Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos Book 2) (13 page)

“Good evening, Mr. Kolton,” she purred.

“Evening.”

“You can go back,” she said, leaning forward.

He nodded and hurried through the small waiting room.

“Snake, come on in,” Arbuckle said.

He walked in and shut the door behind them. Sinking into the coal-colored chair he tried not to squirm. Something about the older man behind the desk and the set-up reminded him of being called into the principal’s office in high school.

“You heard something from them?”

“Yes. They had their lawyer send back a letter requesting a DNA sample. Which I anticipated.”

“You think I should do it?”

“Yes. Once we have the proof, it’ll open up the playing field. Right now you could be some whacko after a chunk of their money.”

“You think they actually believe that?” Snake asked, leaning back into his chair.

“No, but they’re covering all their bases. Right now they’re probably scrambling to create a legal paper trail for adoption and making sure there’s nothing left behind to prove the one under the table.”

“Can I tell them I’ll do the DNA test with a stipulation?”

“You could, but I wouldn’t suggest it. It could slow things up.”

“I want to know my daughter. Right now I know nothing more than her name and what she looks like. If they’ll send me information on her—just some basics: favorite color, foods, allergies—I’ll take the test no problem.”

“Okay, I’ll send the information to their lawyer tonight. He’s waiting on us. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.”

He gave a stiff nod and bit his tongue to keep his thoughts inside. It wouldn’t help anyone if he popped off and spilled every angry thought he had rolling around his skull. Arbuckle was a shrewd man who demanded patience and respect. Snake wouldn’t get on his bad side when he had so much riding on this.

“I already put a request in for a kit. Sometimes they’re backed up. We’re out a week, unless they protest your terms. I know we’re all anxious to get this process going so chances are you’ll have your information tomorrow.”

“Who’s going to be handling the kit?” he asked.

“We agreed on a lab that has no affiliation with either of us. They came highly recommended and they send a representative who administers the kit to each client. It’s a nice way to ensure nothing underhanded goes on.”

“Is there anything I can do, or should be doing to prepare for a potential court case?” Snake asked, wiping his palms on his jeans.

“You’ve already done it. You procured a house. You have steady employment that brings in a nice wage. Your girlfriend has been professionally trained to care for children physically as well as mentally. Did she move in with you?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Fix that. Even better, if you can, get a ring on her finger. Courts like nuclear families.”

“And they wouldn’t find it odd we just tied the knot now?”

“Not with her back story. God, they’d eat it up. From tragedy to married bliss in under a year because you were the one. It’d be a good move for you.”

“I’ll think about it,” Snake said, feeling ill at the thought of using their love for his gain.
Could I do that to her? I’ll only bring it up if things take a turn for the worse.
Being married wasn’t an issue—he saw that for them down the road—but it needed to be for the right reasons, or she’d never forgive him.
I’ll focus on moving her in.

“See that you do. If this thing gets ugly, you’ll want the tables stacked in your favor. I’ll give you a call when we have an eta on the DNA test.”

“All right, man. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow then.”

He walked out of the office hoping for the best and fearing the worst.
What had they told Jocelyn about him and Jade? Clearly she knew she was adopted. Both of her parents were Caucasian.
Feeling the weight of the club who wanted to plan a patch in party, his journey to get his daughter back, and the unsettled feeling between him and Es, he did the one thing he knew would clear his head: hit the open road.

He ended up at Rain just before closing.
I’m officially whipped.
Part of him worried that she’d come to her senses any minute. She was an ex-school teacher. He knew she had no business being with a man like him. After parking, he walked inside scanning the mostly empty floor. He spotted her at the bar closing out tabs. He nodded to Chuck, the bouncer, and walked over to sit in Es’ section. She lifted an eyebrow.

“Can I get you something?” she asked.

He leaned in. “Hey, do you think your boss would let you leave early?”

“Not funny,” she replied, shaking her head. The twitch of her lips betrayed her amusement.

He mentally wiped his brow. “I was serious. How was your night?”

“Busy, but good. How did the meeting go?”

“Good. They want a DNA test.”

“Makes sense.”

“I told him I’d take the test as long as they agreed to tell me something about Jocelyn. I don’t know a damn thing about her anymore.” He glanced down at his hand on the bar, ashamed.

“Hey, none of that’s your fault. You’re going to make it right.”

“If they accept, the test will be given by an impartial third party company.”

“Sounds fair.”

“I hate this whole civilized act we’re putting on. I want to go down there, get my daughter, and bring her home yesterday.”

“Except it’d be horrible for her. She wouldn’t know what was going on, who you were, or why you took her. You’d be the enemy who stole her from the parents who’ve loved and cared for her all this time. You don’t want that.”

He clenched his fists. “Only reason I’m doing this.”

She patted his hand. “You’re doing it right. It’ll take longer, but in the end it’ll be worth it. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, but their brains are still developing. You have to break it to her little by little and ease her into this. You’ll get where you want to be.”

“And you’ll be there to help me.”

“I said I would.”

“Are we okay?” he asked.

She looked startled, which caused his stomach to sour. He cleared his throat and swallowed. He wasn’t used to being unsure where he stood, or dealing with all the emotional work that came with relationships. He’d been alone for a while, and giving orders that were carried out without question for nearly the same length of time. It had colored his personality in ways he hadn’t anticipated. She was new to his world in so many ways. Another girl would’ve folded and accepted what he gave. Es never would. It was part of why he loved her so much. She would always speak her mind, demand the respect she deserved, and love him because he was Xavier Kolton. With the biker bunnies there was always a question mark when it came to relationship. Were they with you because of the cut, your position, or the bad boy image you personified in their eyes?

“We’re okay, Snake. This was our first fight, but I’m sure it won’t be our last. It’s the way of things,” she said with a smile and a shrug.

Reassured, he relaxed on his stool.

“How about I wait here until you get off?”

“Shouldn’t you be working?” she teased.

“Perks of being the boss. I don’t have work unless I want to.”

“Ass.”

“You just now figuring that out, Sprite?”

“Less flirting and more working,” Kali called from the other end of the bar.

Es huffed. “Look, you’re getting me into trouble,” she said, walking away from him to start the closing policies as the last of the patrons made their way outside. Eager to reconnect after the brief rift, he focused in on the prospect, Stealth.

“Stealth, come here.”

He strode over. “Yeah, V.P?”

“Finish cleaning up behind the bar and give Kali the register to count out.”

“Yes, sir,” Stealth replied.

He liked the boy. He’d be a good fit for the club. He followed directions down to the letter, never asked more questions than necessary, and held his alcohol and knowledge well. One of the main reasons they let people go was over inflated egos that lead to wagging tongues.

“Come here, sweet girl,” he said, crooking his fingers.

“I’m not finished yet.”

“Yes you are.” Snake grew hard as he took in the formfitting tank top and black pants. Not long ago he’d been inside of her and all had been right with the world. He needed to get back to that. He stared her down; her eyes dilated, and her chest heaved. When she walked around the bar, he opened his legs and guided her to stand between them. Gripping the back of her neck, he pulled her to him. He kissed her hard, intent on leaving his mark behind. They broke apart, and he stood, pulling her through the quiet club. Rain had a special room with a two-way glass and plush furniture. Normally used for private meetings, the space would facilitate a more recreational purpose tonight.

“Where are we going?” Es asked breathlessly.

“A place where I can remind you who you belong to.”

She gasped. He glanced back and chuckled at her scandalized expression.

“Here?”

“Anytime, anyplace. And I promise you, you’ll love every second of it.”

She bit her bottom lip, and he groaned and walked faster, pulling her along behind him. She was intoxicating. They’d danced around one another, put in the work to build a strong foundation, and now he wanted to learn her body as well as he knew her soul. They climbed the stairs, and he paused at the door to enter the code. The door clicked, and he turned the handle, allowing her to step inside the spacious room. Flicking on the light, he revealed the large wooden table lined with chairs by the door, and comfortable, black leather couches in the back of the room against the wall. A table rested between them and a bar sat a few feet away against the back wall.

He walked them to the back, sank onto the couch, and patted his lap. With her pink cheeks, she looked like a maiden waiting to be spoiled.

“Come here, sweet girl.” He grasped her hand and tugged her until she complied, straddling his legs. Gripping her hips, he pressed her down onto his hard-on. “See what you do to me? I can’t get enough of you.”

“You’ve only had me once,” she whispered.

“That’s just your body. Your soul has been mine for months. That’s why this is so good between us. You know that, right?”

She peered up from beneath a fringe of blonde hair.

“When I claimed you as my old lady, it wasn’t a decision I made on a whim. I did it because I’m in this with you for the long haul.”

She rested a hand on his chest, over his heart, and smiled bashfully. “Xavier, I feel the same way and it scares the hell out of me.”

“Don’t be scared. I’m not perfect. I’ll screw up, piss you off, and frustrate you to no end at times. That’s the way it is between an old lady and her man. But I will never let you down, abandon you, or leave you unprotected. I come with an entire family that’s embraced you. While we may be rowdy and unconventional, we’re also there for each other.” He laughed. “I guess what I’m saying is I pledge myself to you, sweet girl. You deserve flowers, poems, and a number of other things I can’t give you.”

“You just did,” she whispered.

His lips twitched upward. “Are you ready for the commitment that comes along with me? ’Cause I’m past the point of being able to let you go, and this life is an all in or out thing.”

“Don’t you know by now I’m with you, always? I love you. I never thought I would say those words to another man. Then you came along, and I couldn’t maintain all the walls I’d buried myself behind. You showed me how to live again. No, you gave me the courage to thaw out and experience life the way it was meant to be lived. After losing my family the way I did, there will always be a part of me that’s terrified by love this deep. There will be times when I retreat, try to push you away, and shut you out. I’m not perfect. I’m broken, but breathing and fighting like hell to keep what we have untarnished by my—”

“Hey, no.” He placed a finger on her lip, silencing her. “Neither of us is whole apart. We’re a work in progress, and that’s okay.” Burying his fingers in her mane, he massaged her scalp. Her body melted in to his hips. “I want to love you now, Es. Are you going to let me?” he asked, moving his fingers down to her neck. He worked out the tension, and she whimpered, circling her hips. He could feel her heat through his jeans and her pants. He continued kneading his way down her back and let her set the pace. His dick strained against his pants. She placed her hands on his shoulders and used him to balance as she rocked back and forth against him.

She was beautiful as she took back her power and put herself out there. Life steamrolled her, beat her down, and stole her sense of security. This woman before him was a phoenix risen from the ashes.

“You keep this up, I’m going to come in my pants.”

Her eyelids lifted, and her brown eyes smoldered. The wicked smile that graced her lips made him moan.

“Is it wrong that I find that thought appealing?”

Her impish playfulness made his heart sing.

“You challenging me?” he asked.

She tilted her head to the side. “Maybe.”

He tightened his hold on her and thrust up. “You want to see who comes first? Or you want to let me inside that tight pussy? I know you’re wet, I can smell it from here. Clothes off now, sweet girl.” They were a clumsy rush of movement as they stripped down and he put on a condom. She lowered herself onto him and loved him slowly. Sinking down and lifting as she flexed her muscles. He sucked her breast into his mouth, massaging its twin as he worshipped her with his mouth. He bit down on the stiff peak. She cried out and gripped him tighter. So his woman liked a bit of pain with her pleasure. He accompanied his next nibble with a soft slap to her ass.

“Oh yes,” she breathed.

Her throaty response made his balls tighten. She dropped down hard, and he thrust up, helping her lift and lower as he continued to devour her breasts. They found a rough rhythm that had her convulsing around him. His balls drew up, and he erupted.

He rested his head in the valley of her breasts as he came down. “Love you sweet girl.”

“Love you, too,” she murmured.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Estelle

As she finished another load of laundry, Es realized just how bare her apartment felt. She rarely stayed here, and the barren landscape she once used to punish herself saddened her. For too long she’d fed into her guilt; keeping her friends at bay until they gave up, living in this tiny one bedroom with only the basics. It had all been steps to keep her numb to life because she felt it was what she deserved. The road she’d left behind was dark. She could see that now as she entered into the light.

A knock came.
Right on time.
She opened the door and hugged Jolene tight.

“I am so glad you’re here.”

“Well, hello to you, too,” Jolene said with a laugh.

They stepped inside and Es closed the door. “Talking to you on the phone isn’t the same as seeing you all the time.”

“I know, Miss third shift working woman.” Jole paused, cocking her head to the side. “Oh my God. You slept with him.”

Es jumped. “What?”

“It’s all over your face! You look so good, happy, and relaxed. Girl, I know a sex glow when I see one. You’ve been getting dicked down on the regular.”

Her face burned like she’d been eating spicy peppers. “Umm.”

“Oh, come on. You can’t be dating that delicious-looking man and not dish,” Jole said, placing her hands on her hips.

“It’s so good.”

Jole clapped her hands together. “I knew it.”

“It’s not a technique thing, though he scores a ten in that department, it’s an emotional bond. I never thought I would be able to feel this again. I was closed off for so long, it became my normal. He took the time to chip away at my ice barrier, and now it’s like molten lava.”

“Lava is good,” Jole remarked.

“It’s intense, which is horrifying, but I wouldn’t stop it if I could. This is the most alive I’ve felt since the tornado decimated my entire life.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You don’t do that. At least, you didn’t before,” Jole said.

“Do what?”

“Talk about the tornado like that. It’s always been this massive elephant in the room we only infer to. I was still on the fence about your boyfriend. Now I’m sold.”

“Because of sex glow?” Es asked, wrinkling her nose.

“No, you dork. Progress. You’ve come a long way in the past six months and I know he had a lot to do with it. At the end of the day, all I want if for you to be healthy and happy. I can see you are all of those things. It’s a good look.”

“Thank you,” Es said.

“Of course.”

“What’s going on in Jole’s world?” Es asked as they moved toward the stackable washer and dryer.

“Same. Things are getting better and better with Todd. I have you to thank for that. If I had never opened up and gotten your encouragement, I’d be miserable.”

“You know we practice tough love. A real friend tells you what you need to hear whether you want the advice or not.” Es opened the dryer door, placed her clothing on top, and began to fold them and pack them away into a bag.

“Is there something you want to tell me about your living arrangements?” Jole asked in a voice laced with sarcasm.

“No. I’m over there most of the time. Between helping him get the home together and working late hours, it’s easier to live out of my suitcase there.”

“How does tall, dark, and deadly feel about it?” Jole asked.

“He’s not that bad. I think if it was up to him I’d never leave. He’s never been the one in this relationship who kept things developing slowly. He took his time out of respect for me.”

“And where do you stand? Is this a fling, a short term relationship, or what?”

Es swallowed. “It’s serious, Jole. I can’t see life without him, and that’s not a statement I would ever make lightly. He balances me, understands the darkness I’ve lived through, and chases away the ghosts when I’m getting sucked into my past. He relates. I don’t have to explain myself, feel bad, or avoid him when I’m struggling because he gets it. With him I’m never really alone.”

Jole’s eyes were the size of a quarter. “Jesus Christ, Estelle. You’re completely head over heels for this guy, and it sounds like he feels the same way about you. I don’t know many bikers, but it seems to me he wouldn’t let everyone know you’re his girlfriend if he wasn’t serious.”

“It’s called an old lady, and no he wouldn’t. It’s their version of being married.”

“Would you marry him?” she asked.

“Oh my God. I think I would,” Es said, leaning against the dryer as her knees weakened.

“Damn, when you go, you go hard, don’t you?” Jole said.

“I guess so. What the hell am I going to do?”

“Not freak out, first of all. This is all hypothetical. No one is popping the question anytime soon. It’s always good to know where you stand in a relationship. End game affects the way you respond to things.”

“What if he does though?” Es asked.

“Then you’ll say yes, get you a leather vest for her, marry, ride away into the sunset, and have magma hot sex for the rest of your life.”

“Just like that?” Es said, waving her hand in a fluid gesture.

“Well, you’d have to plan a few things first, but essentially yes. We’re too old to play games and wait to be sure. You’re thirty- eight, you know what you want and don’t.”

“Don’t age me. I’m still thirty-seven.”

“Not for much longer,” Jole replied with glee.

“You’re evil,” Es said, making the sign of the cross and hissing.

“No, I’m past forty, and waiting for your perky breasted ass to catch up.”

“They’re small, not perky, Ms. Double Ds. I’m barley scraping the barrel of B cups.”

“A man doesn’t need more than a handful, and my back would love to be closer to a B. I was a happy C cup and then I breastfed two babies.” Jole cupped her boobs, and Estelle laughed so hard she snorted.

“Holy crap, what would I do without you?”

“Be a lot less amused I suppose,” Jole answered.

“That’s the truth,” Estelle said, and put a hold on the thoughts running through her mind after their talk of marriage.

§

She carefully made her way over the soft grass, eyeing the grey stone makers as she went. Marriage talk had brought around a fresh flood of guilt. What would it say about her love for Everett if she took another last name and made a new family? How could she continue toward the future when she was still clinging to parts of her past? Short answer, she couldn’t.
It’s time to put them to rest.
They’d been the weight on her shoulder, and her heart for too long. Her husband would never have wanted that. She stopped at the rectangular marking and ran her hands over the words. She’d made an executive decision, gathered what was left of her child, and buried her with her father, so she would never be alone. They shared the headstone. It brought her comfort now.

“I guess you know why I’m here. You always had a way of being two steps ahead of me about these things. I’ll always love you and Emma. You’re on my mind every day, and part of me will always wonder what if. I think its human nature, and we’ve all got a bit of masochist in us, don’t we?” She traced the E in his name. “I met a man, his name is Xavier, but he’s known as Snake. I think you’d like him a lot. He has this realness to him you have to respect, and he cares about me. He lost his family, too. It’s how we bonded. I don’t think I could’ve found someone more your opposite. I think that’s part of why I like him so much. He’s not in your shadow because he stands on his own. He’s special and I love him. I hope you’re proud of me where you are. I had a tough time for a while. But I turned it around the best way I could. I love my job. I meet some interesting characters and I get to play with booze all day.” She laughed. “Who would’ve guessed those cocktail parties we used to host would lead to this?”

The clouds broke, and a strong beam of sunlight caressed her face. She tilted her head up and basked in its warmth. It felt like a caress from Everett’s hand.
It’s a sign of acceptance.
Closing her eyes, she smiled, and sat with the man who would always be her best friend.

§

Snake

He studied the worn piece of paper he’d read a dozen times. Today the results would come back. His hands shook slightly as he read over the list the Miles emailed him about Jocelyn. Her favorite color was turquoise. She possessed an advanced color palette for a six year old if you asked him. She loved spaghetti and meatballs, mashed potatoes, and cheeseburgers. She loved to dance, draw, and craft. They’d had her in ballet for over three years. It was mindboggling. What could a four or five year old really do in a ballet class? The creativity was all her mother. She had a knack for turning the most menial thing into a work of art. She’d made their house a cozy home on a shoestring budget.

There were no known allergies for her. It was a relief. It would make the transitioning process easier. He spent so much time studying her features and questioning himself. Did he see himself and Jade in her features, or was this a fool’s belief in the world of a known liar?

He refolded the piece of paper, tucked it inside the pocket of his cut, and left the bathroom. He tried to hide his nervousness from Es, but he was certain she knew.

“You ready to go, Es?” he asked.

“Yep.”

She stood from the couch, closing her Kindle, and tucking it into a black backpack she’d taken to using when they rode. He’d purchased a sissy seat which allowed her to ride more comfortably. She zipped up the bag, slung it over her shoulders, and took his hand. They were meeting up at the lawyer’s office, where he and the Miles would open up their DNA packets together. He was silent as they left the house he hoped to turn into a real home and boarded his bike. Neither the feel of his woman against his back nor the wind on his face could settle him down. They pulled into the parking lot, and he backed into a space. After he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, he got off the bike, holding his hand out to Es. She grasped it and paused, studying him. His muscles tightened as he waited for her to say anything. She shook her head, as if thinking better of what she had planned, and climbed off.

Inside Arbuckle’s office, Snake perched on the edge of his seat as the lawyers played nice.

“Are you ready to open the results, Gregory?” Arbuckle asked.

“I am, Jim.”

“Here we go,” Arbuckle said as he opened the sealed letter.

Snake held his breath.

“It’s ninety-nine point nine percent certain Snake is Jocelyn’s parent.”

His heart crept up into his throat, silencing his vocal chords. A wail of anguish came over the telephone speaker. The mournful sound snapped him out of his stupor.

“I want my daughter,” he said.

“What, you expect us to just give her over?” a man’s voice barked.

“I wouldn’t advise you to speak with him directly,” the Miles’ lawyer said.

“Fuck that, George, this is our daughter we’re talking about,” Mr. Miles said.

“No, it’s my daughter,” Snake barked.

“You’re a monster! You expect us to simply hand her over with no warning like some stray puppy. She has to be prepared and groomed. Can you imagine what taking her from us and never looking back would do to her? She’s nine years old for Christ’s sake.”

“She belongs with me. Don’t act like you got her through legal means.”

“How were we supposed to know you were out there? We were told her parents were drug addicted derelicts who’d bartered her for cash for heroin! We took her in knowing there was a chance she was a drug baby.”

“And you want what, a medal for that? You want me to thank you for keeping my child away from me for the past four years?”

Es placed a hand on his arms. “Nothing is going to be settled like this,” she said, and he turned his head to glare at her. “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be. Right now, you need to think about Jocelyn, and what she needs. Put her first.”

He ground his teeth and bit his tongue. The copper taste of blood hit his taste buds. Lashing out at Es would change nothing. She didn’t deserve the brunt of his anger. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.
I need to think like a Vice President instead of a father.

“And how do you suggest we handle this?” he asked, forcing the words out of his mouth.

“Ease her into things. Introduce you,” Mr. Miles said.

“And what should we tell her, hmm?” Mrs. Miles said.

“How about the fucking truth? My wife was a damned good mother. She shouldn’t be remembered as some cracked out druggie who cared more about heroine than her child. The thought is an insult to her memory.”

“We didn’t do this on purpose, Mr. Kolton,” Mr. Miles said.

“The only thing I care about is getting back on track and taking steps to being where we should be. You’re lucky I’m agreeing to do that. We both know if I took your asses to court you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on, so don’t mistake my willingness to do what’s right for my daughter as a sign of weakness. I’m sure you did your homework so you know exactly who and what I am.”

“An uncouth swine, not fit to—”

“So help me, shut up,” Mr. Miles barked.

“I understand this is an emotionally charged issue, but I must insist we leave the negotiation and communication to the lawyers. We’ll come up with a visitation schedule, then we’ll send it to you for approval,” Greg said.