Christy: A Journey Tale (14 page)

“Oh I see what you mean, but I think the
problem here is that you have to expand your definition of what it
means to sell something.”

“Are you trying to confuse me? Selling
something is selling something, ain’t it?”

“It is, but what you sell doesn’t always have
to be something tangible.” He could see that she still had no idea
what he was talking about, and she was starting to get angry. “Ok,
you’re right. I do sell sanitation equipment and consumables.
That’s my job, and you’re also right that these folks don’t buy any
of my products. On the other hand, restaurants do use my products –
a lot of it, in fact. Now, let me ask you a question. What do
restaurants sell?”

“Food, I guess,” Christy said more confused
now than she was before.

“That’s right, and what do you see growing
all around you in these fields?”

“Food,” she said, beginning to understand
where he was going. The connection made sense.

“That’s right. In fact, this place is one of
the largest certified organic growers in Middle Tennessee. You see,
what makes me good at my job is a sales technique called value
first. When I go to see a client I meet with them to tell them how
I can help them reduce their grocery bill and at the same time
increase the quality of the fruits and vegetables they buy. I give
them something that helps their business and then in return, 99.9%
of the time they end up buying my stuff. The Community then has a
stable market for their products as well as a practically
guaranteed revenue stream. That means we all make money and
everybody’s happy. You see, they do buy what I’m selling. It’s just
to them I’m selling customers. What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re pretty slick.” Christy said
with a smile of admiration.

“Thank you, but since we’re on the subject I
think it’s about time you realize that we’re all selling something.
No matter who we are or what we do, everyone of us is selling
something every day,” Jack said seriously. Christy was intrigued by
this and hung on every word. “Like I said before, I do sell a
product, but more important, I sell the good will of lasting
relationships. Now, do me a favor and think about yourself for a
second. What do you sell, Christy?” he asked her. She still didn’t
seem to get it, so he went on. “Let me tell you what I see. I see
you selling your love for your baby, you dedication to your horses,
and your crazy personality that keeps everyone on their toes,” he
said, smiling. “These are good things that you should be proud of.
Always keep that in mind. Make sure that what you are offering
others is always the very best of yourself.”

“Wow,” Jennifer said as she wiped a tear from
her eye. “Did he really say all that?”

“Yes, he did, and he said it because he
believed every word of it. That’s the kind of person he was and I
think that is how I would always like to remember him.

“You know he was like that at home, too. He
never exactly explained it to me like that, but hearing you say it
reminds me of some of the conversations we had. I’m glad you feel
that way. I think he would want to be remembered like that. He had
a passion for life and more than that, he loved people; and I know
deep down that is what he wanted to sell the most.”

“He sure did. I always thought he was a great
guy, but I guess I didn’t realize how good he really was until that
afternoon. From then on I was more determined than ever to be the
person I thought I could be. He never would let me settle for less.
He was always trying to raise the bar. He never wanted me to be
satisfied with myself – not ever. He told me to keep reaching
higher and to keep expecting more. He made what were already good
times even that much better. It was amazing to live there; doing
what I was doing.” Christy said with excitement as she remembered
how rich and full her life was back then. She reveled in those
feelings for a moment, but then just as quickly she brought herself
back down to earth. “I wish those times could have lasted forever,
but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Like all great things there
comes a point where it all has to end. In my case, the end came
toward the middle of February.”

“February, now that’s a month I would like to
forget. It started out well enough, just like any other month, but
it sure did go down hill real fast. I knew I was getting close to
the end. To be honest with you I could hardly wait for it to be
over. Now, don’t get me wrong. It was definitely an interesting
ride, but at that point I had about as much of being pregnant as I
could take. It was so hard for me to do anything. My hip was all
out joint so all I could do was just hobble around. I was always
hot. I already told you about the clothes, I mean the list just
goes on and on, and that even wasn’t the worst thing about it. I’m
telling you that baby must have been laying smack dab on my bladder
for the last month. It was crazy.” Christy said with a grin.

“Anyways, back to February. You see, they
were expecting me to have the baby and they were thinking it would
probably be toward the end of the month by the way things were
looking. Then again, things hardly ever go as planned. I was
helping out in the kitchen one day when this terrible pain just
went right through me. It was awful. It was nothing like what they
said labor pains were supposed to feel like. They rushed in the
midwife and she was all over me, pushing and prodding. I could tell
by the way she was examining me that things weren’t good even
before she called for an ambulance.

They rushed me to a hospital, but they must
have put me out nearly as soon as I got there, because just about
the only thing I remember is waking up. I rubbed my eyes and I
looked around. It was like waking from a real deep dream, you know,
when you’re not sure yet if you’re awake or not. Suzy Q rushed over
to my side as soon as she saw me and grabbed my hand telling me how
it was all going to be all right. All right? I could hardly
remember what the problem was to begin with. Then, as I looked into
her eyes things started coming back to me. My hand went to my belly
and it was nothing but flabby skin and bandage.”

“Where’s my baby?”

“Oh Christy, I’m so sorry. There were
complications, honey. I promise if there was any other way…the
doctor should be around soon and they’ll be able to explain it
better than I can.”

“Where’s my baby?” Christy asked again
through clinched teeth.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. The baby…she…she
didn’t make it. I swear they did everything they could, but the
swelling…it was too much. I’m so…” Suzy managed to say before her
soft sobs overcame her voice.

“You know, sometimes when I’m sad, and I mean
real sad and I’ve made up my mind that I don’t want to be that way,
I get mad instead. It may not be the best way to respond to
somebody, but then that’s just me. Anyways, the conversation
between me and good ole miss Suzy Q pretty much went down hill from
there. Bless her heart, she did her best to understand what I was
going through and she just let most of it slide. I think she left
the room to get the doc as much to give me some time to cool down
as it was for me to hear what they needed to tell me. It worked
though, and I was finally allowing myself to cry when they came
back in. The doc went into his spiel, explaining things with one
big medical word after another. He was real sympathetic and all,
but it didn’t take long before he started to sound like that
teacher on Charlie Brown – just a ‘wau wa wau wa wau.’ But the
meaning of what he said I couldn’t escape. My baby was gone. My
daughter was gone and I hadn’t even decided on a name yet.”

“I’m sorry,” Jennifer said. She didn’t know
what else to say, but felt like she had to say something.

“It’s ok, I appreciate it. I came to terms
with it a long time ago, but back then, it was a whole different
story. After I left the hospital, I was over being mad or anything
like that. I was just in some kind of blue funk. I didn’t feel
anything. It was like my body, my thoughts, my feelings, and
everything else about me just seemed to turn off. All I wanted to
do was just pull the covers over my head and go to sleep. It was
the only thing that seemed right to me. As they brought me back to
the Community I went to bed and just stayed there. I hated getting
up even to go the bathroom. I didn’t know what was wrong with me,
and to be honest I didn’t care as long as they left me alone. Jack
came by and I wouldn’t even talk to him. It was the first time I
have ever been like that, and I think it scared them a little. I
don’t think even Jack knew what to make of it. Then again, Jack was
Jack. He just gave me the space I needed at the time. He promised
me he would come back when I was feeling better, but I just ignored
him.

You know, when something horrible happens to
someone, the people around them will let you get away with being a
jerk for a really long time, but that doesn’t last forever. I knew
a piece of me was gone. I knew I would never be exactly the same,
but that shouldn’t have stopped me from living. After the first few
days back, I probably could have gone back to work and carried on
the same way I had before, but I didn’t care. So, I lay there like
a big lump, and for the first week everybody acted like they were
walking on eggshells around me. A week after that, they were
walking normal. By the end of that, I think they were stomping. At
the beginning of the third week, Suzy finally came around to have
the talk. I had been waiting to see how long it would take for them
to get to this point. When the time arrived, I had already made up
my mind that I wasn’t going to fight it. I knew my laziness would
have to end at some point and this was about as good a time as any.
So after the talk, I went back to work, and to be honest it felt
good. I mean it felt real good. I didn’t realize how miserable I
was even when I felt fine. I also never realized how much I had
missed Molly until I saw her. It seems almost silly now, but I
reached my arms around her neck and gave her the biggest hug I
could. I cried as I held her, and bless her heart, she let me do it
without hardly a nay. I was back home again and it always feels
good to be home. I picked up right where I left off. In fact,
things went better and faster than they had before. I had been
carrying around so much extra weight for so long I had forgotten
what it was like to work without a bun in the oven. So that week
was my official getting back into the swing of things, and after
that it was all pretty much back to normal, or at least as normal
as things can get.”

“One thing though that was different was that
I had gotten into the habit of going out on my own and spending a
little free time under this tree that was off by itself at the top
of a ridge. From that particular point, you could see acres of
woods and fields with nobody to interrupt you – not a soul around
for as far as the eye could see. It was a great spot; and if the
weather was good and I wasn’t at school or at the barn, then right
there is where I would be, just nature and me. I missed your daddy
though and I wasn’t real thrilled with the way I had acted the last
time he was around. You see, he had made a special trip just for
me, so I was anxious to make it up to him. It was toward the end of
April when he finally came back around. The weather was great. It
was warm and it was finally looking like it was going to stay that
way. Spring had sprung and he found me right there under that tree.
He sat down beside me and just took in the view for a while even
before he said anything. When we finally got down to talking, he
asked me about the horses and commented on the weather as I recall.
I could have let him chitchat like that about nothing, but I didn’t
think beating around the bush was going to do either one of us any
good. The truth is I had been waiting for him to find me. I
couldn’t wait to talk to him, and it was about a lot more than just
apologizing for the way I treated him before. I had a lot of time
to think under that tree, so now that he was there. I wasn’t going
to waste a minute.”

“You didn’t come here just to talk about the
weather, did you?” Christy asked with a smirk.

“No, I guess I didn’t. So, why don’t you tell
me what I came here to talk about?”

“You came to talk about happened to my
baby…and also to see if I’m doing ok, I reckon.”

“Yes I did, and are you ok?”

“I suppose.”

“They say you’re still a little distant, and
you’re always out here under this tree, even in the cold.”

“I got a lot on my mind,” she said with a
shrug.

“Like what?”

“You know, folks around here have a pretty
unique way of looking at things, and when I say unique I mean
weird. Life to them is no different than the crops they grow. Stuff
gets planted, they grow, they get harvested, and then the whole
thing starts over again. They call it the circle of life and that’s
all there is to it.”

“I take it you don’t completely buy into
that.”

“I’ve tried, but I just can’t. There’s got to
be more to life than that. Sure, I suppose it’s easier to say that
what happened to me was just that my seed didn’t sprout. Why
complicate things by bringing in some all-powerful God? But the
problem with that is that I felt something. I felt more with my
baby than just a seed. I don’t know any other way to describe it,
but I know it was there.”

“I understand where you’re coming from.
That’s what faith is Christy. When you know deep down that there is
something more to our lives than just what we experience here on
earth. If you take it a step further, then you have to accept that
we were created. If we’re created then we belong to Someone, and
that Someone loves us so much He gave us the power to choose, the
power to hurt, and most important, the power to love. You felt
something, because there was something there. Everything about that
experience from your baby, the love you felt for her, and even the
loss were gifts from God.”