Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (11 page)

0 to 15:

You are
way
too civilized for your own
good.  You not only always use utensils when you eat, but you probably
even know what all those different-sized forks at the
hoity-toity
restaurants
are used for.  You’d rather commune with a
day spa
, than with
nature
.
Your pets are secretly plotting to have you for dinner.  You seriously need
to get out more.          

16 to 30:

Believe it or not, this makes you pretty
normal. 
Imagine that!
 You
do
share
some
characteristics with Primals but, overall, you scored well within the normative
range for most of the other people who take this test.  You may be
pervy,
just not
primally pervy.

31 to 42:

You lean
heavily Primal.
  You give in to
your animalistic impulses and instincts more often than not, but you still
maintain a solid foundation of civility and reason which tempers your Primal
urges.  There's never a dull moment in a relationship with you, and your
partners will often have the marks to
prove it.  Rawrr!

43 or higher:

You are
definitely
a Primal.  You live
for the hunt, and thrill to the chase.  You can sense weakness or fear from
across the room.  You evaluate everyone you meet as predator or prey, and
you don't mind a bit if the process gets a little messy or bloody.  You
are guided almost entirely by your instincts and senses, even when they run
counter to reason and propriety.  You are fiercely loyal to your pack, and
to your friends.  You’re an
animal!

It’s
entirely
possible that some of these
characteristics will strike a chord within your psyche even if you’re
not
a Primal. 
Everyone
has
some
animal instincts, even if they
are conveniently tucked out of sight, beneath a civilized veneer.  The
difference is, while the rest of us are working to deny or conceal those
characteristics,
Primals embrace them.

Semi-legal Mumbo-jumbo Disclaimer:  In the
unlikely event that you take this test a little too
seriously
, my
high-priced attorneys have advised me that I am morally obligated to publicly
shame you as a
gullible twit
.  This test is provided for
entertainment
purposes only.
  

Now that we’ve gotten a glimpse of what a Primal
looks
like
, it should be significantly easier to draw some conclusions which can
help us to more accurately define
what it is that makes a person a Primal
and
take a look at what goes on inside of a Primal’s head.  The psycho-social
pieces of the Primal puzzle are important because, for most Primals, this isn’t
a
role
that they play or a costume that they can put on or take off at
will.  It is
who they are
.   This is not just about
how
they act;
it is about
how they think, how they relate, and how they love
.

Let’s examine what I’ve come to call the
Primal
preferences. 
They are simply a series of generalities, to be sure,
but they can be incredibly useful in understanding what makes a Primal
tick. 
As always, the use of the male pronoun
“he”
should
not
be
interpreted as a bias for one gender over any other.  It is a simply a sad
acknowledgment of one of the most frustrating limitations of the English
language, the aggravating lack of a gender-neutral singular pronoun.

The first
Primal preference
, which cuts right
to the heart of the entire Domination/submission culture, is the unique way in
which Primals make a determination of dominance.  It is a process that
invariably occurs
each time
the Primal encounters someone new.  In
fact, for some Primals it can be an
on-going process,
even with their
romantic partners and long-time acquaintances.  Establishing dominance is
almost always an
ad hoc, unscripted, and unpredictable
thing which can
be as simple and innocuous as a momentary glance, or as violent as a
Wrestlemania
cage-match. 

This initial and instinctive determination of
pecking-order occurs without any conscious thought on the part of the
Primal.  He doesn’t care about whether or not you
want
to be
evaluated, nor does he much care about how you evaluate
yourself
.  
All
he
cares about is how you measure up
in relation to
himself. 
This fact, alone, can be
quite
disconcerting to those
in the D/s lifestyle who have assigned to themselves the traditional role of
Dominant or submissive.  You may consider yourself a Dominant, but the
Primal’s instincts may tell him something completely
different
about
you, at least in relation to himself.  Imagine, for a moment, what
thoughts might run through a Dominant’s head if a Primal were to tell him, “I
know you call yourself a Dominant, but as far as
I
am concerned,
you
are a submissive.”
 Is it any wonder that Primals are widely
misunderstood in the lifestyle?

The next
Primal preference
that sets them
apart from others in the D/s lifestyle is their instinctive use of, and respect
for,
power and strength.
 
When it comes to demonstrating
your worthiness to a Primal, it isn’t going to be enough to
talk
about
your dominance; you’re going to be expected to
demonstrate it.
 
That demonstration may not
necessarily
involve a physical contest of
strength, endurance and tolerance for pain, but you probably shouldn’t be too
surprised
if it does.

Another
Primal preference
is their reliance
upon predator-prey behaviors.  A Primal categorizes all others as either predator
or prey, and treats them appropriately.  He carefully
observes, stalks,
tracks, hunts, chases, and takes down
his prey and relishes every moment of
it.  If he classifies you as a predator
yourself
, you can expect a
Primal to steer a wide path around you, preferring to seek out prey,
instead. 

The
Primal preference
that is probably most
familiar to
non-Primals
is the affinity for the sort of love-play that
results in
biting, scratching, nibbling, licking, nuzzling, or a desire to
be pet or stroked
.  This kind of activity is certainly not
exclusive
to Primals by any stretch of the imagination, but it is far more prevalent
among them than it is in the general population.  By the way, the
technical term for becoming sexually aroused by
biting
is
odaxelagnia. 

Depending upon the situation and his frame of mind,
a Primal will often demonstrate a marked reduction, and sometimes even a
complete
loss
, of inhibitions.  This
situational lack of self-consciousness
may be exhibited in a wide variety of behaviors, to include such things as a
general disdain for clothing, the emulation of animal sounds such as barking,
howling or growling, and rambunctious play.  Quite often, their behavior
is mischaracterized by others as
childlike
, when in actuality, it is far
more accurate to describe it as
animalistic.
 

Another of the
Primal preferences
which often
confounds and frustrates their non-Primal partners is what is sometimes
characterized as a general
apathy
about sexual skills and
techniques.  A Primal trusts and embraces his
instincts
in most
things, and typically does so in his
sexual technique
as well. 
Expect your lovemaking with a Primal to be driven by stream-of-consciousness
desires and raw, animal impulses.  We’re talking
on-the-front-lawn
or
on-the-kitchen-table-covered-in-birthday-cake
kind of sex,
here.  In a nutshell, sex with a Primal
may not always be pretty,
but it’s definitely never
boring.

Primals, like many of our four-footed friends,
endeavor to process the world through all five of their senses
equally
. 
Where the average human relies primarily on sight and sound, a Primal will
often call upon his other senses to distinguish a scent, differentiate a taste,
or pinpoint a texture. 
Sniffing
or
tasting
a person, place,
or thing to learn more about it is a perfectly normal mode of investigation for
a Primal.  Once a Primal has
codified
you in this fashion, any
change in your body chemistry is readily apparent to him.  A person’s
monthly hormonal cycles, menstruation, sexual pheromones, medications, hydration
levels, hygiene, diet, and even diseases may be an open book for a Primal to
read.  In additional to receiving and processing information to a greater
extent through scent, taste and touch, a Primal is also far more likely to
transmit
information through those same senses.  It is relatively common, for
example, for a Primal to mark his or her home, property, and even friends and
partners with a distinctive
scent.

Another preference particular to Primals would be
their attachment to the notion of
feeding
, rather than simply
eating
and drinking
.  The connotations attached to
feeding
suggest a
more primitive and instinctive activity that can be applied to more than just
food
. 
In the modern pop culture parlance of
vampire lore
,
feeding
takes
on a sensuously daring and primal ambience all its own which incorporates
itself nicely into the Primal subculture. 

Primals typically form tight-knit social groups
which they refer to as
packs
, and they often place their allegiance to
the
pack
higher than their loyalty to even their biological
families
. 
Not all Primals are quite so pack oriented; it often depends upon what sort of
animal
they identify with, and which of those animal characteristics they
emulate.  Even when they
are
members of a pack, different animal
characteristics can lead to different sorts of behaviors.  Canines, for
example, often
hunt
as a pack.  Felines, on the other hand, may
belong to a
pride
, but prefer to hunt
alone
.  Within a pack,
hierarchies of dominance and submission are typically more-or-less fixed, with
an
alpha individual
(or sometimes an
alpha couple
) leading the
pack.  Other members of the pack are sometimes referred to as
betas
or
omegas
.

When it comes to mating strategies, it’s difficult
to predict what a Primal’s preference may be.  He may show a preference
for monogamy, polyamory, strategies based on specific animal species, or
no
strategy at all.
  Primals certainly
appear
to have a higher
likelihood of being
polyamorous
than
monogamous
, but there is
little hard data to support that notion.  Some identify so strongly with
their specific animals, that they will adopt that animal’s mating strategies,
as well.  A
wolf
would therefore employ a strategy of
monogamy
,
whereas a
lion
might feel compelled to build a pride of
five or six
mates. 
It’s also entirely possible that for
some
Primals, surrendering to their
animal instincts means not really having a strategy
at all
, but simply
doing what instinctively feels right at the moment. 

What comes as a surprise to many who may not be
familiar with Primals is the fact that they typically do
not
identify or
connect themselves with the
Furry
subculture. 
Furries
, for
the benefit of anyone who may have been living in a cave for the past few
decades, are people who role-play anthropomorphic
animal characters
with
human characteristics. 
A furry may
look
like a dog, or cat,
or fox, or skunk,
but he walks and talks and acts just like a human being
in most respects.  In other words, a furry is, in practically every way
that counts,
the exact opposite
of a Primal.  A Primal is a
human
who instinctively thinks, acts, and perceives the word in an
animalistic way
. 
He considers his
Primalism
a core personality trait, rather than a
role
,
and will often view himself as a human-animal hybrid, or
humanimal. 
A
furry, by contrast, is a
role-player
who is part of a
fandom
,
rather than a
lifestyle
.
 
His
fascination is with
looking
the part
of an animal, while maintaining most or all of the characteristics
of humanity. 

Another subtle distinction between Primals and
Furries concerns the social circles, events and gatherings that are typical to
each.  Primals are generally considered to be part of the D/s lifestyle,
primarily due to their preoccupation with Dominance and submission, even if
their expression of it is considered
non-traditional.
  Their
involvement in the BDSM lifestyle is generally dependent upon the degree to
which they
also
subscribe to BDSM related kinks and fetishes.  When
Primals meet it is, almost by necessity, a
face-to-face
meeting
.
 
When they gather in large numbers, it is usually at
fetish events
and
BDSM
conventions
.

Conversely,
Furries
are generally considered
to be a subset of the
science fiction, fantasy, gaming and comic book fandoms.
 
Since it is
far
more practical to be a giant, walking, talking kitty-cat
wearing human clothes in an
online virtual environment
, the internet is
the most common venue for personal encounters.  When Furries gather in
large numbers, it is usually at
cosplay events
and
comic book
conventions
. 

One might be tempted to assume that Primals, with
their fascination for biting, scratching, and fighting for dominance are, at
their core,
sadomasochistic.
  That would probably be a
mistake.  A true
sadist
enjoys inflicting pain upon others,
regardles
s
of
their
feelings on the matter.  A true
masochist
enjoys
the sensations of pain, regardless of whom or what the source of that pain
might be.  There are, of course, an infinite number of gradations between
an extremely hard-core sadist or masochist versus someone who is
nominally
one.
  But the common denominator for
all
sadists and masochists
alike is simply the
enjoyment of pain for pain’s sake.
 

Sadomasochism is
not
a phenomenon that occurs
naturally in the animal world with any real frequency.  Animals typically
hunt, kill, or fight for purely
utilitarian
purposes.  True, a
cat
may toy with a mouse before killing it, but that behavior is probably a lot
more like
playing with your food
before eating it, than it is an
expression of
sadism.
 Primals, too, see pain as a necessary and
utilitarian part of their mating rituals and for determining dominance. 
This is
not
to say that Primals can’t also be
sadists or masochists
. 
We’re simply saying that Primals shouldn’t be considered sadomasochistic
just because they enjoy biting and scratching during sex. 

Each of these so-called
Primal preferences
is
a gross generalization which may or may not necessarily apply to any
specific
Primal you may know.  Whenever we are dealing with animalistic
instincts
,
we have to be prepared to acknowledge that the instincts of a
cat
are
going to differ
significantly
from those of a
dog, or a monkey, or a
penguin. 
And yes, a Primal may identify with just about
any kind
of animal imaginable.