Broken Survivor (21 page)

“Well, my dear, it looks like you’re definitely having a baby, and so far so good, everything appears to be developing normally.” The doctor pressed on her lower abdomen a couple of times, then pulled her fingers out and discarded the glove she wore. “You may see some spotting for the next day or two because of the exam, so try not to worry if that occurs. Would you like to see if we could hear the heartbeat? According to your calculations since your last cycle, you’re about eleven weeks or so. That would make your due date sometime around the twenty-seventh of July. It may be too early yet to hear, but we can give it a shot.”

“Okay. When do you normally hear a heartbeat during pregnancy?” she asked.

“Well, the fetus’s heart begins to beat around six weeks along, but it’s about twelve weeks on average when we can actually hear it. Seeing as you’re very close to that, we may get lucky.”

Zander pulled his chair closer and held her hand while Dr. Ryerson got the fetal Doppler ready.

“The Doppler here sends and receives sound waves that reflect off your baby’s heart, amplifying it so you can hear the sound.” She turned it on and placed it on top of Holly’s stomach. It made a slight scratching sound as she moved it around, and then, voila! What sounded like little hoof beats echoed around the room.

“What is that?” Holly asked, completely in awe.

“It’s a good strong beat from your baby.”

Holly gasped and began to cry. “Oh my God!” She turned to look at Zander, and he had a big, goofy smile pasted on. Her own heart began to pump faster, and she got butterflies in the pit of her belly. They were almost past the danger zone of the first trimester, were able to hear their baby, and the doctor had confirmed everything was looking good. So for the first time since she’d suspected that she was pregnant, she was able to let the worry go and enjoy the happiness of the moment.

***

Zander

“Now, close your eyes.” Zander covered them with his hands as an extra precaution so she wouldn’t take a peek as he stepped up behind her.

“What are you up to?” Going in blind, Holly reluctantly let him lead her to the surprise that awaited.

“You’ll see.” She was working the weekend shift, and he’d spent the entire day thinking this through. It was a time to celebrate. She was giving him a baby, extending his family, and he wanted to show her how cherished she was, how proud he was, and how much he loved her. He stopped her just short of the living room. He moved her long dark hair aside, and she shivered as his lips kissed their way up her throat, stopping at her ear. “You ready for this?”

“Bring it,” she challenged. “But make it good.”

Oh, I’ll bring it all right
, he thought. She always knew how to make him smile. “You can count on that.”

Ta-da!

His hands left her eyes so she could take it all in. He’d moved the living room furniture around a bit to accommodate the plan. Her gasp of “Oh wow!” interrupted his musings, and he tried to look at the room through her eyes. Dim lighting, check; roses, check; rose petals leaving a trail from the hallway to the thick plush blanket in the middle of the room next to them, check; wineglasses, apple juice in place of wine, and food ready to go, check, check, check.

“You’ve been busy today.” She smiled with appreciation as he helped her get out of her coat. “What’s the occasion?”

“There isn’t one.” He took her hand and led her to the blanket to sit. “I’m just a regular guy wanting to do something nice for his pregnant wife.”

“Wife, huh?” She bit her lip and waited for a response to his slipup.

“Might as well be.” He shrugged it off, kissed her palm, and stood to get the finger foods from the fridge.

“Is that a proposal?”

His hands were filled with trays of veggies, fruit, and sandwiches. He put them down and sat with her to pull off the saran wrap that kept it all fresh. “When I propose, I’d like to do it proper, so for now, no. But it’s something I can definitely see happening at one point sooner or later.”

“I can live with that.” She exhaled the breath she was holding. “The food looks great. I’ve been feeling a little nauseous today, so I love that you made it light.”

“Are you feeling okay now?” It sucked to see her feeling ill, but he was glad to know that it was a normal symptom. Otherwise, he might have gone mad with worry.

“I think so.” She popped a grape into her mouth. “What made you think of doing a picnic in the living room? I like the spontaneity.”

“It’s nothing.” He blushed and wanted to kick himself in the ass for doing it too, because she noticed and he was shit out of luck. Now he’d have to get all sappy and tell her the truth.
“Yeah, well, I was thinking earlier about the time we went by Meech Lake for a picnic and I wanted to recreate one of our first dates. Since it’s winter, I figured we’d do it in here.” Sure, lame ass, try not to sound too much like a pussy telling it.

“O—kay then.”

“I was thinking about the kickass car I used to have, and it led to the picnic…” He cleared his throat. “I figured you’d be tired after work, and I—”

“It’s definitely not nothing,” she said, as if she sensed his uneasiness. “This is amazing. I remember that sweet ride too like it was yesterday. Her smooth black body, the cool bird along the hood, her purr turning into a roar as she drove, and then the wind in our hair as we cruised with no destination in mind but to enjoy the moment. There was the freedom and the feel of her smooth, slick leather interior against our bodies while the adrenaline rushed through her and into us. She was an awesome part of history in our present for the time we had the pleasure of riding her.”

“We are still talking about the car, right?” He chuckled and shook his head to clear the dirty thoughts roaming around in there. “You have a way with words, babe.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Harrison.” Holly wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively and then sobered. “I’m just sorry my father had to screw us over.”

“Me too.” When he first moved in, there was no parking available, and he couldn’t leave the Trans Am at his parents’ pretty much for the same reason. They’d downsized when he moved out and now lived in a small apartment complex with only one spot available for his father. Chrystal happened to call as he and Holly were talking about the predicament and said she knew a guy who could help, only her guy turned out to be Christian, who she was still in contact with. He made some sort of a deal with the garage he worked at to store it there for a couple of months for a monthly fee. Christian swore up and down he’d take care of it to try and get into Holly’s good graces again. This gave Zander time to think of an alternative, so he’d jumped on the opportunity before they’d found out all of the details. But all was lost when her dickhead father scammed them, sold the car without proof of ownership, and failed to let them know until they wanted their car back a month later. Douche-bag had kept all of the profit so he could get high. It still pissed him off royally too whenever he thought about it.

“I’ll make it up to you one day. I promise we’ll get another one,” she said.

She squeezed his hand, and his frustration evaporated with her touch. “I believe you. Let’s eat.” He’d had enough talking for now and filled a plate for each of them. Toward the end of their meal, he hand-fed her some fruit. It was amazing how sensual such a small act could be. Later they settled on the couch after she began to get uncomfortable on the floor, and her moans while he rubbed her feet drove him to the brink of insanity with need.

“Good God, your hands are magic.” She arched her body with a stretch, totally content.

“Shit.”

“What?” Her playful look, her little smirk, and the twinkle in her eye told him she knew exactly what, so without another word he lifted her in his arms and took her with him to bed to show her what was what.

Chapter Eighteen

Two months later

Holly

“Congratulations!”

“Thanks, Shay.” Holly’s round belly shook as she quietly chuckled. Her enthusiastic friend had practically screeched with excitement and nearly toppled her over with a huge hug. “I’ve been looking forward to this lunch all week.”

Shayla Peterson was naturally exuberant and expressive, and there wasn’t a shy bone in her body. Since Holly was almost the exact opposite, it was refreshing to see and experience when they were together.

“Thanks,
mamacita
, me too.” Shay placed her hands on the baby bump. “Geez Louise, girl, how far along are you now?”

“Five months,” she answered proudly. “And loving every minute of it.”

“I bet. You’re glowing and looking great. Is he/she moving yet?”

“He/she?” Holly shook her head. “That sounds kind of freaky, but yes, the baby moves quite a lot. It’s an incredible feeling. I wish I could describe it properly.”

“So when are you able to find out if it’s a he or she?” Her friend looped her arm through Holly’s and they moved to grab a table.

“Tomorrow’s the ultrasound appointment, and from what they tell me it’s a possibility. I hope the baby cooperates. I’d really like to get a color for him or her besides green or yellow.”

“Oooh!” Her friend rubbed her hands together. “You have to keep me updated.”

“Will do, I promise.” She picked up the menu and opened it. “So, any recommendations? What’s good here?”

After they ordered drinks and their food, their conversation turned a little more serious.

“So, Alex?” Shayla took a sip of wine.

“What about him?” Holly asked and picked up her water for a drink of her own.

“You two have been together like forever, and now a baby…”

“Yep, way to point out the obvious, Shay. Zander’s great, but then he always has been, to me anyway. He helped me get through a lot, and he was there for me when I had no one else to count on. I really don’t know where I’d be today without him. He’s the one who showed me there was good in life when everything was bad—really, really, bad. And believe me, it wasn’t an easy road to go down. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully over the death of my mother or what I was forced to witness. That shit haunts you and probably will for the rest of my life. He seems to accept that about me. I’m pretty sure that’s a quality that is hard to find in anyone. So how did I get so lucky?” She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I stopped questioning why he chose to be with me a couple of years ago.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Hol. Alex is a lucky guy to have you too.” The waiter came with their salads, and Shayla stabbed her fork through the crisp green leaves of lettuce and took a big bite.

“So what is it you were getting at, then?” Holly moved a cherry tomato aside and began to eat too.

“You pretty much answered my question anyway. I guess I was just curious if you wondered—you know.” She widened her eyes and tilted her head to the side as if she thought Holly would know what the hell she was talking about.

“Um, no, I don’t think I do. Care to clarify?”

“Well, you’ve been together a long time, and you clearly have limited experience.” She coughed. “Aren’t you curious, even the slightest, about what it would be like to be with another man?”

“Oh yeah, ’cause they’d be lining up while I’m pregnant with my live-in boyfriend’s baby. Come on!”

She rolled her eyes when Shayla responded with, “Hey, you’d be surprised.”

“That was sarcasm, hon, geez.” Holly glared at her. “You do know my past experiences, right? Obviously. So what kind of bat-shit crazy question is that? Why the heck would I even chance screwing up my relationship? I have it really good with him, and when you have it like I do, you don’t let go unless you’re forced to. I love him, and I’m having his child. We’re a family, and I haven’t had that in a really long time. My mom’s dead, I don’t see Chrystal half as much as I’d like to, and have you met the sperm donor? I rest my case.”

“Okay, okay. I hear where you’re coming from. Don’t shoot daggers over there.” Shayla held up her hands. “It was just an honest question from a girl who hasn’t met that special someone yet. We don’t all meet Prince Charming right away like you. I’m actually a little jealous.”

“Really?” Her expression softened. “Well, in that case, you’re forgiven. I’m sure your prince is out there somewhere. You just need to keep looking. In the meantime, I’ll live vicariously through you and your experiences when you tell me about them, while I remain faithful.”

“You got it, Momma Bear. Roar!” Shayla did a claw-like gesture and made Holly laugh quite a bit during the rest of their time together.

Just as they were about to leave, Holly got an unwanted surprise.

“What the hell?” Shay’s outburst stopped her in her tracks.

Shit!
Her eyes widened and she became stiff. “Please tell me it’s not who I think it is,” she hissed.

“Wish I could, honey.” Shayla reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “You’ve got me right here to back you up. Just be tough and hold your ground. Here he comes.”

Fuck, fuck, fucking hell. I haven’t seen or heard from Christian since that phone call when I told him off and cut him out of my life. Why today? Why ever?

“Holly?”

Her heart rate accelerated, and she gulped before looking up into pale green eyes very similar to her own. “Christian.” His name was all that would come out. He was unpredictable, and his presence made her a little nervous, especially now that she had a child inside of her to worry about.

“I’m going to be a grandfather.” He stifled a laugh and pointed toward her obvious round belly. “Chrystal never mentioned it to me.”

“Yeah, I asked her not to,” she interrupted and quickly looked at her friend for support and back to him again. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m going to be a grandpa,” he repeated and disregarded her question for a moment as if he was in his own world.

“We’re here for a bite to eat, much like you,” a man she didn’t recognize said as he stepped up beside Christian.

“Yeah, uh, t-this is Anthony. My, uh, sponsor. I’ve been trying to clean myself up since we last spoke.” He elbowed Anthony so the other guy would speak up again.

“Right.” Anthony cleared his throat. “Sponsor-slash-coworker. Your dad’s been participating in NA for six months now.”

“NA—as in Narcotics Anonymous?” She lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. “What’s it for this time? An attempt to look good for your parole officer? To stay out of jail? Oh, let me guess, you’ve decided for the hundredth time that you finally want to change. Forgive me for the disbelief here, but we’ve been through this before way too many times to count. If it’s true, and I say that lightly, congratulations, Christian. Now if you’ll excuse me, we were done over here. Have a nice life.”

Her chair scrapped back loudly as she quickly stood with Shayla following her cue to do the same. Just as they attempted to go around the two men, her father grabbed her by the arm.

“Holly, wait!”

“Do not touch me.” Her jaw clenched when the words came out, and her nervousness turned to anger. “Ever!”

“Please, just give me another minute of your time.” He immediately let her go, and the guy beside him looked really uncomfortable. They were drawing attention with three quarters of the restaurant now looking in their direction.

“What do you want?” she hissed again. “I have nothing more to say to you.”

“I want to try and start over. Please give me the opportunity. Give me a chance to prove I can change, that I have changed. I’m not asking for a lot, just a start. Can you give me at least one dinner? You can bring the boyfriend.” He gestured toward her protruding midsection.

“He has a name, you know.”

“Okay.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t sure what it was.”

“Liar,” she snapped. “It’s Alexander, you know that.”

She bit her lip to keep from causing more of a scene when he smirked. “You’re still with him? I knew I always liked that guy.”

She snorted. “You have a funny way of showing it. You make a habit of screwing over people you like? Wait a minute, don’t bother answering that, because we both know you do.”

“Did,” he corrected. “One dinner, please?” His question turned into a plea, and she felt like kicking herself in the ass later for what she did next. He looked close to tears, and her heart melted a bit at the site. Call it weakness for the man who was supposed to be her father, or maybe it was hormones, but it was there regardless, and she caved.

“Fine, if it’ll stop this conversation and let me leave. I’ll give you one dinner, but I can’t promise you any more than that.”

“I’ll take it. Thank you so much.” Before she could react he pulled her into a big bear hug and stepped back quickly, as if afraid she’d knee him in the balls. The thought did have its appeal, but she refrained. “Can I get your number so we can discuss when and where?”

“It’s the same.” She eyed him speculatively.

He cleared his throat. “I thought you changed it?”

“So I lied.” She shrugged. “And Chrystal played along so you’d leave me alone. It’s not like you tried to call back or anything, which I am glad for, by the way.”

“I get it.” He looked at her baby bump and then back to her face. “Let me make amends so I can at least be a part of my grandson’s life.”

“Grandson? Don’t be too sure. We haven’t found out what we’re having yet.”

“A man can hope, can’t he? Come on, give me a break here. You and your sister are the only children I have—that I know of anyway.” He snorted with laughter. “I’ll be in touch.”

Holly scowled at his retreating back.
Lying, cheating bastard
,
she thought and took a deep breath.

“You okay?” Shayla interrupted her thoughts and looked concerned.

“Peachy.” She sighed with relief. “At least it’s over. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

After nodding in agreement, her friend followed her out. “Next time we go somewhere else.”

What had started out as a great day had been somewhat ruined by her chance encounter.
Damn Christian. I just hope to God above that he’s telling the truth this time and I won’t regret agreeing to this dinner. The next step is telling Zander about it—something I am not looking forward to.

***

It was so cold again. Holly shivered, and Chrystal put her arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Will we ever?” A cold mist of fog left her mouth as she whispered her answer. “I swear I’ll never look at the color beige the same way again.”

That color and wood combined. Plain beige walls, beige carpet, a beige box where each of the accused sat while she and her sister waited and waited for the cock-sucking asshole to come up next. It felt as if they’d been there forever. The room was packed to with nosy strangers who had nothing to do with the case, and it pissed her off that members of her family had to stand because some school decided it would be interesting to observe a murderer. She asked the bailiff in the beginning if he could possibly make a few people move so that her family could be more comfortable. They were the victims, after all.

“There is nothing I can do,” he’d replied. “If you’re so concerned for their welfare, get up and give someone your seat.”

“Really, you’re kidding right?” Her blood had boiled and her hands trembled when he shook his head. She tried to calm down, but it was so hard when the walls felt as if they were closing in.

What would it be like to see him again, the man who destroyed so many lives because of one act? Agony, probably.

Her mind flew in what felt like a million directions at once. This was a dream. It had to be, because reality fucking sucked big-time. Then some idiot behind her started to make fun of the case calling it the “Famous Gunderson Trial” and told his buddy about how he wondered what “the broad” did to make him kill her. She’d never wanted to turn around and punch somebody square in the face as much as she wanted to right then. “Yeah, how about I give you a reason, asshole?” But her mutter went unheard.

Chrystal looked at her sympathetically and shook her head as if knowing how close she was to losing it right then. It was weird because her sister was usually the one to fly off the handle before she did.

The judge pounded his gavel and made her jump. “We’re about to take a five minute break. Next up will be the defendant, Clayton Gunderson, for the second degree murder of one Emma Hewitt.”

“Thank God. I feel like I’m going out of my mind in here.” Her sister fanned her face and waited for Holly to join her in the hall outside the courtroom. “Wanna get some air with me?”

“Absolutely.”

They went outside and were back within about three minutes. As they approached the door to face the man who’d taken their mother from them, they heard shouting.