Doira'Liim (The Beautiful Whisper of the Goddess Saga) (26 page)

     "Nurture mother?" Talliea questioned.

     "The woman who shared her body and her life force with me. She was said to have passed to Aitla after my birth."

     Talliea stopped her work and lowered her hands. Her eyes took on a heavy and sad cast and her heart seemed to beat slower. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

     Arizira raised an eyebrow in her direction and nodded her head in acknowledgement of the words. "You do not have to be. She hunts with Aitla now. Her spirit shines down when the Goddess claims the sky."

     Talliea recalled Arizira telling her that the Arnira believed the stars in the night sky to be the spirits of their honored dead. When Aitla shone brightly and her face was alight in the sky, the spirits of those who were with her forever burned just as brightly as her companions in the great beyond.

     "I am still sorry you never got to meet her, Ari."

     "As am I."

     Silence intruded upon them for a moment before, "What became of your other mother?" Arizira's fingers, which had been steadily tending to Talliea's boots, jerked and her movements faltered. "I...am not sure," she answered softly.

     Talliea's brows lowered in confusion, but she remained quiet and gave Arizira a moment to continue. "I never knew her either. According to Cynra, she was overcome with grief for the loss of my nurture mother and that despair drove her to return to her own tribe."

     Talliea let out a breath and shook her head disbelievingly. "She left you?" Arizira stopped her work and sighed before bringing her eyes to Talliea's. "Her love for my nurture mother was said to have been quite strong. She chose her path. I harbor no ill feelings toward her."

     Talliea let the comment lie for a time as she thought of Arizira's words. She could not imagine abandoning a life that she had created. The details were not known to her nor was Arnira custom on such matters. Still, she found it disheartening that a woman could leave her child. Another part of Arizira's statement struck her as odd. There was more than one tribe of Arnira in the northern forests? How many tribes were there?

     Deciding that such questions about tribe numbers and locations was a conversation for another time, she instead asked, "Who cared for you, if both your mothers were not present?"

     Setting Talliea's boots to the side, Arizira stretched out her stiff muscles and joints before answering. "The tribe, of course. Arniran children view the entire community as extended family. When one of us brings a child into the world, the rest take a part in that child's life and their upbringing. Our daughters are never alone, Tah-li."

     Smiling, Talliea once again envied Arizira's culture. Such concepts were completely alien to her, yet surprisingly refreshing. She tried to imagine such a life as Arizira had obviously led and wondered who in her own clan would have cared for her had something happened to her parents. Thinking over her friend's words, a question came to her mind.

     "Cynra? The Dream Speaker?" she asked, recalling that Arizira had mentioned her during one of their many late night conversations.

     Standing and wrapping her cloak around her body, Arizira slowly walked over to sit next to Talliea. She warmed her hands by the fire and tried to calm her body's reaction to her friend's nearness. "Yes. She took me in and raised me as her own. I suppose, you could say she was my primary care-giver."

     "Yet, you do not speak of her as a parent."

     Arizira turned to look at Talliea. The fire was warm and helped to keep the bitter chill from the wind outside. "She is not such, Tah-li. My respect for her comes from who she is and what role she has performed in my life, but she is not one of my mothers."

     Talliea slowly nodded her head and scooted closer to Arizira. The nights were getting colder and, despite their new bedding, the wind was still harsh and the air near freezing. The days were bearable -- the winter sun offering enough warmth to keep their blood circulating, but the nights were when she found herself seeking warmth from her companion the most.

     If she noticed the sudden tense set of Arizira's body at her proximity, she made no show of the realization and instead scooted even closer. Pulling the wolf blanket around them both, Talliea grabbed Arizira's right hand with her left and looked into the fire. "You are so very different than I," she whispered, the fire sparkling in her eyes.

     Arizira held her breath and attempted to silence the sound of her aching heart. Looking at her hand joined with Talliea's, she licked her lips and tried to calm herself. Such moments as this were when Arizira fought with herself the most. At times, she felt nearly certain that Talliea felt something for her but always, despite Cynra's words of encouragement and wisdom, she ignored such fanciful thoughts and instead focused on reality.

     Cynra had told her that the heart always knew what it desired. She had said that it did not bother a person when lust and physical fulfillment were all the body craved. At first, Arizira had tried in vain to get her mind to believe that was all she wanted from Talliea. As time had continued, that attempt had proven more and more futile until she'd finally come to see that, yes, she was in love with Talliea.

     No more could she deny the truth, or attempt to rationalize how such feelings could even exist so soon when she had only known the other woman a month's time. Everything about Talliea made her heart sing. Her smile. Her laughter. Her gentle spirit and her curiosity of the world. She adored the way Talliea's nose would scrunch up in confusion or the way her eyes would light up when she was excited over some matter.

     When Talliea was asleep and her face and body were at peace, nothing else in the world possessed such an easy beauty to Arizira. Talliea's scent, when they were near, seemed to invade every part of her mind and body, and it took every ounce of willpower she held not to give in to losing herself in that intoxicating temptation.

     But when Talliea touched her, Arizira's torture was at its height. Watching Talliea slowly stroke her fingers between her knuckles and over the back of her hand was as if a slow death brought about by delirium. Talliea held her hand in her left and moved the fingers of her right hand down to Arizira’s fingernails and back up to her wrist. Arizira wondered as to the nature of the touch, but the sudden dryness of her mouth prevented her from expressing herself.

     Did Talliea know how she affected her? Was it so easy for the other woman to be around her while she herself suffered in silence?

     "You have beautiful hands," Talliea whispered after a moment, her eyes following the movements of her fingers. Arizira said nothing, her heart nearly beating into her throat. Talliea turned Arizira's hand over and slowly trailed her fingers down her palm. She traced them back up until they came into contact with the pads of her fingers. "They are soft, not rough like Lao'dahn and Markahn, even though you handle weapons ."

     The names were barely audible and upon hearing them, Arizira's curiosity heightened. Finding her voice, though it sounded rough, she asked, "Who are these people you speak of?" Talliea, still lost in her exploration and feeling quite at peace at the moment, answered without any reservation. "They are men in my clan."

     Her fingers continued to graze over Arizira's fingers while her eyes lost their focus. "Markahn is the man who has claimed me. He is the one who granted my freedom so that I can be here with you."

     Arizira sat motionless. She was unsure how to respond. A person laying claim to another was a concept unfamiliar to her. Talliea had spoken of the man before, in passing, but she could not recall her ever having mentioned his name. Strangely, Arizira found herself slightly envious of Markahn. If Talliea ever chose to return to her people, then he would have the honor of making her his mate. They would spend their lives together.

     Shaking her head at such thoughts, Arizira reached over with her free hand and placed it atop Talliea's. The action stopped the Esu woman's movements and the two of them sat in a comfortable silence. "Who is the other man?" Arizira asked when it appeared that Talliea was content to remain as they were.

     Talliea squeezed her hand before staring into the fire with more intensity. Slowly, and spoken in a broken whisper, she replied, "He is the man who put the marks upon my body."

     Arizira lowered their hands to Talliea's lap and sighed sadly. Her eyes studied the side of her friend's face and noticed the darkened look in her eyes. "What happened?" she asked. Talliea looked up at the rock above her head and inhaled deeply. "He assaulted me, took advantage of me. I felt weak and powerless and he humiliated me."

     Arizira swallowed the sour taste in her mouth that had formed from hearing Talliea's words. She tightened her hold on her hand and scooted closer. Talliea lowered her head and turned to look in her direction. "He forced himself on me," she finished sadly and in a thick voice.

     Silvery-blue eyes, glowing with soft and unshed tears, looked back at Talliea. Arizira understood the gist of what was being spoken to her. She had assumed as much, but had difficulty fully understanding what Talliea had experienced. To force oneself upon another was, well, unheard of amongst her people. Arnira had no concept of rape. There was not even a word for such an act. Some Arnira were more open and forward with how they chose to display affection, but there was no rape or disrespect on such a level.

     "D-did he experience your innocence?" Arizira asked, unsure how to phrase the question in her head. Talliea lowered her brows in confusion. "Are you asking if I am still a virgin?"

     Tossing the word around her mind, Arizira tried to match it to a word she knew. Though Esulan was becoming easier for her to speak, she and Talliea still occasionally hit rocks in the road during their conversations. This was proving to be one such time. "You say he forced himself on you. Did he lay with you and experience you as your people do?"

     Smiling at Arizira's wording and the way her dimples seemed to deepen in each cheek, Talliea reached forward with her free hand and played with a braid of silver-blonde hair. "No, he did not. To my people, especially the men, I am...a-a gem. A prize. I still maintain my...innocence. What he did was worse but I will not speak of it to you -- ever. It is enough that you know he hurt me."

     No words were spoken for several long moments. Each woman processed what they had learned and what they had been told. Talliea, having told Arizira as much as she had, felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was not used to having someone to talk with so freely. Arizira never looked at her with judgment in her eyes. She never tried to shift blame on her and she was always understanding and sympathetic.

     As for Arizira, she felt an unusual, and not entirely pleasant, sensation forming in the pit of her stomach. It was a searing pain that caused her heart to race but it had nothing to do with Talliea. The feeling was negative and centered around Lao'dahn. She felt an anger toward the man that she could not describe. Despite Talliea trying to convince her that she was working toward moving away from the man's horrid act, Arizira found herself wanting to seek some form of justice for her. She wanted Lao'dahn to pay for what he had done, both physically and emotionally, to her
failira
.

     Shaking her head at such useless thoughts, Arizira took a deep breath and smiled at Talliea. "I am happy he did not experience your innocence. The act is an expression of all the beauty in the world, Tah-li. It is the body's way of speaking to our spirits. Your first time should be beautiful and shared with someone you love and who loves you."

     Talliea felt her heart hammering in her eardrums. Her insides were aflutter with a pleasant anxiety while her entire body seemed to become awash with pure electrifying energy. She too greatly desired such an act to be shared with someone she loved. She wished to experience what Arizira had told her was so beautiful.

     Staring into eyes she was realizing were becoming an addiction, she, more than anything, wished that she could share her innocence with Arizira.

                                                        Chapter 18: An Ally in the Mist

     "You were not present at the gathering."

     Cynra walked around her humble abode, tossing various pieces of parchment around, and seemed to pay no mind to the words of Talyn. She grabbed bags and pouches containing items only useful to her, and dumped their contents on the floor at her feet. Muttering to herself, she bent down to search through her reagents.

     "Cynra," Talyn said sternly as she watched the older woman's display.

     The meeting earlier in
Raekir
had been called to discuss whether or not the tribe was fully prepared for the winter months and what, if any, activity had been noted in the Esu camp. All of the members of the tribe had been called and all were expected to attend. Talyn, near the end of the gathering, had posed a question to all in attendance: Should messengers be sent to the neighboring tribes informing them of the possibility of war?

     Most gathered had spoken up saying that it was unlikely any of the other tribe leaders would believe that day walkers had set up camp in the valley along the forest's edge. The matter had been put to rest until more information could be obtained. Talyn had greatly desired Cynra's wisdom during the meeting and had been displeased when she'd noticed the old woman nowhere to be found.