Broken Man (10 page)

Maybe it was. Maybe she was just repeating this same destructive pattern with Jack, his age seemingly setting him apart him from the men in her past. Could she be making the same mistake once again?

“You still there, Amanda,” Sue interrupted her thoughts.

“I’m still here,” Amanda smiled as she thought about Jack. “I understand what you are saying, but I honestly think that this time is different, and I don’t think it would matter whether he was twenty-five or fifty-five. He really is unlike any man I have ever known. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but you should see the look on his face when I talk to him. He listens, he cares about what I am saying, and he cares about me. It’s not like it is with other men who are basically just ignoring you or simply waiting for you to finish what you are saying so they can go back to talking about themselves and trying to get you into bed.”

“You really have it bad this time,” Sue smiled.

“I do,” Amanda finally agreed with Sue as she stood up to get ready for a shower. “You know, my grandmother fell in love with a man who was twenty years older than her, and she knew right away that he was the one. She said that marrying him was the best decision she ever made and that she was in love with him until the day he died. Maybe there is something to that.”

“Listen to you talking about love and marriage,” Sue laughed. “Don’t forget, it’s only your first date.”

“I know that, but you never know,” Amanda smiled. “Can you stay and help me get ready and maybe drop me off at the casino. I really don’t want to drive.”

“Of course I can,” Sue reassured her. “And stop worrying about tonight. Everything is going to go fine.”

“I hope so,” Amanda replied as she walked into the bathroom to get ready. “I don’t know what I will do if it doesn’t.”

* * *

“I’ll just have a soda water,” Jack replied to the bartender as he stood at the busy bar waiting for Amanda to arrive. Probably best not to have a drink yet, Jack thought to himself, although I could use one to settle my nerves.

Am I dressed too casually, Jack checked the mirror behind the bar and saw a indistinguishable reflection of a man in a white button up polo shirt open at the collar, complimented by a black blazer. Maybe I should have worn a tie, he reconsidered his choices as the bartender arrived with his drink. Maybe I shouldn’t be here at all.

“That will be three dollars, sir.”

“Thanks,” Jack replied to the bartender as he handed him a five.

Stick to the plan, Jack, he scolded himself for second guessing his choices. This is not a big deal. Just two friends having dinner and a nice conversation. No expectations, no pressure. Just try to enjoy yourself,and remember, it is about Amanda tonight. It is her night to relax and have a good time, to escape from the crazy schedule that she keeps.

Then, he saw her, and all of his planning and preparation fell by the wayside. Jack absolutely froze as he watched her enter the restaurant, seemingly the only woman in the room, her long dark hair flowing over her shoulders and leading his eyes to her figure, stunning in a black cocktail dress. She absolutely owned the room, and as she approached him, Jack was at a loss for words.

“Hi, Jack, glad you could make it,” she smiled as she teased him.

“Good evening, Amanda,” he managed to stammer as he gave her a kiss on the cheek and tried to get a hold of himself. “You look great, I didn’t know you had hair.”

“What did you think, it was a wig,” she laughed.

“You know what I mean,” he smiled at his awkwardness. “You always have your hair up when you work. I have never seen you with it down.”

“You have never seen a lot of things about me, Jack,” she flirted casually. “Do you want to get a table.”

“We are all set,” Jack replied, grateful that he had finally done something right by arranging for a nice private table.

The Maitre D’ arrived as if on cue, and as he lead Jack and Amanda to their corner table, Jack could feel every man turn to look at her in admiration. He smiled as he thought not so much about her beauty, but rather about the funny, spirited woman that complimented and contrasted her exterior appearance so nicely.

“I ordered some champagne,” he smiled as the waiter poured two glasses before departing the table. “I remembered you said it was your favorite.”

“Trying to get me drunk already, Jack,” she teased him again.

“No, I think it’s the other way around,” he laughed at his own nervousness. “I needed something to calm myself down.”

“Awww, that is so sweet, I’ve made the stoic Jack nervous.”

“Just a little,” he replied as her teasing started to relax him. “It has been awhile since I have been out.”

“Well, as I said before, I promise not too bite. So, do you think I can finally find out something about you besides that you are a good poker player.”

“What would you like to know,” Jack replied somewhat cautiously in his response.

“Well, I’ll start with an easy one. What do you do?”

“I run a resort in South Florida,” he replied casually. “I’ve been doing it for seventeen years.”

“That sounds like fun,” she smiled as she took a sip of champagne. “But, how do you run a resort in South Florida and spend all your time in Atlantic City.”

“I am on a bit of a sabbatical,” he answered somewhat honestly as he stuck with his plan to steer the conversation away from him. “Just needed a little break. So, my turn to ask a question. What made you decide on substance abuse counseling as a career?”

“It’s kind of complicated,” she paused awkwardly, not wanting to continue.

“That’s okay,” Jack reassured her, relieved to talk about anything except himself. “I like complicated, and we have all night.”

“I don’t know, Jack,” she replied as she took another sip of champagne. “Maybe we should just stick to easy topics like poker and baseball. I don’t want to ruin the night.”

That is why she always seems so sad, Jack suddenly realized as he recognized the look on her face and thought about changing the subject. There is a major event in her past that has altered her life, helped shape her into the woman she has become. Do I really want to go there?

Sure, they could stick to safe topics and talk about poker or work or baseball and never get to really know each other. That would certainly be easier. Maybe it would be best.

“It’s okay, Amanda,” he reassured her as he went with the more difficult option. “I promise, you won’t ruin the night. Look, we are friends, we should be able to talk about anything.”

“Okay, Jack,” she replied, still hesitant to continue. “But remember, that goes both ways.”

“I know it does,” he smiled at her as he poured both of them some more champagne. “But, you are first.”

“Well, I’m not sure where to start,” she painfully smiled back at him as she began the long sad story of her mother.

* * *

Oh my God, what have I done, Amanda woke with a start, alone in her apartment.

She looked over at her clock, 5:13 in the morning, and immediately realized what had happened. She had definitely drank too much, her dry mouth, throbbing head, and waking up in the middle of the night indicative of her behavior.

What was I thinking?

The unmitigated disaster of the night suddenly washed over her brain as she realized she was still dressed in her cocktail dress, kept warm by Jack’s blazer.

“I am such an idiot,” she whispered to herself as she reached for the glass of water on the nightstand.

The water felt good in her mouth, cooling her throat and temporarily relieving the dryness. Unfortunately, it also served to return her to her senses and bring back memories of what had happened just a few hours earlier.

Did I really do that?

The night had started out well enough, she remembered as she thought of him standing at the bar, smiling nervously as she approached. Jack was just so handsome and polite, and it was adorable to see him so nervous. He had ordered champagne and arranged for a private table in the corner of the restaurant, a perfect setting for a romantic dinner, a wonderful start to the evening.

W
hy would I have ruined the entire night by talking about my mother?

I guess it was the champagne, Amanda thought to herself, but once I got started, I couldn’t stop. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest, but couldn’t I have picked a better time than a first date with a man I barely know. He must think I am crazy, some kind if needy girl looking for a father figure to take care of her. Maybe I really do have Daddy issues.

But, he seemed to take it well enough, Amanda remembered the look on his face as he listened to her. He hadn’t looked at her like she was crazy and he had asked all the right questions and shown all the proper concern. The night had actually seemed to be going pretty well despite her choice of conversation, and they had eventually moved on to other subjects, their verbal exchange stimulating as always.

And then they had wine with dinner. A great bottle of red wine, Amanda’s drug of choice when she was feeling emotional. A fine selection when she was in the safety of her apartment talking with Sue, but not on a first date. Not on a first date with Jack.

“Oh, no,” Amanda whispered to herself as she remembered the rest of the night and reached for the glass of water. “I can’t believe I did that.”

She had practically thrown herself at Jack during the cab ride home and then dragged him into her apartment when they reached the door. She remembered the blur of trying to kiss him and pull him onto the bed, her emotions and feelings for him heightened by their conversation and her blood alcohol level. The things she would have done to him in that state. Fortunately, he had been such a gentleman, the night so different than a couple of similar experiences in the past, her waking up naked next to a unfamiliar man, regretting what she had done.

Thank God that hadn’t happened, Amanda smiled as she thought of Jack. He had been so sweet, bringing her a big glass of water and a couple Tylenol, getting her settled down into bed, holding her hand and making sure she was okay as she fell asleep. I hope I haven’t blown it with him, Amanda thought to herself as she got out of bed to refill her water.

As she stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the light, Amanda was suddenly reminded of his presence by the scent of his jacket and a note tucked into the corner of the vanity. As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she smiled as she thought of him, and realized as she read his note that maybe the night hadn’t been such a disaster after all.

Amanda,

I had a nice time tonight. Be sure to take a couple more Tylenol and drink plenty of water when you wake up. I’ll see you tonight.

Jack

Chapter Ten

That wasn’t so bad, Jack thought to himself as he ran down the beach, enjoying an unseasonably warm mid-March morning along with an unexpectedly beautiful sunrise. They had actually had a good time.

A single night with Amanda had run the gamut of emotions, from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. Her story was almost unbelievable, but knowing her as he now did, it all made sense. A woman as beautiful as her just doesn’t develop that kind of character, strength, intelligence, and personality, at least not without some extenuating circumstances. Beautiful women simply don’t have to, everything freely given to them, all doors open because of their appearance.

She would be hard for most people to understand, Jack thought to himself, unless someone had also grown up surrounded by the same difficult circumstances that she had endured. Amanda had basically been alone since she was twelve, left to figure things out on her own, neglected and unloved. It was definitely a story Jack could empathize with, both of them having been abandoned by emotionally challenged mothers and absentee fathers.

It’s hard to describe the feeling, but when you grow up under trying circumstances, it becomes difficult to connect with others, especially with those who have experienced a more favorable childhood environment. You have nothing in common with many people, and the frivolities of others’ lives are almost foreign and unrecognizable, the struggle to survive all consuming. Jack recognized this feeling all too well in Amanda, and understood her inability to truly connect with many people, particularly men. Growing up as she had, she would naturally associate privilege with entitlement, happiness with shallowness, love with neediness, wrongly or not.

Somehow, like him, she had figured things out, she had persevered, she had survived, and Jack respected her for it. Sure, she still had to fight through some leftover issues and insecurities resulting from her upbringing. But, everything considered, she was doing fine, and he wouldn’t want her any other way.

Jack smiled as he dodged a horseshoe crab crawling through the sand and remembered arriving back at her apartment the night before. He probably shouldn’t have ordered the second bottle of wine, he thought to himself, she is such a lightweight. The wine and talking about her mother had understandably made her emotional, and he knew she would regret her actions this morning, especially if she remembered what she had said.