Casting Down Imaginations (26 page)

thirty five

Anaya

Even though the floor was carpeted, it was still cold. But
since my bed had been repossessed a few days ago, the only place I could sleep
was on the floor, on top of two folded blankets with a bed sheet wrapped around
me. It wasn’t what I was used to, but it was what I had to do to get by.

I didn’t know what I was going to do about Prestige. I wanted
to kill Jeff. But I needed money, and his club was the only way I saw any coming
in. I didn’t know about stripping, though. Could I really do that? I had the
body for it, and that bastard did say that when you didn’t have nothing, use
what you did have. But stripping?

I shifted on my makeshift pallet and closed my eyes to try to
get some sleep, but it didn’t come to me. Maybe because seven o’clock was too
early to sleep, but I didn’t aspire to do anything else. Sleeping kept my mind
off of men, including Reese and Jeff-the-Bastard. But every once in a while my
baby girl would come to visit me in my dreams.

She was so cute. Absolutely beautiful. She looked just like
me, but she had her daddy’s eyes, which I didn’t mind because they were perfect
on her. She was so precious and had the biggest smile. I didn’t know how I knew
this little girl in my dreams was my daughter, but somehow I did. And even
though it was my fault she wasn’t here, I couldn’t help but feel that she
wasn’t mad at me. It was like she was in a better place and she understood that
I loved her.

She was probably better off, anyway. I didn’t know how to
take care of a baby. With me as a mom, she probably would have been just as
screwed up as me, if not worse. I couldn’t even take care of myself. How was I
gonna take care of a baby, too?

Even still, I couldn’t help but wonder how she would have
been. Would she have liked to eat all of her vegetables, or would she sit at
the table for hours on end like I used to do? Would she have liked to color,
and if she did, would she have drawn me pictures? Would she have called me
Mommy, or Mama, or Mom, or Ma? Would she have been prissy, and never want to
get dirty, or would she like to play flag football with all of the guys? Would
she have grown up to want to be a model or an actress, or would she have gone
the more intellectual route and become a doctor or a lawyer instead? Would she
have grown up to find a cure for AIDS? Would she have had kids one day and
given me grandbabies?

“Ha,” I laughed out loud, humored at the thought of someone
calling me a grandma. But still, it could have very well happened. If I hadn’t
killed her.

Someone rang my doorbell. I reluctantly got up to go answer,
afraid that it was Mr. Pier coming to tell me that he was going to kick me out
of his apartment even though I’d managed to pay my rent.

“Hey girl with no name,” I heard Ayden say through the door.

I froze, not wanting to talk to him. What did he want?

“I know you’re at home,” he told me, confident. “I saw your
car parked outside. Plus I can see your lights on under the door.”

I walked over to the door and peered through the peephole. He
was standing there dressed in a nice shirt and tie holding a white rose up for me
to see.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

He smiled. “I wanna know your name.”

I rolled my eyes, not impressed with his game, although it
was a new one for me.

“I’m not telling you,” I answered, the door still between us.

Through the peephole I watched him drop his head, pretending
to be hurt.

“Come on, girl,” he said. “Can a man just be a friendly
neighbor?”

I huffed. “What do you want? I’m busy,” I lied.

“Alright, alright,” he gave in. “Look, I just want to know if
you’re hungry, ‘cause I got some food and I was hoping you’d eat dinner with
me.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, right.”

“No, I’m serious,” he said. “Look. I got the food right
here.”

“I don’t see no food,” I said, still watching him through the
peephole.

“It’s right here,” he said, and held up a bag of Kentucky
Fried Chicken. “I ain’t no cook, so I ain’t got nothing gourmet to offer you,
but
 
I figured all black folks like fried chicken. Figured I
couldn’t go wrong with that.”

My stomach became excited at the thought of the greasy entrée
in his bag. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten all day and the only thing in my
fridge was a bottle of old milk that I was sure was spoiled and a package of
lunch meat. I didn’t even have bread. I was suddenly interested in his
proposition.

“Is that mild or spicy?” I asked, my mouth watering.

“It’s mixed,” he answered with a smile. “I didn’t know which
you’d like, so I got us both.”

I paused, thinking about the chicken. It sure would be nice
to sink my teeth into a big ol’ juicy chicken breast. I could already taste the
flavor.

I gulped, hunger taking over. “You got sides?”

“Come on now, girl. What meal would be complete without
sides?”

My stomach rumbled, begging me to let him inside so that I
could eat. But I didn’t like Ayden. He did absolutely nothing for me. Nothing
at all.

“So can I come in?” he asked.

I looked around my empty apartment. There was no way in the
world that I would let anyone come in. There wasn’t anyplace to eat or sit. If
I wanted to eat I had to find someway to go to his place. I wasn’t exactly
thrilled about the idea, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

“No,” I answered him.

He laughed at me. “You know you want this chicken.”

I did. I wanted it bad.
Real
bad.

“So can I come in?” he asked again.

“Um… Um…”

I ran my fingers through my hair, afraid of what I looked
like. I didn’t have any makeup on and hadn’t showered yet. I was sure I looked
horrible.

“Come on,” he called through the door.

I cracked the door open enough for him to see my face. “Can I
come to your place?” I asked.

His eyebrows went up in surprise. “Oh yeah? Sure. If you
want.”

I watched him for a second, trying to size him up. He didn’t
appear to have any ulterior motives. Maybe he was just a nice guy. He was clean
cut, even though he had braids in his hair. He didn’t look like a thug, or a
rapper like Reese. But still, I wasn’t a fool. I knew I had to watch myself.

“I’ll meet you over there in a few minutes,” I told him.

“Okay,” he grinned at me, and turned around to leave.

I closed the door behind him and snatched my pocket knife
from the kitchen utility drawer. I didn’t know this dude from a hole in the
wall, so I was taking a risk by going to his place. He had KFC though, and I
was hungry. But the minute he tried to jump on me, he was getting diced.

With my stomach roaring, I freshened up the best way that I
could, grabbed my purse, locked up my apartment, and went next door to Ayden’s.
Just as I was about to knock the door opened before me.

“Hey,” Ayden said from behind the door.

I gave him a fake smile. “Hi.”

“Come in,” he welcomed me, offering the white rose that he
had earlier.

“Thanks,” I said. I wasn’t really impressed by the flower,
but I took it and smelled it anyway to be nice. I only had one man on my mind,
and it wasn’t Ayden. It was Colonel Sanders.

“Welcome to Ayden’s crib,” he greeted me as I walked inside.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I don’t have a kitchen table. I usually just eat in
here.”

“That’s fine,” I said, eyeing the food laid out on his coffee
table.

“Have a seat.”

I took my position on the couch while he went into the
kitchen. A few moments later he returned with two plates in his hand and two
forks.

“Dig in,” he instructed with a smile, and went back into the
kitchen to get our drinks.

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I’d already piled my plate
with mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese and was halfway finished with a
chicken breast when he returned.

“Man, you were hungry,” he laughed.

I wasn’t offended because it was true. I took my drink away
from him with a smile and gulped half of it down.

He sat down next to me and started putting food on his plate.
“Are you going to tell me your name?” he asked.

I shook my head and kept eating.

He smiled. “How you gon’ come to my house and eat my food and
not let me know what your name is?”

I shrugged my shoulders and took another bite of chicken. I
wasn’t interested in being friends with him. I just wanted to eat his food.

“Well alright, Girl With No Name. Fine. Act like that.”

I kept eating.

“You go to school here?” he asked.

I shook my head and continued to eat.

“No? You from Daytown?”

I shook my head again and kept eating.

“So what are you doing here?”

I sighed. This guy was not going to let me eat in peace. I
should have just told him to leave the food at my door and leave.

“I used to go to DU. Last semester. But then I quit.”

My answer surprised him. “Oh yeah? Did you flunk out?”

I rolled my eyes and took another bite of chicken. That was
just like a jerk to assume that I was stupid.

“No, I didn’t
flunk
out,” I informed him. “I actually
made very good grades. I just didn’t like school. So I quit.”

He nodded and started eating. “So where are you from?”

“Why are you all in my business?” I asked him with an
attitude.

“My mistake,” he apologized. “I was just trying to get to
know you, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well, don’t worry about all that, okay.”

“Alright. Damn.”

I didn’t like his attitude all of a sudden. Irritated, I put
my half eaten plate on the table and stood up to leave.

“Where you going?” Ayden asked.

“Look, Ayden. This whole little dinner thing was cute and a
little sweet, okay. But this ain’t gon’ work.”

“What are you talking about?”

He looked pitiful sitting there on the couch, not
understanding what he did wrong. I didn’t know how to tell him in words that it
wasn’t him, it was me. I’d been though too much in the last six months and
wasn’t ready to start anything new, and I could tell that was where he was
trying to go. It was better to end it now before it even began than to wind up
broken hearted again over a guy who only wanted one thing from me.

“This,” I told him. “It’s not gonna work. Thank you for the
food.”

“You leavin’?”

I turned around and walked out before he could say anything
else.

thirty six

K
aren

I was sitting on the living room sofa studying for an
upcoming exam when my phone rang. It was a call from home. Kevin had to be in
school at this time, so it was either my mom or my dad. I hadn’t talked to
either one of them since I moved in with Terrance. That was weeks ago, and even
though I was wrong for not keeping in touch with them, I still didn’t want to
talk.

After taking a deep breath, I answered on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Karen,” I heard Mama say.

“Hi,” I answered back, rude and short. At least she wasn’t
Daddy.

“How ya been?” she asked. “We haven’t heard from you in a
while.”

“What’s up, Mama? Why are you calling me?”

She hesitated a few moments. “Okay, Karen, I’m just gon’ cut
straight to the chase. That’s what you want, right?”

“It is what I would prefer.”

“Is Terrance there?”

“Why do you wanna talk to Terrance?”

“I just need to talk to him.”

“Well, he isn’t here.”

“When will he be back?”

I was quickly growing irritated. “Why are you calling my
phone asking to speak to Terrance?”

“I just need to talk to him.”

“For what?”

“Just… Please put him on the phone.”

Her voice was shaking. She wasn’t playing. Something was
wrong.

“Mama, what’s the matter?” I asked. I could hear her
irregular breathing through the receiver. She was trying not to panic. “Are you
okay?”

She took a few minutes to answer. “Just tell him to call me.”

“What’s the matter?” I asked again.

She didn’t reply. I was getting scared.

“Mama, answer me.”

“Just tell him to call me,” she repeated.

“Mama, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? What’s the matter?”

“Oh, baby,” she whispered, weeping softly.

My mind started wondering, fearing the worst.

“Oh God. What is it, Mama? Is it Daddy? Is it Kevin? Mama,
tell me what’s wrong!”

Just then Terrance walked in, freshly showered from this
daily workout at the gym. The smile on his face fell to the floor when he saw
the worry on mine.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, hurrying to my side.

“I don’t know. It’s Mama,” I told him, tears forming in my
eyes. “She wants to talk to you. Something’s wrong, but she won’t tell me what
it is.”

Terrance snatched the cell phone from me and pressed it
against his ear. My mind continued to wonder. What if something was wrong with
his family? What if it was his mother? What if she was hurt? What if she had
been in an accident?

I gasped again.

Terrance shushed me. “Mrs. Stephens?” he asked into the
phone.

I stood up and began to pace back and forth, my stomach
turning as I listened.

“Yes, ma’am, I’m here… Calm down, Mrs. Stephens. I can barely
understand you.”

“Oh God,” I panicked, about to throw up.

Please, Jesus. Please let everything be okay.

“Now what happened again?” Terrace asked her.

“What happened?” I asked, almost jumping on him.

“How much?” he asked Mama, his eyes making contact with mine.
He nodded to let me know that everything was fine, but I was still upset. I wasn’t
going to be content until I knew what was going on.

“I’ll come down there,” he said. “No ma’am. I insist. And
it’s no problem. I’ll be there in a few hours. Just hold tight. Everything’s
gonna be okay Mrs. Stephens. I promise… Okay… See you in a bit.”

I watched in astonishment as he hung up the phone and handed
it back to me.

“What happened?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

“Go pack an overnight bag,” he instructed me.

I just stared at him, frozen with confusion.

“Hurry. We gotta go home.”

“What happened?” I asked sternly. “Tell me!”

“Calm down. Everything’s fine. We just need to go pay your
parents a visit.”

“Is everyone okay? Is it Daddy? Is it Kevin?”

“Everything and everyone is fine,” he reassured me. “We just
need to run home. We both are gon’ be too tired to come back here tonight, so
pack an overnight bag.”

I did as I was told. I had an overnight bag stuffed with a
day’s worth of clean clothes and hygiene products packed in two minutes.

“Terrance, I need to know what’s going on,” I demanded after
I returned to the living room.

I found him talking on his cell phone. He put his finger over
his lips to keep me quiet.

“Yeah, Coach. Just a little family emergency. I’ll miss
practice in the morning, but I should be back sometime tomorrow afternoon and
can make my three o’clock workout.”

Family emergency? Somebody better tell me what’s happening!!!

“Alright, Coach. See ya tomorrow,” he said, and hung up the
phone.

I stood there with my arms crossed, trying my best not to
become angry. What was so bad that Mama couldn’t talk to me about, but could
tell Terrance? And why was it so important that we had to rush home?

“Everything’s cool, baby,” he told me. “Your moms just got a
little financial situation, and she needs to borrow some money.”

“What?” I asked. That didn’t make any sense. Both she and
Daddy had good paying jobs. Why would she need to borrow money from a college
student?

“That can’t be it,” I told him.

He shrugged and made his way to his bedroom. “That’s what she
said. She needs a couple hundred dollars until she gets paid week after next to
buy groceries and pay a few bills.”

I watched him empty the contents of his gym bag, then fill it
with a fresh pair of underwear, along with a clean undershirt and a freshly
starched outfit from his closet.

“But why doesn’t she just ask my dad for it? He has a job.”

He shrugged again. “I don’t know, babe. But she was crying,
and I know your mama. She’s not the type to cry easily, so something must be
going on.”

It still didn’t make sense to me. “Why don’t you just wire
the money to her?”

He walked into the bathroom and snatched his toothbrush,
reappearing with a frown. “She doesn’t have the money to get the gas to take
her to the Western Union.”

Tension came over me, tickling me from my scalp all the way
down to my toes.

“But that doesn’t make sense. If she doesn’t have any money
to get gas, then that means she must be flat broke.”

He responded only by staring at me.

My stomach dropped. “Let’s go,” I told him.

With bags draped over our shoulders, we walked outside to his
truck.

**********

Terrance and I pulled into my parents’ driveway a little
after eleven o’clock. Under different circumstances I would have never tried to
enter their house so late at night, but this was clearly turning out to be a
different situation.

“You cool?” Terrance asked as he turned the engine off.

I just stared at the house, seeing the lights on in the
living room and my parents’ bedroom. I was sure Kevin was fast asleep.

“Baby? You cool?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I think so. I just…”

He reached over and took me by the hand. “I know this is
hard, babe. But we gotta be there for your mom. I guess her and your dad are
really having problems. But we ain’t here to judge, okay?”

I nodded, thankful he was here to go through all of this with
me.

“We don’t really know what’s going on, but we know thangs
ain’t right. But we gon’ be there for them, ‘cause that’s what families do.
Alright?”

I nodded again, and kissed the back of his hand. “Thank you
so much, Terrance,” I said, my eyes watering.

“Stop that,” he told me. “That’s what I do. Now come on. You
know they waitin’ on us.”

We got out of the truck and slowly walked up to the house. I
felt weak, like I wasn’t ready to face whatever was waiting on me on the other
side of the front door. But I knew I had to be strong. Sensing my fear,
Terrance slid his arm around my waist and helped me up the stairs. I grabbed
his hand, nervous.

“Everything’s gon’ be fine,” he told me.

I was just about to knock on the door when Daddy opened it.
He looked at us as if he was startled. Terrance and I just stood there, waiting
to be invited in.

“Hey, Karen,” he finally said.

I just looked at him, not able to say anything. I couldn’t. I
was too focused on trying not to judge him, even though everything in me wanted
to break down and cry with disappointment. How could he be so irresponsible?
What was he doing with his money that he couldn’t even feed his own family?

The three of us just stood there in somewhat of a trance
until Mama trotted halfway down the staircase.

“Don’t just stand there, let them in,” she told Daddy. “Kids,
y’all hurry up and come inside. Y’all standing there letting mosquitoes in the
house. Lord knows my baby sleeping in there and don’t need to be getting ate up
in his sleep.”

“How you doing, Mr. Stephens?” Terrance asked Daddy as we
walked inside.

Daddy shrugged.

I walked past him and met Mama on the staircase and gave her
a partial hug. I could see the sadness on her face and could feel the
brokenness of her heart. She was really hurting, and I wanted to make it go
away. She was my Mama through it all, and I loved her.

“Thanks, baby,” she whispered, overcome with emotion.

I saw the look she gave Daddy, and I watched him turn away
from it. His heart appeared to be broken, too. This house was just that—a
house, because it certainly wasn’t a home anymore.

“How you doing, Terrance?” Mama asked.

He rushed over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I came to
see about you. Don’t worry about me, ma’am. I’m gon’ be okay as soon as I know
you okay.”

She reciprocated with a weary kiss. “Thank you so much for
coming. And for bringing my baby.”

He nodded.

“I imagine you kids are pretty tired,” she continued, walking
down the stairs. “Terrance, I got the upstairs guest room all ready for you, so
you can go lay down whenever you get ready.”

Terrance yawned. “I think that will be now. I got the money
you needed in my wallet. You want it now?”

“Oh no, baby,” she told him. “Ain’t nothing I can do with it
now. All that can wait ‘til in the morning. But I want you to call your mama
and let her know y’all made it here safe and that you’ll be staying here for
the night.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said. “And I want you to know that it’s
really no problem. Anything that I can do to help, you just let me know.”

Mama shot her eyes over at Daddy, who held his head down to
the floor. I was sure all of this was killing him, allowing some kid to be his
wife’s hero. But there was no one to blame but him. It just so happened that
lately Terrance was proving to be my hero, too. Because of him I was still in
school and had some place to lay my head at night. Terrance was rescuing all of
the Stephens women.

“I’m gon’ go to bed,” Terrance told me. “I guess I’ll see you
in the morning,” he said, and gave me a kiss goodnight.

“Goodnight, baby,” I said.