Dare (Finding Love Book 1) (9 page)

I have no idea where he is taking me. The area isn’t familiar, like the night he took me to the coffee shop. Unlike that area, this one is void of buildings and people; the mood dark and unassuming. I tighten my arms around his waist as we pass under the last streetlight.

The second I got onto his bike, a small part of me regretted it. What am I doing with Dare? The more time I spend with him, the easier I find myself able to fall for him. I already know I want him now, but can I let myself keep falling for him if I don’t know how he feels? If he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll be crushed in the end. My heart wears a permanent crack down the middle, and another blow to it will cause a full on end to me.

I can’t believe how dramatic I’m being. I try not to let my past dictate my future, but sometimes it’s so hard. The fear and paranoia come back, and like a snap of my fingers, I’m back to that little girl afraid of her own house. It’s simple. I’m scared. Scared of falling for this man, the outcome, and how I’ll be in the end. Of course, there could be a possibility that he’ll actually like me the same. Maybe love me.

There is that word. The one I hardly heard after Dad died. It was foreign in our house, something I find myself craving to hear.

A few minutes later, he turns down a dirt road and I scoot closer. I feel his abdomen tighten just before he shivers, and I smile a little in victory. It feels empowering to know that I have some effect on him.

I’m wondering where the hell he’s taking me when he pulls off to the side, the dirt whipping around us in a hazy cover. I hop off the bike, glad that my legs aren’t wobbly like last time. I stand here, nervously looking around. A forest is behind me, dark and foreboding. A chain link fence wraps around the area for as far as I can see, a few signs hanging on it. I squint but can’t make out what they say.

“Come on.” I follow Dare over to the fence and stare as he starts to do something with the lock.

“What are you doing?” I whisper frantically, looking around as if a cop or two will materialize.

He chuckles. “What does it look like? I’m picking the lock,” he says casually, as if this is something he does all the time. From the ease of what he’s doing, he probably
does
it all the time.

I point to the sign. “It says
Do Not Trespass.
Do you read signs?” I sarcastically ask.

He shrugs and looks at me as the lock clicks open. “Not when it doesn’t matter.” I watch him with my mouth wide open as he pulls the gate open for me to walk through. “Let’s go. I promise you, nothing bad will happen. I know the guy who owns the property; he knows I come here all the time.”

“Then why don’t you have a key? Seems easier that way.”

His mouth slowly stretches across his face and I stare. “Because this is more fun,” he says as he walks by me.

Huffing, I catch up with him. From what I can tell, there is nothing here but a hill, big and green. By the time I’m halfway up, I realize I’m
way
out of shape. I try to act like this is nothing, but in reality, I’m sweaty and out of breath.
Not
the way I want to look while with Dare.

Finally when we reach the top, I gasp in awe. The entire city line is below us, the lights emanating a glow around the dark sky. It seems to sparkle and shine, looking almost like a beacon of hope to the outside world. The climb was so worth the view.

“I didn’t know this was here,” I breathe out. Well, I just moved here, so of course I didn’t know about it, but I don’t know what to really say.

He nods, taking in the view. His hands are in his jacket pockets, his breath puffing out in a burst of heat against the cold and I watch on, taking in the view of
him.
So beautiful. I normally wouldn’t call a man that word, but everything else seems too trivial for what he is.

“Not many know about this place. The city is awesome from here, but it’s not why I come,” he explains as he turns to face me.

I arch a brow in question. “For what then?”

He points up. “For that.”

Slowly I look up and take in the night sky. The stars shine brightly, brighter than I’ve seen before, and I understand why he chooses this spot to come to. “Wow.”

He nods in reverence. “Yeah, wow.” Seconds later, he takes his jacket off and lays it on the grass. “For you.” He smiles.

I lay on the ground, smiling up at him. He lies down next to me, our elbows touching, and we both look up. “I come here all the time for this. The stars and the perspective never cease to blow my mind.”

“Perspective?”

“Yeah. Looking at them up there, I feel small. Like there is a bigger meaning to all of this.” He waves his hand around. “For a few hours, the world around me stops. Pauses as I look on, silent as I stare above me into the endless universe.”

I’m no longer staring at the stars, now I gaze at him, only him. His mind is deep, full of thought provoking words. A world that’s his own. “That makes me feel unimportant in the grand scheme of things.”

I want to ask him more. Like, why does he come here a lot? I feel like it will be an eye opener to hear it. Dare has a past, one I want to know more off. “You study the stars, right?”

He nods and looks over at me, an arm bent under his head. “Yeah, I do.” He points up. “There is the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper beside it.”

I squint, as if that will make it clearer to me. Eventually I do see it, and I realize I’ve never
really
seen the night sky before. Sure, it was a part of me growing up, but now, I feel
connected
. Maybe it’s because of who I’m with. “What is your favorite constellation?”

He smirks. “Ah, are we continuing our twenty question game?”

I laugh. “Yes, so go.”

“Okay, let’s see. It doesn’t really appear until April or so, but my favorite is Virgo - or the Virgin. Myth goes, Persephone, beautiful daughter of Zeus and Demeter, who is goddess of the fertility of earth’s crops. Well, one day Persephone was out in a field when Hade’s took her to the underworld to become his wife. She refused to accept captivity, refusing to eat or talk to Hade’s. He tried to buy her love with jewelry, clothes and servants to humor her, but she would not speak,” he explains. I’m completely captivated. I know a little bit about her story, but to hear it from Dare…

“When Demeter found out about it, and that Zeus, who was bribed by Hades, would not intervene, she became angry and refused to take care of the crops. Famine happened, people and animals died. Zeus eventually gave in, telling her she can have her daughter back. However, under their law, if Persephone accepted the food, she would be a guest, not a captive and therefore would have to stay in the underworld.

“Demeter sent Hermes to get Persephone, but before he got there, an evil man- who hates Demeter - gave her a pomegranate, and hungry, Persephone takes six seeds. When Hermes arrived, Hades declared her as his wife. An agreement came together, and for six months of the year, she spends with Demeter, the other six with Hades.”

The whole time Dare is talking, I watch his expressions, his eyes lit with excitement as he explains about the ordeal, hands waving around as he describes the people and places. It’s the best story I’ve been told.

When he finished, I’m leaning on my palm and smiling at him. “Wow, that’s quite a story.”

He shrugs, flushing, and I almost giggle at his embarrassment. It’s adorable! “Yeah, it’s something I feel strongly about.” He points up. “Look, a shooting star.”

I look up and watch it slowly move across the sky. “Thanks for bringing me here, Dare.”

“You’re welcome,” he whispers, and I turn to look at him. He’s already staring at me, a look I’m not familiar with in his eyes. Before I can wonder more, it’s gone. We stay like this, as if in limbo. The heat between us kicks into gear and before I know what’s happening, his lips are pressing against mine. It’s a faint touch, barely there, but it’s soft and sweet, gentle and tender.

Unfortunately, it ends far too soon. Dare pulls back, and I know without looking at him that he regrets it. Before he can apologize, I stand up and pick up his jacket. “We should get going. I’m pretty tired.”

He sits there for a couple of seconds, tense and practically oozing anger. “Let’s go,” he gruffly says as he grabs the jacket from me. I follow him to his bike, sad that this night went wrong. Why did we kiss? It isn’t supposed to be bad or regretful. Knowing that, I’m majorly hurt. Dare’s hot and cold feelings are starting to bother me, and I need to do something about that.

_*_*_*_

When I open the door to the apartment, I have to bite my lip to keep myself from crying. Hayley stands up, concern on her face. Jaclyn - who got back sometime today - walks over to me, a spoon in her mouth and a container of ice cream in her hand.

“What happened? Something bad happen at work?” Hayley asks.

Shaking my head, I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair. “No, not at work. I was with Dare and we kissed.”

Jaclyn squeals, and I wince. “Kissed? Why do you look like you just lost a puppy?”

“Because he regrets it!” I snap.

Hayley sits down next to me. “What? Are you sure about this?”

I nod. “We stared at each other, like a connection between us that we couldn’t break, and then… we kissed. It wasn’t mind blowing. It was slow and nice, sweet.” I shrug, my cheeks heating up. “But when we pulled back, I saw the look in his eyes.”

Hayley wraps her arm around me, and Jaclyn sets her head on my shoulder. “If he doesn’t see how wonderful you are, then he doesn’t deserve you,” Jaclyn comforts.

I smile a little. “Thanks, guys. You two are the best.”

Hayley nods, and Jaclyn giggles. “You know it! Hey,” she pulls away, “weren’t we supposed to party tonight?” She mock glares.

I cringe. “Sorry. This thing with Dare was unexpected.”

“It’s all good. Why not tomorrow? No one is working anyways. We can go to Club X.”

Me and Hayley nod in agreement and for the rest of the night, we chat about everything under the sky and watch good ol’ chick flicks.

Biting my lip, I wipe the final coat of nail polish on my toenail and sit back in relief. For some reason, I can never make them look nice. I always get polish on the skin or cuticle.
At least it’ll be hidden by my shoe
.

“Green? Why not something sexy, like red?” Jaclyn plops down next to me, a grimace on her face.

I shrug. “Because I have red on my fingernails.”

She doesn’t question my odd choice, and instead, picks up the green. “Green it is.”

I don’t want it to show, but I’m having one of my bad days. Nightmares plagued my dreams last night, and when I woke up around four this morning, I gave up on sleep. Stifling another yawn, I wrap my blanket around me tighter, cold. The picture of Mo is in my pocket, my necklace from Grandma around my neck. My comforts.

When I feel like I can finally let go of my past, something brings it back up. A nightmare, a text from Steven or a thought, and everything comes back. I just want to be
normal
. Where my only problems are finding a book for school or picking out a dress, or maybe even deciding what to drink, but no. I’m not normal, I’m messed up to hell and back.

“So, I invited a few guys from my Econ class. They’ve been looking for some fun,” Jaclyn says.

“I guess that’s fine.”

“I thought we are having a girl’s night?” Hayley asks from the kitchen.

I look up over the couch. “We can still have the girl’s night. Jaclyn can just have her choice on men.” I chuckle.

She frowns but doesn’t say anything else. I’m trying to ramp up some excitement, but I might have to borrow some from Jaclyn. Although, I might have to share that with Hayley, who is back to her usual self.

“I think we need to go shopping before tonight because I don’t know about you two, but I need a new outfit!” Jaclyn dramatically plops onto the couch, her palm against her forehead in mock distress.

Throwing my pillow at her, I laugh. “Oh, no! We wouldn’t want you to party without a new outfit!” I gasp. She glares at me and throws my pillow back, hitting my in the face. “Ouch,” I mumble, rubbing my nose.

“Bitch,” she mumbles. “Don’t make fun of me. Okay, seriously though. Let’s go shopping! Maybe see a movie too?”

“Cool with me.” I’ll try not to be such a drag, but I’m lethargic and annoyingly tired.

Hayley catches on and sits down next to me. “You doing okay? I thought I heard you screaming this morning,” she admits sheepishly.

I blush in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I just had a nightmare. I’m just a bit tired.”

“You have a lot of nightmares then,” Jaclyn murmurs as she paints her toenails.

I look over at her, a rock of dread sitting at the bottom of my belly. “What do you mean?”

From the corner of my eyes, I see Hayley shaking her head. Jaclyn cringes. “Sorry, Jen. I didn’t mean to say anything. It’s just, we hear you sometimes. We don’t want to pry, so we haven’t said anything.”

Maybe it’s time
I
come clean about them. “I didn’t want to say anything either, but I hear you two sometimes.”

Jaclyn groans. “We suck, but at least we’re all in this together. I know I won’t get kicked out for it.”

Hayley rubs her thigh. “Jac, you own this apartment. You wouldn’t get kicked out anyways.  Sorry, by the way. I can’t seem to help it.”

We sit in silence, another connection between us. Demons, nightmares, and a past we don’t share. How ironic that the three of us would share an apartment?

Jaclyn huffs and stands up, waddling toward her bedroom. “Enough of this depressing talk! Let’s go shopping before my eyes fall out from the sadness in the room!”

Arching a brow at Hayley, I ask, “What does that even mean?”

She snorts. “Who even knows with that one? I feel bad for her future students.”

Though I try not to, I giggle anyways as I head to my room to get ready for a day of shopping. Yippee!

_*_*_*_

I can count on my hand how many times I’ve been to the mall, and in those times, I got nothing but a gumball from the machine. It’s been years, and this mall is a lot bigger than the one in Seattle. Following Jaclyn around, I trust her choice in stores, but when we reach the first one, I gawk. The mannequins have impossibly small waists and large boobs, and if they weren’t being held down to the floor, I’m sure they would topple over from their top heaviness.

Never mind the fact that I can’t afford the $300 dress one of them is wearing.

The whole store is bright. The walls are white; the floor is also white. There isn’t a stitch of color on the walls besides the black checkout desks in the back. Racks upon racks line down the store, clothes of every variety and color shown. Jaclyn immediately heads over for the dresses, and I follow more slowly. Casually looking at a pair of jeans, I gape at the price tag.
I would need five jobs to cover this one pair.

The Goodwill is sounding better by the second.

“Come on you two! Let’s pick out something fabulous!” Jaclyn calls out, a dress already over her arm.

“Uh, Jac? I can’t afford the
hangers
in this store,” Hayley quips.

“Same here. Actually, I can’t afford half the hanger,” I agree.

Jaclyn rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry. Dad is paying for all of this. Not like he’ll care,” she grumbles. I watch as her eyes darken before she smiles again, this time a fake one. I’m beginning to see what troubles Jaclyn has – a lack of parents in her life. “So pick something!”

Deciding that I don’t much like her father, I pick out the most expensive dress. Hey, I can be vindictive if I wanna be. The dress wraps around me tightly, the dark blue a sharp contrast to my pale skin. It’s a bit longer then thigh length, a perfect stop area for me. It’s simple, yet perfect for a bar. I come out of the dressing room to see Jaclyn grinning at herself in the mirror.

The dress she chose is, of course, thigh high. No doubt if she bends over, everyone will get a looksee. It’s entirely black with gold netting and strapless. Perfect for her. “Isn’t it perfect?” she spots me and turns around. “That looks stunning on you! You’re so getting that. Hayley!” she screams. “Get out here!”

I lean against the door and wait for Hayley to come out. I cover my mouth with my hand to hide the smile as Jaclyn gasps in outrage. “Jeans! Hayley! We’re going to a
bar.
A
nice
bar. Not a honkey tonk!”

Snorting, I can’t stop laughing. Hayley has dark skinny jeans on and a gauzy top tucked into her jeans. She looks so lost. “Jaclyn it looks fine. Okay, maybe not the top.” I head to the tops and pick out a baby pink crop top. Walking over to Hayley, I hand it to her. “There. Change.”
I’m starting to sound like Jaclyn.

When she comes out the second time, the crop top is above her belly button, and she’s blushing. “I can’t wear this!”

Jaclyn scoffs. “Of course you can. If you can wear a bikini, you can wear a crop top.”

Haley shakes her head. “I don’t wear bikinis.”

Pushing Jaclyn aside, I pat Hayley’s shoulder. “You look incredible, Hayley. I promise you.”

Without much more prompting from me, Hayley chooses to get it and we all check out. For the next few hours, Jaclyn drags us to shoe stores, jewelry stores (for no other reason than needing a new pair of earrings), and finally the food court for lunch. While my spirits are up, I find myself fingering the picture of Mo or my necklace.

“I’m beat! I think I’ll nap before we head out,” Jaclyn says as she picks at her salad.

My phone vibrates. A text from Dare.

I’m sorry about last night.

I think about my answer before replying. How many times will he have to apologize?

It’s fine, but what happened?

I bite my lip and chew on some fries while I wait for his response.

“What movie should we see?” Hayley wonders.

“Oh! There is that new cowboy movie! It looks steamy.” Jaclyn winks.

I’m still looking at my phone when a text comes in.

I’d rather talk to you in person. Could we meet tonight?

“Jennifer? Is that one okay?” Hayley asks, and I snap out of my head.

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

I’m going to a club tonight.

We finish our lunches, and I’m throwing my stuff away when I get another text:
Which one?
I don’t answer until we’re in the movie theater.

Club X. When do you want to meet up?

I don’t get an answer by the time the movie starts, so I turn it off and settle in.

_*_*_*_

“I really need a good shot or two,” Jaclyn complains.

We’re in the taxi heading to Club X. I look over at her. “If we could drink, maybe.” Peeking at my phone, I frown at seeing no new messages. Dare never answered me back, and I’m not sure what to do about that.

She snorts while laughing. I don’t think what I said was so funny. “Jen, I know people. Here.” She hands me a fake I.D. and I gawk at the picture. It’s me but a few years older. “Where did you even find this picture?” According to the card, my name is Jennifer Lovelace. “Really? Lovelace?

“I got the picture from people and no, I don’t know how
they
got it. Lovelace sounds pretty,” she defends.

Hayley looks at it. “Wasn’t Lovelace a porn star?”

With wide eyes, I cough. “What? You gave me a porn star name?”

“Don’t be so dramatic. How do you even know that Hayley?” Jaclyn asks in suspicion.

She shrugs. “Movies.”

Pursing my lips, I decide to stay clear of this conversation. “Just don’t get crazy, okay?”

Jaclyn rolls her eyes. “Relax and have fun for once. You two are so uptight.”

I’m about to defend myself, letting her know that I am not uptight, but I realize she’s right. I know my reasoning makes sense, but why can’t I have some fun? Have a few drinks? That doesn’t mean I’ll become like
them
. I should act young for once, right? Deciding to have fun tonight, I follow Hayley out of the taxi and look up at Club X. The black building boasts its bright and colorful name. People are standing in line, which extends all the way down the street and around the corner.

“Uh, maybe we should go somewhere else?” Hayley suggests.

Jaclyn ignores us and walks right up to the bouncer. “Anders for three.”

The tall, bald man nods and steps aside. Jaclyn smiles back at us, and we head in. The inside is just what I imagined clubs to look like. The dance floor takes over the back of the building and somewhat in the middle. On either side of the club sits the bars. Near the entrance are the booths, tables and chairs.

“Okay, girls! Drinks first, dancing next!”

Looking at all the drinks, I’m not sure which one to get. The names are unfamiliar and quite honestly, odd. Sex on the Beach? Hot Mama? How do I even choose? “A Red Headed Slut please.” Jaclyn smiles at the male bartender.

Gawking, I watch their exchange and wonder about her choice of drink. She bumps my shoulder. “Order! I’ll get a table!” she shouts over the crowd.

Looking at the list, I smile hesitantly at the blonde bartender with a nice smile and blue eyes. “Uh, I’ll have a Long Island Ice Tea.” There. That sounds innocent enough. I take my drink, waiting for Hayley, who gets water. Jaclyn rolls her eyes at Hayley’s choice but doesn’t comment.

Jaclyn grins and claps her hands. “Okay, girls! Let’s have some fun.”

_*_*_*_

A few hours later and I’m seriously regretting the two Long Island’s I had.

Stumbling into Jaclyn, I release a high pitch and annoying giggle. I knew this was a bad idea, but how was I supposed to know that tea sneaks up on you? Ignoring my inner thoughts, I throw my hands up and continue dancing. If I didn’t have liquid courage, I wouldn’t have even thought about dancing. People’s eyes on me? Yeah, no thanks.

I look over at Jaclyn, only to see her walking away with the bartender. Shaking my head, I close my eyes and swing my hips in beat with the song that’s playing.

I stiffen as arms wrap around my waist, tugging me back into a hard chest. “Dancing alone?”