Carried Home (15 page)

 

Something cold twisted around Gage's heart and tugged. What had he done? First, she became upset and stormed from the room, and now, Adam was concerned for her?

“Did…did she tell you at all what was bothering her? I was just going to give her this—” he motioned to the Bible sitting on his desk “—but if there is something else I can do for her…”

Adam's face tightened. “Before I left her, sir…” His voice trailed off.

Gage glanced at Emma to make certain she was sleeping peacefully. “Yes, Mr. Douglas? What happened?” His pulse sped up.

“She said God doesn't care about anyone. I…I do not hold a very strong faith myself, but that declaration from a lady like her was quite unsettling. I do not know what she is going through, but she seems quite tortured.”

The coldness around Gage's heart plummeted even further. “I must see her.”

****

Captain Caspian Archer stood on the foredeck of the
Dawn's Mist
and stared out at the night sky. Stars twinkled white against the black of the never-ending span above him. That expanse was just as glorious and infinite as the sea around him. He sighed. Here he felt true peace. True freedom. This was where he belonged.

A soft arm slipped across his back and he grinned.
This
was where he belonged. “Good evening, my darling.”

Eden stretched up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Good evening.”

Caspian circled his arms around her waist and drew her close. “We should reach Charles Town in two days, my sweet.”

Her face lit up. “Do you really think we will find him there?”

“I pray so. That's where Gage was sailing, and I would think he would stay there for a while.” Caspian hugged his wife to his chest. “We will find your brother. I am absolutely certain of it.”

She leaned back and wrinkled her nose. “How can you be so sure?”

He smiled and placed a hand to her chest, above her heart. “I can feel it in here, milady. And I know it will happen. I can feel that God wants you to find your brother.”

Eden rested her hand atop his. “I do not know what I will do
if
we
find him. I am not sure if I will hug him or beat him over the head for all of the fear he has caused me.”

Caspian chuckled. “You always were a feisty one, were you not, my wife?”

She gave him a saucy grin.

“It might be a shock to him when he learns his baby sister married a pirate.”

Eden lowered her lashes. “He will have to grow accustomed to it quickly. I'm not leaving you any time soon.”

“I have never known more comforting words, my sweet.” Caspian raised her hand to his lips. “Now, shall we retire to bed? It has grown quite late.”

“Aye, Captain.” Eden giggled as Caspian swept her into his arms and to their cabin.

****

Gage rose early that morning after not having slept a wink. Ivy had never come to retrieve Emma, so he had kept her in his cabin throughout the night.

Ivy must have been too exhausted to think about the little one. The child had whimpered and inquired as to where “Mama” was, but he told her she had spent the night by herself. The toddler woke up repeatedly during the night. Not that he was sleeping, however. Fear, regret, and pity for Ivy coursed through his veins and made each breath painful.

God, please. I know not what is hurting Ivy so, but please allow her to see the error of her thoughts. Please have her come back to You. For her sake, for Emma's sake, for her brother's sake, and for mine, too. Please, Father.

Gage paced to the other side of the cabin and peered out his porthole. The sun was beginning to rise. He rubbed his eyes. They itched from unshed tears. Although he felt awful, he had not wished to frighten Emma by crying. He glanced at the girl now. She slept peacefully.

He should go check on Ivy. Surely she felt better now that the night had passed and she had spent time reflecting on her thoughts alone. Before he left the cabin, he glanced in his tiny shaving mirror. Dark circles pooled beneath his eyes. Whiskers had sprouted across his chin and cheeks after going days without seeing a razor to trim them. Why, he looked terrible. But he didn't have time to freshen up. He needed to see Ivy.

Gage ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame it to some extent. He didn't want to
scare
the woman, for heaven's sake. A few paces down the companionway brought him to her cabin door. He hovered outside, suddenly nervous. What should he say?

Bah! He'd left the Bible in his cabin.

Gage spun around, retrieved the Bible, and returned to his place in front of the door. Should he knock? If he knocked, the lady would probably refuse him entrance. But just attempting to open the door would be rude. He knocked. Cleared his throat. “Miss?”

No answer.

“Miss?”

Silence.

“Ivy? Lady Shaw? Are you in there? Please tell me if you are in there.” Gage tried to mask the panic in his voice as he pounded his fist on the door. Had something terrible happened to her?
Oh, God, please, no. No, no, no.

Dread sank to the bottom of his gut like a stone thrown into the deep recesses of the ocean.

A muffled noise came from behind the door. “Who is it?”

Hope sprung into his heart, lightening the fear resting on his shoulders. “'Tis Captain Thompson, milady.”

“Oh. The door is locked, Captain.”

Captain? He was back to “Captain” to her?
Lord, please help me get through to this woman.

“I have a key, milady.”

She groaned. Seconds passed. The door creaked open an inch at a time. Gage squeezed his way in and shut the door behind him. Lady Shaw retreated to the cot on the left side of her cabin. Her eyes were red and swollen, her fragile skin splotchy. Golden-orange hair ran loose down her back and over her shoulders in a tangled mass.

“Ivy, we need to talk.”

“That is Lady Shaw, sir. I loathe saying it, but I fear we must spend less time together for both of our sakes and for the sake of Emma. You are naught but my voyage home.” She bit her bottom lip and refused to meet his gaze.

Her words cut like a knife through his heart. His knees wobbled. Gage sank down on the cot next to her. “Ivy…”

Her chin quivered. Gage pulled her into an embrace and urged her to rest her head against his chest. She sat there stiffly, but did not attempt to leave. Wet tears streamed from her face onto his chest.

“Ivy—Lady Shaw—I apologize for upsetting you yesterday evening. It hurts me to see you like this.”

“It was not anything you did, Gage. You have been so kind to me. I have just been struggling with…my faith, I suppose. I do not wish to speak about it right now.”

Gage ran a hand down her arm. His hand wrapped around hers. “I am going to leave you for now, miss. But I have a gift for you, first.”

A frown creased her forehead. “A gift? Captain, I do not deserve a gift.”

“Shush, miss. Do not be silly.” He reached over to the table where he had set her gift and presented it to her.

Her face remained stoic as she studied the Bible, and then him. “I…I don't understand, sir.”

Gage felt his lips tug upward in a small smile. “Flip through it when you have some spare time. I feel well enough to resume the duties as captain once more, so you may have some extra moments to spend in your cabin. I pray it helps you.”

“Oh…I suppose I will give it a try, Captain.”

“Gage?” He squeezed her hand.

She smiled timidly. “Gage.”

****

Ivy glanced down at the Bible that Gage had presented her. What was wrong with her? She had always been the strong one. Whenever Eden or Aimee had a doubt or a concern, they went straight to her. Now, she was so unstable she would not be able to help anyone else, let alone herself. And now, a pirate was helping her glue her spiritual welfare back together.

The man had certainly survived a hard life. And he still held strong to his faith, it would seem. Ivy glanced down at the Bible in her lap. What kind of pirate kept a Bible in his cabin? Nonetheless, the book was a nice amenity. Heaven knew Ivy could use it right now.

God, please forgive me for my rash words last night. I did not understand what I was thinking.

Ivy flipped the heavy book open. The pages fell to a certain spot. A small piece of parchment lay there, marking the page. She lifted it to the light drifting in from the porthole. Neat, basic handwriting scrawled across the scrap. “Trust in God to care for William. He knows what is best for both of you, sweetheart. See Psalm 40:4. Gage.”

Ivy frowned. The note had marked that page. She read the verse. “
Blessed is that man that maketh the 
Lord
 
his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.”

She had not given God her trust. No, she had been proud and had trusted in herself and her own abilities to take care of William, not God's. Had she really believed those lies?

What was going on, anyway? Gage put this marker here. Why did a pirate like him know so much about the Bible? For heaven's sake, had he spent all of last night preparing this for her?

Ivy flipped to another page, where there was yet another piece of parchment. How baffling. “Psalm 118:8. Gage.” Her eyes moved further down the page to the verse. “
It is better to trust in the
 
Lord
 
than to put confidence in man.” Tears welled up in Ivy's eyes and threatened to spill onto her cheeks. Of course it was better to trust in the Lord than in herself. God would always be there.
I'm sorry, God. I have just been so afraid for him…

Ivy flipped through a few more pages, curious about how many excerpts Gage had shared with her. She stopped on another note. Her eyes scanned the verse. “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” Ivy's heart warmed.

She paged to yet another verse. “When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.”

Ivy flipped through each verse, and felt comfort embrace her and loosen her tense muscles at each one. Gage had proven himself to be such a sweet man to think about her and go through the entire Bible just to comfort her. She owed him so much. Ivy flipped to the final page of the book. There was another note. “I realize you must not feel comfortable talking to me about your fears and your problem with trusting. That is all right. I understand. I simply want you to understand that if you ever do want someone to talk to, or if you want help with
anything
, I will always be here. Affectionately, Gage.”

Tears slipped down her face. The sweet man!

God, I am sorry about all of the doubts I allowed to taint my mind yesterday. Please forgive me. Also, please, if there is some way…

No. There was no way. Her thought was so foolish, Ivy let out a rueful chuckle. There was no way at all for her to be with this man. He was a pirate, she was a lady.

 

Gage paced back and forth in his cabin that evening. He had not visited Ivy since he had given her the Bible. What did she think of him? Did she find his efforts foolhardy, or did she appreciate them? Had she even
looked
at the book or his notes inside? Mayhap not. The thoughts shooting through his head were about to turn him mad.

Gage ran a hand through his hair. He had been worrying about the woman so much throughout the day that he had barely had the concentration to focus on his work. In fact, the men had teased him again. Many had seen Ivy run from his cabin, sobbing, the night before, and they did not miss the chance to poke fun at him. A sigh escaped his lips. No, he did not care what the men said at all. All he cared about was if the woman fared well. He feared a visit to her side might trigger her to cry again.

“Captain, you are bound to pound a hole through your deck and crash down to the hold below.” He had almost forgotten about Adam, who was with him, helping him chart their course.

“I apologize. I'm simply concerned, 'tis all. Surely you understand.”

Adam chuckled. “Of course I do, sir. I am concerned for her as well.”

“D-do you think I should pay her a visit? I want to make sure she has everything she needs.”

“No, sir. I believe what she wants right now is solitude.” Adam hefted Emma up in his arms and swung her high above his head. Her playful giggles sweetened the air. Gage smiled, despite his tortured mood. Ah, but it was pleasant to have a young child in their midst. He could really grow accustomed to having the tyke around.

A soft tap on the door interrupted his thoughts. “State your business,” he called.

“Captain?” A feminine voice replied.

Ivy. Ivy. She had come. And she sounded happy. Gage glanced at Adam excitedly.

“You might do well to let the woman in your cabin, sir.” Adam smiled.

Gage chuckled. “Aye.” He pulled the door open. Ivy nudged her way inside the cabin and wrapped her arms around him in a sudden embrace. Over his shoulder, Gage noticed Adam's eyebrows rise nearly to his hairline.

“I'll be going now, Captain. I wish you a good evening. You as well, Lady Shaw.” He made his way around Gage and Ivy and shut the cabin door behind him.

Ivy pulled away from Gage, her face stained bright red. “I-I am sorry, sir. I had thought you were alone.”

Gage flashed a grin. “Believe me, milady, there is no need to apologize. In fact, I would be pleased if you did that much more often.”

The woman's face heated to a deeper shade of red.

“You enchant me, my good woman. Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

“You, Captain—Gage.”

His heart skipped a beat.

“I read your notes in the Bible you gave me. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. It aided me, as well. I feel much better than I did last night.”

Gage pressed a kiss to her hand before entangling both her hands in his. “That is a true honor for me, Ivy.”

She smiled, stood on her tiptoes, and hesitated. After what seemed like an eternity, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Gage felt his eyes widen. Was she just expressing her thankfulness to him, or did she perhaps harbor some deeper feelings for him?

Please let it be the latter.

He pulled away from her slightly, only to allow himself a better view of her beautiful face. His gaze halted on her lips. They were pink and moist. Oh, he was sure they were very soft, too. Memories of their last kiss in the jungle inundated his mind. Had it been a mistake, or a boon? Whatever it was, Gage wanted to relive it. He closed his eyes, leaned close, and touched his lips to hers, gently. Heavens, he did not want to frighten her away.

She gasped. Gage cupped her cheek with one hand and angled her body closer to his with the other. Her pulse accelerated under his hand. His own coursed faster than he could recall it ever moving before. The woman wrapped her arms around his neck. He tilted her head to the side to deepen the kiss. She moaned.

Gage pulled away to catch his breath and press some kisses to her cheek, her jaw, her forehead. Her hands entangled themselves in his hair. He leaned back in for another kiss. She tasted sweet, like honey and tea. Oh, what was he to do? She was perfect.

****

This man was perfect. Ivy did not care if he was a pirate. He was perfect, and he was kissing her. And it felt like heaven. In fact, he chased all thoughts from her head and all she was left with was the pleasure of his company. A sigh escaped her lips as he deposited a kiss on her throat.

A toddler's cry rent the air. Ivy pulled away immediately and backed up a few steps. Her back slammed against the door. Gage swung away as well, putting just about as many feet between them as he could in this tiny cabin. After a few moments of staring at her, he finally looked to his left, where Emma lay on the bed, squalling.

Ivy pressed her hands to her burning cheeks. Gage leaned down and scooped the child in his arms. 'Twas a good thing he was minding Emma, because Ivy was unsure if she was steady enough on her feet at the moment to do so. She leaned back against the sturdy oak door. A glance in the small shaving mirror on the captain's desk told her that not only were her cheeks bright red and her lips swollen, but her hair had come almost completely down from its up-do. She groaned and bent down to the floor, searching for lost hair pins.
How long have I been kissing the scamp?

The scamp cast a sidelong glance as he scooped Emma in his arms. He winked at her. “What, do you miss me already, milady? I would be happy to kiss you again as soon as I've tended to the babe.”

Ivy raised a hand to her throat. Of all the… “Sir, I
do not
ask you to kiss me again. I will…admit the kiss we shared was enjoyable. However…”

He cradled the child in his arms. Oh, were his arms muscular. “However, what, miss?” The man flashed her a charming grin as he bounced Emma in his arms. The description for this pirate was dashing. Her mind went a little fuzzy. Had he asked her a question?

“What, Ivy? You were explaining to me why I should not kiss you again.”

Oh, right. “Yes, sir. You should not kiss me again because…because…” The scoundrel balanced Emma in the crook of his arm and took a few steps closer to her again. He knew the effect he had on her.

“You were saying, miss?”

“Oh, you big bully! I insist you step back. I have no room to breathe.”

He obliged, smirking.

“I was saying you should not kiss me. You do realize we have no future together, right, sir? You are a sailor and I am a lady. Society would shun me if they found out I had connected myself with a man such as you…no matter how I felt about you myself.” The very thought pained Ivy. But someone had to voice it. They would have to part ways eventually, and when they did, it would only be harder if they had grown accustomed to each other's company throughout the voyage. Aye, it would be best if there was no more kissing.

****

Gage's eyes flicked down to her lips, unbidden as she spoke. How was he supposed to stop kissing the woman when her lips were so pretty and inviting?
Focus, Gage.
He shifted Emma to his other arm as he studied Ivy. She did have a point, after all. They needed to decide what to do when they reached London.

He did not want to lead her on by offering sweet kisses and words without honorable intentions. But how could he have honorable intentions? She was far above him in station. There was no doubt about that. And although he could keep her well fed and cared for, he could not provide her a title the many earls of England could.
I am an awful man. What am I doing to this woman?

“Ivy…”

“Let me talk, Captain. Please.” She squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled deeply.

“Aye, miss. Anything you wish.”

Her lips twitched upwards ever so slightly as she opened her eyes. Turmoil swirled in their gray-blue depths. “Sir, I…I must admit I do care for you. I would be a fool to deny that. And I realize you seem to have feelings for me as well. But what will become of us? I am a lady. You are a pirate.”

“I'm a privateer, actually, milady. Commissioned—or soon to be commissioned by the king to do his work on the seas.” Gage ran a hand through his hair. He did not wish to hear where Ivy's speech was taking them. He wanted her. He wanted her to be his wife.

“Either way, sir, our marriage would lower my status considerably.”

He should let her go. He should let her marry some rich, fat earl who would probably be unfaithful to her. But that outcome was not fair. It was not fair to either of them, or to Emma. No earl would take Emma. What would become of the child?

“Ivy, I understand you have a reputation to uphold. But I will work hard. I-I believe I can become well-respected in this business. Caspian has taught me well. I will do all I can to make you proud.”

A tear slid down her cheek. “You already have done me proud, Gage. You really have.”

“Then I beg of you, miss. Give me an opportunity. I want a chance to prove myself to you. To win your favor.”

Her eyebrows drew close together.

“Land ho!” A cry drifted down from the main deck. Gage transferred Emma to Ivy's arms and sped up the companionway, with Ivy following. He pulled out his spyglass and, sure enough, there lay the city of Charles Town, her lights shining bright against the sky.

Gage snagged Ivy's hand in his and squeezed it. His sister was somewhere in that city.

****

Addie ignored the tears that streamed down her face as she made the finishing stitches on the hem of a gown she had received yesterday. She must not allow herself to get so emotional. So what if Gage never came? Why, she was just fine by herself. The past few months, she had been getting along just fine on her own. Of course, she had received some charity from the kind souls in town, but she had worked for most of her money. So who cared if yet another man in her life failed her? Nothing was new.

She had not seen her brother in several years. What did he look like now? Was he still the clean-shaven, polite young man she knew and loved? What had the sea done to him over time? A stab of pain shot through her heart. What if he was hurt? Injuries and death at sea were common. Was she to lose him, too? First her birth parents, and then her adopted mother. Finally her husband. No, she could not allow the thought to pass through her mind. Surely Gage was fine.

Addie glanced out the window of her room at the top of the milliner's shop. The ocean glistened a few streets down, just barely in her view. Surely Gage was out there, sailing towards her.
Please let it be so. I am not certain how much longer I can live like this.

****

Addie. He would see his little sister within the next day! Oh, but God was good. A grin stretched across his face as he remembered the “lavender lawn” fabric, as Ivy had called it, stashed away in the hold. Addie would love the gift. Gage was certain of that.

Ivy. That woman was an entirely different concern. He frowned, remembering her declaration stating they may not allow any further affections to grow between them. But he would win her. He would. For he needed her in order to be happy.

Gage would provide for her and give her the best life he could. Sure, he did not have the title of an earl, but from what he had heard from his friends, those men were naught but cruel imposters anyway. Caspian's wife had been promised to an earl who regularly beat her. No, Gage would not allow Ivy to face some dismal fate simply because she wanted a respectable title. He would win her heart even if it was the last thing he did. Heaven knew, she already had his.

****

Ivy buried her face in her hands. What had she said to Gage? The man already had her heart. He had no business trying to win her favor. He already had it. No, there was naught she could do. She had fallen thoroughly in love with this privateer captain and she had no idea what to do to rectify the situation.

Shouts from the deck roused her from her position on the bed and made her wander outside to find the source. The men milled about on deck, some swinging back and forth on the ropes in the rigging, others adjusting the width of the sails. She gazed upward in awe. The crew was certainly fearless when it came to heights. Just looking up at them made her dizzy.

Adam spotted her and jogged to her side. “What brings you up here on this fine day, milady?”

“What is going on, Mr. Douglas?”

“The men are preparing the ship to make port. We must adjust the sails and be careful when we dock her.”

Ivy's gaze moved to the land. Since it had been spotted last night, it grew closer by the hour. Now, they sailed near enough for her to see the faces of the men milling about on the docks. Few people were outside this early in the morning, but those who were focused on their business. Ivy almost jumped up and down in excitement like a child. Although this stop slowed their trip back home, it would be nice to spend a few days on solid ground.

Her thoughts darkened when she spotted Gage on the forecastle, staring at her. How long had he been there?
Oh Lord, please help me. I do not know what to do about this man.

What is it you want to do about him?

Ivy cringed. Gage bounded down the forecastle steps and approached her. Adam gave her a short bow and strolled away.

“Good morning, miss.” Gage sent her a charming grin. “How did you sleep last night?”

Ivy lowered her gaze.
Not very well, thanks to your statement last night.

He chucked her underneath the chin with his forefinger and thumb. “Come, come, now, precious one. What ails you?”

His eyes met hers. “I believe you know, sir, what ails me, unless you are that oblivious.”

“Ah, miss, I suspected what ailed you. I feel like a scoundrel to admit this, but while I do not wish to see you ailing, I am pleased your feelings about me meant enough to cause you ailment.” He sighed. “Ah, I am bumbling like a fool. I do not mean that I wish to see you ailing, but that I am pleased you have thought of me.”

Ivy almost smiled at him. It was endearing to see him like this, fumbling over words as he wrung his hands together and sweated profusely. She could let him suffer further, but that would make her feel too cruel. “Aye, sir, I understand what you mean.”

His face brightened. “Ah, that is a comfort, miss.” He paused, suddenly appearing self-conscious. “Have you decided, miss, if you will give me an opportunity to win your favor?”

Ivy hesitated. She wanted with all of her heart to affirm his hopes. So why should she not give him a chance? “Yes, Gage. I will give you a chance while I think about our future.”

He lifted her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “Ah, bless you, Ivy. You have made my heart happy today. Is there anything I can help you with, mayhap? Or did you just come up here to watch?”

“I just came up here to watch. I wanted fresh air and a chance to see solid land. I have missed it so.”

He chuckled. “Well, you are in luck, miss. We should be able to get you off this ship before fifteen minutes have passed.”