Broken Survivor (9 page)

“A little bit,” she admitted, leaning against the driver’s-side door. “I’ve never done this before.”

“It’s not like you have to drive a stick.” He laughed. “Come on, I’ll be right there with you. Live a little.”

“All right.” She shrugged. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I mean, I’d feel horrible if I crashed it or something.”

“You’re not going to crash. Look, if you’re not comfortable driving, then we’ll just forget it, all right? No pressure.”

She hesitated, and he groaned before he approached her. His body was so close that he could feel her heat against him. He couldn’t resist touching her. His thumb grazed her bottom lip, while he reminded himself that he’d promised to be good when all he wanted was a little taste. Her lips tempted him to take a nibble, to trace them with his tongue and coax her mouth open to show how good it could be. She was driving him crazy.

“Fine, let’s do this.” She took a step to the side, interrupting his thought process. He wondered how she could be so immune to the attraction between them when he knew she felt the same way. She had trust issues, that was pretty obvious, but why? He’d treated her well and always would. He’d been brought up that way.

He raised a brow and gave her a cocky grin when he noticed her biting that bottom lip again. She was nervous, and he had a feeling that this afternoon would be a lot of laughs—for him anyway.

“After you.” He shut the driver’s-side door when she was secure and whistled on his way to the passenger side. Holly had admired his car from the start, and now he planned to let her really experience the ride. She was driving and looking adorably nervous at the moment. “Start the car and then push on the gas pedal, Holly.”

“I am.”

He shook his head, amazed at how overly cautious she was being. “Come on, I can walk faster than this. Why don’t you pull into that spot over there and I’ll help you out?”

“And how do you suppose you’ll do that?” She checked the mirrors to make sure she had enough room to turn around, then panicked when Zander shouted, “Watch the curb!”

She pressed on the gas instead of the break in her haste, and the Trans Am hurled forward and onto an island with a patch of grass. The front end just missed crashing into a light pole when she slammed on the brakes. They both jerked forward, and with shaking hands he reached forward to take the keys out.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” she snapped. “You scared the crap out of me. I had plenty of room and was going slow enough to avoid crashing until you started yelling at me. Geez.”

“Are you serious?” He couldn’t believe it. “You were about to hit that curb, and if you didn’t want me to react, then you should have been more careful.”

“Look, can we just drop it? Clearly we disagree, and I don’t want to argue with you.” She blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry I almost crashed your car. Even though I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t yelled at me.” She smiled wickedly as she said the last part quickly, but before he could rebut, she was out of the car and leaning against the post in front of it.

He stayed quiet in the meantime, slowly backed the Trans Am off the curb, and parked right in front of her. He opened the door and sat there waiting.

“What are you doing?” She looked uncomfortable and unsure.
Beautiful
, he thought again and smiled when she started to fidget.

She screeched and then laughed when he yanked her forward and pulled her into the car on top of him. Adjusting his seat back so they’d both fit, he placed her facing forward on his lap. “What we’re doing is learning to drive, babe, and since you’re too nervous on your own, I’m going to show you this way before my car becomes a complete wreck.”
Thank God she only landed on the curb and missed the light post. No harm done.
But he wasn’t taking any chances. He placed his hands on top of hers until he knew she was comfortable enough to steer and then worked the gas and breaks for her as they drove together in the vacant lot.

It surprisingly didn’t take long for her to relax enough to go on her own. Having her sit on him seemed to calm her some, and let’s face it, there were perks for him as well.

“I’m doing it,” she said and bounced a little in her excitement. “I’m really doing it. This is so much fun.”

Gritting his teeth, he placed his hands on her hips to still her and then groaned. “Holly, you need to stop grinding into me.” He took over for her to place the car in park.

“What?” She turned just enough to look at him all innocent-looking.

“I think you heard me.” His thumbs began to move back and forth against her hips in a feather-light caress. She blushed and looked away. “You have to know that I’m attracted to you. I’m sure you could feel the attraction, especially now. You’ve got me worked up, and I know it wasn’t intentional, but I can’t help myself.” He lifted her chin with his finger to get a better look at her, and she adjusted herself again so that she was sitting in more of a sideways position over him. “But our first time will not be in a car. You deserve better than that.”

“Really?” She smiled, looking a little more confident. “What happened to the modest guy from the park? You seem to be pretty sure of yourself right now.”

“Call it a hunch, or maybe a little wishful thinking.” And before he could lose his nerve, he went for it. He slowly put his hand behind her head and into her hair at her nape, giving her time to object to his advances. When she said nothing he continued his pursuit. His other hand stroked the side of her face, bringing it closer to him. He nipped and then sucked on her bottom lip before tracing them with his tongue. The moment their lips fully touched, she ignited, matching him to deepen their first kiss further. It was pure heaven with a twist of hell all in one moment.

***

Holly

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I guess.” Damn, she hated the question, had been asked it way too many times. Like everyone else, her answer depended on her day. Over two years had passed since her mother’s death now, and she still felt as though she was in shock. Denying it had happened made things easier sometimes .It was still too hard to believe her mother was actually gone for good. Admitting it made everything so final, and she refused to for the time being, but she was still expected to talk about it.

“Holly?” Jace raised his eyebrows, looking skeptical at her distant, but generic answer. “Would you like to start with where we left off the last time?

“Not really, but I will to get it over with.”

“We could discuss other things if you’d like and come back to what happened with you that night when you’re feeling more comfortable.” He held up his hands to assure her.

“Like what?”

“We could talk about your home life or your dad instead. Which will it be?” He scooted his chair forward.

“I’ll take option one.” She sighed. “So let’s see where I left off. I said good night to my mom, and then I can remember sleeping restlessly. I had a nightmare, which I don’t want to talk about.” She looked him in the eye and continued, “I woke up to some yelling. She was upset about the things I overheard him saying…”

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s a note from my fifteen-year-old daughter about a certain phone conversation she overheard. You disgust me!”

“Oh spare me the fucking drama, Emma, and watch what you say.”

“Is that a threat? Are you threatening me now? Do you feel like a big man doing that? Listen, I’ve put up with shit for too long with my ex, and now you. Just get out. Get out now.”

“It’s a warning,” he screamed. “And I’ll leave when I’m good and ready, not before. I mean it, Em, don’t push me.”

“Why is it that I always seem to attract the losers?” Emma muttered, probably mostly to herself. “I’m not that bad.”

“What. Did. You. Say?” Clay seemed to pronounce everything through a clenched jaw, his voice rising with every word said. “What did you just call me?”

“Nothing I— Wait. Where are you going?”

“Take your time.”Jace startled her from the memory.

Keep going, Hol. The faster you get it out, the quicker it’ll be done, and hopefully you won’t have to bring it up again.

She nodded but couldn’t look him in the eye without breaking down. “I woke up and began counting the little popcorn thingies on my bedroom ceiling. I couldn’t sleep with all of that yelling. I was worried about her.”

“What are you doing?” Her mother sounded shocked, and a struggle began. Everything in the house was quiet, except for the sounds of things crashing to the floor or thrashing against the wall. Holly began to shake as she inched closer and closer out of her bedroom slowly out of fear. “No please—please!” her mother sobbed.

Bang!

“And, then I started screaming at him as I ran out down the stairs…”

“Don’t hurt her,” Holly cried and ran for the bedroom door. Her mom was hurt again and needed help. “You stupid asshole, I swear I’ll kill you if you hurt her.” She almost fell down the stairs in her haste to come to her mother’s aid.

Clay rushed to meet her in the hallway once she reached the bottom of the stairs. He looked at her as though he was watching and waiting for one dumb move, standing quiet and saying nothing to her.

But she wasn’t that stupid and halted before she could get too close to him. “Mom?”

He slowly crept closer, giving her no choice but to retreat backward until she could go no farther. Backed into a corner now with nothing but the wall behind her, the only choices she had were to retreat back upstairs or try to get by him somehow.

Something told her that the trip upstairs would be pointless. She had a gut feeling he wasn’t about to let her get that far. “Mom, where are you?”

Clay watched her closely his face perspiring and his gaze wide. He had the power to do anything at this point, but he seemed as though he wanted her to make the first move.

“Why isn’t she answering me? What did you do to her?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked, and he flinched when she directed her questions to him instead of calling for her mom again. She obviously wasn’t going to get the answers she needed standing around, so she sprang into action.

With all the strength and courage she could manage against a six-foot-two man, she charged at him. His eyes widened when she caught him off guard, and he lost his footing, landing him straight on his ass on the floor.

“No!” He grabbed for her ankle to drag her back, but she kicked him off and ran out of sight into an unimaginable horror story.

“And then, there she was so still and lifeless. She was always so full of life, and to see her like that…” Holly brought up a shaky hand and tucked some hair behind her ear. “I just stood there in shock, or maybe it was denial. I don’t know. It probably just took a second, but I-I didn’t snap out of it until he came after me again, and then it was like I snapped back into reality and ran to the phone to call 9-1-1.”

Jace cleared his throat. “Shock is a normal reaction to something so traumatic. What happened when he came after you again?”

“He stopped right in front of me and gauged my reaction to finding her like that. He didn’t want me to call for help when I ran toward the phone and yelled out no. After I did, it was like he couldn’t move fast enough. He pretty much ignored me, stuffed things into a backpack, and booted it out the door. Do we have to go on?” She bit her lip to try to make it stop quivering.

“I think you might have had a guardian angel protecting you that night. I also think you’ve done well, Holly, so I think we can wrap up here for the time being if it’s what you want.”

“Thank you.” She breathed a sigh of relief and took a few more tissues to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. She rose and packed up her things for her next class but needed a few minutes to compose herself first. Her hand reached the doorknob to leave, but she stopped momentarily when Jace called her name again.

“Oh, and Ms. Hewitt, I’ll see you at the same time next week.”

“I’ll be here.”

Chapter Eight

“Holly, the phone is for you.” Lauren knocked on her door and peeked inside to hand her the cordless. “It’s Alexander.”

“Thanks!” She grabbed the phone and rolled her eyes. Her foster mother seemed overjoyed that they were getting along, and she was still feeling a little awkward about this whole matchmaking business. But she couldn’t deny the chemistry, or how he made her feel so alive when they were together.
Here goes nothing.
“Hello?”

“Hi.” He chuckled “Lauren seems chipper.”

Holly snickered. “Yeah, I think you bring that out in her.”

“But finding out what I bring out in you would be way more interesting to learn.”

Her heartbeat picked up, and she got the whole butterfly feeling in the pit of her stomach again. “Zander…”

“I know, I know. What are you up to?”

She sighed. “Nothing much, how about you?”

“I was wondering if you’d like to hang out. It’s a beautiful night, and I thought maybe you might enjoy it with me.”

“What do you have in mind?” She bit her lip and held her breath.

“A nice stroll maybe. No pressure, just a couple of—friends spending some time together.”

“Oh you sweet-talker, you. I’d love a no-pressure experience with you.” She giggled. “I’ll meet you at your place in five.”

***

He’d been sitting on the front porch when she arrived and stood when she approached. “Hey, what’s that?” She leaned over to peek behind his back.

“It’s nothing, really. I just wanted to give you these.” The arm hidden behind his back came forward, and in his hand was a beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers.

“This is so not nothing.” She reached out and drew the bouquet closer to sniff them. “Nobody has ever gotten me flowers before. They’re beautiful, thank you.” She slid her hand inside his and squeezed. “Why don’t we stop by Lauren’s to put these in water and begin our walk from there?”

Thankfully, her foster house was only a couple of blocks away, and after putting the bouquet away, she kept one of the flowers to take with her. “Carnations were my mother’s favorite,” she confessed while twirling it. “She always said she loved them because out of all of the flowers, they seemed to last the longest.”

“And what is your favorite flower?”

“They’re all so pretty, but if I had to choose I’d probably go with tulips or calla lilies.”

“I’ll make a note to remember for next time.” He linked their fingers, and they walked closely together, getting to know each other more the whole way.

“You seem like a great guy, so how come nobody’s snatched you up yet?”

They ended up at the Rideau Falls, and she stood at the railing, listening to the roar of the water. She closed her eyes and breathed in the misty air. When he didn’t answer right away, she opened her eyes and smiled when she looked at him again.

Zander stood beside and admired her. When she smiled he moved closer and caressed the side of her face. His thumb stroked her cheek from side to side. “Maybe it’s because I haven’t found anyone I wanted to be snatched up with yet.”

She was transfixed momentarily while gazing up into his big brown eyes. She eyed his lips and licked her own in anticipation.
Oh Lord, kiss me. Is he going to kiss me? Do I want to be kissed?

His lips were mere inches away, and he finally closed the last distance between them. She moaned the moment his soft, plump lips met her own. Her hands trailed up his torso, and she gripped his shirt tightly, bunching it up in her fists. Zander took it slow and sucked on her bottom lip, nipping it a little, and then traced his tongue across the seam to gain entry. Holly opened up and sucked on his tongue before reaching out with her own to tangle with his. Silky and wet, their tongues slid against each other, moved in circles, and caressed. He groaned, and the kiss became heated in an instant, as though they couldn’t be close enough, their bodies craving so much more. His hands moved from her hips up to her back, and he pulled her flush against his body. One hand tangled into her long brown hair, while the other rested closer to her butt.

Holly’s heart felt as if it were about to take a giant leap out of her chest, and her breathing intensified into shallow pants. “Zander.” She straightened her hands to give him a little push. When he let go she took a step back. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know, giving in to the chemistry? Damn, I’m sorry if I pushed, but—”

“You didn’t,” she said. “I liked it, but would you mind if we went a little slower? I really like you, I do, but I’m going through so much right now, and it scares me a little when I think about jumping into a relationship. I’m not saying it won’t ever happen, because if I’m being honest, you do have quite an effect on me, but I haven’t had the greatest luck with guys.”

The corner of his mouth tipped up in a half-smile, looking absolutely adorable and pretty confident. “You feel it too, huh? I hear you.”

“Oh yeah, you’re wearing down my defensive side, all right, and like I said, I really like you. You help me escape, make me have fun, and Lord knows, I could definitely use some of that. You’re also incredibly sweet. You make me come alive when we’re together, and you have a great ride.” She winked.

“I’m so glad you approve of my car. Okay, my little turtle, I think I can handle that.” He wrapped his arm around her, and they started walking. “How about we head back and watch a movie or something?”

“Turtle?” She shook her head. “I don’t think I like that little pet name, so you’re going to have to think of something else, but a movie sounds great. Just let me give Lauren the heads-up with our plans and we should be good to go.”

***

“Wow, what are we doing here?” Holly’s tummy rumbled when she saw the big McDonalds sign, and she gave Jace a sheepish look while she rubbed her noisy belly.

“Hungry?” He looked sideways quickly and lifted a brow while he pulled into a parking spot. “I thought since we’ve been making some progress, we’d celebrate by me treating you to lunch.”

It was pretty busy considering it was just before the lunch hour on a weekday. Jace got a Big Mac and treated Holly to a double cheeseburger meal, and they dug in.

“So how are things going for you at Lauren’s? You haven’t mentioned your foster family very much.” He took a big bite of his hamburger and waited.

“There’s not really much to tell. It’s okay, I guess.” Holly shrugged and nibbled on a French fry.

“Just okay?” Jace wiped his face with a napkin and picked up his burger again. “Can you be more specific?”

“For a while I just kept to myself. I spent a lot of time in my room. At dinnertime I’d take my plate into my room and eat by myself instead of joining the rest of the family in the dining room, that kind of thing.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know. It was uncomfortable. Lauren and her daughters used to be my neighbors a long time ago, and my mother became instant friends with her. But it had been a really long time since I’d seen any of them when I had to move in. Not to mention that Lauren’s was the fifth house I got passed to in such a short time. At first I figured if I stayed out of sight, they might keep me around for longer than the others did. You know, the whole ‘out of sight, out of mind’ stuff.” She sighed and began playing with her food. “But you don’t have to worry. She didn’t like that I kind of hid away, and now it’s mandatory that I sit at the table with the rest of the family. I mean, she does make an effort to try and make me feel like I am a part of her family, but it’s not the same, and there are things going on. She gets migraines a lot and you can tell she’s in pain, and there’s tension between her and Andrew.”

“What kind of tension?”

“Well, they’re starting to argue a lot, and Andrew seems to think she’s been cheating on him.” Holly snorted. “Which I highly doubt. The woman is either at work, dotting on her adorable granddaughter, or in bed because of the headaches. Who would have the time?”

“I could see how the tension might be uncomfortable, but what is it that isn’t the same for you?” He slurped the last of his drink up the straw. “Every family has their ups and downs.”

“You don’t get it. I feel like an intruder. I lost everything I knew and was comfortable with. It all went away when my mom did, and nothing was the same, no matter how anybody would like it to be otherwise. I don’t care what effort they put into it. Nothing will ever be home until I have one of my own. It’s nothing personal. I’ve just got to start over on my own, I think, to actually feel like I belong again. Does that make sense?”

“I think so.” Jace sat patiently while she finished eating.

“Then why do I feel guilty for feeling that way? Shouldn’t I be grateful for how lucky I am to have a roof over my head and all that junk? I should be glad they all took me into their homes no matter how brief some of my stays were. But it’s not home, and I’m beginning to feel like nothing will ever be again.”

“I have some news I think you might like. It’s a chance for you to start over if you’re interested. Have you ever heard of the Youth Services Bureau?”

“You’re kidding, right?” He had her curiosity piqued, but she still had no clue where this conversation was heading. She felt as though a shallow hole was buried deep inside her, and it seemed to slowly expand as time went on. It left an emptiness in her long list of to dos that she had to work on. “They have a drop-in center, don’t they?”

“Yes, among other things. They’re an organization that specializes in troubled youth. They’re there to help families access services and programs to help rebuild their lives. They’ve been around for many years, and they help people with mental health issues, or family problems, things like that.

“So how exactly does this help me?” She bit her lip anxiously, waiting to see where he was heading with this.

“Well, they’ve expanded into subsidized housing. I talked to one of my contacts there, and they have an apartment available in two months. Normally, there’s a waiting list, but you’re a special circumstance, and I think it would be a perfect opportunity for you.”

Oh my God, oh my God!
“Special circumstance?” She tried to compose herself.

“Do you want the apartment or not?” Jace laughed. “What I’m saying is that I’ve pulled some strings and the place is yours if you want it. I could take you to see it later. Look, Holly, you don’t have to give me an answer today. Think on it and let me know the next time we meet. I’m offering you this opportunity because I think it’ll be good for you. It’s a way to provide you with better mental stability. Okay, staying at Lauren’s isn’t half-bad, as you’ve said, but I have a feeling that by starting over you’ll heal faster.”

“You really think so?”

“I wouldn’t have offered you this opportunity if I didn’t think so.” He leaned his head to the side and studied her for a minute, “Look, Holly, you’ve been through a lot in these last couple of years, more than some go through in a lifetime. Your childhood was robbed from you, and you’ve grown up tremendously quick. It’s a subsidy spot, and we could look into getting you on some assistance until you finish school. I think it’ll be a wonderful opportunity for you, but ultimately it’s gotta be what you want to do. I’d also like you to know that it’s okay to decline if you don’t think you’re ready for this.”

She sighed, looking away. This was a big decision, but she kind of liked the thought of creating a new home and figured that by taking care of herself with no one to depend on, she would probably be more at ease. Most importantly, she’d be forced to make an apartment into a home for herself.
A new home, and I wouldn’t need to be anybody’s burden.
“When can I see it?”

Jace patted the top of her shoulder as they walked out of the restaurant and back to his car. “Let me make a call and I’ll get back to you with an answer very shortly.”

***

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Holly asked Lauren. Was it possible to be excited and nervous at the same time? There was just no way she could pass up this opportunity, yet she was nervous to tell Lauren about it and didn’t know why.

“Sure, what’s up?” Lauren waved her over to the dining room table for a seat. They hadn’t had very many heart-to-heart conversations, and Lauren always preferred not to be distracted during talks about important things. She seemed concerned, probably because Holly had never asked her for anything before.

“So I had another session with Jace Yates today, and he mentioned an opportunity that he thought would benefit me.”

“Okay?” She looked confused now. “If it benefits you, then I’d love to hear about it. I know moving here has been an adjustment for you, and I hope you know I’m here if you need anything.”

“All right.” She nodded. “Jace spoke to one of his contacts at the Youth Services Bureau. It turns out that they now have subsidy housing and have an apartment available in two months, and its mine if I want it.” Holly shrugged, then looked away to try and hide her excitement. The last thing she wanted was to insult her. Lauren had taken care of her for a year now, and Holly’s baggage had made it a hard enough adjustment for everyone.