Drowning to Breathe (6 page)

It felt so damned good I wanted to moan.

I rolled my head back, getting lost in that face, my hands roaming up and down her sides. “You changed me, Shea.”

Soft, sad laughter tumbled from her, and cautiously she peeked at me. “You changed everything about me, Baz. You changed everything I wanted because what I ended up wanting was you. You and Kallie. That’s all I need.”

I sat up higher and took her mouth. My hands bunched in her hair. Forcing her closer. She opened to me as if she’d just found her lost supply of oxygen and was taking in a saving breath.

That’s what I wanted.

To be her breath.

She pressed up higher, rocking over me as her hold tightened in my hair. She muttered between kisses, “Don’t leave me, Sebastian. Don’t leave me.”

Words poured out against my lips, each one uttered between scrapes of her teeth as her kisses became more and more frantic.

“I just got you back and I won’t survive losing you again. Promise you’ll fight him with me…because you love me and this is where you always want to be.”

My fingers dug into her thighs. Squeezing. The promise came on a breath. “Yes.”

Palming her ass, I couldn’t do anything but rock her against my cock that was straining inside my jeans.

I shouldn’t have been hard. Our baby girl was gone.

But curls of lust twisted in my stomach and greed took over my kiss.

When she whimpered into my mouth, I took it upon myself to devour her sweet little tongue.

Because,
yes
, I needed this.

Yes
, Shea needed this.

Maybe it was indecent.

But neither of us could stop.

We were drowning in desperation.

Dying in need.

Dying to love.

Seeking reprieve from all the misery and pain.

I was desperate to show her I’d never leave her. Not ever again.

Shea was still wearing those satin pajamas, and I couldn’t get through the buttons of the long-sleeved blouse fast enough. I pushed the fabric off her slender shoulders, letting my hands explore the expanse of soft skin as I dragged it down her back.

Hair tangled and wild, wild, wild. Her expression was just as desperate as the heat of her hands that yanked at my shirt and tore it over my head.

Hot palms pressed to my bare chest.

“You’re beautiful, Sebastian.” She felt along my shoulders. “My beautiful, beautiful man.”

“Baby,” I whispered, kissing her more. My teeth tugged at her bottom lip, then I set it free with a little pop, before I kissed her hard at the corner of her mouth. I didn’t slow down, just dove down to her chin, forcing it up as I went to work on the delicate slope of her neck.

Her fingers dug into my shoulders as she leaned back, keeping herself from falling as I kissed a path down her chest that heaved with every erratic beat of her heart.

Those perfect tits begged, nipples pink and pebbled tight.

I flattened my tongue across one.

So fucking sweet.

I drew it into my mouth.

“Sebastian.”

I cupped the back of her neck, forcing her to look down at me.

“Sweet girl, I’m gonna take care of you.”

In every way.

“Stand up,” I commanded. She kept her hands braced on my shoulders as she slowly pushed to her feet. She was bent at the waist, her face hovering a foot above mine.

The tether that tied us together stretched taut.

Slowly, I dragged her pajama shorts and the lace hidden underneath down those long, long legs.

“Shit,” I hissed, watching the action as I revealed every delicious inch of this girl.

She was a vision.

Salvation.

A deliverance from my own personal hell.

Fire and light.

Shea stepped out of them, and I tossed them aside. Never letting go of my shoulders, she stared down at me, my head kicked back against the side of the bed.

I rushed through the buttons on my fly, toeing off my boots in the same second I pushed down my jeans and underwear.

My cock sprang free, and I shrugged my jeans the rest of the way off my legs.

That energy was glowing bright, this girl commanding every last one of my senses.

“Make me crazy, baby.”

Shea slowly dropped back down onto her knees, but those hands never let me go.

She swayed forward, and the inside of her thighs brushed my ribs.

I jerked.

“I need you,” she said.

And I totally fucking got it. Truth was, I needed her too.

“You have me.”

Her tongue swept along her bottom lip, and she sucked in a shaky breath as she eased back a fraction and wrapped her hand around my cock.

Our eyes locked as she slowly lowered herself on my length.

Fuck.

For the flash of a moment, I buried my face in her neck to cover my groan.

One touch.

One touch and my
body
was shaking like a teenager. But my soul had arrived somewhere far in the distance, in a future I’d never imagined.

Where this girl was always going to belong to me.

I took her by the hips.

Guiding her as she began to move.

Sliding sure up and down my dick.

A whimper fell from her when she edged back, our focus going to where we were connected.

My cock slick with her arousal.

Bare skin.

Perfect pussy.

She took me whole again and again.

“Shea.” I wound a fist in her hair. I tugged hard and nipped at her chin.

With both hands, she returned it with a fierce tug of her own. My scalp prickled with tiny spikes of exquisite pain. They skimmed down my spine, gathering low where a knot of pleasure built fast.

Quickly, I shifted, needing control. I held her around the waist as I shifted, crawling to my knees and taking Shea with me.

I laid her on the rug and I found myself wrapped up in miles of perfect legs as she locked herself around my waist. Fingertips dug into my back.

Pushing up on one hand, I looked down on the girl who’d shattered my world. Caramel eyes, dark and deep, and so fucking sweet.

“Don’t let go,” I warned, the demand gruff as I pulled out, the wide ridge of my head just barely hanging on. Then I slammed back home.

Shea cried out as her walls gripped me tight.

“Fuck…baby.”

I pulled in a breath, trying to keep my shit together. A furor of energy lifted high, dipping low, saturating our skin in sweat. Pulsing and pressing, a force neither of us stood a chance to resist.

And I knew if I ever lost her I’d no longer know how to survive.

I moved in her.

With her.

Neither of us gentle.

Every touch rough, every thrust and bow of our bodies sharp and severe.

I slipped a hand between us and began to work Shea’s clit.

And I could feel it, the way every inch of her tightened, how she started to glow.

Heat covered us, ripples of energy, this girl a summer storm.

Fierce and turbulent and beautiful.

“Come, sweet girl,” I whispered, when I felt her hanging on, like maybe she didn’t know how to let go. I increased the pressure, increased my pace.

She was staring at me when she came undone.

Splintering.

Her focus went hazy, as if she were floating with the stars.

She took me right along with her.

We stayed there for the longest time.

Elevated.

Absent.

Present only to each other.

Finally, I slumped down on top of her. I propped my weight on the bend of my knee and an elbow so I didn’t crush her. I pushed back the mounds of her mussed hair, just needing to see her.

This girl who was so gorgeous and broken and scared.

The woman who’d become my responsibility.

My future.

Because I’d be damned if I remained a prisoner to my past.

One I’d never walk away from again.

I loved Shea Bentley and she loved me.

It’s where it started and where it ended.

Nothing before or after or in between mattered.

“Do you think this is wrong?” Shea’s muted voice broke into the heavy silence.

Where we lay under the covers in her bed, I pulled her closer. She curled her back into the den of my chest. “What?” I asked.

The house was quiet and the hour was late. Darkness clung to most of her bedroom. Only slivers of moonlight slanted in from the window.

“Me being here, finding comfort in your arms, when Kallie is alone.”

My heavy exhale scattered the hair on her shoulder. I understood her guilt, but I didn’t want her feeling it. “Let me ask you something. If you could be doing absolutely anything right now that would get Kallie home sooner, would you be doing it?”

“Of course,” she answered without hesitation.

I pressed a tender kiss behind her ear. “Then I think you already know the answer to that.”

Shea pulled in a shaky breath. “I hate she’s with him and has no idea what’s happening.” The air hitched in her throat. “I hate I have no idea what she’s going through. What could be happening. Hate I’m lying here, useless to help her. Unable to protect her like I always promised I would.”

She shuddered and I held her closer.

“She has no clue who he is, Sebastian. She doesn’t even know
about
him. The only thing I’ve ever told her was she didn’t have a daddy. I told her it was just her and me and that was all there was ever going to be.” Her voice trembled and rolled. “She has to be so scared.”

“I know,” I murmured back.

I let myself imagine what Kallie was going through right then. The quiet terror she must be feeling. Let it wreck me a little more, knowing Shea was imagining the same thing.

I played with a long strand of her hair. “I trust in my team, Shea. Anthony and Kenny have always been there for me, and they’re going to find a way to set this straight. They’ve never let me down before and I know they’re gonna do everything in their power to fix this. And I’m going to be there every step of the way. Fighting. Giving it my all until that little girl is in your arms. You understand what I’m telling you?”

It meant I wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t eat until Kallie was safe.

She choked. “What if he hurts her? What if we’re too late?”

“No…he won’t. He’s not that stupid.”

Even with my promise, rage boiled beneath the surface. Ready to be unleashed. Because if he did? That rage would come like a destroyer.

She snuggled a little closer, and her voice clogged with a restrained sob. “It’s an awful feeling being so thankful I don’t have to go through this alone and knowing Kallie has to.”

“No, she’s not alone, baby. She feels you right here.” I placed my hand over Shea’s heart.

Slowly, she rolled over to face me. “Earlier…you said you wanted to claim Kallie as your own.” The words became almost urgent. “What did you mean?”

A pensive smile tugged at my mouth. I pulled my head back far enough to allow the subdued moonlight to illuminate Shea’s face. “I told you what I see when I look at you. I see a family. Always thought family to me would construe something fucked up and broken…just me and the boys and Austin. But I want it to include you. I want it to include Kallie. When she’s sad or scared or just needs someone to tell her she’s loved, I want to be that guy.”

Something both brilliant and fractured passed through Shea’s expression. And I knew she was seeing it. The same thing I saw. And somehow I’d gotten lucky enough that this girl wanted it, too.

Hard thing was, both of us were wondering how the fuck we were gonna get there.

“You know…” My voice was rough. “Earlier tonight I took you bare.” I frowned. “Twice now, actually. You want to know the truth of what hit me? I was hoping that maybe…just maybe together you and I were making something beautiful.”

Shea jerked back an inch. Bewilderment lit on her face. “You’d want that?”

“I don’t know…probably would be a bad fucking idea right about now, but sometime, yeah.”

Intense emotion held fast in her eyes. “Since the first night you took me out, I couldn’t help but think about experiencing those things with you, Sebastian. A life and a home. A family for Kallie.” A somber smile fluttered around her mouth. “You surprise me in really wonderful ways.”

“Guess I’ve been surprising myself a lot lately.” Smiling softly, I brushed my thumb along her jaw. “Might have something to do with this amazing girl I met. After she came into my life? Don’t recognize myself anymore.”

Shea cupped my cheek. Tenderly. Everything written on her face adoring and filled with all the love I didn’t think I’d ever deserve. She looked at me that way for the longest time, like I meant something, this girl
seeing
me in a way only she could.

“I’m on the pill,” she finally said, obviously needing to set that straight.

I gave a slight nod. “I figured as much. But it doesn’t mean the thought wasn’t there.”

The desire.

“I should’ve asked you though.” Regretfully, I shook my head. “That’s something I should have talked with you about first, and I’m sorry I let myself get lost in the moment.”

I caught her around the wrist of the hand she had on my face, shifted forward, and pressed a kiss to the inside of her elbow.