Damned and Desperate (3 page)

I looked at Aedan, who was capping his half-empty bottle. He didn’t seem to be alarmed, so neither was I.

The receptionist motioned us to a grand hallway with cathedral ceilings and marble pillars. “Go on,” she said in a haughty tone.

Aedan laced his fingers through mine; that “oh shit” look in his eyes wasn’t very reassuring. My legs weakened and my knees wobbled as we walked down that long hall together. By the time we reached the arched doorway, I was squeezing his hand so tight, I was pretty sure I’d left red marks. He didn’t complain, though. He must have been too frightened to notice.

It wasn’t every day we got face time with the Almighty Creator, and since God had probably seen and heard everything I’d done back on Earth, I sure hoped he’d go easy on me. I tried running a mental list so I could prepare to answer for all my sins, but my brain was spitting out offenses faster than I could think up excuses. Shit. It was no use. If God wanted to berate me for my vibrator collection, or that time I’d faked an asthma attack to get out of a speeding ticket, or maybe when I told all of my law school classmates Travis had the anatomy of a Ken Doll, so be it. God would have to understand that I was flawed, really flawed, but I stopped an apocalypse, and that had to count for something.

We walked through a doorway into a beautiful outdoor garden, much like the one inside the Nephilim’s pyramid, only this one seemed to go on forever, and rather than a glass dome above us, there was a radiant blue sky dotted with puffy clouds. Exotic birds flew above our heads, landing on flowery tree branches. We were in a valley of sorts, flanked on either side by waterfalls, rainbows sprouting out of the mist as the water cascaded into shimmery pools. We followed a path toward verdant green grass, and it took me a moment to register we were standing on a putting green. A man wearing khaki shorts and a Polo shirt stood with his back to us, swinging at a golf ball and letting out a low whistle as the ball flew off into the distance.

He turned to us with a smile. “Another hole in one.”

I gasped when I looked into a familiar pair of Asian eyes. “Jackie Chan?” Whoa! What was my favorite ball-busting hero doing in Heaven?

“Mr. Murphy?” Aedan said with a note of awe in his voice.

I turned a sharp gaze on my boyfriend as I shook out of his grip. “Mr. Murphy?”

He looked down at me and nodded. “Mar’s father.”

Jackie Chan’s smile practically stretched ear-to-ear as he strolled over to us and held out a hand to Aedan. “I appear differently to everyone. I take on the form of whomever you look up to most.” He vigorously shook my boyfriend’s hand before turning to me.

As I absently latched onto God’s outstretched hand, which was not at all limp and clammy but firm with just the right amount of moisturizer, I realized I should have been thinking, “Holy shit! You’re shaking God’s hand!”

As far as celebrity deities went, he was by far the most famous. In fact, I’d never met anyone famous before, except that one time I’d seen Leonardo DeCaprio in an airport bar. I vaguely remembered sloshing my drink on my shoes and screaming, “I loved Titanic!” before he was racing for the nearest exit. So to go from stalking the guy who saved Kate Winslet from a sinking ship to shaking hands with the God who’d once drowned the entire planet with an epic flood, my mind was pretty much blown. I wasn’t quite sure if it was in a good way, especially not when I was simultaneously annoyed Aedan looked up to Mar’s father. Why had he never told me this?

“Come sit and have a drink with me.” God released my hand and motioned toward a white wicker table and chairs at the edge of the green. Without awaiting our response, he turned and walked away.

Aedan tugged my hand, but I tugged harder, pulling him down to me. “Your ex-fiancée’s dad?” I hissed.

“Some karate guy?” he shot back before dragging me toward the table.

“Not just some karate guy.” I jerked out of his clutches. “His ball busting-skills are legend, and he does it while telling family-friendly jokes.”

“Don’t say ball-busting in front of God,” Aedan growled.

I shook my water bottle at him, squeezing it so tight, the top popped off and sprayed water on his shirt. “I’d like to bust
your
balls right about now.” My ire was rising. Mar’s dad? Really? And why did I get the feeling the Virgin Mary would look like Mrs. Perfect Mar to Aedan?

Luckily, God was already sitting down at least thirty yards away, his gaze fixed on the screen of his iPhone, so he probably hadn’t heard us arguing. That would have been majorly embarrassing.

Wait a minute!
God uses an iPhone? I sure as heck hope he doesn’t have the same carrier I had back on Earth.

I plastered on a smile when we reached the table. Though Aedan and I walked side by side, elbows touching, it felt like we were standing a million miles apart. What had come over me that I had this sudden urge to reach up and smack him across the face?

“Children,” God laughed as he wagged a finger. “You forget I can see and hear everything.”

“I told you,” Aedan said in a tone that made him sound like my nagging big sister.

I did my best to ignore my embarrassment as I tilted my chin, willing Aedan to read the meaning behind my death glare. I flashed God an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for the ball busting. I meant to say ass-kicking… errr, butt-busting.” I rolled my eyes while mentally smacking myself upside the head.

“Quit babbling,” Aedan grumbled as he fell into a nearby chair and slammed his water bottle on the table.

I stiffened, wanting so badly to thrust my middle finger in his face, but instead I forced myself to sit, dropping the empty bottle at my feet.

“Your trespass is forgiven,” God said with a wink.

“Okay, thanks!” I exhaled a sigh of relief. Aedan had made me feel like a fool for nothing. “That’s awfully nice of you, Mr. God, Sir. I also wanted to thank you for letting me back into Heaven.”

“My pleasure.” He filled two clear goblets with ice water before pouring one more for himself. “Thirsty?”

I slouched in my seat, blanching as I looked at the glass. For some reason, I didn’t think drinking anymore water would be a good idea. Besides, my nerves were so rattled, what I really needed was a tall glass of alcohol to calm me down. “Got anything stronger?”

Aedan kicked me under the table.

“Ouch!” I shot him a look as I scooted away from him.

God, seemingly impervious to our fighting, smiled and sloshed the water in the cup. A second later, the liquid had turned red. “Wine?” he asked.

“Thanks.” I tried to showcase my best manners as I took a dainty sip, less worried about God judging me than getting more bruises from Aedan. Mmm. It tasted like Nephilim wine, sweet and smooth. I tilted back my head and took several gulps. Manners be damned… oops, darned. This wine was too good not to finish. Besides, I thought the Bible said something about wasting things being a sin, and I didn’t want to offend my heavenly host.

Aedan cleared his throat loudly beside me, but I ignored him as I finished off the drink and then burped into my fist. “Thanks, God.” I set down the glass and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Those were some mighty fine grapes.”

Aedan made grumbly noises beside me, sounding like he’d either turned part bear or he had bad indigestion.

God didn’t seem to be offended by my behavior, as he continued to smile serenely, so I didn’t understand what swarm of locusts had decided to fly up Aedan’s ass.

Aedan shot me a glare before leaning forward in his chair. “Sir, we’ve come to talk to you about….”

God waved at him with a dismissive flick of the wrist. “Your brother and friends in Hell.”

“Um, yeah,” I blurted. Wow. He really was omniscient. Then I straightened when I realized he was probably listening to my thoughts at that very moment.

Oh, shit. Think pure thoughts, Ash. Think pure thoughts! Get those images from last night of you riding Aedan like a bucking bronco out of your head!

God arched a brow, eyeing me with a comical look in his eyes.

Busted!

I was so mortified, I wanted to sink beneath the table and fall all the way down to level one.

Oh, well. Kinda served him right for invading my brain. Most men knew better than to ask a woman what she was thinking.

“You want permission to bring them to Heaven.” God fixed Aedan with a knowing stare.

“That would be great!” I squealed, perhaps a little too loudly. Not my fault. The heady wine had taken effect, like sudsy bubbles floating around in my brain, popping as they struck each other.

God folded his hands behind his head, striking a casual pose as he leaned back. “I think the giants have learned their lesson. Besides, there are certain angels in The Council who’ve been badgering me to let them in. I hereby grant you permission to bring them to Heaven.” Then he turned a scowl on Aedan. “For all except that demon brother of yours.”

“Why?” I blurted and then winced at my forceful tone.

“He’s a demon, that’s why,” God answered in a haughty tone. “He’s been terrorizing Earth for over a century.”

I wrung my hands together, searching his eyes as I leaned forward. “But he helped me escape Hell, and he fought with us against the demon army.”

“Yes, yes,” he said with a heavy sigh, “which is why I’m allowing him into Purgatory, but if I let his kind into Heaven, I’d have another revolt, and the last one didn’t go over so well.”

I practically jumped out of my seat with excitement. I was certain Aedan and I could give Callum enough credits to get him to level thirteen, and we could visit him on weekends. Anything had to be better than where he was.

“So he really gets to come to Purgatory?” I clasped my hands together.

“Yes,” he said in a disinterested tone. “Now hurry and get him before I change my mind.”

Aedan cleared his throat again. I was beginning to think he’d swallowed a bug, even though I hadn’t seen so much as a gnat this side of the Pearly Gates. “About that,” he said. “We were hoping you’d help us with the rescue.”

God laughed so hard, he actually snorted. “I’m glad to see your little foray into Lucifer’s Lair hasn’t dampened your sense of humor.”

“Oh?” My hands went clammy. “I think he was being serious.” My voice sounded small, even to my own ears.

“Now what kind of lesson would that teach you if I did all the work for you?” Condescension dripped off his tongue, and he looked down at me as if I was Jack and I’d just been caught chewing his favorite silk undies. “How are you and Aedan going to learn to trust each other unless you endure a few more trials and tribulations together?”

“We trust each other.” I elbowed Aedan in the ribs, perhaps a little too hard. “Don’t we? Aedan?”

God chuckled, nodding at Aedan. “He’s jealous over Jackie Chan.”

I turned to Aedan, forcing a smile as I tried my best to sound reassuring. “You don’t have any reason to be jealous.”

His brows drew together as he pouted, reminding me of Garf the Nephilim, whom I was pretty sure had the mentality of a child. “I bust balls, too, you know. Almost every day I risk my soul to battle demons. It’s not easy being a Grim.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t say it was.”

Ignoring me, he turned to God and held up a fist. “All of Jackie Chan’s moves are choreographed. My upper cut could lay him flat in a flash.”

“Aedan,” I groaned, “you are never going to get into a fight with Jackie Chan, so why are we talking about this? Anyway, my admiration of the greatest ass-kicking movie star who’s ever lived is no different than your obsession with Mar’s dad.”

“It’s not an obsession,” he said coolly, “and Mr. Murphy happens to be your granddad.”

Frustration got the best of me. I threw up my hands, my voice raising with my ire. “Like ten times removed.”

We both turned toward a high-pitched clank as God banged on his goblet with a spoon. “As you can see, you both have a lot of trust issues you need to resolve.”

As I watched his water slosh around in the glass, I was reminded again of Hell’s hormone water, and that’s when it hit me. Aedan and I rarely bickered, and when we did, we didn’t argue like this. I pointed at the empty water bottle at my feet. “What’s in this water, anyway?”

“Oh, that?” God shrugged. “It’s Heavian, or as I like to call it, water of truth.” He arched a knowing brow. “Doesn’t always bring out the best in us, does it? The souls in the fourth dimension call it angry water, but of course, they have a lot of unresolved issues.”

My jaw dropped. “You mean your receptionist gave us tainted water?”

“Not tainted, my dear. It helps reveal our innermost feelings. I find the water relaxes people. You’d be surprised how many of my visitors end up too tongue-tied to talk.”

Aedan and I shared looks of shock before I turned to God, unable to mask the venom in my tone. “I wanted to punch my boyfriend a few seconds ago.”

God waved a dismissive hand, seemingly unfazed by my ire. “Haven’t you ever wanted to hit him before?”

“No!” I said without batting an eye. Well, not since we made up after our little fight in Hell. We’d had a major blowup yesterday when he accused me of sleeping with his brother, but that was ancient history. I loved my boyfriend. I didn’t want to punch him, did I?

Aedan shook his head. “We don’t usually get this mad at each other.”

God stood, tapping his phone before pushing back his chair. “Maybe you should. You’ll need to break down those barriers before you can learn to trust.” He slipped his phone in his pocket and casually stretched his arms to the sky, acting as if poisoning our minds and causing me to turn on my boyfriend like a rabid cat was no big deal. “My ten-fifteen is here. I’m afraid you’ll have to go. It was so nice chatting with you. Be sure to ask my receptionist for another complimentary bottled water.”

I stood on shaky legs, backing away from the table. “I’ve had enough water, thanks.” I still couldn’t get over the fact that God had deceived us. What the heck? I thought he was supposed to be all benevolent and honest. I’d had enough of that kind of trickery back in Hell, thank you very little.

Aedan’s face turned a bright shade of red as he spoke through a clenched jaw. “So you’re not going to help us?”