Effortless (23 page)

I frowned, wishing for a moment that we could spend the entire
time apart connected on the phone. I knew that was horribly
impractical, though. “Okay…I love you.”

He sighed, the sound a happy and content one. “I love you, too.
I’ll call you later tonight.”

I nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see me. “Okay…bye.”

“Bye.” He disconnected and the rambunctious laughter in the
background faded. I sighed, then smiled. At least I’d get to hear
from him a lot while he was gone. And maybe, if I someday felt
brave enough, we’d try that phone sex thing. I
was
insanely curious to hear what he’d sound like, making love from a
distance…and I could always fake my end of it anyway.

Sighing as I popped the phone back in my jacket, my pocket
feeling warmer just having the connection to Kellan inside it, I
smiled and wrapped my fingers around the wheel. The power of the
car reminded me of the power in the man who owned it. Sleek and
sexy, strong and hard, it fit Kellan perfectly, and I knew I’d
think of him whenever I went anywhere inside it.

In a much better mood than I’d ever thought possible, I headed
over to Pete’s Bar, to remove all traces of my boyfriend from it.
That thought managed to bring down my good mood a smidge.

Parking in Kellan’s traditional spot, I shut off his car. I
pictured his sexy half-smile as I sat there a second. Then my
window was rapped on and I jerked back to the moment. Anna smiled
at me, waving her hand in a signal for me to get out of the car.
Inhaling the lingering scent of him, knowing that I needed to get a
handle on my rotating emotions, I pushed open his heavy door.

Anna slung her arm over my shoulder as Jenny and Rachel got out
of Evan’s car, laughing over some story they’d been telling on the
ride over. Smiling at my friends and family, I perked back up.
Almost our own quartet, the D-Bag-ettes, we strolled through the
double doors. Nearly expecting the reaction Kellan and the guys got
when they busted through the doors, I was a little disappointed
when not one person in the lunch crowd looked our way.

Troy, back to his normal daytime hours at the bar, waved at us.
His face was forlorn, like he missed Kellan too. I almost wanted to
go over and hug him, talk to him about the man we both mutually
crushed on, but considering that I had Kellan’s heart and poor Troy
never would…I thought that might be mean. Best to leave the man
alone to his grief.

Jenny waved at the elderly waitresses that had been here since
the bar’s conception, or so it seemed, as the group of us headed to
the darkened stage. The black wall covered in guitars behind the
equipment we were tearing down seemed a bit morose today, or maybe
that was just my lingering mood. Stepping up onto the worn-with-use
oak, I walked up to Kellan’s mic, alone in the center. Running my
hand up the shaft, I imagined Kellan’s fingers doing the same.

Twisting to face the crowd largely ignoring us, I tried to
picture what he felt standing up here. Looking out over the now
empty dance floor, I tried to imagine it packed with people, as it
normally was when the boys played. Just the thought made my stomach
twist. I didn’t get how he could do this. And now he’d be playing
even bigger venues…it boggled my mind.

Gripping the mic at the top of the stand, the sound equipment
set way too tall for me, I mentally photographed my rock star
boyfriend.

“You wanna sing something, before we tear it down?” I looked
over at Jenny. She was watching me as she twisted some of Evan’s
drum sticks in her hands.  Smiling as she walked over to sit
behind Evan’s drums, she pointed to Kellan’s microphone. “We could
play one of theirs.” She laughed a little. “We could be their cover
band.”

I paled at the idea, but Anna thought it was a great plan, and
immediately strung Griffin’s bass guitar over her shoulder.
Chuckling softly, Rachel picked Matt’s guitar off its stand and
looped it over her shoulder. Then they all looked expectantly at
me, like I was actually the leader of this fake band.

I shook my head, but Jenny started clicking off a beat with her
sticks. Then they all started playing. I was so busy laughing, I
couldn’t be embarrassed. There was one thing that even a cover band
needed to know how to do, to be successful—they needed to know how
to play, and none of us did. As Jenny made random hits on various
drums, Anna plucked whatever chord struck her fancy on her
unplugged instrument. Rachel strummed hers like she held a ukulele.
I heartily laughed.

A few eating patrons glanced up at us, but since nothing was
powered up, and Jenny was smacking the set as softly as she could,
we really weren’t making that much noise. They all went back to
their meals and conversations. Still curious about being a rock
star, about what that would feel like, I closed my eyes and started
singing one of Kellan’s songs. Well, singing was a stretch. I was
murmuring, my voice nearly lost in the chaos around me.

At hearing my band mates giggle, I opened my eyes. They were all
smiling at me, rocking out harder on their borrowed instruments.
Grinning, courage building in me the longer I was up here, I
unfastened the mic from the stand and raised my voice…a little.

Mimicking the moves I’d seen Kellan do a thousand times, I
started to pretend that I was him. My eyes swung over the empty
patch where the crowds would have been, and I pictured them there,
cheering for me. I even pictured Kellan among them, grinning
crookedly and shaking his head at me. I focused my attention on the
mental image I had of him, trying to be sexy for him, since he so
often was for me.

My imagined version of Kellan smiled wider and bit his lip. I
heard whistled encouragement from behind me and the picture of him
in my head vanished. I giggled over at Anna, nodding at me as she
faked her way through playing a D-Bag classic. My cheeks heating, I
switched my view to Rachel, merrily strumming away like we were
doing a skit at summer camp. Jenny behind me started playing her
version of a disorganized solo and I giggled mid-sentence at the
musical mess we were making.

When the song was over, I made a small bow, the girls joining
me. From across the bar I heard a small splattering of applause.
Looking up, Troy was clapping, beaming at us. I laughed,
embarrassment flooding me, but held back from completely absorbing
me by a flash of pride. I’d done it. I’d sung on stage. Granted, I
wasn’t plugged in and no one but Troy had really been listening,
but still, I felt like I could cross it off my bucket list now.

Kellan would be so proud. I couldn’t wait to tell him.

After our jam session, the girls and I finally got everything
squished into Griffin’s van. I sighed when we all looked at the
empty stage before us. It was dark and lonely now, as its owners
traveled farther and farther away. I wasn’t even sure where they
were right now. Matt had given us all a tour schedule and their
first show was tonight in Spokane, on the very east side of Eastern
Washington. I figured that they were probably close to heading up
the mountain passes by now. The same passes that Denny and I had
traveled on the way over here. The same mountains that had brought
me to the place where one love had eventually superseded another,
was now taking that love away.

Interesting, how life had a way of coming full circle.

Jenny beside me sighed in a melancholy way that matched my own.
Suddenly straightening, she turned and dashed out of the front
doors. We all watched her leave, curious over her sudden departure.
When she came back a few minutes later, holding a large poster
frame under her arm, she was beaming.

I smiled as she walked up to me. “I nearly forgot I brought
this.” Twisting the poster around so we could all see it, she
displayed the finished artwork that she’d been doing in class—the
drawing of the band. I nearly had tears in my eyes as I gazed at
her perfect recreation of Kellan. Nodding at the stage, she smiled.
“It’s wrong to leave that stage without a piece of them up there,
right?”

I eagerly nodded and helped her rearrange some of the decorative
guitars hanging on the wall so we could hang it. After centering
it, we took a step back and admired her handiwork. She’d turned her
pencil drawing into a stunning black and white sketch. It was
incredible. She really did have a knack for it. 

Nearly wanting to place a kiss on the lifelike vision of my
boyfriend, I slung my arm around Jenny’s shoulders. “It’s perfect,
Jenny.” Laughing a little, I added, “I think the boys may not be
the only famous people to come out of this bar.”

She flushed and laughed, looking down. “It’s alright, I guess.”
Staring at it in awe, Anna and Rachel both assured her that it was
better than alright.

Before leaving for a few hours, since Jenny and I both had to
work tonight, we said goodbye to the staff we didn’t spend too much
time with—Sal, the part owner of the bar, Hun and Sweetie, the
longtime waitresses, and lastly, Troy. He seemed brighter with the
addition of Jenny’s portrait on the back wall, and I smiled that at
least we’d made him feel a little better.

Getting back into our respective cars, we headed out to Evan’s.
Mechanic girl was walking across the lot when I pulled up in
Kellan’s car. Her eyes instantly swung to the Chevelle. She looked
highly disappointed when I stepped out of the vehicle, and not her
former…whatever. She waved at me, then stepped into the shop. Maybe
she was going to go write her book: Groupie lovin’ 101.

Sighing, I rolled my eyes. After grabbing instruments from
Griffin’s van, I followed Jenny and Rachel up to the loft, Anna
trailing behind us. I knew I was being too hard on mechanic girl,
especially since I wasn’t even really sure if she had been with
Kellan or not. And even if she had, it was in his past and it
shouldn’t really matter anymore. I was being jealous without good
reason…and I needed to stop doing that if Kellan and I were going
to work as a couple.

Evan’s place was oddly bare when we stepped into it. Having
taken their travelling instruments on the road, only Evan’s drum
set remained. All of the various groups on the tour had decided to
share some drums, instead of each band bringing their own, so Evan
had left both of his sets here in Seattle. Being used to playing
other people’s equipment, Evan had seemed fine with it. I smiled,
thinking of Kellan lugging his guitar onto the bus. He’d never
settle for playing on just anybody’s.

As I was setting down Griffin’s bass, I saw a small note taped
on the back. Now, normally, I wouldn’t touch anything of Griffin’s,
even handling his instrument was questionable, but the note had my
name on it. Curiosity getting the better of me, I tore off the
securely held piece of paper. Unfolding it, I cringed, waiting for
some horrific comment from the crude bassist. I was pleasantly
surprised at what I discovered, though.

I know you hate touching anything of Griffin’s, so I thought
I’d make it a little more bearable for you. Thank you for doing
this. I love you, Kellan.

Grinning like an idiot, I tucked the note into my pocket. Warmth
flooded through me, both from the fact that he knew me so well, in
regards to Griffin, and also from the fact that he’d been thinking
about me far enough in advance to plan leaving that message behind.
He must have put it there prior to the show. Biting my lip, I
wondered if this was also a part of his plan. I wondered what else
I might find, tucked here and there, just waiting for me to
discover them.

We got all the instruments and equipment brought in with only a
couple of trips to the van. After Jenny arranged Evan’s second drum
set next to his first one, she sighed and came over to rest her
head on my shoulder. Placing my hand over the normally perky
blonde’s head, I offered what comfort I could. As much as Kellan
and the boys missed us, being left behind was so much harder than
leaving. I knew we’d all be sifting through our emotional baggage
for a while, finding a new mood every ten minutes. Jenny confirmed
that for me by brightly popping her head up.

“Oh, we have to remember to pay the neighbors.”

I stared at her blankly, not having a clue what she meant. Rent
or something? Noticing my puzzled expression, she shook her head.
“You know, Matt and Griffin’s neighbors.” Still confused, I shook
mine. Jenny tilted her head. “Kellan didn’t tell you what he
did?”

Narrowing my brows, I wondered just what he’d done. “No…”

Laughing a little at my sullen tone, she pointed out the window,
to the direction of Matt and Griffin’s suburban utopia. “He paid
all the neighbors to not call the cops if the party got a
little…noisy.”

My mouth lowered. “He paid all the…what?”

Jenny shrugged. “Well, since he knew the party would get started
late, I guess he figured it would go until the early morning. Most
suburbanites aren’t okay with that, so he gave them money to
encourage them to let it go for one night.” She shrugged again. “He
said if they did, he’d double the amount. We’re supposed to deliver
that payment.”

I shook my head at how much that must have cost him. And all so
he could give everyone a good time on the band’s last night in
town. Shaking my head, I glanced out the window. “That must have
cost him a fortune.” I looked back at Jenny. “Is that even
legal?”

Jenny shrugged. “I don’t know, but I told him I’d take care of
it. He left some money here…somewhere.”

As Jenny began to search for the envelope padded with hush
money, I frowned and put my hands on my hips. “Why didn’t he ask
me?” I muttered.

Anna, resting on the couch with her feet up, heard me. “Probably
because he knew you’d get that look on your face, and object to him
throwing his money away.”

She smirked after she said it and I frowned at her. Damn right,
I objected. But still…I was his girlfriend, not Jenny. Slipping
money under people’s doors should have been my job.  Laughter
swung my attention around. Jenny and Rachel were in the corner of
the room reserved as the kitchen, and were staring into a can of
coffee grounds, chuckling.

Curious, I walked over to them. Jenny shook her head, pulling a
thick envelope out of the can. “Kellan and his coffee,” she
murmured.

I flushed, my own memories of Kellan, coffee, and an espresso
stand that I’d never forget, mixed erotically in my head. Not
noticing my face, Jenny opened the envelope and did a quick count
of the cash. When she got to the end of the wad, she pulled out a
piece of paper. Seeing my name on the outside, she looked up and
handed it to me.

“Here, it’s for you.”

I smiled as I grabbed it. I smiled even more reading it.

Don’t be angry. I asked Jenny to do this because I knew
you’d be upset with me for spending so much money. I had to,
though. I had to give you a memorable evening, and preferably one
that didn’t end with us all being arrested…although, seeing you in
handcuffs…

Anyway, please don’t be mad. I did it for you. You deserved
a good night last night. You deserve everything. I love you, I miss
you. Kellan.

Gazing stupidly at his handwriting across the paper, I didn’t
notice the person reading over my shoulder. I noticed when she
shoved me forward. “Goddamn, he’s sweet. I really wouldn’t have
expected that from him.”

Folding the note, I looked back at Anna. She giggled and hugged
me. Kissing my head, she added, “You’re one freaking lucky girl,
sis. I hope you know that.”

Smiling, I raised my chin a bit. “I do.”

Squeezing my shoulders, Anna laughed a little harder. “And I’m
lucky, too. I’m going to have the hottest brother-in-law on the
planet!”

I playfully pushed her away from me. “We’re not…he’s not…”

Slinging her arm around Jenny, Anna continued undaunted. “Can’t
you just picture what my nieces and nephews are going to look
like?” Jenny laughed as Anna sighed. “Those deep blue eyes, that
jaw, those lips…”

“That hair,” Rachel quietly added.

I flushed and smacked my sister on the arm. She was the one that
had started this little, embarrassing conversation, and as family,
I had the right, no…duty…to wail on her; I was pretty sure that had
been covered in my ethics class.

Stepping away from me, Anna leaned over to Rachel. “And you know
I’m going to have loads and loads of them, because their parents
can’t keep their hands off each other.” As I covered my face with
my hands and shook my head, Anna sighed again. “I’ll have to get a
bigger place, just so all the beautiful little babies can visit
me.”

Removing my hands, I rolled my eyes. Anna shrugged. “Just
saying.” As I turned to leave the loft, since we were finished with
the instruments, I heard my sister murmur to the girls, “I cannot
wait to see our dad’s expression when he finds out that a rock star
impregnated his daughter…it’s going to be epic.”

They were all laughing as I left the room, my body heating at
just the thought of one day carrying Kellan’s child. It was a very
nice thought. I wondered how Kellan felt about having kids… Hmmm,
maybe I should wonder about how he felt about getting married.
First things first and all.

I smiled as I opened the door to his Chevelle. I’d never truly
considered marriage with Denny. Maybe because we’d been so young,
maybe because I always knew he’d never agree to it until he was
settled in his career. With him, it had just seemed a far off goal
that we’d eventually reach one day, and I hadn’t felt the need to
make that day come any faster than was necessary. But with
Kellan…well, my heart beat faster at just the thought of a ring on
my finger. And aside from the honor of being his wife, a ring on
him
would be a back-off symbol to every other girl out
there.

I paused as I reached the key to the ignition. I didn’t like
that thought. I didn’t want to marry him just so he’d be “off the
market.” I wanted to marry him because he was my world. And he
was…but there was an ulterior motive in me being his wife and I
didn’t like myself for it. I guess I wasn’t ready yet. I had to get
over wanting to stake a claim on him first. I had to be so
comfortable in our relationship that no one outside of it
mattered.

I had to learn to trust him.

We both had to learn to trust each other…and this tour was just
what we needed, really. It provided an opportunity for us both to
stray. I knew I wouldn’t, and I prayed that Kellan wouldn’t, but
either way, we’d know for sure after this.

Anna had to go to work so she headed home, but Jenny, Rachel and
I completed Kellan’s task for him. Giggling, we stuffed envelopes
with thank you notes into the cracks of people’s doors. None of us
wanted to knock on the doors to deliver the money personally, since
we really weren’t sure about the legality of it all. We felt a
little spy-like dropping off the payment money, and I started to
think that this was another thing I could cross off my bucket list.
At this rate, I’d complete the entire thing while Kellan was gone.
Well, except for the growing old with someone I loved part…I’d need
him for that one.

Luckily, Matt and Griffin’s place was backed against a
greenbelt, so we only had to worry about the neighbors on either
side and across the street. We were finished in no time. The last
door we went to was the home of a sweet elderly lady. Jenny was
trying to get the envelope to stay in the closed crack of the door
when it suddenly opened.

The wrinkled woman smiled warmly at us and held her hand out for
the envelope. “Ah, good, my bingo money, as promised.”

Jenny and I glanced at each other and then Jenny handed over the
wad of sealed cash. Taking it, the stooped woman tried to lift
herself up to her full height and look over the top of us. Rachel
quickly ducked down behind me, trying to hide from the woman that I
was pretty sure couldn’t see farther than a few feet anyway.