Effortless (27 page)

I exhaled in a rush, not really wanting to talk about this, but
knowing I’d opened the can and Kellan wouldn’t let it go until all
of the worms were back inside it. “No, I overheard her and Rita
comparing notes.” I said Rita’s name a bit harshly and clamped my
mouth shut. God, the harpy was coming out of me today.

Kellan sighed. “Oh…did you know about Rita already?” he
whispered that, his voice really tentative.

“Yes.” The word came out short, clipped, and I forced myself to
relax. History…future. I needed to remember that mantra.

Kellan was silent for a second and I nearly wanted to apologize
for bringing it up. He spoke before I could. “I’m sorry, Kiera. I
never wanted you to have to hear about…them. If I could stop the
gossiping, you know I would.”

I sighed and laid back on my bed, propping my feet up. “You
don’t have to apologize, Kellan. It’s…water under the bridge,
really.” Shaking my head, I tried to change the subject. “What
about you, what have you been up to?”

He was quiet a moment, then murmured, “Just shows and traveling.
I’m so sorry I haven’t had a chance to come home yet. With us on
the road between shows, there just hasn’t been enough time to fly
back to you.”

I exhaled, the sound wistful to my ears. “I know. I miss you…so
much.” I closed my eyes.

He chuckled, his voice husky. “I miss you, too. I have the
wildest dreams about you. You would not believe the hard-ons I wake
up with.”

My eyes sprang open as I listened to him chuckle in my ear. My
body heated at his words. I imagined his response to his dreams and
my response to my dreams. It warmed me that we were both waking
up…unsatisfied. “Me too,” I whispered, my face heating worse than
my body. He laughed a little more and I slapped my hand over my
eyes. “I mean, I’m not hard, but…” I groaned, hating the words that
sometimes left my mouth.

In a low, seductive growl, he murmured, “Yeah, I know what you
mean. I wish I was there, to touch you when you woke up that way. I
wish I could feel how much you miss me.”

I bit my lip, my fingers running over my mouth. Barely above a
whisper, I said, “I wish you were too…”

He exhaled in a groan. “God, your voice…I’m hard right now,
Kiera. I wish you could touch me.”

My breath picking up, I heard myself murmur, “I want to.” I had
no idea if I meant that I wanted to touch him, or that I wanted to
continue with where I thought this conversation might be going.

He paused for a second. When he spoke again, there was a heat in
his voice that made me melty and gooey; it made me squirm. “Oh,
Kiera…I want you so bad…what do you want me to do?”

Covering my eyes, I bit my lip. Oh my God, I could not do this.
Feeling moronic, I whispered, “Touch it, pretend it’s me.” Oh God,
I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again.

I was expecting Kellan to chuckle, but he didn’t, instead I
heard some rustling around and I swear—a zipper un-zipping. Oh,
damn…

He hissed in a breath, releasing it with a gasp. “Oh, I’m so
hard…it feels so good. What now?”

Not believing this was happening, I swallowed. “Stroke it.” I
didn’t just actually say that…did I?

He moaned in my ear, his breath faster. “Kiera…God…feels so
good…I wish I was wet, though, like I am when I’m inside you.”

I groaned, biting my knuckle. Jesus, was he really…? Insanely
glad my sister was asleep, I whispered, “Do you have anything that
would…?”

In a strained voice, his breath hitching, he gasped out,
“Yeah…hold on.” I heard a distinctly squishy noise and wondered
just what sort of lubricant Kellan had on hand…and why. When he
spoke again though, I couldn’t have cared less. “Oh…God…yes, it’s
warm…like you. You feel so good, wrapped around me…”

Aching myself now, I moaned a little. He was pretending, maybe I
should too? “Do you want to touch me, Kellan?”

“Oh God, yes, please. I need to feel that warm, wet skin…I need
to be inside you…”

Holy…hell. I ran my hand down my stomach, but I couldn’t quite
make myself go any further. I was far too embarrassed, even alone.
Kellan didn’t know that though. “Does it feel good?” he
groaned.

“Yes,” I whispered. All of me felt tingly and nice, so that
wasn’t really a lie.

His breath increased. “Oh God, I need it harder…faster…”

“Yes, I whispered again. “Do it, do it faster…” I had to
ceaselessly move my legs I was aching so bad, but I still hesitated
to go through with my end of this.

Kellan, however, was not hesitating at all. “Oh, God, yes…don’t
stop…that feels so good, please don’t stop…” I moaned again,
re-biting my knuckle so hard I thought I might break the skin. He
groaned deep, his breath in a pant. “I want to come…Kiera…come with
me…”

I ran my hand back through my hair. Oh my God…he really was…

“Okay,” I whispered, my voice husky. “Harder, Kellan, I need
more of you in me,” I murmured, my hand drifting back down to my
stomach.

That got him going. “Yes…God, Kiera, you’re so sexy, you feel so
good. I’m in you…right now…can you feel me? Can you feel how deep I
am?”

I groaned, louder than before and my hand strayed to the edge of
my underwear. “God, Kellan, you’re perfect…so perfect.” My voice
gained in strength as some of my inhibitions started leaving me. I
wanted him. I wanted to do this. I wanted to finish this…together.
“Yes, yes, take me…”

“Oh my God, Kiera, I’m almost there…come with me…”

“Yes, Kellan, do it…come for me…” Not believing I said that, I
finally tucked a finger on the inside of my underwear.

That was when I heard something that dashed some cold water on
my hot little moment. Kellan stopped breathing heavy and the phone
muffled. Quieter than he’d been, but still loud enough to hear, I
heard him say, “I’ll have a Denver omelet…thank you.”

I sat up in my bed, covering myself with my hands like we’d just
gotten walked in on. Before he spoke to me again, I snapped out,
“Kellan Kyle! Are you in a restaurant?”

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call this a restaurant…greasy spoon
maybe.” His breath was still a little fast, but way more calm than
it had been.

I closed my eyes, running my hand down my face. “Please tell me
you are not about to be arrested for indecent exposure.”

He laughed a little. “No, I’m not.”

I dropped my hand to my knee, floored. “You faked all that? Why
would you do that to me?” I brought my knees to my chest, feeling
sort of weird. He’d told me before when he’d faked a sexual act
that it hadn’t been his first time, but, damn…

Kellan sighed. “I never expected you to go along with it and
when you did, well, I wasn’t about to stop you from having your
moment.” In a whisper he added, “Even if I can’t come right now…I
want you to.”

I bit my lip, feeling a little bad. I’d been faking it, too. “I
may have been exaggerating my part in it…but I was thinking about
it.”

Kellan laughed. “Well, we’ll call that a practice round then.
Next time…I’ll be somewhere private and you will actually touch
yourself. Deal?”

I flushed, feeling that embarrassment creep back up. “Yeah,” I
mumbled.

I heard a voice in the background that sounded vaguely familiar.
Sitting ramrod straight, I whispered, “Oh my God, please tell me
that you’re sitting alone.”

Kellan paused. I could almost hear him debating on whether or
not to answer me. “Um, well, no…the guys are here…and Justin. He
says hey, by the way.”

“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, disconnecting the phone in my
mortification. Not only had he faked that little moment, but he’d
faked it in front of his friends
and
the celebrity that I
knew I’d never be able to look in the eye again. God…men…

A week later, I was at my parents’ place, staring at their
Christmas tree, ticking down the minutes in my head. Ever since
arriving in the town of my birth early in the week, I’d been hoping
that Kellan could join me. Sure, I’d have to do some fanciful fast
talk to get my dad to concede on letting him sleep in the house,
but even if he had to stay at a nearby motel, at least he’d be with
me, and not…who knows where.

But the guys were being kept busy right up until nearly the end.
Just last night, the eve before Christmas Eve, he’d played a show
in New York. It had been their largest show to date, and Kellan had
been all excited energy when he’d finally called me…at four in the
morning. Now that our time zones were closer together, he was
calling me after I was asleep. I didn’t mind though, groggily
murmuring some sort of response to his stories.

My sister came out and joined me on our mom’s plastic-coated
couch. It squeaked a bit when she sat down. Looping her arm over my
shoulders, she handed me a cup of spiced coffee. I took it, smiling
as I watched the blinking Christmas lights reflecting in the white
ceramic. The scent of cinnamon wafted up, reminding me of multiple
things—baking with my mom, the candles my grandma burned non-stop,
and of course, Kellan. Anything with coffee always reminded me of
Kellan.

Clinking our cups, Anna smiled brightly. “Merry Christmas,
Kiera.”

I tilted my head at her as I took a sip. “Merry Christmas,
Anna.”

Looking outside, to the light snow that was starting to fall,
Anna shivered. “You excited to finally see Kellan again? It’s been
what…almost two months?”

I sighed and leaned back into the couch. “Yeah.” It had actually
gone by quicker than I thought it would. Kellan’s little scavenger
hunt had eased the time passing, along with his phone calls and
periodic texts. If anything, Kellan was good at keeping in touch.
It helped. It let me know that he missed me, too.

Anna sighed and leaned back with me. “Yeah, I miss those guys.”
She frowned after she said it and I leaned into her side. Other
than a few phone calls and quite a few snapshots of Griffin’s junk,
Anna hadn’t gotten much out of her pseudo-boyfriend. He wasn’t even
coming out to see her for Christmas, which I was sort of glad
about. He and Matt were visiting their family in California, while
Evan was going home to see Jenny.  Rachel was flying out to
seeing Matt in L.A., but Anna hadn’t shown any interest in flying
out to meet up with Griffin. Plus, I was pretty sure Griffin hadn’t
asked her to.

“I’m sure Griffin misses you, Anna. He wouldn’t still text you
if he didn’t.” I hoped that sounded encouraging, but really, their
relationship still mystified me.

Anna rolled her eyes and scoffed, bringing her feet up onto the
couch that our mom was anal about keeping clean. “Whatever…I’ll see
him when I see him.” Her voice was a little strained and I thought
she almost looked misty-eyed…but I couldn’t really tell.

Shaking her head, she looked over at me. “When’s Kellan coming
up?”

I looked out the living room archway to the kitchen, to see if
either of our parents was listening. Mom was carving up a turkey,
the sound of her electric cutting knife filling the air.
Occasionally I could hear her snapping at Dad to stay out of the
olives. Smiling, I figured they were engrossed in their own
activities and couldn’t hear me. I didn’t want to bring up Kellan’s
arrival any more than I had to.

“Don’t know.” I lifted the phone I had in my other hand. “He’s
going to call when he knows for sure.” As if on cue, the cell
buzzed in my palm. I blinked at the contraption as Anna started
laughing.

Shaking my head at Kellan and his timing, I read the text
message on my screen.
‘I can’t wait to see you tonight. I’ll be
in around nine. Should I meet you at your parents’ place?’

Giggling that this was actually going to happen, I texted back a
reply that was horribly impractical.
‘No, have the cab take you
here…’

I texted him the address of my most favorite park in all the
world. I knew it was romantic and sappy, meeting up at a secluded
spot instead of just having him come straight here, but he’d been
gone for an eternity, and I wanted to shower him in affection
before introducing him to my parents. Plus, he
had
said
that he wanted to see all of the places I loved.

‘Okay, it’s a date. I love you.’

I texted that I loved him too, then held the phone to my chest
as I sighed contently. God, I’d missed him. Anna just stared at me,
an eyebrow raised. “Huh,” she muttered.

Adjusting my posture so I didn’t look so school girlish, I shook
my head. “Huh, what?”

She smiled, then kissed my head. “Nothing…you’ve just got it
bad, Kiera.” She frowned, just slightly. “I hope…I hope you get
what you want.”

I started to ask her what she meant but she stood up and left
the room. Maybe she was just starting to have twisting feelings
about Griffin and she was transferring that doubt onto my
relationship with Kellan. If she knew something…I was sure she’d
tell me right away. Sister’s code and all.

The rest of that day went by so slowly that I felt like another
couple of months had gone by. Kellan and I being together again,
even if it was just for one night, and he had to leave again
tomorrow, was the best Christmas gift I could have asked for.
Better than any material object in the world.

Everyone dressed in their finest for our Christmas Eve meal. It
was just the four of us, but we’d always fancied the meal up like
we were serving the Queen; Mom even brought out the good china. Dad
dressed in his favorite sweater vest, looking very academic and
proper, like he should be in a leather-bound chair, smoking a pipe
while discussing Thoreau. Mom put on her pearls, her dress neatly
steamed and pressed. I scrounged through my old closet and found a
simple black dress. Anna outdid us all in a sleek, fitted red dress
that she nearly spilled out of.

Glancing at the clock on the wall as the food was set so
appealingly that even Martha Stewart would be proud, Mom said,
“Should we wait for Kellan, dear?”

My dad twisted his lips, not thrilled that a lazy, drug-smoking
rocker was about to throw off his Christmas traditions. I didn’t
bother telling him, again, that Kellan wasn’t like that. Instead, I
sighed at the seven o’clock time staring me in the face. “No, he’s
still a couple of hours away. I’ll save him some for when he gets
here.”

Mom nodded and began serving slices of poultry. Dad raised an
eyebrow at me. “You know, we never fully went over where he’ll be
staying, Kiera…it won’t be with you.”

Sighing, I looked down. “I know, Dad…no boys in the house.”
Geez, you’d think I was still fifteen.

Anna crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t be ridiculous, Dad.
Where exactly is he supposed to stay?” She pointed her finger out
the window, to the main part of the city of Athens in the distance.
“There were no rooms at the inn on Christmas Eve, remember?”

“Anna,” Mom warned, her visage disapproving of my sister’s
analogy.

Anna sighed and shrugged. “Just saying, things are going to be
full. You can’t just kick him out if he’s got nowhere to be…that’s
not very merry.” I smiled, loving that Anna was sticking up for
him. Remaining quiet, since Anna could sometimes sway our parents
more easily than I could, I watched my dad frown, then
consider.

Rubbing his lip, he thought for a moment. Finally, he raised his
eyes to me. “He can stay in the tent out back. I’ll set it up after
dinner.”

“A tent? Dad!” I finally exclaimed. “It’s snowing outside…he’ll
freeze to death.” Crossing my arms now, I added, “You were going to
let Denny stay with me last year…in my room.”

Dad sighed heavily, like he was conceding a great defeat. He
couldn’t really argue with me on that point. My parents had acted
hastily last year, in their attempt to lure me to their place when
they thought I’d decided to go to Australia with Denny. Things
hadn’t worked out that way, but still, the offer had been made.
They should honor it, no matter who I was with.

Shaking his head, Dad muttered, “That was different. We knew
Denny…and he was a good man. Made some bad decisions, left you
alone when he shouldn’t have, but…a good man, I think.”

I sighed as Mom silently filled my plate. “Yes, Denny’s a good
man…and so is Kellan.” Looking at the both of them, I shrugged.
“You just have to give him a chance.” Dad sighed again and I added,
“Please…I really love him.”

Mom paused, placing a hand on my shoulder and peeking at my dad.
He looked up at her, sighed again, then muttered, “Fine, he can
stay in the house…” he pointed at me, “but he doesn’t go up to your
room…ever, and he sleeps on the couch!”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t press my luck. Just Dad agreeing to
him staying in the building was a huge victory. Anna smiled at me
as she popped a forkful of stuffing in her mouth. She raised her
eyebrows suggestively and I knew exactly what she was
thinking—
Don’t worry, I’ll cover for you.

After a leisurely dinner and a good helping of pecan pie, it was
finally time to meet up with Kellan at my favorite park. I was
giddy, thinking over how romantic the moment was going to be. After
I quickly threw on some warm clothes for my date, Dad sullenly gave
me his car keys, complaining the whole while that Kellan should
meet me here if he were truly a gentleman. Sighing for the
hundredth time, I explained that it was my idea to meet in the
park, that I’d wanted to show him a small bit of Ohio
University.

Being a proud Alma Mater, that perked Dad up a bit. He watched
me carefully as I took the keys though, and it was quite clear that
he’d be listening for my return all night long. I sighed, the
private part of our reunion was going to be a brief one. Getting
into my dad’s Volvo, I started my drive.

The roads were kept pretty clear, so I didn’t have too much
difficulty traversing through the falling snow. Within minutes I
was at our meeting place. The parking area was empty as I looked
around, but that wasn’t too surprising. It was late on Christmas
Eve. Most people were snug in their beds, waiting for the big
morning, not having a romantic rendezvous in a public place.
Feeling an excitement starting to course through me, I started to
make my way through the park.

The freshly falling snow was adding a soft layer to the few
inches already covering the ground. I wanted to run to the spot
where I knew Kellan would be, but I resisted. Looking around the
park, I hoped the directions that I’d texted to him about an hour
ago, were good enough for him to find this specific spot. Walking
across the snowy lawn, my boots crunching a path through the pure
white, I came up to a bench in front of a small duck pond. Even
though I’d spent countless hours at this park while I’d been
attending school here, this place oddly reminded me of Kellan’s and
my park back home. Funny, I already considered Seattle my “home.”
This place, my birthplace, was now the spot I visited.

Brushing snow off the wrought iron bench, I looked out over the
pale, moonlit night as I sat down. There were no fresh tracks in
the snow. The ground was pristine…beautiful and perfect. Grabbing
my cell phone out of the purse slung over my side, I glanced at the
time. Nine-thirty. The local airport wasn’t that far away. Assuming
his flight was on schedule, it was more than enough time for him to
get from the airport to here. Glancing around the sloping white
hills, I only saw where my tracks led down here though. Kellan
wasn’t around yet.

I tried to wait patiently, but I hadn’t seen him in so long that
I was edgy. Nervous energy shot through me as my feet bounced up
and down on the insulated-with-snow concrete path. Light flakes
were still falling, collecting in my hair and eyelashes, melting
together then beading and rolling off my thick jacket. The longer I
sat, the more I felt the cold. Sniffling a little, I suddenly
cursed my romantic location. I should have just had him drive to my
parents’ place. Less chance he’d get lost that way. Plus, parks
weren’t exactly the best place to be waiting around in the middle
of the night…even on Christmas Eve night.

That thought made me wonder what or who could possibly be in
this park besides me. I startled when my phone vibrated in my
hands. The tiny chime accompanying it seemed horribly loud in the
still night and I cursed under my breath. Looking down, a puff of
warm air from my mouth hazed the screen. Frowning, I wiped the
condensation off…then I smiled.

New text message from Kellan Kyle.

Those words from my phone were some of my favorite. Right after,
Incoming call from Kellan Kyle,
actually. Pressing the
view now icon, I waited to see what my man had to say for himself;
he was nearly forty-five minutes late now. My heart dropped
immediately.

‘I’m sorry…I can’t make it.’

Biting my lip, I willed the disappointment to stop. It was hard
though. It was crashing through me like the storms currently
hitting the east coast. Idly, I wondered if that’s why he couldn’t
make it. Maybe he’d gotten snowed in.

With heavy fingers, I typed back,
‘Really? But it’s
Christmas…’