Dare (Finding Love Book 1) (11 page)

“What is your secret? The one that festers inside of you?” I hesitantly ask him.

Sitting up, he slowly turns to stare at me, his face revealing his hard feelings. Patiently, yet eagerly, I wait.

“My deep secret, the one the festers inside, is hard to say, but I need you to know all of me. I don’t want to tell you, I’m afraid that you’ll leave and never come back.” I’m shaking my head, but he gives me a look to stay quiet. “Don’t. You wanted my secret. Here it is.” He leans into me and slowly whispers, “I killed my father.”

I look at him in disbelief, seeing that he truly believes he’s at fault for killing his father. I don’t know the story, but there is no way he’d do that.
It can’t be possible.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” I ask him.

Dare is shaking with rage. At himself or my question, I’m not sure. “Yes, I do. You weren’t there so you can’t think any differently.”

When I reach for his hand, he moves it away. I can already feel him shutting down, closing himself off to keep me out. It hurts, like something I’ve never felt before. “Then tell me.”

He faces away from me and begins. “My mom died giving birth to me.” I sharply inhale. I wasn’t expecting that. “Yeah. Well, the old man wasn’t prepared for that and instead of getting his wife, he got me instead,” he spits out bitterly. “From as long as I remember, he never liked me. I was the mistake, the
thing
that killed his wife. I was blamed for her death every day. Eventually, I came to accept that it’s true.”

I want to tell him no, that it’s not his fault, but he shakes his head.

“Let me finish first. He became a drunk, a mean one. He let me know his thoughts every day of every hour. If I cleaned wrong, spilled something, or said something he didn’t like, he’d take his anger out on me. With his fists. Well, one day he was too drunk to drive home and swerved into a bridge. He went right over, and that was the end of my torment.”

I bite my lip to contain my tears. I wish he would let me hold him, but I know he won’t. He blames himself because his mom died. His dad blamed him because of that and hurt him every day. No wonder why Dare is so intense and closed off sometimes.

“Dare, none of that is your fault,” I try to tell him, but he glares at me. I’ve never seen him angry at
me
before. It’s not something I want to see more of. “Don’t glare at me, Dare. I’m trying to get you to see that you are not at fault here. Nothing could have saved your mom at that point, and your dad was an angry bastard who put his anger out on you. That wasn’t fair for you!” My voice rises as I tell him.

He doesn’t move, but he’s stiffening up. I know he’ll blow and for a second, I think I should back away, but no. I’m not running anymore. Besides, I know he won’t hurt me. He isn’t Steven.

“You aren’t the first person to tell me that, Jennifer. You won’t be the last I’m sure, but I can’t let it go. The guilt,” he tells me when I look at him in confusion.

I shake my head. Maybe I can’t get through to him, but I hope someday, someone will. My fear is that maybe I won’t be with him to see a more relaxed version of himself. His phone starts to vibrate again, and this time I have to physically hold myself back from snatching it out of his grip. He looks down at the screen before sighing and answering. I gawk at him. He answered his phone during a serious conversation.

I can only hope it’s an important one.

Before I can inquire, he hops off the stage and rushes out the doors. I stare at the doors, becoming angry. Okay, so it’s an emergency call, couldn’t he at least tell me that before storming out of here? Am I
that
unimportant to him? Anger fuels me, and I jump off the stage, turn off the lights, and head out of there.

He’s half-way across the yard, phone up to his ear and obviously agitated. Shaking my head, I walk slow, staying a bit behind him. Clenching my fists, I can feel my nails puncturing my skin. By the time I reach his car, he’s leaning against the passenger door, glaring down at his screen. Well, too bad for him. I’m too angry to care right now.

I shove his hand away as he attempts to help me in and buckle up. He slams the door shut, but I don’t even flinch. I just want to go home. A part of me is disappointed that our date turned out so sour, but it’s his fault. He didn’t have to tell me anything or answer his stupid phone. I have no blame.  So why do I feel like such a heel?

Dare gets in and sits there. I stare ahead, the sky no longer beautiful. It’s dark and angry with clouds covering the stars. It matches our situation perfectly.

He starts up the truck and heads to my apartment. The silence between us is no longer comfortable. The air nearly crackles with pulsing energy. Sighing, I lean back and bounce my leg up and down, a nervous tick of mine. I nearly jump when my phone chimes, not expecting the loud interruption.

That didn’t go so well. Boyfriend having a tantrum?

Without thought, I reply:
Who the hell are you? Leave me alone!

I wish I could tell Dare about the texts, but that isn’t happening now. He’s closed himself off, and I’m no longer a welcome being. Or at least that’s what I’m getting from his stance. I can’t even begin to think about whoever this is. I’m so frustrated, I want to blow. And then cry. When Dare stops in front of the apartment, I don’t get out.

“I’m sorry, but I have to get someone.” His voice is nearly guttural, and it takes a second for me to understand what he said. Someone else? That’s why he stalked away like a two year old?

“Who?”

His head falls back against the seat, and he sighs. “Just someone. I’ll talk to you later, Jennifer.” Like that, I’ve been dismissed.

I stare at him for a few more seconds before getting out. I slam his door as hard as I can. Immature? Maybe but it sure as hell felt good. As I walk to my apartment though, I feel my anger slowly draining. In its place is sorrow and pain. Nearly the same I felt when Mo died.
I can’t go through this again.
All Dare will do is hurt me. He’s already done it more than once. The problem is that I’m not sure I can let him go, but there has to be a line somewhere, right?

Love is misery. I didn’t know how right that saying is until now.

Jaclyn is still out when I open the door, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can’t talk about what happened tonight; I need time alone. I just need to get past Hayley, who is banging pots and pans in the kitchen. Luckily, she doesn’t hear me due to the loud music buzzing through her headphones.

In my bedroom, I change into my pajamas and grab my picture of Mo and me. It’s one of
those
nights. Instead of just missing Mo, I miss Dare too. Which is stupid. My feelings are being torn in two different directions: I hate Dare, and I miss Dare. I don’t think I have the ability to choose tonight.

Curling up with the picture, I silently cry myself to sleep, all the while wishing I had Mo and Dare.

_*_*_*_

The next day I have to work, and I think about calling in sick before deciding not to. Sitting at home, wondering about Dare will let him win. I won’t let him ruin me. So after class end for the day, I head over to the library for some study time.

But of course, Dare pushes his way into my thoughts.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

I jolt at the sound of Cole’s voice. “I don’t think you have enough.” I shake my head wearily.

He frowns and sits himself down across from me. “What happened? Did he do something?”

“Other than piss me off beyond belief? Nope.”

He brushes his blonde hair out of the way and leans forward. “Come on, what did he do?”

I tell him from the beginning, his eyes darkening as I tell him about Dare leaving me. “That’s why I’m pissed.”

“I get why he’d be mad about telling you his past, but mad enough to just leave you? I saw the way that guy looked at you. There is
no
way he’d just leave you somewhere without there being an actual emergency or something.”

I sit back in the chair, the wooden seat hurting my ass. “Yeah, well, tough. He could have told me he had an emergency. He didn’t have to run off and say ‘sorry, but I have to get someone,’” I imitate his voice.

Cole chuckles. “See what happens. I’m not excusing what he did, but see if he explains what happened. Maybe he was freaked out about something and just, flaked out,” he shrugs helplessly.

I send him a look before standing up. “Come on. Let’s get started.”

A few hours later, we finish early. I’m grabbing my purse when Cole walks into the back room. “How about we go to dinner? I could eat a lion.” He rubs his flat stomach.

Raising my brows in amusement, I follow him out. “A lion, huh? Sounds like you’re pretty hungry, but I could eat an elephant.”

He gasps and looks me up and down. “Well, I can see it.”

I punch him in the stomach, and he grunts in pain. Real or not real, I laugh anyway and head outside. “Where are we going?” I ask after I get into his car.

“How about that new pizza place on 3rd? I hear it’s the bomb,” he says with a gang sign. Or what I think is a gang sign. It looks more like a bunny.

“Okay, sure Romeo.” I chuckle and buckle up.

At the restaurant, we order a pizza and a pitcher of Dr. Pepper. “So, tell me. Any girls on the Cole’O meter?” I ask him after the waitress leaves. He flushes, and I perk up. “Oh? There
is
someone!” I point at him and laugh as he turns red.

He glares at me. “Shut up! There is a girl but I can’t have her.” He shrugs it off, but I can see he hurts.

“Why? Is she taken?” I fiddle with my straw wrapper as I wait for him to answer. The red and white checkered table cloth is shiny, and I hope that’s because it’s washed. 

“Uh, kind of? She seems to like me but turns me down every time I ask her out.”

I lean forward. “How many times have you asked her?”

“A few, but the point is she turned me down. I’ve never seen her with a guy. Maybe it’s just me?” he asks uncertainty.

I pat his hand. “Cole, any woman would be lucky to have you. You’re sweet, nice, and handsome.”

He clears his throat and looks out the window. “Quiet. Let’s eat.” He nods to the waitress coming.

We spend an hour at the pizza place before he drives me home. I see Cole tense and before I can ask what’s wrong, he curses and gets out of the car. I look ahead and frown at Dare. He’s leaning against his bike, arms crossed. He’s back in his leather jacket and biker boots, a chain hanging down from his right pocket.

I slowly get out of the car and walk over to them. Cole is glaring at Dare, who in turn is glaring right back. It’s like a testosterone fight. “Go home Dare. Jennifer isn’t in the mood to see
you
right now,” Cole spits out.

Dare stiffens and ambles over to Cole. Dare is an inch or two taller than Cole so he looks down at him with quiet stillness. “Step back. This has nothing to do with you,” he growls out.

Cole glares at him before looking over at me. “Jennifer?”

I look between the two and sigh. “Its ,fine Cole, go home. Thanks for dinner.” I walk over and reach up to kiss his check. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watch Cole walk away before turning to face Dare. I hope I convey nothing as I stare up at him. I want him to feel the way I do. “What do you want, Dare?”

He frowns and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “I wanted to apologize -again. I should have told you there was an emergency, and I shouldn’t have just up and walked away. I sincerely regret doing that and hurting you, Jennifer.” He steps up to me, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. “Talking about my past is never good for me or the people around me. I wish you didn’t have to see that.”

His hand circles the back of my neck and tugs me forward. He kisses my forehead before leaning his head against mine. I look up at him, seeing how sorry he really is.
Damn. I can’t win with this guy. He has me hook, line, and sinker.
I grab onto his jacket. “You really hurt me, Dare. I understand you don’t like talking about your past, but remember that I’m here for you. I
want
to know you, and that involves your past. You have to trust
me
.”

He sighs and closes his eyes. “I do trust you. It’s me I don’t trust. I want to be perfect for you, but lord knows I’m going to mess up. Over and over again. You deserve better.”

The agony in his voice nearly brings me to my knees. I tighten my grip on his jacket and lean in. “You are perfect the way you are, Dare. I love your imperfections, the way you slowly smile at me when you know I’m happy. Or the way I feel safe and comfortable around you. I love that you care about what I think.” I drop my forehead against his chest. “Damn, Dare. I
love
you. All of you.”

I finally say the words. Now it’s his turn.

He tenses before leaning away from me. I cautiously look up at him, afraid of his reaction. He cups my cheeks and looks at me in awe. “You love me? Really?” I hate how surprised he sounds. Like no one could love him.

“I really do. I love you,” I whisper and reach up on my toes, planting my lips against his. I know we have bumps in the road ahead of us, but I wouldn’t want to go through them without him.

My Dare.