Dare (Finding Love Book 1) (7 page)

So for now, I take it all in, creating a new memory that will always be with me, a memory I hope will get me through anything.

My legs wobble as I close the door behind me. Dare didn’t say a word as I got off his bike, instead he watched me go with his flaring gaze. Silently, we know that we’ll see each other again. How can we not? He’s the janitor in the library, and since I now work there, there is a good chance we’ll run into each other. I can’t tell if that excites me or worries me. I shouldn’t want to see him. Resolve made, I push thoughts about him away and kick off my shoes.

“Jennifer! Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you over and over again!” Jaclyn shouts. Relief is obviously in her voice, as is worry.

I didn’t think about this, though I should have. Of course they’ll want to know where I’ve been. It’s morning and I’m tumbling inside wearing sweatpants and a leather jacket.
Oh great.
Another thought hits me. I’ll have to give these back to him. Which means I’ll have to come into contact with him. Not worrying about it right now, I smile reassuringly at her. “I’m fine. Sorry I worried you.”

Her tan arms wrap around my waist, squeezing so hard, I’m afraid my ribs will crack. “Hayley!” she screams, and I wince at the ringing in my ears. She moves back as Hayley walks into the room, relief on her face.

“Where have you been? And what
are
you wearing?” she asks suspiciously, eying up and down what I have on.  

How to explain this?
I can’t go into great detail, I would have to explain all about Steven, but I don’t want to lie. Not anymore. I’m letting him take over my life, and he isn’t even here. So how do I do this?

“I had a little accident at the library last night,” I say casually as I walk into the kitchen. I’m dying for food and a fix of my hot chocolate.

They follow in confusion. “Wait, what happened? Are you okay? Tell us!” Jaclyn demands, her eyes narrow slits.

I start making my drink.
Be vague
. “I uh, I had a panic attack last night. I was alone.” I shrug, trying to play it off as no big deal.

Jaclyn gasps in horror. “A panic attack? Oh my gosh! And you were alone?”

“But that doesn’t explain where you were,” Hayley cuts in, her gaze sharp and clear, and I know she’s calculating my story.

Leaning against the counter, I cross my arms and stare at them. “No, it doesn’t. The janitor was there and before I blacked out, I saw who it was.” I’m only a tad reluctant to tell them about Dare. It seems like my own secret, a world away from this one, but no, I have to tell them. If only to get advice.

Hayley stiffens. “A janitor?” Before I can ask what’s wrong, she asks, “Who was it?”

“That guy from the party. Dare?” I wait for them to get it and when they do, there is mixed emotions.

Hayley is worrying, obvious by the biting of her lip and rubbing her thighs. Her nervous ticks. Jaclyn, of course, is smiling big. “So did you go to the hospital?” Hayley wonders and Jaclyn glares her way.

Snorting, I shake my head. “No way. I hate hospitals. Spent enough time there growing up.” My eyes go wide as I realize what I just said. I wait for them to question it, but they don’t and I’m grateful.

“Then where did you go? Spit it out already,” Jaclyn demands.

Here it goes…
“I was at his apartment.”

I swear I can hear a cricket before Hayley freaks out. “You were at some man’s house? You barely know him!”

“Yeah, I know that. I didn’t have a choice. I blacked out and when I woke up this morning, I was at his place.”

“Did he do something?” Hayley asks me.

“No! He did nothing but give me a bed to sleep in. He even offered coffee.” I smile, attempting to ease them up.

“Why are you wearing
that
then?” Jaclyn asks this time, momentarily forgetting about her excitement.

“He doesn’t have a car right now. Just a motorcycle and he gave me clothes to wear because it gets cold.” I shrug helplessly while taking a sip of my drink. I almost hum as the delicious drink slides down my throat.

“Are you going to see him again? To give back his stuff?” Hayley jumps onto the counter, a little more calm now.

“No idea. I kind of forgot about that. Maybe I’ll see him tonight.”

As I prepare a lunch for me, I can see the two exchanging glances from the corner of my eye. I roll my eyes and turn to face them. “What? Come on, spit it out.”

Hayley bites her lip. “Do you
want
to see him again?”

Though I shake my head, the thought of seeing him again electrifies me. Damn body doesn’t realize what’s going on. There is no way we can be together – ever - so why am I acting like this, like I want to see him? I know he’s dangerous to my soul. No matter what, I can’t let my heart win.

“No, I don’t.”

They don’t question why, instead they come over and make their own lunches. I begin to wonder if they have other questions they want to ask about Dare or my night, when Hayley speaks up.

“Why did you have a panic attack?”

Damn, I was hoping they forgot about that. I think about telling them the truth, but do I want to do that right now? I can’t seem to get the words out. Luckily, I don’t have to try for long, because Jaclyn’s phone goes off, and she goes stiff as she looks at the I.D. I throw a questioning glance her way, but she ignores me and slips out of the kitchen before answering.

“Did we ever figure that out?” I ask Hayley, glad to have the spotlight on me gone.

She shakes her head, blue eyes lit with curiosity. “Nope. They’ve become more frequent though.”

Hmm. I can only hope that if she’s in trouble, she’ll come to us.
Hypocritical much?
I shake my thoughts away and smile reassuringly at Hayley. “I’m sure if it was something bad she would tell us.”

_*_*_*_

Sipping my strawberry banana smoothie, I walk through the gates of the college. The yard isn’t full, a few people sitting on the grass, doing work or talking with friends. A few couples make out, and I shake my head with a smile, ignoring the spark of envy that pierces my chest.

Tossing my now empty cup in the garbage, I pull open the door to the library. Only a few people are sitting at the desks, speedily finishing their work before closing time. The library closes earlier on Fridays, though I have no idea why. I head to the back room after waving at Claire. Grabbing the cart, I set my bag down and head out.

An hour later, I run into Cole. I don’t know how to act around him now. I ran away from him yesterday; it’s so embarrassing. What do I say to him? Will he be mad that I didn’t text him? That reminds me of my phone, and I try to remember where I left it.
Chemistry section or cart
? Before I can turn around and search for it, Cole smiles, having found me.

“Hey! You okay? You look a little sick,” he asks worriedly.

I wave my hand, dismissing the concern. “Oh, I’m fine. Just a bit warm.” My insides are shaking at what I need to say next, the silence annoyingly loud. “I, uh, I’m sorry about the other night. I just…” I sigh, unable to get the words out.

He shakes his head. “No, it’s cool. I went fast, I realize that. I’d still like to get to know you, Jennifer. We can go slow, I swear.”

Instantly Dare’s face appears in my mind, and I have to forcefully push it away.
Not going to happen.
So without much thought, I nod. “That sounds great. Going slow, I mean.”

He grins. “Great! I’ll text you later.” He winks and gets back to work, rolling the cart around me.

After a few hours of working, I’ve found my phone. Surprisingly, it still has battery life, though there are no messages, thank God. I put the cart back in the stock room and grab my bag, the unusual heaviness reminding me of Dare’s clothes. Though I’ve yet to see him, so I don’t know what to do with his things. The lights shut off, one by one, save for the light above the entrance. I inch to the doors, the dark shadows shifting around me.

“Are you okay?”

Startled, my heart fearfully stutters as I turn around. Then I sigh in relief. “Oh, Dare. You scared me.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to. You looked seconds away from passing out again,” he points out ever so tactfully.

“Thanks,” I deadpan. I grab his pants and jacket. “Here, I was hoping to find you to give these back.”

Gingerly, he reaches for them, taking care not to touch my fingers. “Thank you.” He hesitates. “Do you want a ride home? I noticed you don’t drive, and it’s pretty late.”

I squint. I’m not sure if he really wants to give me a ride. His eyes reveal regret. Well then, wouldn’t want him to get stuck with me. “No, but thanks. I’ll be fine.”

Without waiting for his response, I leave and start the trek home. The night is unusually cold. September is swiftly turning into October, and I know it’s going to get worse. Tugging my jacket tight around me, I duck my head down against the wind. The streets are dark and ominous, the roads empty and quiet save for a few barking dogs. I quicken my steps, wanting to be inside instead of out here in the dark. The streetlights are flickering, and I wish I hadn’t watched that horror movie last night.

My phone chimes, and I pause to grab it, my hands shaking as I bring up the text.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.

I bite my lip and consider calling the cops. This can’t keep going on, I’m already paranoid enough without these text messages. I have no other choice, and the cops can help. Decision made, I get out of the messages and start dialing when another text comes in, one that has my heart working in overtime.

Don’t think about calling the cops. You have nothing.

I had been thinking about calling the cops, thinking that maybe the texts would be enough. Or they were until I attempt to go through them and I find that they’re all gone! I start to hyperventilate, my palms sweating and head pounding.
No, not now. Dare isn’t around to save you this time. You’re on your own. Break. Out. Of. It!
I concentrate on my breathing, counting back from twenty over and over again until I can breathe right. Then, I run the rest of the way home, my demons chasing me all the way.

Like clockwork, Dare walks by in his dark blue jumpsuit, his hair messy like always, pushing his cart.
I wonder if he styles his hair that way
. I’m in the history section of the library and like the past few days, he walks by exactly at eight. His way of watching over me. At first it made me nervous,
he
made me nervous, but now I’m used to it. I actually like it, especially since I’m still getting creepy texts from Steven.

I try emailing them, but before I can finish, they're deleted from my phone. I think about changing my number, but I know he’ll find it again. If he can do all this, anything is possible. Though I wonder how he knows how to do all of this. No way did he learn it in prison.

Every night I work here, the lights stay on until I leave. I appreciate it, more than he probably knows. That’s my problem though. He’s been super nice, taking into consideration how the darkness affects me. It isn’t making anything easy on me, trying to distance myself from him and focus on Cole. That’s another thing.

Cole surprises me. We’ve been out two more times this week, and I find myself always laughing and comfortable around him. Unfortunately, I feel myself being torn in two different directions: Cole and Dare. It’s dangerous territory I’m in, and I’m not sure how to evacuate. No, I don’t talk to Dare, but his presence seems to be enough for me. There is a certain kind of comfort about him, an urge to open up and tell him everything about myself. Another reason why he’s so dangerous: he has the ability to
know
me. Cole, while I’m content with, I don’t have the yearning to share my past. Case in point: he’s not dangerous. He’s the safer of choices, and it should be easier for me.

The amount of guilt I feel on our dates doesn’t faze me. I tried, but almost every second I was with Cole, I was thinking about Dare. How he looks, feels, sounds, and makes me feel. He’s addicting in every way. It didn’t help that Cole keeps bringing me to expensive, fancy restaurants with food I can’t pronounce. I figured he would know the type of girl I am, but I guess not.

I finish shelving the books as my phone chimes. I’m extremely resistant to answer it, but it might be Cole.

Sorry, Jen. I can’t make it tonight. Family emergency.

It’s a little disappointing, but I can't do anything about it. I push the cart to where it goes and answer.

It’s okay. Hope everything is okay.

Still looking at my phone, I don’t see him until I nearly bump into his shoulder. “Dare! Hey.” I smile, overcome with the need to do so.

His lips twitch, something close to a smile. “Hello, Jennifer. You done here?” he asks politely.

I look over my shoulder. “Uh, yeah. I’m done.”

“Great. Do you want to get coffee?”

My insides melt at the offer. Do I want to have coffee with him? Yes! The answer comes fast and without thought. Too late though, I realize I said it out loud and can’t take it back now. I find relief in that. I feel a little guilty about going with him, but why should I? Cole and I aren’t dating, he hasn’t even mentioned anything to me.

Besides, this isn’t a date.

“Okay, let’s go.” He waves for me to walk before him.

Nodding, I head outside the library. It’s almost nine, and I wonder if coffee shops are still open. I follow Dare to his bike and this time, I get on easily. Like last time while on the bike, the world speeds by in a blur of colors. A while later, we reach a part of town I’m not familiar with. The buildings are run down, the streets cracking and people loitering around, laughing and dancing. Though it looks dark and depressing, the individuals shine, even at night.

A few minutes later, he stops outside a brown brick-stone building, a simple
coffee
sign for the name.
Not at all a Starbucks
. I’m an open-minded person though and won’t make judgments until I have something.

He helps me off the bike and holds the shop door open for me. The second I see the inside, I’m in love. The walls have photos of famous singers, actors, actresses, and writers of all genres. The entire back wall is floor to ceiling book-cases, so full, books are falling over each other. The front counter is in the middle of the room, two people working it. Soft, coffeehouse music is playing overhead.

We head over to a table near the books, a few reading chairs scattered around. I sit down and look at Dare. “Hot chocolate?” he guesses.

“Uh, yeah. How did you know?” I wonder.

This time, he smiles. A full on, teeth showing smile, beautiful and sexy. “I have eyes. All week you’ve brought hot chocolate to work.

I blink in surprise. I wasn’t expecting
that.
He leaves before I can muster up the courage to say something. I glance around, seeing only three people: a couple and a woman. The couple looks familiar, from the college I bet.

“Here you go,” Dare says, placing my drink in front of me.

“Thanks.” He nods. We drink in silence, and I watch him stiffen. First his fingers, arms, and shoulders, neck, and expression. It’s obvious he’s regretting this, taking me out for coffee - or hot chocolate in my case. It’s a mystery why he keeps doing it. Why won’t he just stay away from me then? 

“What’s your favorite color?” I ask him.

His eyes flash with surprise, though he tries to mask it. “My favorite color? Are we playing twenty questions?” he asks in amusement. He’s calmer now, and I have to admit it, I like him this way. Sure, his surely, alpha side is just as hot, but there's something about the openness of him.

Lips curving, I nod and take a sip of the chocolate drink. “Yes. Now answer.”

He shakes his head as if it’s stupid, but his eyes are alight with humor. “Okay. Blue, yours?”

I snort. Very unladylike. “You want to ask the same question? Fine, pink.”

His eyebrows rise. “Pink? Wouldn’t have thought. Your turn.”

I roll my eyes. “I’ll ignore that. Birthday?”

“March 14th. Tattoos?”

Laughing, I lean my cheek against my hand. “No, but I do want one. You?”

He fiddles with the lid on his cup. “Two, actually. What would you want?”

Mo’s birth date in roman numerals. It reminds me of the way I always told him I’d keep him safe as his older sister.
Way to keep that promise.
“Not sure. I’ll think of something,” I lie. I don’t want to explain Mo to him over coffee. Though the fact that I
want
to tell him says a lot, and it terrifies me.

He narrows his eyes, trying to pick up something, I’m sure. “Okay.” I grin. “What’s your name? I mean your
full
name?”

His lips quiver as he shakes his head in hilarity, and I watch as he tries not to laugh. “Let’s pause. Want to look at the books?” Without waiting for my answer, he gets up and strides over to the bookcases.

Well, I guess so.
I let his
pause
happen and walk over to him, shoving my fists in my jacket pockets. Glancing over the spines, new and old, a sense of ease falls over me. I have one day that has neither school nor work, and those are my reading days. I schedule everything around it. When I turn around, I see Dare sitting down on a comfy looking chair with a large book open on his lap. Looking closer, I realize it’s a book of constellations. “Interested in stars?”

Like he forgot I’m here, he looks up in a daze before smiling sheepishly. “Oh, yeah. I want to major in Astronomy,” he casually says.

“What? Really? That’s awesome!” I ask him all sorts of questions, watching in awe as he slips into a different persona. He’s happy, guard free, and most of all, passionate to tell me everything. I can’t say I understand what he’s talking about, but he’s patient enough to explain some things. With Cole, it’s kind of boring to listen to him go on about what excites
him
- which is unfair - but I can’t help it. I don’t really care for soccer or the parties he’s been to on yachts.

Dare, on the other hand, I can listen to him forever it seems. His usual voice, fast moving hand motions when he’s trying to explain some space theory that I don’t have the heart to tell him I still don’t get, or how his eyes glisten, glowing for his obvious love on the subject. It’s enthralling to watch, and makes it just a bit harder to stay away from him.

We both have demons waiting on the sides, watching on with growing hunger as they wait for us to fail, to crumble. Maybe, if we’re together, those demons won’t stand a chance.

_*_*_*_

“So how was work? Did you stay late?” Jaclyn asks from her spot on the couch, a bag of puffy Cheetos on her lap.

I’m still grinning, and it’s starting to hurt. He dropped me off, insisting he walk me to my door. He went back to his alpha, stiff side. It makes me giddy to know I have some part in that change. Even though he didn’t ask me out again, I anticipate the next time we see each other. Despite his outward appearance, Dare is fascinating and I want to know more about him.

I place my bag on the table and kick off my shoes. “It was fine, and no, I didn’t stay late.” I bite my lip and consider telling her about tonight. Should I? Hayley walks in with her laptop and waves at me. “I was on a date,” I blurt out. Then wince as they slowly turn to stare at me.

“A date? At nine? Where? Who? Tell me!” Jaclyn jumps off the couch and demands, waving her orange fingers around.

I wring my hands, all of a sudden nervous. “Yes, a date at nine. It was a surprise, and I’m not even sure if it was a date. He didn’t say the words, just asked if I wanted to get coffee."

“Who is he?” Hayley asks. “The janitor, right?”

“Dare. His name is Dare. He took me to a coffee shop he visits. Way cool, by the way. I have to take you two there sometime.”

Jaclyn giggles. “So you had fun?”

“Was he nice to you?” Hayley frowns as she asks.

I look at Jaclyn first. “Yes, I had fun. It was great.” I turn to Hayley then. “Yes, he was nice. A perfect gentlemen, no worries.”

I can’t help but wonder why Hayley worries so much about him. She can’t seem to let the janitor thing go.

“I’m beat. I think I’ll head to bed,” I tell them an hour later. We’ve talked about everything, going over the night step by step so Jaclyn could visualize it. Weird girl.

As I lie in bed, I smile at the ceiling. He makes me happy, something I didn’t think could happen. Not with my life. I don’t know if this happiness will last, it never seems to, but I’m holding it close. For now, I just want to remember how I feel when I’m with him.