Drowning to Breathe (9 page)

Anthony sighed like he knew it was time to toss off the lightness passing between us, because fucking around wasn’t going to get Kallie back. He focused on pouring a shit-ton of sugar into his coffee and dousing it with cream.

“Thanks for being here,” I muttered honestly.

“It’s my job,” he said like there weren’t a whole lot of other options, but then he looked at me seriously as he took a tentative sip of his coffee, his tone changing. “And I want to be here. You know I’m not going to leave you high and dry in the middle of this.”

“I know. You know how much I appreciate you being here, don’t you? I don’t
expect
any of this from you.”

Yet, he was always willing.

There as a friend.

“Of course I know that.” He pushed out a strained breath and set his coffee aside. “This is messy, Baz.”

“You think I don’t know that?” It came out sounding more bitter than intended.

But fuck, this was a disaster.

Like he was searching for an answer or maybe restraint, he looked to the ceiling, before he dropped his attention back to me, gaze penetrating.

“You have to be straight up with me, Baz. Did you know Jennings was Kallie’s father? The press is all over this shit this morning.”

Just the thought of Kallie belonging to that piece of shit spiked my pulse.

“No. Not until CPS showed up and handed her over to him last night.”

Glancing at his feet, he shook his head as his tone filled with disbelief. “So you’re telling me you’ve been seeing this girl for what…close to two months…and you never thought to ask her who the baby’s daddy was?”

He kept right on talking as he began to pace, like each step would help make each piece in this fucked-up situation add up.

“One minute you tell me you’re back in California permanently because you can’t stay in Savannah for a second longer…during which time you’re acting like a fucking bear because you’re so miserable. Next thing I know, you’re packing the band up again and heading back here because of a girl I know nothing about.”

He paused and pinned me with his stare. “Which is all fine. I’ve already made it clear I want that for you. But I didn’t even know there was a kid involved until my phone started ringing off the hook at 4:00 a.m. yesterday about the pictures on the beach that had hit the tabloids. Then last night?” The words dropped flat.

He huffed in frustration. “Every time I turn around, I’m blindsided by something else involving you, Baz. I can’t keep up. How am I supposed to protect you and this band if I don’t have the first clue what’s going on?”

There was no missing the edge biting his words.

Anthony knew next to nothing when it came to Shea. Guess it was no surprise considering Shea and I were just finally breaking down the walls that’d kept us separated.

Exposing us.

Even though Shea was right.

We knew everything that mattered.

I swallowed hard. I knew how this was going to sound. Anthony didn’t understand Shea the way I did, and I knew this sounded fucking
bad
. I had to push the words out. “She told me Kallie’s father was dead.”

Anthony blinked back at me in a
you’ve got to be kidding me
way.

I inhaled, doing my best not to get all pissy with him, because not one goddamned part of this situation was his fault.

“Look…things were complicated between me and Shea. Neither of us were looking to start something up.”

I gestured between the ceiling and myself. “We never expected
this
, and we both went into this the wrong way, thinking things were only going to be temporary, so we didn’t get into all the shit complicating our lives.”

Both of us desperate to feel something good.

I’d thought all I wanted was for that gorgeous girl to make me forget…just for a little while.

Little did we know how our lives were getting ready to be ripped up and reshaped.

“She and I have both been keeping enough secrets to sink a ship. This lands on both of us. She only just found out who I really am the night before I ran back to California the week before last…”

We all knew how that ended.

When I remembered the blow I’d received last night, my throat grew thick. “It was only last night I found out she was Delaney Rhoads.”

My brow twisted with all the restraint it took to admit this aloud. “Found out Jennings was Kallie’s father in the same damn second.”

“God,” he swore below his breath, rubbing his index finger back and forth over his top lip.

“You can’t put any blame on Shea for this, Anthony. She did it because she was protecting her little girl. Trying to survive and live a normal life. I promise you, there was zero malicious intent behind it.”

Questions took hold of the silence.

Another shock of realization slammed my mind, and I finally muttered, “All of this can’t be a coincidence.”

A heavy sigh blew from him, and he raked a flustered hand through his hair. “No, Baz, you’re right. It’s not a fucking coincidence.”

My stomach churned with nausea, and I clenched my fists on the counter.

Waiting.

Feeling it coming—the need to tear something or someone apart.

He looked me square in the face. “I had no idea who your girl was, Baz. But yesterday morning when we got the pics, I couldn’t shake the feeling she looked familiar. About halfway through the day, it finally dawned on me she was Delaney Rhoads. I was tied up in knots wondering if she was playing you…stringing you along as a way to get back into the business, wondering how in the hell I was going to break it to you because I knew how messed up you were over her.”

“What?” I gripped my hair. “Fuck…no, Anthony. It’s not anything like that. She doesn’t want anyone to know who she is.”

Relief slid across his features, but his words were filled with speculation. “Are you sure you really know this girl? You really trust her?”

Anger surged at the insinuation, but I curbed it. Anthony was only looking out for the band. Looking out for me. I knew that well enough. Just like I knew Shea.

“Yes,” I said without an ounce of hesitation.

Anthony chewed at his lip.

“Tell me.” I’d known him long enough to know when he was holding back.

Regret radiated from him as he began to speak. “I first stumbled upon
Charlie’s
years ago, back when Angie and I first bought this house
.
Charlie was a cool guy, plus I was still looking for clients back then, so I made it a habit of going whenever I knew there would be a new band playing.”

Clearly uncomfortable, he cleared his throat, sending a round of agitation curling through me.

“This woman…she was always hanging out there with the bands. Gorgeous, but she gave off the vibe she was looking for someone to sink her claws into. At first I thought she was some kind of groupie. You know the type, desperate for any kind of attention, any kind of fame, even if it meant she was getting it from the small, unknown bands playing there. I think it was probably the third time I saw her when Charlie finally introduced her as his sister.”

Shit.

I rubbed my hand across my mouth as if it could wipe away the bitter taste.

Shea’s mom.

Someone I knew absolutely nothing about.

Shea never talked about her. The mystery surrounding her another fucking secret.

All I had were the hints and innuendos Shea had alluded to last night, and this story didn’t do anything to quell the flickers of hate igniting for a woman I’d never even met.

Anthony continued, “There didn’t seem to be a whole lot of love lost between her and Charlie, but still, she and I chatted over the next couple times I ran into her, even though I remained leery. I didn’t want to give her the wrong impression, because I definitely wasn’t out looking for someone to step out on my Angie with.”

He hesitated, then shook his head as he lowered his voice. “She wasn’t looking for sex, Baz. She was looking for a way to get her daughter’s foot in the door. The first couple of times she talked about her, I humored her. Talked with her a little about the business. But I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought. One night she convinced me to listen to a demo. The girl’s voice on the recording was…unbelievable. There’s no other way to describe it. I would have snatched her up in a heartbeat, but Chloe was already acting as her agent.”

“Chloe?” I asked.

“Charlie’s sister…Delaney Rhoads’s mother. Shea’s mother,” he amended a bit quieter, like he was catching on to how little I really knew about Shea.

I bit back the hostile laughter that worked its way up.

Nice.

They were on a first-name basis.

He shrugged, though it was laced with remorse. “I figured, what the hell could it hurt? I never wanted to be one of those guys who only did things to benefit himself, so I sent her to Jennings. That was right when I first began working with him. Back before I knew the kind of trash he was.”

His sigh was heavy with implication. “That was only a year before I sent Jennings to the bar to check you and the guys out.”

With both hands, I palmed the back of my head, trying to beat back the anxiety clamoring through my insides.

Eating me up.

God.

Anthony di Pietro, my agent, but more than that, a friend, a guy I considered an honorary member in my fucked-up family, was the tie.

Of course, I knew it was Anthony who’d sent Jennings to check out
Sunder
that night we were playing in Tennessee. That was no secret. How many times had Anthony vocalized his regret? Wondering if we’d have been better off if he’d never sent Jennings our way?

But none of us could have foreseen the trouble he would bring.

“The word was, Delaney Rhoads couldn’t cope with the stardom, and she’d tucked tail and ran back home. Sure, there were rumors circulating about an affair between Jennings and the emerging star, but we learn fast in this industry to ignore all of that unless it’s something that affects one of our clients directly. Most of it’s all bullshit, anyway. You know this well enough, Baz. I had no clue Delaney Rhoads even had a kid. She disappeared off the face of the earth. Forgotten in days. I never thought to ask Jennings about what had happened to her. I wasn’t representing her.

He shook his head. “Hell, I’d never even met her. Initially, I did it thinking it was a favor to Charlie. In all the times I went back over the years, Charlie never once mentioned his niece had moved back there or that she was working in his bar.”

He shrugged. “It never crossed my mind.”

Of course Charlie never mentioned her.

Secrets.

Secrets.

Secrets.

Secrets meant to protect and defend, yet here they were, threatening to ruin everything.

“I’m sorry, Baz. When I suggested you go to
Charlie’s
, I never imagined something I set in motion years ago could possibly affect you now.”

Yeah, I was pissed. Some kind of unknown hurt wound through me as I came to understand how this web had been spun together.

Shea and I unwittingly tied to the bastard who wanted to destroy both our lives.

But how could I regret it?

Because that would have meant never losing control with Shea.

And never losing control with her just wasn’t an option I could entertain.

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “What the hell are we going to do? He was here because of me, Anthony. He looked me straight in the eye when he took Kallie and reminded me I was going to regret fucking with him.”

A wave of helplessness washed over me, and that was not a feeling I took kindly to. How the hell did you fix something when you had no clue what went down in the first place?

Anthony gave a quick nod. “The second you mentioned his name when you called me, I had no doubt the asshole had ulterior motives.”

He always did.

But I knew it went deeper than that. This muddled maze was more than just about
me
. He’d hurt her, and clearly he was aiming to hurt her again. But why? To get back at me? That’s what made no fucking sense.

“Shea’s terrified for Kallie.” The words cracked on my own fear. Because the truth was? I was, too. “We can’t just leave her with him.”

Sympathy filled his eyes. “I get that, Baz. You know I’d throw myself on a bomb for my own kids. No, I don’t know Shea, but I can only imagine the hell she’s going through right now. But the one plus in this whole thing is I don’t think Jennings is witless enough to hurt a little girl who’s recently been placed in his care. He’s always meticulous. Covering his ass and letting everyone else take the fall.”

I pressed my hands to the counter and blew out a breath. “Yeah…thought as much myself. He’s devious, but not a fool.”

His tone grew cautious. “You have to ask yourself how far you’re willing to get involved in this. Every time we turn around, this mess gets deeper and deeper.”

I gave one fierce shake of my head, cutting that shit off. I knew he meant well, that his intentions were always good. Anthony taking up our backs to protect the guys and me.

But this was one truth he needed to understand. “I’d give up anything for them. All of it. Every last cent to my name. My freedom. My life if that’s what it takes.”

Silence hung heavy in the air as he stared across at me. Searching for sincerity. Then a satisfied smile pulled at his mouth. “So she’s it, then.”

That affirmation struck home.

Taking hold.

Filling me full.

My voice was rough. “Yeah. She’s it.”

He nodded like the game had changed. “All right, then. You’re going to need to make a statement. The paps are going to be hounding you as it is. Better to clear this up now and let them know exactly where you stand.”

“I stand by Shea.”

A smirk ticked up at one side of his mouth. “I think you’ve made that abundantly clear, my friend.”

I started to laugh, when all the air got sucked from the room. Heavy and soft and blinding light.

My spine stiffened in awareness as the girl stole a little more of my breath.

Filled me right up with hers.

Slowly, I turned to look over my shoulder.