her to fit in some mold. I see the two of you together and I know she was meant to be with you, in this house, with the family you’ve created for her.”

“How’d you get so smart?” he asked, sitting up and pulling her into his lap.

“Years of school and interaction with children from all different walks of life. These little people are more resilient than we give them credit for.” Wrapping an arm around his neck, she rested her head against his shoulder. “She’s half you, Snake, she’s strong and resilient. A year out, things will look completely different. I promise.” She stroked the nape of his neck, willing him to relax.

“You know I can’t do this without you, don’t you? You’re my center.”

She kissed his cheek.

“No, I mean this.” He cupped her face. “I want you to be mine forever, Es. Will you marry me?”