Corporate Affair (24 page)

Jordan spun around viciously, tears in her eyes. “Is that what you think?” She fairly spat the words. “You’re just like everybody else! You think, how could somebody like me get a job like that and a salary like that! It must be because I let the old man fuck me! Isn’t that what you think, Aiden? Then I got pregnant. You think Grace is Mr. Palmer’s daughter, don’t you? Well, join the crowd, mister. Everybody thinks that. And I don’t care! It’s not Grace’s fault. She deserves the best of everything I can give her. And I intend to see that she gets it. Nothing else matters. Nothing!”

She was really crying now, and she began to run along the bank. Aiden caught up to her in two strides and snaked out his hand to grab her arm. “Oh no,” he said, his voice angry as he spun her around to face him. “Oh no, you don’t. I’m not going to let you sabotage what we have because it’s easier for you! This isn’t just about you! Or Grace! This is about me, too. This is about us! You slept with me, too! You told me you loved me. You let me in, Jordan. You just can’t cast me off because you’re afraid of I don’t even know what! Now, once and for all, if you love me, if you want to give us a fair chance, tell me you do and tell me about Grace. Tell me your story, Jordan. I deserve to know. I’m fighting you on this because I think we’re worth fighting for!”

When he grabbed her, she tried to jerk away from him, but he held on and had his say. Now she looked up into his liquid brown eyes. Suddenly, she felt almost too tired to move. Every emotion seemed to have left her body. She sat down heavily on one of the rock outcroppings. Aiden waited.

Jordan spoke softly. “The fall I went back to school after working for Mr. Palmer all spring and summer, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Too good. Mr. Palmer had hinted that if I wanted to finish school at a later date, he would be pleased to have me on as a permanent employee. He outlined how my position within the company would grow and that he could teach me a lot that I could later use to my advantage in getting my degree. When I said I really wanted to return to school, he was fine with that, and he told me I would always have a place at Chat.”

“So you went back to school,” prompted Aiden.

“Yes. Yes, I went back. It was the end of August and everybody was settling in. There were parties on the Lake. I hung out with a group of party-loving girls, and we were invited to something almost every night. I just went on the weekends. My roommate went three or four times a week. I hardly saw her. Then one day she came in and said she had met this really cool guy. He was in the National Guard. He wanted to take her out that weekend and wanted her to find a date for his friend. She talked me into going.” She looked up into Aiden’s eyes, and he saw the anguish there.

“He was a nice guy, Aiden. He really was. His name was Mark McGuire. He was from a little town in the Northeast Kingdom, in Vermont. We started seeing each other. We didn’t get much time together because he was in training and I was in school, but we saw each other when we could. I liked him. Then he found out his unit was being deployed to Afghanistan. They hardly gave them any notice at all, Aiden. He tried to see me as much as he could before he left near the end of September. We wrote and emailed back and forth quite a bit. You know, what we were doing and stuff like that. I—I guess I kind of thought the relationship would just dissolve after that. It didn’t bother me because I wasn’t that caught up in it. We’d had a good time and I liked him.” Jordan stopped and wiped at her eyes.

“The next month, I found out I was pregnant.
Pregnant
. My world went into a tailspin. All kinds of thoughts went through my head. Finally, Thanksgiving break came and I went home. I packed my stuff up. I knew I wasn’t coming back. I told my parents. They were pretty upset, but they stuck by me, Aiden. My father had just been laid off, and I know it must have been a terrible blow to them. I must have really let them down. The only friend I had whom I felt I could trust was Ashley, so I told her. She and Kyle had just bought Kyle’s cousin Caleb’s house in town. I remember going there and helping her move in, crying all the time, wondering how I was going to manage. Finally, she suggested that I go talk to Mr. Palmer. At first I refused. How could I face him? Ashley kept after me, though, and I went. I can’t tell you how hard that was, to stand there and tell him that I was pregnant and that I needed a job.”

Jordan looked up again and continued, “And, Aiden, he was so good to me. So nice. He didn’t judge me. He asked how I was feeling. He asked if I thought I could take a forty-hour week. He asked when the baby was due. That’s all. Then he outlined the maternity leave policy at the company and gave me my job back. Just like that. I can never, ever thank him enough for that. All I can do is do the best I can for Chat.”

Aiden was silent for a moment. “What did Grace’s father say when you told him?”

Jordan buried her face in her hands, then said softly, “I never told him. I never told him I was pregnant.”

“You mean, this man doesn’t know he has a daughter?” Aiden was shocked.

“It’s worse than that,” whispered Jordan. She began to sob. Aiden lifted her to her feet and held her close.

“Tell me,” he whispered in her ear. “Tell me. We can work this out. I know we can.”

She looked up at him, her cheeks wet with tears. “Aiden, he’s dead. Matt McGuire is dead. He was killed in Afghanistan. I got the news just before Grace was born, from the girl who had been my roommate. He never knew. I am so awful! I was so selfish!” Her body racked with sobs again, and Aiden held her tight, smoothing her hair.

Finally he spoke, “Shhh, shhh. Tell me about it. Talk to me, Jordan.”

Jordan gave a shuddering sigh. Then she spoke softly, not raising her head from Aiden’s chest. “By the time I found out I was pregnant, Matt had already been deployed. We weren’t even communicating that often, and I assumed our relationship was winding down. So, when I realized I was pregnant, I sat up all one night thinking out different scenarios.” She was silent for a while and Aiden waited.

“I finally decided what to do,” Jordan continued, speaking barely above a whisper. “I decided that this baby, this new life, was my responsibility and my responsibility alone. I decided I didn’t want anybody else’s opinion about it. I didn’t want anybody to try to tell me what I should do. This situation was mine to handle as I saw fit. So I went back to where I knew my decision would be supported no matter what. I went home. I said my father was sick and I couldn’t stay in school. Matt emailed once after I came back, and I emailed him the same thing. Then I didn’t hear from him anymore. Just before Grace was born, I got an email from the girl who had been my roommate telling me that Matt had been killed.” She buried her face in Aiden’s chest, her tears soaking through his T-shirt. He lifted her face and looked into her eyes.

“Jordan, you didn’t do anything wrong. You did the best thing you could do under the circumstances as you saw them at the time.”

“It’s not good enough,” muttered Jordan. “Maybe if I had just told him about Grace, if I had told him I was pregnant, everything would have been different. Maybe he wouldn’t—”

“Stop!” said Aiden. “Stop beating yourself up. What’s done is done.”

Jordan looked up into his face. “I was afraid to tell him. I was afraid that he would be an influence in Grace’s life. I was afraid he would try to marry me. I felt guilty that I didn’t love him, that our relationship was just superficial yet it resulted in the least superficial thing that can happen. A new life. A new life based on what, Aiden? Is my daughter doomed because her life started on such egotistic, careless behavior by two people who were not even thinking of her? I have felt so guilty. It’s almost like I stole something from him and he didn’t even know it. How would you feel, Aiden, if you found out that a woman you slept with had your child and never even told you about it?”

Aiden sighed; Jordan knew her remark hit home.

“How can I forgive myself?”

Aiden wrapped her again in his arms. He spoke, his lips brushing against her fragrant hair. “It seems as though you’ve been carrying this burden a long time without sharing it with anybody. Does anybody else know?”

“Ashley knows. My parents know. Mr. Palmer knows. None of us ever talk about it.”

“No wonder it’s seemed to me you’ve been holding back, keeping yourself at bay somehow. You have. You’ve been denying yourself, punishing yourself. That’s not healthy, Jordan. It’s not healthy for you or for Grace. Or for us.”

“Is there an ‘us’?” Jordan asked weakly. “What does that mean? Where is the ‘us’?”

“Right here,” said Aiden determinedly. “We are right here, right now. This is us. Come on, Jordan. Now you have me. You have me to share your life with. You have me to talk things through with. And I have you. I don’t care if I ever speak to Jennifer Webb again. I have you. All that random sex is over. I can see that it was only something to feed my own ego. It was nothing. It’s us that counts. Right here. Right now.”

He lifted her face and kissed her tear-streaked cheeks. His lips traveled down her face to her mouth, and she easily surrendered to him, opening her lips, letting his tongue in to press against hers.

“Yes, we do count, don’t we,” she whispered. “We do, but we’d better not make a show of it right here. It might be awkward.”

He gave a little laugh, and they started back toward the house, hand in hand. Jordan smoothed her hair and hoped her eyes weren’t too red from crying. The chill of the evening had settled with the setting sun. Jordan shivered a little, and Aiden put his arm around her shoulders. It was clear he was past caring who saw them.

When they entered the kitchen, Nell was watching Grace play on the kitchen floor with some pots and pans and wooden spoons.

“Mmmama,” said the baby, smiling up Jordan. “Poon. Poon.”

“Do you have a spoon, Grace?” cooed Jordan, bending down to kiss the child’s upturned face.

“Poon,” Grace confirmed and went back to banging the pots.

“Your phone went off a couple of times, Jordan,” said Nell. “You might want to take a look at it. I brought it in from the porch. It’s on the table. Don’t worry; I’ll keep an eye on Grace.”

“Oh, thank you,” said Jordan. “It’s probably my mother.” She reached for the phone and checked for missed calls. Ashley. How odd. Jordan punched the recall button and stepped politely out onto the porch.

“Oh, Ashley, no! Oh no!” Jordan cried out. “Oh, I’m on my way right now. Yes, now. I’ll be fine. I’ll call you along the way.”

She came back into the room, and there were fresh tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Aiden’s voice sounded hollow to Jordan. “Mr. Palmer!” she choked. “Oh, Aiden, Mr. Palmer died.”

Nell was at her side in a second with a glass of water.

“Sit down, dear,” she said, guiding her to a chair at the table. “Take a drink. What happened? I’m so very, very sorry.”

Gordon came into the room from the back of the house. “What’s going on?”

“Dad, Palmer’s dead,” said Aiden.

“What!”

“Shhh,” said Nell, shooting him a look. “What happened, dear?” She addressed the remark to Jordan who lifted the glass of water to her lips with a shaking hand. She felt the cold liquid in her mouth and swallowed automatically.

“This is awful,” she said. “I just saw him. He seemed like he was doing okay, actually a little better than he had been. Ashley said—” Her voice caught, and she struggled to keep back the sob. “Ashley said she had taken the summary of the day’s business to him at home. She said he went over it with her, that he was weak because he had had chemo this morning, but that he seemed in good spirits. He said he gave her a pep talk about sticking with me, that things were going to get busy and I would need her help. When she got ready to leave, he said he was going up for his nap.” Jordan stopped talking and wiped an errant tear from her face. Grace’s babbling was the only sound in the room.

“Ashley said Mrs. Palmer called her about half an hour ago,” Jordan continued. “Apparently he had gone for his nap, and when he didn’t come down at his usual time, Mrs. Palmer went up to check on him. He had passed. Just like that.”

“Who’s with Marie?” asked Gordon.

“She told Ashley her children were on their way. The closest one lives about an hour away, so she must be there by now. She asked Ashley to call me. She didn’t have my cell number.” Jordan stood up and paced the room. “This is awful,” she said. “I knew he was very ill, but, you know, I kept thinking he would make it one more day, and he would. I guess I thought it would just go on like that.”

She bowed her head. Aiden stepped forward and put his arms around her. “We’ll go tomorrow and find out what’s to be done.”

“No, no.” Jordan shook her head. “No, I have to go home tonight. I have to be at the company in the morning, and I’ll have to talk to Mrs. Palmer as soon as I can.”

Nell spoke up. “You can’t go tonight, dear. You’re too tired. Just stay here. Aiden will go with you in the morning.”

“Thank you so much,” said Jordan. She began to gather her things together. “Thank you, but I have to leave tonight. Aiden, I’ll let you know what transpires. I’ll be fine, really. I wouldn’t sleep all night now anyway. Grace will fall asleep. She’s a good traveler, and her bedtime is creeping up.”

“Jordan, please,” started Aiden.

“Don’t fight me on this, please.” Jordan was firm. “I need this time alone. I’ll call you. Please.”