Clockwork Romance (14 page)

I notice her eyes are closed, so I whispered, “Do you want to go to your bed now?”

“Yeah,” she whispers back, half asleep. To be honest, I’m not even sure if she was talking in her sleep or if she was on the brink of sleep. We stand up, I put my arm around her to her bed, turning of the television as we leave the room. I lay her on her side of the bed and I pull the blanket over her. Her eyes open fully, then she asks, “Are you leaving?”

I’d like to stay, and I also don’t feel like sleeping alone tonight. I have a feeling that Karina doesn’t want to sleep alone either. I figure the best way to find it to see what she thinks, so I answer her question with another question. “Would you like me to stay?” I ask softly, sitting next to her on the bed.

“Yes,” she answers, nodding her head. I can’t really tell if she gave me a look, even though my shadow isn’t blocking her face. Then she says precisely what I was just thinking. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”

I’m not really that tired right now
, since I took a cat nap earlier when we got back from our first outing. But I choose to lie next to her, just like she did with me earlier.

After a few minutes, I find myself thinking again, not of my past, but of my future. I think about what Karina and I should do tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I find it easier to think this way when I’m around Karina, even more so since she’s lying right next to me. I’m thinking maybe I should buy her a gift of some kind, since she offered me the photo, signed, “In Liebe, Karina.” Yes, it does sound a lot better that way, much better than “sincerely.” I could buy her some jewelry. Women love that, right? A necklace, ring, a bracelet, or even earrings, possibly. I wonder if Karina likes gold better or silver better. I have a feeling that if I do buy her something, anything, she’ll just tell me I shouldn’t have. Perhaps she’d be right. I should wait. Maybe a few more weeks, then I could give her something. I should heed my own warnings. “Don’t move too fast,” I keep saying in my head.

I think I’m finally beginning to get tired, but as I am about to fall asleep, Karina speaks to me. I thought she was asleep this whole time.

“Luke?” she says.

“Yes?” I answer, opening my eyes once again.

“Buenas noches,” she says along with a girly laugh. I laugh along with her. She was telling me “goodnight” in Spanish. I was going to repeat it back to her when she asks, “How do you say goodnight in French?”

“Bonne nuit,” I tell her.

“Oh,” she says. “Bonne nuit.” She tries to say it with her best accent so not to sound like she was making fun. I repeat it back to her and we once again attempt to fall asleep. I recall the events of today and what a success it has all been.

Bonne nuit, indeed.

Chapter 12

It’s been almost two months now, and Karina and I are still happy together.
Today is the Fourth of July, so we decided to go to a fireworks show that’s taking place near the mall. Earlier in the afternoon, Karina and I went to a barbeque at her friend’s house. Her friend was this woman she’d known since she moved here. The women would all talk together, while the guys would talk about what sports teams were doing well, a conversation I didn’t feel the need to indulge in. I had met a few of Karina’s friends back when we were first starting off. Her friends seemed to like me, since Karina has described this has her best relationship.

Karina and I don’t spend every waking minute with each other like we used to
, sometimes now we don’t see each other for a whole day. On those days, we at least call or text each other, just to see how the other is doing. Not a day goes by since we first met that I haven’t heard her voice.

I’ve brought up the idea of starting a photography business to Karina. I think she was interested, even jokingly adding that she could be my first model. She already was, that day we took photos at the park. I still remember it like it just happened. Both of us agree that I should wait until I’m completely finished with school before embarking on a business endeavor. I don’t want to drop out, only to have my business fail. I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but I like to enter certain undertakings with the best likelihood that everything will have a brilliant outcome.

However, there still is a certain thing that has gone unmentioned for the past couple of months. Karina still does not know, and I’ve yet to make a final decision whether or not to tell her. By now, it must seem pretty obvious that I won’t tell her, since things are going perfectly well for both of us. After we began dating, I started getting calls and knocks at the door from people wanting to buy from me. I had no choice to tell them I was no longer in business. I told them never to come knocking at my door again. Most were understanding, since I’m not the only drug dealer in town. In this town, they’re about as easy to find as bums. One person made a scene in the hallway right outside my door. I thank God Karina wasn’t with me when that happened. I had to escort the man all the way out of the building, with the argument that the staff should quit letting bums inside the building.

As a result, I got a new cell phone and number. Karina even helped me to pick it out. I gave her the excuse that I just wanted a phone upgrade. Truthfully, I really needed one anyway. Everybody nowadays has a smart phone with a touch-screen and everything. My old one was just a regular old flip phone that, in looking back, was like owning a dinosaur. I was paying more attention to my new phone than to Karina for the first few hours I had it, mainly just trying to get adjusted to it. It’s pretty fun, with games and apps and whatnot.

So for the most part, my past life is behind me. That’s why it’s been taking me so long to decide whether to tell Karina the truth. At this point, it really doesn’t feel all that necessary. I don’t think anyone will be bothering me anymore, so why can’t I just forget about it. I may be carrying too much guilt, like I’m not being fair to Karina. We promised each other we wouldn’t lie, and to always be honest. She says trust and communication can save relationships, which I believe as well, but I can never have a free conscience unless all of the truth is out in the open. Hopefully, one day, if I keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter, or convince myself it never happened, I can start to believe it. I can just pretend everything in my past was fine, and maybe I’ll forget the truth, creating a new one in the process. To be honest, I don’t think that will ever work. I’m just making excuses for myself now.

In the past few months, Karina and I have gotten to know each other very well. I mean, of course we have, we are a couple after all. I found out that her mother had her when she was nineteen years old, that’s only a year older than when my mother had me. My mother was eighteen and had just started her first year in college. My father was an upperclassman at the time, almost about to graduate. He was twenty-two. They decided to date after finding out my mother was pregnant, then eventually got married, at least that’s the story they’ve told me since I was a kid.

I know virtually all there is to know about Karina now, including her favorite color, the kind of music she likes, what she was like as a child, and even her life back in Austin where she grew up. Likewise, she knows a lot about me too, like all of my favorite things. Minus one detail she has yet to know. Best not to think about it.

On the days that we hung out together, we would go to movies and eat out. Once, we had a picnic in Northwest Park. That was a nice afternoon. We made sandwiches and ate atop a blanket over the grass. That was the first time I ever went on a picnic with a girl. I used to think they were so outdated or cliché, but while we were on our date, everything just felt perfect. On that day, Karina wore a yellow sundress. I remember that because of how beautiful she looked in it. I mean, she looks beautiful all the time, but there was just something about that day, maybe it was because I was in an extra good mood.

Another thing, I don’t get nervous anymore when Karina makes comments regarding our future. For instance, when she talks about things we could be doing far down the road together, those thoughts come pleasantly now. Now, I am more willing to accept her as part of my future, or should I say, our future. I’ve gotten more used to it, even saying phrases like that myself. So all in all, things are going very well, but that’s not to say that every day has gone by full of nothing but romance and cute phrases. We have had our trouble just like every other couple has.

Our first argument was over what brands of food to buy. On one weekend, we decided to go grocery shopping together, even though we aren’t really living together officially. However, it seemed appropriate, since she was always staying at my place, or I was staying at hers. So we might has well been living together. I sort of thought of it as us being a couple who own two different apartments, you know, like how some people own two different houses.

The first thing we argued about was the eggs. I wanted one brand and she wanted another. She won. Next was the bread. Same kind of situation. I wanted white bread, she wanted wheat. She won. That scenario just kept repeating itself over and over again, until it started becoming unbearable. She even told me the kind of deodorant I was using wasn’t any good. She tried to get me to use a different one, but ultimately, she gave up and went on. If I ever won an argument, she would make damn sure to let me know she wasn’t happy about it.

I can recall the first time she gave me the silent treatment. I, to this day, still have no idea what did to upset her. I suppose women will get mad about something even if they didn’t have anything to get mad about. And she was good at it too, not even giving so much as a smirk when I tried to tell her something funny.
She had kept a straight face all day, making me feel like I was nothing more than the wind. In an even bigger attempt to make her notice me, I even tried to pretend to hurt myself by slipping and falling on the floor, banging my head on the ground. Still nothing. She just kept on reading whatever book or magazine she held in her hands. After a while, I would get upset myself, to the satisfaction of Karina.

The way she would end the silent treatment was wait until we went to sleep. More specifically, wait until I went to sleep. She rested on her couch in the other room, while I was resting in her bedroom. I wasn’t going to leave, because I didn’t want her to think I’d given up. So I crawled into her bed and fell asleep on my usual side. Once I fell asleep, she goes into bed with me. I was lying on my side, facing the door. She would lean over and kiss me on my ear, gently waking me up. I didn’t make a sound, nor did I let her know that I was awake. She did the same thing to me as I did to her the first time I slept
at her place. She ran her hand down the entire length of my arm until she reached my hand, which she then held until she fell asleep.

The following day, I would ask her why she was giving me the silent treatment
. I vaguely remember, but I think it was because I forget something. I know for sure it wasn’t her birthday, because I wouldn’t forget that. It was something else, but I don’t really remember. Anyway, needless to say, we haven’t done much grocery shopping together since then.

I’m not sure if arguing is a healthy part of dating, but it’s certainly normal. No couple can be blissfully happy every second of every day. I guess arguing can help couples find out more about themselves, but so many people want the win an argument, they don’t care if the relationship ends because of it. Arguing can force couples to resolve conflicts in a more civilized way, that way they can work together and decrease the chances of a real big argument later on.

Karina and I have never had a huge argument, at least not to the point where I thought the relationship was threatened. I would never do anything that would make Karina cry, which is something I haven’t seen yet by the way. But if arguing does do one good thing, it makes couples stronger. If a couple is still together after an argument, I think that means something. At least to me it does, so long as they still love each other.

Love, Karina and I still haven’t said those words to each other yet, those three little, yet strong words.
The closest we came was when I was teaching her French, and she asked me how to say “I love you,” amongst other phrases, thus not making it so conspicuous.

I told her, “Je t’aime.” It’s pronounced like “zhu tem.” Since I’ve been teaching Karina different languages, she has really picked up well. She knows a little German, but her favorite has been French. She has also developed a decent French accent. By now, I’ve
just about taught her everything I know. We have tried to have conversations in public, which I’m sure has made people wonder if we’re from out of the country. We both found it amusing, giving ourselves a chance to practice holding entire conversations. Those people who heard us would be surprised when we switched back to English and spoke with perfect American accents.

Though we are from Texas, not everyone has a thick Texas accent. Neither of us are the country-folk type of people who greet everybody with “howdy.” That’s only a stereotype. Our city isn’t like that at all. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like we’re from Texas, until we feel the heat and are reminded once again. But really, the only people I know who actually have Texas accents are the anchors on the news. Sometimes it can get annoying, but Karina knows how to do a funny impression of the anchorwoman, so
it’s easier, and more entertaining to watch, especially if we’ve been drinking.

We don’t get drunk all the time, but I at least have one or two a day. I’ve heard it’s healthy, or it could be that I just like beer. The first time we got drunk together, we came extremely close to going all the way in bed, but I still had the smallest shred of sense left to stop
myself. We did, however, kiss passionately, so much that the hangover we felt the next morning was well worth it.

Though she goes along with it, I think Karina might be getting a little worried about when the right time will be for us to make love. She’s never asked, but I feel like it could be bugging her. I could be wrong, but I don’t want to wait too long either. I keep telling myself, “soon.”

Another good thing that’s happened over the past few months is that Karina as quit smoking. She hasn’t had one since the first night we went out together. She’s never bought them, or even talked about wanting one. And another thing, I’ve stayed clean as well, ever since that night I took the indigo. Karina and I have never had a discussion about the various drugs we’ve taken throughout the years. I guess neither of us deemed it important to bring up during a conversation. The both of us have agreed that whatever’s in the past should stay there. I wish it was that easy for me. Hopefully tonight will keep my mind off the subject.

I’m looking forward
to the fireworks lighting up the sky tonight. What I thought was a lot more fun was buying our own fireworks. But unfortunately, we won’t be doing that this year. That’s all I used to do when I was younger, go out with friends outside the city limits and blow hundreds of dollars’ worth of fireworks for only a few minutes of amusement. Most cops don’t really care if you do it within the city limits, so long as you clean up your mess afterwards. But we would usually have so much, we would rather go somewhere where we wouldn’t be disturbed.

Right now, Karina and I just got done eating and are just about to go to the fireworks show.
We didn’t go out to eat, but rather Karina made us something at my apartment. She is a very skilled cook. She says it’s one of favorite hobbies. Tonight she made spaghetti for us, since Italian is one of our favorite cuisines. We sat around my small kitchen table, enjoying the meal, while discussing our anticipation for the evening.

Karina enjoyed cooking. She would sometimes joke around, saying she would love to be a housewife and take care of me. I’m not sure which part was the joke, the housewife part or the taking care of me part.

We each had water, which Karina put it in wine glasses to make it look fancier. Most of what I drink is water, since it don’t really care for soda.

It’s a little after nine in the evening right now, so we go ahead and get ready to leave so we can get good seats. The actual show starts at ten, but it can get pretty crowded way before then. One more great thing about Karina is that she doesn’t suggest that we dress up for the holidays. No painting our faces, no wearing red, white, or blue clothes, or any other ridiculous fashion that other people are no doubt going to wear.