Effortless (21 page)

Smiling, I shook my head. “I am.”

Lifting his head up to lightly kiss me, he grinned. “Good.”

Snuggling back down with him, I tried to let the drunken evening
go, so I could concentrate on the current moment. I had an eternity
to beat myself up over the mortifying situation I’d put myself in
at a huge going away party, but I only had a few hours left with
the man who had my heart, the man who stole my breath.

Sighing, I snuggled my head into his chest and tried not to
think about him leaving. I couldn’t yet, it was too hard. Instead,
I focused on what my body was telling me, I needed water…and
aspirin. While he rubbed my back and kissed my head, I murmured,
“Do you want some water? I could bring you some?”

Stretching underneath me again, he inhaled a big breath. “No,
but I could use some coffee…I’ll come with you.”

I nodded and prepared my body to move. Kellan was so comfortable
to lie on, my body rebelled, staying exactly where it was. Kellan
chuckled a few moments later when I still hadn’t moved. “Need
help?” he whispered.

I smiled, my head still resting against his chest, almost above
the tattoo of my name. His arms holding me close to his body, he
sat up. I could feel his muscles flexing under his clothes and I
couldn’t stop myself from picturing that hard body in its natural
state—completely bare.

I giggled at first as he adjusted us both to standing, then
groaned as my head loudly complained about the new angle; it had
preferred lying down. Biting my lip, I swayed a little on my feet.
Kellan’s hands came up to massage my temples and I smiled at him
gratefully; it felt wonderful against my throbbing skull. His face
was weary, but still perfect. He did not look like a man who’d been
slinging back alcohol all night. With his hair all crazy from
sleeping on the couch, and slight stubble along his jaw, he
looked…yummy.

I looked away from his perfection, positive that I did not look
quite so…yummy. His warm lips rested on my forehead for a second,
then he pulled me into the kitchen. We had to step around people
lying on the floor. Apparently we were not the only ones that had
slept over. Even in the kitchen, there were still partygoers. A
pair of them was playing cards at the table, poker, from what I
could make out. Thankfully, not strip poker, since the guy and girl
were still dressed.

Kellan nodded at them as they blinked and looked around, like
they’d just now noticed it was light outside and the party was
over. You’d really think that the person snoring at the end of the
table would have clued them in to that fact.

While I rested my tired head on his back, Kellan went about
making a pot of coffee. Since he’d probably woken up here on
several occasions, he knew exactly where everything was in Matt’s
house. When the pot was finally percolating, Kellan got me a glass
from the cupboard and filled it with water. I inhaled it I was so
thirsty.

Kellan smiled at me, kissing my head as I sputtered on some of
the liquid going down the wrong pipe. As I was trying to cough
soundlessly, which just isn’t possible, Matt shuffled into the
room. Yawning as he scratched his chest, he nodded at the pair of
us. Remembering that he’d seen me half naked last night, I looked
away from him, my face flaming as it probably went beet red.

“Hey, guys…good morning,” he mumbled. Cautiously, I peeked back
at him. Matt had been pretty far gone last night, maybe he didn’t
remember?

Leaning against the counter with me in his arms in front of him,
Kellan nodded his head up. “Mornin’, how do you feel?”

Matt ran a hand back through his wildly disorganized hair, then
massaged his own temples; I figured his head was throbbing too.
“Peachy,” he muttered sullenly, opening a cupboard to get a
glass.

Kellan chuckled as he held me tight, looping his thumbs through
my belt buckle straps. Matt looked over at his friend as he ran
some cold water into his glass; the running faucet made my head
scream and I laid it back against Kellan’s shoulder, wishing I
could fast-forward through the painful part of recovery.

“God, it’s annoying how chipper you are in the morning,” Matt
muttered, taking a long gulp of his H2O. Kellan only smiled wider,
rocking me a bit in his arms. When Matt paused, he added, “I hope
you’re not like that on the road…it would really get on my
nerves.”

Kellan laughed and I frowned. I didn’t want to think about that
part yet. Matt made the moment worse by adding, “Bus leaves in a
few hours, so we should start getting people up…especially
Griffin.”

Kellan sighed and nodded. I bit my lip; I
really
didn’t
want to think about this yet. Finishing his glass, Matt frowned at
me. “You okay, Kiera?” Adjusting my face, I gave him a small nod.
He smiled back warmly, then his lips twisted. “You, uh…have fun
last night?”

He asked it innocently, but his face flushed a little when he
said it, and I knew that he did indeed remember. Wanting to bury my
head in the sand and never come out again, I only gave him a small
smile and squeaked out, “Yeah…thanks for…letting us come…”

My voice trailed off as I realized what I’d just said. Matt’s
light flush turned as red as mine probably was. I quickly added,
“Over, thanks for letting us come over,” but it was too late…I’d
already said it in a horribly embarrassing way. Matt mumbled
something about needing to get ready and quickly fled the room.

Kellan behind me struggled to not laugh, but as soon as the
poker players started busting up, he gave up trying to hold back.
Twisting around, I smacked him repeatedly in the chest. It only
made him laugh harder. Wiping his eyes, he shook his head at me.
“Oh God, Kiera, you’re so damn cute.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to walk away from him,
but he held onto me tight, pulling my body back into his. Turning
me around, he wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me in
place. Sighing at the look of total embarrassment on my face, he
shook his head. “I’m gonna miss your adorable awkwardness.” He
sighed again, sadder this time. “So much,” he whispered.

I bit my lip as I searched his face, feeling the impending
goodbye in the air. I wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t want to say
goodbye to him. Slinging my arms around his neck, I held him as
tight to me as I could. I’d hold him near me forever if there was a
way to, but I knew there wasn’t. I had to let him go. I had to give
him his dream, no matter how much it hurt.

Eventually the rest of the partiers woke up and shuffled off,
all of them wishing Kellan and Matt a great time on their
adventure. As the poker players were blinking at the sun in the
doorway, Evan and Jenny stepped through it. Feeling grimy and
tired, I waved at a fresh-faced Jenny. She and Evan clearly hadn’t
celebrated as hard as I had.

Seeing my worn features, she walked over to the couch to give me
a hug while Evan excitedly clapped Kellan on the back. “You all
right, Kiera?” she laughed out.

Groaning, I laid my head back on the cushions. “Yep.” Looking
over at her, I frowned. “I don’t remember you and Evan leaving last
night?”

Her cheeks flushed a little as she glanced at the boys standing
a few feet away from us. “Yeah, well, you were a little preoccupied
at the time.” Kellan glanced her way mid-conversation and she
chuckled at him.

I covered my face with my hands. God, this embarrassment was
going to last all friggin’ day. Laughing a little harder, Jenny
pulled my hands down and gave me a warm smile. “I’m glad you had a
good time, Kiera.” Shaking her head, she added, “Evan and I were
afraid you’d spend the whole time moping.”

I smiled and looked over at Evan, the tatted, buzzed-cut, punk,
rock star with a heart as big as Jenny’s. Meeting my eye, he nodded
at me warmly and I let the lingering discomfiture fade. These
people loved me, they wouldn’t purposely make me regret a moment of
letting go with my boyfriend. Especially since the release was a
much needed one, in light of today’s upcoming emotional
goodbye.

Rachel quietly joined us on the couch while Matt took a shower.
I longingly listened to the water flowing from the hallway,
wondering if I could take one next. Feeling clean again might help
my head stop thudding.  Then, of course, hearing Matt in the
bathroom reminded me of being in that bathroom myself. Just as my
face was flushing, Kellan turned from his conversation with Evan to
grin at me, like he knew exactly where my head had been. Biting my
lip, I looked away.

“Kiera, when Matt’s done, what’s say you and me go suds up?”

Frowning, I glanced over at the last band member to enter the
living room. Griffin was smiling at me in a way that I didn’t care
for, his eyes clearly already imagining me in the scenario he’d
dreamed up. Giving me a kiss in the air, he added, “I want to hear
you moan my name like you did Kell’s.”

I was just about to walk over and pummel the man when he was hit
by about four different people. My sister, sleepily shuffling up
behind him, smacked him over the head. Jenny beside me chucked a
couch pillow at him, hitting him in the face. Rachel even got into
the mix by tossing the TV remote into his gut. But Kellan was the
one that probably fazed him the most.

Striding the few steps over to him, Kellan grabbed a thick
section of his chin-length hair and jerked Griffin’s face into his.
“Knock it off, Griffin, or I’ll knock it off for you.” His indigo
eyes dark and cold, Kellan searched Griffin’s face. By the chill in
his voice, I knew that Kellan wasn’t joking. He’d finally had
enough of Griffin teasing me, sexually assaulting me with his
comments.

As tension built up in the room, Evan placed a hand on Kellan’s
shoulder, trying to calm him down. Anna even tried to push Kellan
back a pace, but his face stony, Kellan kept Griffin about an inch
away from him. Griffin’s light blue eyes looked scared for a
moment…then he started laughing.

“Did you want another kiss, bro? All you had to do was ask.”

Rolling his eyes, Kellan finally released the idiot. The tension
in the room immediately dissolved as Griffin doubled over. “Dude,
you should have seen your face! That was awesome! I really thought
you were gonna hit me.” Kellan grunted and walked away as Griffin
stood straight and draped his arm over Anna. Pointing at Kellan’s
retreating back as he walked into the kitchen, Griffin laughed out,
“Say it again, Kell!” Mocking his voice, Griffin growled, “Knock it
off, or I’ll knock it off for you.”

Anna smacked him in the chest, but laughed a little too.
Sighing, Griffin shook his head. “Ah, that was classic.”

Once the boys had cleaned up and gotten their stuff ready, it
was time to head out. Kellan had already packed a bag and shoved it
in his trunk, probably figuring that the going away party might
turn into an overnight stay. I hadn’t, and still wearing my Pete’s
uniform under my jacket, I slid into Kellan’s Chevelle beside
him.

I hated the drive there. It was like how an army wife must feel,
driving her man off to war. Alright, I take that back, the
situations were nothing alike. Those women were living with the
potential knowledge that they may never see their husbands again.
What Kellan was doing wasn’t nearly so treacherous. But…it still
felt the same. And in all honesty, the possibility that I could
never see him again was there. Not because of him being killed in
battle, but because he could be swept away by fame.

He could be discovered by some record big-wig, offered the
world, then sent off to parts unknown to become a cog in the
entertainment industry wheel. He wouldn’t have time for me then.
And, if he was constantly surrounded by dying-to-please
star-effers…he may not want me then either.

Rolling my eyes as I watched the tail lights of Griffin’s van
and Evan’s car, I reminded myself that Kellan wasn’t interested in
a woman who only wanted
what
he was, and not
who
he was. He’d had that…for years…and he wanted more. He wanted me.
Even if this was his moment, he wouldn’t let us go. I just had to
keep believing that.

Setting his hand on my thigh, Kellan looked over at me. “It
won’t happen.”

I blinked as I looked over at him, wondering how he knew what I
was thinking. Smiling, he shook his head and pointed at me.
“Whatever bad scenario you’ve created in your head, where I become
a rich and famous douche and leave you high and dry…it won’t happen
that way.”

Frowning, I tilted my head at him. “I thought you said you
couldn’t read minds.”

Laughing, he twisted back to the road. “I can’t…I just know how
you think is all.” Peeking back at me, he added, “You think you’re
not enough for me. You think I’ll see all the hot tail in front of
me and I’ll dive into it without a moment’s hesitation. You think
I’ll cheat…because I won’t be able to help myself.”

He frowned and I sighed. Shaking my head, I said, “And now
you’re thinking that I’ll be so lonely and depressed, imagining you
with every starlet wannabe out there, that I’ll find comfort in
another man’s arms. You think I’ll cheat…because I’ll assume that
you already are.”

I frowned and he sighed, staring back to the road. “Well, aren’t
we a pair,” he muttered.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I whispered, “I won’t, Kellan.
Even if I do think that about you, and I’m not saying that I will
think that, but…either way, I won’t…I’m yours.”

Sighing, he laid his head over mine. “And I won’t…because I’ve
only ever been yours.”

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, desperately wanting to believe
him. Moments later, it seemed, we were there. Kellan pulled into a
parking stall next to Evan and shut the car off. We sat for a
moment in silence while Evan opened his door beside us. He rapped
on our window, a wide smile on his face. Jenny opened her side and
joined him, waving in our direction. As the pair met up with Matt,
Griffin, Rachel and Anna, Kellan and I still sat in his car,
enjoying the last moment of quiet before he had to go.

A few rows behind us in the lot, there was a flurry of activity.
Several guys, who I assumed were members of some of the other
bands, were bustling around three, long motor home-like busses. Men
in uniforms talked with a few; the bus drivers. There were a lot of
guys around, girls fawning over them as they said their goodbyes.
With only a few busses for so many people, I figured Kellan was
right when he said they’d be pretty packed. He may not know the
other band members now, but he certainly would by the end of the
tour. At least, with that many people already on board, there
wouldn’t be a lot of room for girls. Although…I suppose nothing
would stop them from caravanning after the busses, stopping at the
various ports along the way. That was a disheartening thought, and
I immediately pushed it to the back of my head.

As I looked back at the mass of people at the very edge of the
supermall parking lot, Kellan twisted the keys out of the ignition
and handed them to me. I blinked as I took them. “Take care of her
for me, okay?” His deep eyes seemed reluctant to let the keys go as
my fingers curled over them.

My eyes widened. “You’re giving me your car?”

Slightly frowning, he shook his head. “I’m just letting you
borrow her.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I’ll want her back.” I smiled a
little at the thought of cruising around in his muscle car and he
frowned. “Make sure you get the oil changed and fill her up with
premium…and don’t drive on the hills if it snows and no joy
riding…” Pondering for a moment, he quickly added, “And don’t let
Anna drive her.” Rolling his eyes, he muttered, “I’ve seen what she
did to Denny’s car.”

I smiled, my fingers tightening on the keys. No, I wouldn’t let
Anna turn another one of my boyfriend’s cars into her personal,
portable closet. “I won’t,” I whispered. “I’ll keep your baby in
mint condition, Kellan.”

He smiled that I’d personified his car, then sighed. “It just
seems a shame for her to sit in a driveway while you argue with
Anna over who gets that P.O.S. Honda.” Running his fingers through
my hair, he shook his head. “I want you to be able to get
to…wherever you need to go while I’m gone.”

Swallowing, I nodded. Somehow, Kellan handing over the rights to
his baby seemed more final than staring across the lot at his
future home for the next six months. My eyes stinging, I shoved the
keys in my pocket. Kellan’s eyes followed them for a second before
he finally cracked open his door. Reluctantly, I followed suit.

There was an excited buzz in the air as heavy equipment was
secured into a couple of trucks that would follow the busses.
Twenty-something boys everywhere were tucking bags and instruments
under the bus, jabbing and mocking each other, or kissing the few
women in the crowd.

Matt and Evan walked up to a couple of guys that I recognized.
They were in a bigger band with a couple of hits on the radio. I
loved their stuff, and sang along in the car whenever one of their
songs came on. Usually pretty loudly. Kellan had said they were
headlining the tour, but seeing them, and seeing people that I knew
talking to them, was totally surreal.

Grabbing his guitar case from the back seat, Kellan slung it
over his shoulder.  Once he’d retrieved his bag from the
trunk, he grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the
celebrities in our midst. I froze up, not wanting to go anywhere
near them.

He looked back at me, his brow furrowed. I shook my head and
whispered, “Don’t you know who they are?”

Kellan smiled and nodded. “Yeah, they’re sort of the reason
we’re on this tour. I was going to go say hello and thank them.”
Seeing my horror at the idea of talking to them, he tilted his
head. “I’ve heard you sing their stuff. Don’t you want to meet
them?”

I shook my head even harder. No, I tended to look like an idiot
meeting people. Meeting people I actually admired would
be…unimaginably mortifying. Laughing at my reluctance, Kellan
pulled my arm a little harder. “They’re just people, Kiera. They
started out as nobodies,” he laughed a little harder, “just like
me.” Raising an eyebrow in a devilish way, he yanked my body into
his side. “And you don’t seem to have a problem talking to me.”

I giggled despite myself and reluctantly let him lead me their
way. I was embarrassingly shaky when we stepped up to the pair of
bona fide rock stars. Before Kellan addressed them, he whispered in
my ear, “You’re trembling just like some of my fans do…I’m a little
jealous. I’ll try not to be offended that I don’t make
you…quiver.”

I busted out laughing, right as the men turned to look at us. My
cheeks flamed red-hot as they both bunched their brows like I was a
mental patient. God, I suck at introductions.

Lightly laughing himself, Kellan dropped his bag and stuck his
hand out; I clung to his other one like a lifeline. “Kellan Kyle,
D-Bag, I wanted to thank you for inviting us to this.”

The blonder of the two guys, Justin, the phenomenal lead singer
of the band, clasped Kellan’s hand and shook it. “Yeah, man, we’re
honored to have you. You guys rocked the festival.”

Kellan beamed. “Thanks.” Looking over at where I was slightly
hiding behind his shoulder, blatantly staring at the tattoo across
Justin’s collar bones, Kellan bumped my shoulder. “This is my
girlfriend, Kiera.” I glanced up at Kellan, wishing I could tell
him to shut up. He chuckled as he added, “She’s a huge fan of
yours…more so than she is of me, I think.”

Justin looked straight at me and I wanted to crawl into a hole.
He had pale eyes and they held the same amused look that Kellan got
when he ran into shivering, shaking female fans. Throwing on a
professional smile, Justin extended a hand out to me. I was
positive mine was clammy as all get out, and I really didn’t want
to gross him out by taking his, but I didn’t have a choice if I
didn’t want to offend him. So, reluctantly, I did.

Tilting his fabulous head of layered hair, Justin casually said,
“It’s always nice to meet a fan. What’s your favorite song?”

As his skin touched mine, all coherent thought left my brain. I
couldn’t think of a title of any of their songs. Not a damn one. I
stammered and stuttered, my cheeks heating to a nearly
uncomfortable level until I finally spat out, “I like them
all…”

Kellan quietly laughed at me while I realized that I’d been
shaking the rock star’s hand for an inordinately long amount of
time. Dropping it, I cuddled into Kellan’s side, again wishing I
could disappear. Justin and his friend looked over at Kellan and
Justin clapped him on the shoulder. “Well, we’re just about ready
to roll. We’ll see you later.”

Kellan nodded and the two walked off to enter the first bus in
line. That had been just as embarrassing as I thought it would be…I
wanted to die. After they were gone, Kellan peered down at me, an
eyebrow raised. “You couldn’t think of one song, could you?” I
sighed and shrugged and Kellan rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure how I
feel about another man making you so nervous.” Slinging his arms
around my waist, he smiled. “I want to be the one that makes you
sweat.”

Rubbing my hands on my pants, my eyes widened. “Oh my God, was I
sweaty?”

Kellan squatted down to meet my eye, his lips pursed. Laughing
at the expression on his face, I exhaled a calming breath and
looped my arms around his neck. “I am your biggest fan, Kellan
Kyle.” Leaning in, I kissed him. “And don’t you forget it.”

Languidly kissing me back, he murmured, “Well, I do aim to
please the fans.” He slid his tongue into my mouth, but I smacked
his shoulder on principle. He chuckled, pulling my body into his
and I melted, letting his passion seep into me. My hands tangling
into his wonderfully shaggy hair, I lost myself in the moment, in
his body. Just as our kiss was intensifying, and I started hoping
that he’d press me into the bus and claim me again, Kellan’s
shoulder was tapped on.

“Uh, man, it’s time to go.”

We broke apart and glanced over at Evan. Jenny was attached to
his side, slight tears in her eyes as she clung to him. Behind him,
Matt was quietly saying goodbye to Rachel, both of them lightly
kissing in-between words that I couldn’t hear. Griffin had Anna
pressed against the bus.

Kellan nodded as Evan reached down and picked up Kellan’s bag
for him, giving us a few extra moments. Straightening, Evan gave me
a swift goodbye hug and then he and Jenny walked to the doors of
bus number three. Not able to watch their painful goodbye, since my
own painful goodbye was upon me, I jerked my head back to Kellan.
He swallowed and brought his eyes back to mine. Cupping my cheeks,
he looked over my face, memorizing me.

“This isn’t goodbye, okay. There are no goodbyes…not between
us.” Whispering intensely, he lowered his forehead to rest it
against mine. The scent of him overwhelmed me and I inhaled it,
savoring it. Tears were already stinging my eyes when he continued.
“This tour is just me being gone for another show…a really long
one. But when it’s over, I’m coming home to you, to slip into your
warm, inviting bed, like I always do…”

I nodded, not having any words.

He swallowed again and closed his eyes. “I’ll still be with you
every night, Kiera. Every night, no matter where I am, I’m crawling
into bed with you. Our bed will be a lot bigger, miles wide, but it
will still just be me and you inside it…okay?”

I nodded again and he whispered, “This doesn’t have to change
anything…if we don’t let it.” Swallowing, he choked out, “So let’s
not let it, all right?”

Tears sliding down my cheeks, I sputtered, “All right…”

Pulling apart from me, his own eyes moist, he searched my face
again. “Are you okay?”

Feeling the weight of his absence crushing down on me, I choked
on a sob. Hating myself, but not able to stop the words from
forming, I shook my head in his hands. “No, no I’m not okay. I
changed my mind. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want this. I don’t
want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. I want you to
give it all up and stay here with me…please.”