Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (98 page)

“Thank fucking hell you’re okay. I want to kill you right now. It wouldn’t be nice to kill an injured person.”

“Glad to see you’re still you. If I’d woken up to anything but your foul mouth and hateful disposition, I would’ve thought I was dead.”

“I was so scared,” she admits softly.

Moving my hand to the back of her head, I position her face against my neck and close my eyes. Telling Ace will be hard enough on me; I hate to expose her to the fury I know he’ll unchain on us both.

“I love you, Sarah.”

“I love you, too,” she answers, and then takes a breath. Her hands are lying still on my chest but I feel them tremble. “When can you go home?”

“Doc says I’m out of here first thing tomorrow morning if everything looks okay.”

“Then I’ll wait until tomorrow to kill you. There’re too many doctors and nurses who could save you here.”

Pulling her hair off her shoulders to her back, I state my request carefully. “I’d like you to go home and get shit ready for a long week. I’ll need your help. Doc says I’ll be moving around slowly for a few days.”

I’m lying. The truth is, I don’t want her here when Ace walks in.

“I’m not leaving.”

“I need you to do what I’m asking, Sarah.”

“Nope,” she says, shaking her head with her answer. “And you didn’t ask me anything. You bossed me.”

I’m too relieved to have her here, so I comply. “Okay.”

“I’m tired.”

“You have time to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

Yet.

The last thing I remember before falling asleep was Sarah making gentle movements back and forth, forcing herself to sleep.

* * *

I’m unsure how much time passes, but when I wake up I watch as Hayden cautiously enters the room. He’s followed by Toby, Lacey, and lastly Ace.

Rae didn’t come back.

So it seems this is it, the moment of truth. I’m about to face off with my best friend and I’m broken and lying in a hospital bed while doing it.

Hayden offers a small, sympathetic smile of understanding. Toby walks past my bed and looks at Sarah sleeping in my arms and nods. Ace avoids me entirely and stares at his sister but not with the gentleness Toby just had. Ace is seething.

My sister, however, is fucking hysterical. “What is
wrong
with you!” she exclaims a question I know she won’t let me answer. Hayden grabs her and pulls her back against his front as she stares at me with a violent expression. “I can’t
believe
this
shit.
You didn’t tell me you two were leaving town.”

I don’t give Hayden’s knowledge of our leaving away. He understands guy code. He didn’t sell Sarah and me out, so I’ll return the favor.

“Lace, it was an accident. I couldn’t control it.”

“Not just the accident! What if that woman hadn’t pulled over? You didn’t even tell us you were leaving,” she continues. “Bad enough we couldn’t fucking find Sarah until she called, but it was cold and rainy and you were out there alone. Sarah didn’t even have a phone for fuck’s sake! Oh my God, Travis!”

Sarah lifts her head. Her eyes meet mine first and I notice she swallows hard before looking to the foot of the bed and finding her brother’s hard look of absolute disdain. His hands clutch the hospital bed’s frame. His eyes are blazing with anger. The vein in his temple jumps with each tick of his jaw. Sarah opens her mouth to say something. I squeeze her gently in hopes it keeps her quiet.

Thankfully, it does. Now isn’t the time for Sarah to go nuts.

“Lacey,” Ace’s voice hits the walls next.

He’s assessing what’s in front of him. I watch as his eyes narrow and the fight in them increases into a tornado of fury.

“What?” Lacey snaps back at Ace.

“Take my sister home.”

Finally then, Sarah’s on the move.

“Fuck that!” she screeches, sitting up but not leaving my side. Ace sends her a hard, determined glare that she either misses or ignores because she keeps going. “I’m not leaving. He doesn’t get out until tomorrow and I’m staying. You can go and come back whenever you’d like.”

“Sarah.” Again, Ace’s tone is fierce, but eerily calm.

It’s an unnerving reaction that I’ve seen from him before. It’s been saved for moments in our lives when his temper was waging a war on whether to unleash or not. Being the youngest of all of us, I’d always feared this attitude from him.

He’s about to tear the room apart.

Sarah leans against me again, holding my waist tightly. I wince as the pain from my ribs radiates throughout my body.

Lacey doesn’t say anything more, but I see her eyes go soft as she watches Sarah and me together. She lets out a soft sigh and holds on to Hayden’s hands, which are still wrapped around her waist.

Toby has remained completely quiet.

Ace’s look continues to be a mix of betrayal, anger, hate, and oddly, disbelief. His order comes out just as Lacey steps away from Hayden and closes in on Sarah at my side. “Hayden, get my sister the fuck out of here.”

Sarah thrashes at my side as Hayden walks closer and moves Lacey out of his way. I try to push her off me, to no success. I’m too weak right now and she’s always been too strong for her own good.

Using his strength and handling Sarah, as he’s always been able to do, Hayden bends down, grabs her under her knees and waist and moves her away from me. Hearing her screams of anger causes those in the room to wince, except Ace. His eyes don’t move. They stay pinned on me.

“Let them talk,” Hayden whispers to Sarah. “Just for a little while. Lacey will go out with you.”

Hearing what Hayden just told Sarah, Lacey bends down and kisses my cheek. She mumbles something about being angry, but I don’t catch it. Then she turns to Sarah. “Come on, Sarah. Let’s get something for you to eat.”

“Fuck this. Ace, this is
bullshit.
”

Sarah never knows when to back off.

“Out!” Ace bellows, pointing to the door without looking at her. Sarah goes still, but stays tense in Hayden’s arms.

I’ve been left in a challenging, continuous stare down with Ace.

Sarah’s exhaustive breaths are audible once she realizes she’s being left with no choice. She looks down at me from where Hayden stands holding her and promises, “Travis, I swear I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I don’t offer her any words; I also don’t look at her any longer. I can’t.

After Sarah leaves, I notice Toby’s remained quiet. He’s sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. He’s not looking at me, but down at the floor under him.

Ace still stands at the foot of my bed, and his eyes still haven’t left my face.

Hayden, coming back into the room alone, closes the door behind him and quietly walks to my side. “Sarah’s promised a few minutes, but Lacey can’t keep her out long. She’s a mess.”

“A mess,” Ace repeats. “She’s got no idea the
mess
she’s helped create with this
bullshit.
”

A few tense moments go by in silence so Hayden takes the metal seat at the side of my bed. He leans back into it and crosses his feet at the ankles, putting his hands behind his head. The Devil’s Despair t-shirt he’s wearing mocks our situation. I feel as if I’ve betrayed the brotherhood it once stood for. Any regret I should feel isn’t there.

I’ve got nothing to be ashamed or regretful of.

Three of us share questioning glances. Ace doesn’t. His posture remains rigid. His hands are balled into fists on either side of his body and the vein in his temple continues to protrude.

He picks up the chair behind him, and I assume he is about to sit, but he doesn’t. Instead, he lifts it over his head and sends it flying into the wall behind him. Hayden and Toby both stand. I suck in needed air, bracing for what’s about to happen.

“Ace,” Toby says quietly from behind him.

“She’s a
mess,
” Ace repeats Hayden’s words again. “How about you fucking explain why my little sister’s such a
God damn mess!
”

Breathing slowly, I feel my own anger start to build. I get he’s upset, I
understand
why he’s upset, but this isn’t entirely his business. Sarah’s his sister, but she’s also an adult who’s capable of making her own decisions. If being with me is what she wants then fuck him and anyone else who gets in the way of her happiness.

I start with truth, committed to staying the course. “I was going to tell you—” But I don’t get far.

“Tell me?” he hisses. “Tell me what, exactly?” he seethes. “Were you ever going to tell me you’re fucking my sister?”

“That’s not what this is,” I answer, trying to stay calm. “You’re judging a relationship you know nothing about.”

“Travis, I haven’t had long to process,” he starts. “You get me when I say that. So, I’ll also say that what I
have
had the time to process isn’t fuckin’ good.”

“Ace,” Hayden tries to interject.

“You don’t have relationships,” Ace forges on without giving in to Hayden’s attempt at interference. “Since I’ve known you, you’ve never been with a woman longer than a month that I can
ever
remember.”

Hayden wades in again, this time inching closer to Ace. “Listen to him, Ace.”

“I love her,” I tell them all.

Silence deafens the room.

“You were like a brother to me,” Ace whispers over the truth I’ve left open. “You were like a brother to
her,
” he continues. “I trusted you with her all these years. All her life I thought she was safe with you.”

“She is.” I won’t let him take that small piece away from me.

“She doesn’t know what it means to be in a relationship.”

“You’ve never let her have one,” Toby throws in from behind Ace. He’s leaning against the wall, his legs crossed at the ankles, his arms braced across his chest.

Ace looks back at him, then again turns to me. “And now you can fuckin’ see why.”

Again, the room deadens in silence. Ace just announced his opinion to the others in no way it could be mistaken. My best friend, my brother by bond, thinks I’m not good enough for Sarah.

“Whatever the fuck this is, it’s fuckin’ over. Today. You’re done. Both of you,” he says absolutely. He looks at Hayden’s pale face and mumbles, “This is all just fuckin’ ridiculous.”

I knew he’d be pissed. If it were me, and it
was
me with Lacey and Hayden, I’d feel the same. But I’ve wanted this with Sarah for too long. Too much time and emotion has passed to let her go without a fight.

“We’re together, Ace. She’s happy. You said so yourself.” My claim falls on deaf ears. He’s not listening, but I keep going. “At the arena, weeks ago, you said she was happy and she was and still is.”

“Were you fucking her then? When I told you I saw how happy she was, were you fucking my little sister then?”

“Knock it off!” Hayden jumps in once Ace’s intentions head toward insulting Sarah. “Ace,” he says, lifting the chair Ace threw and setting it next to him. “Just wait. Hear what he has to say.”

Ace’s eyes break from mine to glare at Hayden. “You have nothing in this. You’re as guilty as he is.”

“You’re not seeing what’s happening in front of you, friend. You’re not looking close enough,” Hayden pleads quietly, attempting to calm the rabid tiger’s fury.

“Fuck you,” Ace spits. “You want to take his side in this, fine. I’ll be down two brothers instead of one, but it doesn’t change what’s ending—what’s fucking
over.
” Looking back at me, he points in my direction. “If she doesn’t make this go away, make it end, you’re goin’ to. If you don’t, Travis, we’ll never be brothers again.”

Toby moves from the wall and walks closer to Ace, stopping at his side. Ace turns to look at him and the ever-calm, ever-collected Toby speaks. “Hayden’s right. In some way you have to know that, too. She’s happy, Ace. Since Bean died and she moved in with Travis, she’s changed.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Ace quickly returns.

“About her happiness?” Toby throws back just as fast.

“I don’t give a fuck about what she’s feelin’ right now. She’ll thank me for this later.”

Toby doesn’t give up. “When she’s found someone to love?”

“Yes,” Ace replies.

“She already has,” Hayden puts in.

Ace’s refusal to acknowledge Sarah’s feelings still doesn’t deter Toby. “Travis is good for her. She could’ve ended up with anyone and you could be just as powerless to stop it.”

“She’s still my kid sister.”

“She’ll always be that. But she’s also a grown woman and can make decisions for herself,” Hayden adds, echoing my exact thoughts. If I were able to express them, I would.

Looking back at me, Hayden and Toby now flanking him, Ace gives his parting shot. I hadn’t seen it coming, but should’ve figured it was. “You’re fucked in the head, Travis,” he starts slowly, building venomous momentum. “You always have been. She’s not safe with you. You’ve got too much shit inside that you’ve kept buried. Too much has happened in your life to make you a strong enough person to take care of Sarah. So, no. It’s over. You’re not good enough for her.”

The truth of the situation hits me. Sarah and I will never be happy if Ace doesn’t approve.

Before he’s able to walk away, and before I’ve given up completely, I stop him with words aimed to hurt him just as his hurt me. “What you just said about me is maybe true, Ace. I won’t deny you could be right. I’ve thought about those reasons over and over. But, I can’t change my past.” His expression doesn’t change; the permanent mask of ire doesn’t falter in the slightest. “When you brought Raegan here from Ohio and into our lives, she was so fuckin’ broken; she was a shell of who she is now. You saved her from a life a lot similar to mine. Am I not someone who’s a lot like the person you’d lay down your own life for?”

“You’re nothing like Raegan,” he seethes with added anger etched on his face.

No, I’m not.
No two people’s pasts are alike, but the damage stemmed from it can cause the same effect.

I laugh, sadistically, at his denial. “Open your eyes, Ace. Raegan’s past fucks with her, probably more than mine does with me.”

Ace makes a sudden move, as if I’d struck him, causing Hayden to jump back and out of his way.

“We’re not discussing this anymore,
friend,
” he seethes. “It’s finished.”