Broken Survivor (19 page)

“S-sure.” She looked away from him to her hand playing in his chest hair, and as if he could sense her disappointment he didn’t give her time to dwell.

“Hey,” he whispered and nudged her chin up to look at him again. “I love you too. I just want to make sure my parents will be okay without my extra income.”

“’Kay—” He cut her off when his lips slammed down on hers again and began to show her his feelings through his touch and taste while they made love.

Throughout the night he gave her everything he had. Sated and exhausted, Holly fell asleep in his arms feeling so much lighter. That was one tough task down; she’d worry about the other later.

***

Oh my, God, seriously?

Her worry about Christian had slowly begun to fade. He still hadn’t contacted her, which was a good thing, sort of. What she hadn’t anticipated was the reaction Zander was getting from his family over her request to leave the nest and move in.

Skye was distraught that her baby was even thinking about leaving, and in turn her affection for Holly took a direct hit. His oldest brother Jasper shared Skye’s sentiments, as he’d just broken up with his fiancée after she’d cheated on him and figured that all women were the same. His father, however, seemed to support his decision either way, giving him room to make up his own mind, and Sebastien had his own family to worry about, so he didn’t much care either way.

She felt bad because Zander seemed torn at first.

Two weeks had passed since she’d made her request, and he’d just walked in the door of her apartment for dinner looking drained again.

“Hey.” Holly made him sit and rubbed his shoulders to help him relax. “Did you have a hard day?”

“You can say that.” Zander’s head rolled back, and he moaned as she started to massage him. “I’m not sure what to do.”

“About?” She held her breath, knowing deep down what he meant but needed him to confirm to be sure. After all, he could be talking about anything.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Holly.

“Breathe, babe. I’m talking about us, the next step, and my family.” He pulled her around him and sat her on his lap so that she straddled him.

“The last thing I intended was to piss your mother off or your brother, but it’s unfair of him to compare me to his ex. I’m not her, and I think we’ve been together long enough that you know it too. I get your mom to a certain extent. You’re her baby boy, the youngest, and she doesn’t want to see that you’ve grown up, but you’re twenty-two now, and she’s going to have to acknowledge it someday. I hate that it’s caused you stress or that you feel torn, and I’m not going to pressure you into making a decision you’ll regret.” She moved her fingers through his hair and began to play with the ends at his nape. “If you want to forget I asked you to move in, tell me no, and we’ll try to move on. All I wanted was to give it a shot. It would give us the opportunity to spend more time together and not worry. I just want you to do what you want to in here…” She pointed to his heart. “Should I be worried?”

“No.” He guffawed and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “One of the things I love about you is that you overthink things. It’s kinda cute. Thing is, I made up my mind already. I’m just not sure how to break the news to my mother.”

“Oh.” Holly grinned and clapped her hands in delight. “Just so we’re clear, are you telling me your answer is yes?”

He grunted and nodded while she bounced and squealed with delight. “Hol,” he warned and held her still. “Keep bouncing on me and these dishes will end up on the floor, and we won’t be eating that dinner you made anytime soon.”

“Sorry.” Holly bit her lip and looked sheepish when she gazed at the table and back at him again. Before she left for work in the morning she’d gotten the Crock-Pot ready, and the aroma of roast, gravy, and veggies now filled the house. “Let me just turn on the burner for the potatoes and we’ll be able to eat.” She climbed off him and walked the three feet to the stove.

“Smells great.” He sniffed the air appreciatively, got up, and caged her in at the counter while she washed her hands, his front to her back. “Need help with anything?”

“Not really.” She giggled and got goose bumps when his lips met the back of her neck. “Come on, naughty boy, let’s get you on the couch to relax a bit.” She turned around and laced her fingers through his to give him a tug forward, but he had other plans.

“Put me down.” She laughed, hanging facedown over his shoulder and grabbed on to his tight butt for support while he walked them to the other room. This position had a few perks. He tossed her on the couch and immediately pounced on top to keep her right where he wanted her. “What are you doing?”

“One guess,” he whispered and kissed her forehead. His lips trailed down to the tip of her nose, and he kissed her there as well and then moved to her cheeks.

“Zander,” Holly moaned. “Baby, you shouldn’t start what you can’t finish. I’ve got the stove on.”

“Well, then I’ll just take a little nibble before dinner and save the rest for dessert.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and their lips met. The great thing about Zander was that he was able to make her feel as if she was the only woman in the world. He always seemed to go out of his way to make her happy, as if she deserved it. More importantly he was always there for her when things got bad and did his best to help her through. Then when she felt as though she had nobody, he made her feel beautiful and cherished every single time. So she held on as he slowly pushed through her defenses and was grateful to whatever universe, fate, or person was responsible for bringing him into her life.
And he’s moving in. Squee!

The hiss of boiling water and the loud sound of his stomach rumbling broke them apart. “Hungry?”

“Starved.” He gave her a quick peck on the lips and stood to help her up.

“Good, because there is plenty.” She walked into the kitchen to turn off the stove, and drain the potatoes “So…”

“So?” He took a seat at the kitchen table.

“Would you like me there when you tell your family the news?” She piled his plate with the meat, potatoes, and veggies, set it down in front of him, and did her own.

“Nah, I think I can handle it.”

“Okay, have you planned how to approach it?”

“It’s not rocket science, Hol.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “I’m just going to give it a shot. I’d like to give them some sort of notice if you don’t mind. Can you wait a couple more weeks?”

“Of course.” She reached across the small table and gave his hand a squeeze. “I can always help you pack between now and then while we wait.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He winked and everything was set. They were enjoying a really good dinner, Zander had decided to take their relationship to the next level despite the objections of a few family members, and he’d be moving in by the end of the month. Could she wait two weeks longer? Hell yeah, and that right there was filed among the good things in her memory bank as well.

Chapter Sixteen

“People smoking in the girl’s room. I feel like I’ve traveled back to high school in here.” Holly swiped the lingering smoke from her face and smiled in the mirror. She’d met up with Chrystal, and they were currently in the women’s restroom in a crowded mall downtown to freshen up after stuffing their faces with unhealthy food-court delicacies.

“Yeah.” Her sister grimaced as the sound of a loud toilet fart echoed from one of the stalls while they washed their hands. “Shit and cigarettes. Now that brings back memories.”

“What?” Holly chuckled` and waited for her to explain.

“Christian.” Her sister’s one-word answer was followed by, “Why don’t we get the hell out of here? I can’t stand the smell.”

“I agree.” Holly shook her head and stifled another giggle. Although nasty, farting was a pretty hilarious bodily function, especially when it came from somebody else. She followed her sister out the door away from the disgusting odor and the sounds of plopping turds in one or two of the occupied toilets. They found a bench to sit on in the crowded hall outside. “So about those memories—what are you talking about?”

“Dad. He used to smoke every time he’d go to the bathroom, so the nasty combo of shit and smoke reminds me of him.” Her sister shuddered, and Holly burst out laughing with Chrystal joining in a minute later.

“I always remembered him smelling of that cheap cologne. You know the one, and that was on a good day. It was that or the smell of weed and motor oil from the garage.”

“Lucky you,” Chrystal joked. “I suppose it’s better than my memory. Speaking of Mr. Father of the Year, have you spoken to him yet?”

“No, I’m not going out of my way to contact him. I’ll just wait him out a little bit. He’ll be in touch eventually, I’m sure of it.” Her laughter died, and her shoulders got tense. “You should cut ties for a bit too, Chrys. Don’t you find things much easier without his drama added to this already fucked-up existence we live in?”

“Sometimes.” She sighed. “But I like the money he forks out when he’s feeling guilty about his fuckups way too much. That is, when he actually works. Paying us off isn’t winning him any brownie points or anything, but it sure helps with the bills.”

“Suit yourself. He always liked you more than me, anyway.” Holly bit her lip and looked across the hall. “I’ll let you know how it all turns out.” She dreaded the upcoming conversation the next time he called or showed up, but it had to be done for her peace of mind.

“You do that.” Chrystal cleared her throat and changed the subject. “So today’s the day, huh?”

“Yep. Zander’s supposed to get the truck after work and haul the rest of his stuff in.” She beamed. “I can’t wait.”

“Let me know how that turns out too.” She smirked. “Living together is a whole other ballgame, you know.”

“I’m sure it is.” Holly sighed. “But I’m obviously okay with that.”

“He’s a good guy.” Her sister nudged her in the arm. “I’m happy for you, Hol. It’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah, we don’t get together often enough anymore.” She nudged Chrystal back with her shoulder. “But thanks. I really am happy right now, and I’m trying to enjoy it as long as I can.”

***

“It feels way too long since we last spoke. How are things going lately?”

“They’re great, Jace, thank you.” Over the last couple of years she’d touched base with her old social worker through phone calls and emails. He was a lifeline she’d once needed and at first was afraid to let go of. So whenever she needed to vent, cry, ask for advice, or was in need of resources, she could still count on him to help her out despite her no longer being one of his students.

“Good to hear.” He chuckled. “Sounds to me like I may be no longer needed.”

“I’m getting there.” Although he couldn’t see it through the phone, hearing from the older man always made her smile. He was like extended family to her now, and his wife was incredibly awesome too.

“Glad to hear. Listen, kiddo, it’s been a while, so I just called for a quick check in on my way to a meeting. You’ve got my card if you need anything, right?” His reception faded then came back.

“I sure do. Have fun,” she said sarcastically.

“Bite your tongue, young lady.”

She laughed at his response. Sitting in the office for a meeting was one part of the job he wasn’t fond of, and she knew it.

“Anyhow, I’m proud of you, and I just wanted to remind you that you have people to turn to, okay?”

“You got it. Take care.” She hung up.

“Who was that?”

Holly yelped. “Holy crap, Zander, you scared the crap out of me.” She clutched her chest with her fist and let out a deep breath while she tried to slow her heart rate.

“Sorry.” He smiled innocently and held out a bouquet of assorted flowers. At the sight of him offering her the beautiful reds, yellows, oranges, pinks, and blues so sweetly, her heart melted a little. “These are for you.”

“Thank you.” She brought the bouquet to her nose and inhaled. “You’ve brought me my own rainbow. They’re beautiful.”

He lifted his chin in acknowledgement and grunted as she walked by to put them in a vase. “So who was on the phone?”

“Oh, that was just Jace checking in quickly before a meeting. No biggy.” She shrugged. “How was your day?”

“Pretty busy.” He sat down at the table with a sigh. “But it made the day go by fairly quick, so it’s all good.”

“It’s always better to keep busy at work. I love days like that.” She put the vase in the middle of the kitchen table and walked behind him to rub his shoulders. “Are you hungry?”

“Yep.” He moaned. “But if you keep doing that, it can wait.” His head fell forward as she continued to massage his kinks out.

“No doubt.” She applied a little more pressure to her touch and moved a little lower down his back. “I’ll give you five more minutes of this, and then I’ll call for a pizza. Sound good?” It’d been a busy couple of days with work, the move, and unpacking. She was tired too and felt like taking it easy. That included not cooking for the day. His eyes shut and he replied with another grunt to affirm.

“What about you?” He broke the silence a few minutes later. “You hungry?”

“I’m getting there.”

She patted his back after getting through the last tense muscle and was about to walk away when Zander said, “Good, because now I’m starved.” His hand went around her wrist and he gently pulled her forward. She squealed with laughter as soon as he lifted her onto the tabletop and stepped between her legs to get closer. “You are way too ticklish.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know.” She licked her lips and fisted his shirt to pull him flush against her, his hard chest against her soft curves.

“I love you.” He smiled, and her heart did another little pitter-patter thing just hearing it.

“That I already know.” She lifted up her head slightly to give him a peck on the lips and whispered, “Ditto,” before really getting into it. The minute their mouths touched again, it was on, but the heated kiss abruptly stopped the moment her stomach made a loud, embarrassing growl.

“To be continued.” He stepped back and held out a hand to help her while she hopped off the table.

“Most definitely.” She nodded, and her arms flew around her stomach when it growled impatiently again.

“Well good. Now where is the phone so I can feed you?” He winked and left the kitchen to order them that pizza.

***

She’d just leaned back on the couch after her second slice, feeling full and content when the phone rang again.

“Here, you get it.” Zander grunted and bent to get the cordless from the coffee table. He sat back again after passing it to her.

Oi yoi yoi. Gee, thanks. Can I please?
She rolled her eyes. “Hello?”

“Hey, baby, what’s new?”

Speaking of Mr. Shit and Cigarettes himself.
She stiffened. It was showtime. “Nothing much. I was wondering when you were going to call or stop by.” Holly covered the phone and whispered “My dad,” when Zander looked at her curiously.

“Oh yeah?” He seemed pleased by her answer. “Maybe I should call more often, then.” He chuckled, and she immediately knew he was high as a kite. Christian was never ever in good spirits unless he was on something, and he sounded way too chipper right now.

“Or maybe not.” She grimaced and shuddered at the thought. “You’re in a good mood. I guess you came up with some money and got a good fix after all.”

“Yeah, I had to work a couple extra shifts.” He growled. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten that.”

“Didn’t think you would, which reminds me of the reason I was waiting for you to call in the first place.” Holly took a deep breath and looked at Zander while he silently did his best to give her strength to get through this conversation. He sat closer and squeezed her hand.

“Reason, huh? I figured I’d give you and me some time to cool down before I called again.” Christian sighed. “Guess it wasn’t enough.”

“Wasn’t enough? I guess I should just be thankful that you’re in a better mood this time. Jesus Christ, Dad, you’ve treated us all like shit since I can remember, so I probably shouldn’t have been surprised the last time we talked, and I say that word lightly.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Mom, for every single time she had to put up with your crap. This is about all of those beatings, the black eyes, the bruises, the bloody noses, and every time she had to spit out blood. That’s not even counting the verbal abuse. This is for all of the threats to me and Chrystal, the stuff we had to witness, the phones or ash trays we had to dodge when you threw them at us, when we were lucky enough not to get hit by them. It’s for all those names you called us to put us down, the drugs we were forced to watch you take because you didn’t care. It’s the drugs you tried to slip us, the things your fucked-up mind blames us for, and I’m leaving a whole hell of a lot out of this right now and you know it because I don’t have all day. I’m talking about everything you’ve put us through when you should have been a better man, a better husband, and the father you never were, or ever will be. Do you understand? Have I made it clear enough yet? Because I’m done running from you, and you will never chase me out of my home again.”

“I’m sorry.” His happy voice went somber, and he sounded on the verge of tears now. He changed moods so fast it was shocking.

Holly took a deep breath and found more inner strength to continue. As fucked up at this might sound, she still hated the sound of him hurting, and she needed what little courage she had to finish this. Christian was a master manipulator, and like a whirlpool, he knew how to easily suck people in. “Too little, too late—Dad. I’m tired, and I refuse to let you bring me down anymore, because in case you’ve forgotten, you’re not the only one that has problems in this world. I’ve got enough of my own shit to worry about, and I’ll be damned if I turn out like you. I owe it to Mom, and more importantly to myself to be a better person. It’s been a couple years since I’ve done anything drug-related, and I don’t drink anymore for an escape. I deal with it now!” She abruptly stood and began to pace as her voice rose. He brought out the worst in her. “So here’s the deal. I’m done. I don’t want you coming over here, I don’t want you calling. I don’t want your guilty gifts or cash, or anything to do with you at all. And if anyone asks, I have no father from this moment on, okay? Oh, and to show you that I’m serious, I’m changing my number, and if you think of coming near me, I’m not alone anymore. Zander lives with me, and I’ll call the cops so fast your head will spin. Am I making myself clear?”

“Perfectly, Holly. Please don’t do this,” he begged.

“Well maybe you should have thought of that before doing the stuff you did for all of these years, and last time was the end of it, for me anyway. Like I said, I’m tired, Christian, and that means I’m done.”

Click!

She turned quickly to face Zander with wide eyes once she’d hung up. Her heart beat rapidly, and she could feel the anger pulsing through her like the blood in her veins. The past came creeping forward, and she as much as she tried to stop it, she couldn’t. The flashbacks hit her like a punch to the gut and she saw everything her douche-bag father had put them through, which led her to think of her mother meeting Clay and her abrupt ending. She remembered the bloody, violent catastrophe she was left to witness and was scarred for life because of.

Like a strobe light, the images came back to her again: the beatings, the words, the drugs, Christian’s leaving, and the broken woman her mother had become. And then just as she began to become strong again, she had to go and meet Clay. But who could have determined that outcome? No one, that’s who.

Her blonde hair turned red and matted toward the top of her head like a gory halo as she lay on the kitchen floor. Eyes wide but unseeing with the stare of death, a lifeless blue, and bloodshot, red where the white was supposed to be. A mouth gapped open as if in shock while blood poured from her gums and out the side of her mouth. Her neck was full of dark blood, red from being slashed and vulnerable. Flesh separated, and her insides now exposed to the elements had just finished spraying their last bit of liquid to join the pool that surrounded her body on the floor as a little more splatter landed on the wall.