Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos Book 2) (16 page)

Her mouth grew dry. There’d been a lot of changes recently. Maybe this was more about his need for stability.

“I don’t want to say yes, if this is asked for the wrong reason.”

“What are you talking about, Es? I love the hell out of you.”

“Yes, and you also need stability for Jocelyn and security in case you have to battle for custody.”

“Fuck all of that. What we had going was headed this way before the other issues were in the picture.” His body tensed. “So what, you want me to prove myself?”

“No. I want you to ask me when we haven’t had a huge, life altering event happen. Everything between us has been going at hyper speed. I think we need time to settle in with Joc.”
Coward. She’d just been telling Kali she wasn’t sure of her place, and he’d tried to give her one.

“If it wasn’t connected, what would your answer be?”

“Yes.”

“Next time I ask …”

“We’ll both be ready.” It was a promise she felt to the depths of her soul.

He broke into a smile. “You always make me work for it. I think that’s why I fell so hard, so fast.”

“You like a challenge?” she said playfully.

“I like learning everything there is to know about you,” he replied quietly.

“And I feel the same way about you, my love.”

“I bet we have an hour before she’s awake,” he said.

“Then we shouldn’t waste a second.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Estelle

“I hate to do this, but I have to go out of town for a week, maybe two,” Snake said.

“Wait, you have to what?” She stood up from the couch. “What about work?” she asked, glancing down at her uniform.

“I cleared it with Kali. She has someone to cover your shifts,” Snake answered.

Well isn’t that convenient?
“She just got here last night.”

“I know, but this can’t wait. I’ve been shirking my duties as it is over the past three months. I need to get back to it.”

“You were taking care of your family,” Es snapped, irritated.

“That doesn’t stop the Club’s issues from happening,” Snake said.

She shook her head. “Are you listening to yourself?”

“Yes, I am. Making sure things run smoothly keeps us all safe. Things are stirring, and we’re trying to squash it before it turns into anything of note. I need you to stand by me right now and lend me your trust. You and Joc will be fine here by yourself. I know she’s a handful right now, but we knew it’d be like this going in.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t expecting to have to go it alone. You’re her father.”

“And you help take care of her, too. What’s your deal right now?” he asked.

“I don’t want to make this situation worse,” she admitted.

“You’re far better at this than I will ever be, Es.” He cupped her face. “I don’t want you to worry about this. I trust you with her more than anyone else.” He pressed his lips to hers and her knees went weak. “I’ll talk to her before I leave, okay?”

“You have to go now?”

“Yeah, sweet girl.”

She swallowed down her protest. This was part of being an old lady; she’d signed up for this. She would’ve handled it better if it hadn’t come on the back of a three-month period she liked to refer to as hell. Change was never easy. The bi-weekly visits had moved to weekly, and finally to a new living situation. Jocelyn had taken it hard.

She’d left behind all her friends, what she’d known as her family, and a completely different style of life. To say she wasn’t happy would be putting it lightly. Full of sass and anger, Joc tested them at every turn. It was exhausting. Today they’d brought her and the last of her things up from Lexington. The Miles hadn’t made a move against them legally. At least not in a straight-forward manner. But she wouldn’t put it past them to try to catch them doing something wrong. The pressure made her head hurt.

“Go. She should hear it from you,” Es said.

Images of her girl’s night out with Jole went up in flames. She sighed. She needed the break. Playing a maternal role to a child who saw you as the enemy was a sharp-edged knife. It was everything she wanted right in front of her, taunting her. She placed a hand on her rolling stomach and tilted her head.
Dear Lord, please let us get through the next couple of weeks in peace.

A bang came from upstairs.
He told her.
Snake appeared at the top of the stairs.

“She took it that well?” Es asked.

He shook his head. “She’s pouting, but she’ll get over it once she’s hungry enough to venture down for dinner.”

“Yay,” Es muttered.

Snake snickered. “It’ll get better. At least the horrendous tantrums have stopped.”

“True,” she said, offering up a smile.

He bent down, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him with every ounce of feeling she possessed for him. The road was a scary place to be because anything could happen. He never told her what he was doing, so she had no idea how much danger he might be in. She knew better than to ask, so she treated every run like it was perilous. They surfaced for air and she breathed deeply, resting her head over his heart.

“That thing under your head beats for you and that little girl upstairs. I’m coming back as soon as I can to you both.”

“I know,” she said, smoothing her hand over his pec.

He placed a kiss on her head. “I gotta go or Mike will skin me again. You need anything, call Enzo and Aibhlinn.”

“I know the drill,” she said.

“Yes, but I know your stubbornness is on expert level,” he replied, stealing a kiss. “Walk me out.”

She agreed knowing she’d be receiving calls from the sweet couple. The last thing she wanted to be was a burden when Aibhlinn when she had a two-month-old Padraig at home. The curly haired redhead was the miniaturized version of his father sans the russet curls. She feigned neutrality as she led him to the bike and stole one more soul shattering kiss before he climbed on and she watched him drive away. His motorcycle disappeared on the horizon and tears welled up in her eyes.

She’d been thrown into the deep end of parenting with no instructions. Knowing the theory of child rearing was nowhere near exercising them. All the years of teaching small ones hadn’t prepared her for the angry girl inside. She wanted so badly to help the two find their happiness. Wiping away the tears, she took the opportunity to update Jole about their plans. Her best friend had been less than enthusiastic about the fact that Snake had a child.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be heading to work about now?” Jole asked.

“Change of plans. Snake had to go out of town for work last minute.”

“And your shifts?”

“I had someone else take them off my hands.”

“Wow, you’ve got an understanding boss,” Jole said.

You have no idea.

“Perk of the job, I suppose.”

“I’ll say. I guess that means no girl’s night out?”

Es sighed. “No.”

“How about a girl’s night in? After the little darling goes to sleep we’ll celebrate.”

“That sounds amazing. I can already taste the wine.”

Jolene laughed. “See you tomorrow at six o’clock?”

“Perfect. Thank you for understanding.”

“Hey, I have kids. I know a parent has to be Gumby ready to be flexible at the drop of a hat,” Jole said.

Es sighed. “I’m quickly figuring that out.”

“Hang in there, mama bear. The good comes with the bad. That little one just had a shit storm come her way. She has to process and begin to recover.”

“I know. I’m just hoping it’ll be sooner rather than later.”

“I know, love. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“With two bottles?”

“Just for you,” Jole said.

They disconnected and she couldn’t help but feel lighter. She moved inside from the porch and began dinner. Hoping to entice the girl down she made one of her favorites—fresh garlic bread and spaghetti with meat sauce. It was nice to cook for someone else. The sound of the door clicking open made her smile. She kept her back to the stairs as she continued to chop the salad. The back door opened and she decided to give Joc her space. The girl had a real fondness for the backyard. The deck had a great view of the wooded area behind their property. She spent much of her time out there or in the gardens Es was slowly building up. Fifteen minutes later, she shut off the eyes on the stove and walked out back. She opened the door and frowned when she didn’t see the girl seated at the table.

“Joc,” she called.

When the girl didn’t answer she scowled. “Jocelyn, this isn’t funny.” She walked down the steps of the deck, scanning the large yard. “Joc, come on, dinner’s ready.”
She’s not here.
Her heart began to race, and the blood drained from her face. She took off, yelling her name as she made her way around the house. One of the draws to their home was how close it was to everything. They could easily walk to the local strip mall.

She ran to the back, and closed the door, leaving it unlocked in case the girl returned. As she headed out the front, she grabbed her keys, hoping she’d find the young girl still walking. Grabbing her phone, she walked toward the door.

“Hey, Es, Snake told me he was headed out today, everything all right?”

“No, I can’t find Joc.”

“What?” Enzo exclaimed.

“She stepped out on the back porch like she usually does, and when I went out to get her for dinner she wasn’t there. I don’t want to call Snake yet. He just left and I know he’s needed. But I want eyes looking for her.”

“Jesus. Where are you looking?”

“By the strip mall.”

“I’m on my way,” Enzo said.

Relieved to have help, she dialed up Jolene and delivered the same message. When she reached the strip mall with no sign of Joc, her stomach plummeted. The almost eight-year-old could pass for older with her long legs and sassy attitude. She parked the car and hit the sidewalk, eyeballing everyone she passed.
If I was a child trying to run away where would I go? Oh, dear God! The gas station.
She ran back to her car, praying for protection over the protected princess who had no clue how cruel the real world could be. She skidded out of the parking lot burning rubber as she punched the gas. Pulling into the first available space along the store front, she froze when she spotted a man speaking to Jocelyn. Her vision went red as she bounded out of the car and stalked toward them.

“Get away from my daughter before I rip you limb from fucking limb, you disgusting maggot.”

“Watch your mouth, bitch,” the man barked.

“Try me, asshole,” she growled, balling up her fist. Due to her height and frame, she’d taken her fair share of self-defense courses. Blocking Jocelyn from his view, she stared him down, waiting for him to make his move.

“You best back the fuck up,” said a masculine voice full of the promise of violence.

She turned and saw Enzo stalking up in jeans, and a T-shirt that showed off his bulging arms. She breathed a sigh of relief. The man held up his hands.

“Why don’t you keep an eye on your kid, bitch? I was just trying to help.”

Her jaw ticked.

“I’m going to give you to the count of three to disappear. One, two—”

The man bolted, and Es’s stomach soured.
What if I had been a few minutes later?
Turning, she grabbed Jocelyn’s arm.

“Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to you? If you were my daughter, I would tan your ass right now.”

“But you’re not. You’re nothing,” Jocelyn snapped.

The words were a slap to the face. Es literally took a step back.

“You’re out of line, little girl,” Enzo said.

Jocelyn crossed her arms and looked down at the floor.

“Thank you so much for coming, En. I’ll take her from here. I know we need to tell Snake, but I want to wait until he gets back, and let her tell him.”

She looked up. The fear in Joc’s eyes made Es sure she’d chosen the right action.

“Hey, I’m good with not being the one who brings this to him. You need anything else, call, okay? I want to see you both home to make sure psycho doesn’t try to follow you.”

She nodded, unable to speak for fear that she’d let something nasty slip out. She escorted Joc to the car like a prisoner and watched as she got in and buckled up. She called Jolene once she got into the car.

“Please tell me you found her,” Jolene begged.

“We did, thank God.”

“Okay. Jesus. What was she thinking?”

“I’m not sure she was,” Es said.

“You need me?”

“No, but I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow even more.” She wondered once again if her presence was a hindrance to the bonding process Jocelyn needed with her father. Suddenly she missed her one bedroom and the solitude it offered. Pulling into the driveway, she honked at Enzo who’d pulled up behind them. Silence reigned as they walked to the front door and she opened the door, allowing Jocelyn to enter in front of her.

Enzo beeped and pulled out of the driveway with a wave. She felt completely divided. In so many ways she’d found her place to belong. In others, she felt like the odd man out. There was no way in hell Joc would’ve pulled this if her father had been home.
What am I doing wrong? Does she think I’m trying to be her mother?
She locked the doors, armed the alarm, and came into the kitchen to find Jocelyn seated at the kitchen island.

“Aren’t you going to call my father and tell him what I did?”

“No, I was serious when I said you were going to do that. But if you call him before he gets back and mention this I will spank your ass, whether it’s my right or not. He needs his wits about him when he’s out there on the road working. It’s dangerous otherwise.”

Jocelyn’s eyes widened.

“There are so many things you didn’t consider when you pulled this stunt tonight. You could’ve been killed! Your father just got you back, what do you think that would do to him, or me? I’m the one responsible for you right now. You’ve completely broken my trust. I won’t believe a word out of your mouth for a long time. All for what? Where did you think you were going?”

“Home.”

“This is your home now. Your name is Jocelyn Kolton. Nothing you do will change that until you’re eighteen. I know this isn’t easy. But there are so many people here to help you through it.” Es shook her head. “You’re going to eat dinner and go directly to your room. I’ll be removing all the art supplies while you do that. The alarm is on and armed. I’ll know the minute you try to leave.”

“I won’t do that again,” Jocelyn whined.

“No you won’t on my watch,” Es agreed.