Doira'Liim (The Beautiful Whisper of the Goddess Saga) (29 page)

     Talliea, eyes lowering in further confusion, took another step toward Arizira. "Guide? I am not seeking your guidance, Ahmanae. You once told me that I should follow my heart's desire. That is what I am doing. My desire is for you. It has been since I met you. I-I was just too upset to understand matters as they were."

     Arizira's heart began to beat faster upon hearing Talliea's words. She was being told everything she needed to hear, yet she was still protesting the issue. Why?

     She knew why. She was scared. Her feelings for Talliea were strong. Too strong. They were unlike the feelings she'd possessed for the other woman with whom she'd been intimate. The worry that those relations could end without a stronger bond being formed afterward had never factored into her decisions. Arniran relationships were not nearly so complicated. If one loved, they loved. If they did not, then they moved on without the fear of ill feelings between parties.

     With Talliea, Arizira’s way of thinking and seeing the world seemed of no help when it came to trying to simplify things. She knew if she gave herself to Talliea, there would be no coming back. There would be no returning.

     There would be no one else. Ever.

     She would not be able to move on if she and Talliea acted on their feelings. Talliea would hold every valuable piece of her. She would have her heart, her body, and her spirit. Did the other woman understand that? Could she understand that? Were her feelings as strong? Was it fair to expect them to be?

     Licking away the tears that had pooled at her top lip, Arizra shook her head again and looked up into Talliea's impossibly dark eyes. "I can not be a test for you, Tah-li. I have long desired this -- you...us, but I can not be a test."

     Talliea sighed and shook her head. Biting the inside of her lip, she tried to understand where Arizira's fear was coming from. It was obvious to her that the woman had strong feelings for her. That realization set her heart soaring and gave her a strength she did not know was within her. She knew she was going to have to fight for what she wanted.

     Arizira was who she wanted. She understood that now. There was no more need for questions. She knew who her heart desired. She knew what it desired. Arizira's fears were the only thing unknown to her, but she refused to let them dictate the course of matters. Her entire life had been decided by others. She'd never had any say in who she would love or what her life would consist of.

     Arizira had taught her how to think for herself. She had taught her to believe in herself and to not be afraid to express an opinion or state a disagreement. The woman had held her up when she had been at her lowest. She had cared for her and eased her pain and brought her a sense of security when she'd been of the belief there was none. Arizira had healed her. She had shown her that her wants and desires were okay to think and feel.

     Talliea could not allow a chance at happiness to slip away because Arizira was afraid. Stepping into Arizira's personal space, she closed the distance between them until they were face to face. She heard Arizira take a deep breath and it only proved to her that her actions were right and true.

     "You could never be a test. I know you are afraid, but that is okay. I am scared, too, but Ari, we can be afraid together. You made me feel safe when no one else could. Let me calm you in the same way."

     Arizira, tears still falling and chest rising quickly at Talliea's nearness, shook her head and tried to back away. Talliea placed a hand around the small of her back and held her in place. Using her free hand, she guided Arizira's right hand to her chest and placed it over her heart.

     "This is what you do to me," she whispered and allowed her head to lean against Arizira's. "My heart beats this way for you. It longs to be closer to you. Tell me you can
feel
that."

     Arizira released a heavy breath against Talliea's lips and spread her fingers out over her chest. She could feel the erratic beat thumping against her palm and, despite her upset, a small laugh left her throat. Talliea was taking a chance. She was, for the first time in her life, expressing a desire and following through on something she wanted for herself. That want and desire was Arizira herself.

     Why was she fighting this? She found it slightly ironic that their roles seemed to have been reversed. Here she was needing a push in the right direction, allowing fear to guide her, and Talliea was the one being her pillar of strength and stating openly that she desired her -- them.

     Rubbing her forehead against Talliea's, Arizira sighed again and let her hand trail over her friend's chest. Her other hand, which had been hanging at her side, moved and mirrored Talliea's. It landed in the small of the Esu woman's back and pushed gently until they were closer. Talliea's breathing became rougher and Arizira could feel her emotions beginning to dance inside her body.

     "I want you," she whispered almost silently. Her voice was shaky and Talliea could hear the fear that was still present in it. "These feelings I have for you have threatened to consume me."

     Talliea smiled and let her nose slide across Arizira's. It amazed her how something so simple could ignite such intense emotions and sensations. She wondered briefly how long Arizira had held her feelings for her inside. Had she truly had such feelings the entire time they had known one another? If that were true, and Arizira had never tried to act on them, then Talliea knew her appreciation for the other woman had just increased. Despite her own desires, Arizira had maintained her stance on respecting Talliea and her body. She had not ever tried to take what she wanted or force herself on her in any way.

     Wrapping her other hand around Arizira's waist, Talliea held her close and marveled at the way her body was reacting. Pulling her head back slightly, she looked into Arizira's eyes before leaning forward and laying a small kiss on the tip of her nose. The hand on her back pressed into her and Arizira's other hand on her chest clawed at her top. Smiling to herself, Talliea grazed her lips over Arizira's cheek before coming to her closed eyelids. The evidence of her tears was still present on her wet lashes.

     "Do not cry anymore, Ahmanae," she whispered before placing another soft kiss on each of Arizira's eyelids. She pulled back and licked her lips, the taste of Arizira's tears assaulting her senses. Removing her hands from around Arizira's back and waist, Talliea moved them to her face and cupped her cheeks. Arizira's hands trailed down her body and landed on her hips. She waited until Arizira opened her eyes. Once that astounding shade of blue met her gaze, Talliea leaned in again and kissed her forehead. With every kiss, she could feel her body reacting. She could feel her emotions growing stronger and her bond with Arizira becoming more intense.

     As for Arizira, she was in a daze. Her body was hypersensitive and her mind was lost to how wonderful Talliea's lips felt. They were soft and left a pleasurable tingling sensation in their wake. She tried to keep herself from just giving in completely to what she felt. Talliea was exploring her feelings and gathering strength from her actions. Arizira was trying to allow her the time to do so. She remained as she was and let the other woman set the pace of their encounter.

     Talliea took a moment to catch her breath and attempt to even out her breathing. Her entire body was alive with anticipation. Arizira's skin was smooth and soft. Talliea found it endearing that Arizira was not attempting to move matters at a quicker pace and was, instead, giving control of the situation over to her.

     Holding Arizira's face in her hands, she spread her fingers out over her ears and smiled down at her. Licking her lips, she leaned forward and kissed Arizira's nose again before moving lower and kissing the small dip above her mouth. She heard a small gasp and felt the hands on her hips tighten again. This increased her confidence and she finally moved the small distance still lower and brought her lips to Arizira's in a short and tentative kiss. Both women moaned into the other and felt a connection between them unlike anything else they'd ever experienced.

     Talliea held Arizira's lips with her own for only a moment before she pulled away, but still remained close. "You taste like mint," she said in a soft and awed voice.

     Arizira chose not to comment. She had tasted mint as well. The other women she had kissed had not left such an addictive taste of her lips. She wondered at its nature, but soon let the issue drop as Talliea was leaning into her again. Deciding that she had been idle long enough, Arizira pulled Talliea closer to her and tilted her head up so that she could meet her lips. Their second kiss was longer and more heated as they each began to lose control of themselves.

     Talliea let her lips linger on Arizira's top lip while her fingers threaded into her hair. She felt Arizira open her mouth and a soft and wet tongue glided along her bottom lip. She moaned, the sound surprising her, and allowed that tongue to fully enter her mouth. Their kiss became less innocent after that.

     Talliea's worry about her inexperience faded away as allowed her mind and body to act as one. The feelings she had for Arizira had finally found an outlet and she poured herself into that. Their lips met again in a fevered rush, each kiss an exploration. Arizira raised her hands from Talliea's hips and pushed them under her top. Her fingers touched warm and addictively soft skin, and she smiled against Talliea's lips when she heard the other woman's ragged moan.

     The sounds escaping Talliea were intoxicating. They were beautiful and free and Arizira loved being the cause of them. Turning her head, she kissed the side of Talliea's mouth before engaging them in another kiss. The taste of mint was ever present as they each became more comfortable with the other. Their tongues glided across one another and their kisses became more wet. Talliea could barely keep up, but she did not complain. Arizira's passion for her was evident in how she touched her and she found that addicting.

     Her hands held onto Arizira's face while her fingers tightened in her hair. Her entire body was pressed flush against Arizira's and the experience was better than anything she had ever dreamed. This was happening. It was not her mind's wish, but her body's desire manifested by her heart's emotions. She felt Arizira's hands move from her back to her sides and she turned her head to breathe a moment. Ariziria's lips moved across her jaw and up to her ear. She felt them kiss her ear before moving down to her neck.

     Talliea tilted her head back until her neck was exposed and her eyes rolled into her head when she felt Arizira's tongue leave a wet path down the front of her throat. Small kisses dotted across her neck while the hands on her sides grazed over her bare stomach. Her own hands had moved further into Arizira's hair and were now cradling her head against her neck. Moans and sighs and gasps continued to float in the air around the two of them.

     Markahn had
never
made her feel this way. Despite his attempts, he had never made Talliea react the way Arizira was. This was love. Talliea no longer doubted that. Love was not a concept her people were free to explore, but she had known women and men who had developed those feelings after years of being together. She had, since becoming old enough to understand the truth of her life, known that love was something she was never going to experience. She could not love truly if she was never free to find it in the first place.

     For all of Markahn's attempts and her mother's desire for her to join with him, Talliea had always known her heart would never be in the matter. Now, she knew why. Her heart had been destined for Arizira. The love she thought so elusive among her people had been found in this woman. She could think of no better feeling in the world than what she was currently experiencing.

     Moving her head back down, breaths coming in heavy pants, Talliea met Arizira's eyes and felt a strange sensation settle in her stomach. Arizira was not looking at her like she was a prize. She was not looking at her as if she were property. She was not looking at her as if she was entitled anything at all. Arizira was looking at her the way she felt she, herself, was looking at Arizira. They were together in this moment they were sharing.

     Smiling at her companion, Talliea once again moved her hands until they were gently cupping Arizira's face. She trailed her fingers over the smaller woman's chin in a reverent manner with one hand before gliding them up to graze across wet lips.

     Arizira kissed her fingertips and tried to get a hold of her lust. She had not intended for their first kiss to be so passionate and heated, and hoped Talliea had not felt upset in her display of emotion. Before she could say anything, Talliea leaned forward and kissed her again.

     This time the kiss was slow and full of all the pent up emotions both women had been withholding. Their lips moved across each other's in a steady and deliberate manner as they each tried to convey, without words, what they felt. Talliea's hands withdrew from Arizira's face and moved to just above the waistband of her pants. She began to undo the buttons and ties of Arizira's top but was soon stopped in her attempt.

     "No," Arizira whispered, breaking their kiss. "I want to," Talliea said, her voice equally as low in the silence around them. "I want this with you." Again, she tried to finish removing Arizira's jerkin, but hands on her own hindered her movements.

     "It is too soon, Tah-li. You are not ready." Slightly frustrated, Talliea leaned her forehead against Arizira's and sighed. "I am ready, Ari. I have been ready. Please."