Effortless (46 page)

Feeling like I was going to start hyperventilating, I stood up.
Jenny started to stand with me, but I held my hand up. “I just…need
a minute.”

I quickly dashed to the bathroom, hoping Jenny and the others
would let me fall apart alone. She’d practically confirmed my
greatest fear. Kellan was involved with someone else, someone who
made him laugh. And I bet she was gorgeous, too…

My hand was over my mouth and I was holding in the sobs as I
sank against the cool, tile wall. Letting myself slide down it, I
sat on the floor and dropped my head into my hands. How could he do
this to me? Was it payback, for all the times I’d hurt him? Was it
the universe getting even with me, for being so awful to Denny? Or
was Kellan really just the sex addict that Candy had made him out
to be, and this was an inevitability?

Maybe Kellan had found that going months without physically
being with a woman was impossible, and he’d caved. It happened all
the time, so I don’t know why it surprised me. Maybe because I’d
expected more from Kellan. Maybe I’d expected too much.

Sobbing uncontrollably now, I let every doubt in my body leech
out through my tears.

“Kiera? You okay?”

I glanced up to see a blonde in the doorway staring down at me.
It wasn’t the blonde I’d been expecting, though. It wasn’t Jenny…it
was my friend from school, Cheyenne. Wiping my eyes, I quickly
muttered, “It’s nothing,” and started to stand.

She came up to me and helped me up. “You sure? You look
devastated.” Her eyes widened. “Did something bad happen? Is
everything okay?”

Feeling a little strange, since Cheyenne and I mainly had an
academic relationship, I shrugged and again said, “It’s nothing,
I’m fine.”

Squaring my shoulders, she looked me in the eye. “It’s not fine
and you’re not okay.” Softening her face, she said, “I know we
haven’t known each other all that long, Kiera, but you can talk to
me.”

Smiling at her gesture, eased by the warmth in her mild accent,
I leaned back into the wall and swiped my eyes dry. “It’s
just…Kellan. I think he’s seeing someone else.” My gut felt torn in
half, just admitting it to someone.

Cheyenne’s arms immediately wrapped around me. “Oh God, Kiera,
I’m so sorry.” She pulled back to look at me, her face warm and
open. “I know you really liked him, are you sure?”

I shrugged, sighing. “No, I’m not sure of anything right
now…except men suck.” I sniffled and smiled a bit, but Cheyenne
twisted her lip at me.

Stepping back, she threaded her fingers through her hair. She
almost seemed nervous and I cocked an eyebrow at her. Swallowing,
she looked around the empty bathroom. “Okay, I know I’m going to
sound like an idiot, but, I think you’re really great and smart and
funny, and I know you like guys, but I was wondering if…”

My eyes widened as I listened to her. Was she saying she…dug me?
Was I not so far off in thinking that she liked me? Wondering how
to let someone down easy, since I had zero experience in that, I
took a step forward. “Oh, um, Cheyenne, I think you’re great, too,
and I like you—”

She visibly brightened and I stammered for a way to change what
I’d been about to say. “No, I mean I like you, like you…not…like
you, like you…like you…”

Yeah, even I was lost by my explanation, but Cheyenne didn’t
seem to care anymore. I’d said I liked her, and that seemed to be
enough. Smiling ear-to-ear, she exclaimed, “Oh, I like you too!”
Then she grabbed my face.

I didn’t even know how to react. There is just no course on what
to do or say in this situation, at least, none I’d ever taken…but
maybe I should.

She brought her lips down to mine, pressing us firmly together
before softly moving against me. I had just enough time to think,
huh, that’s different,
before I pushed her shoulders back.
Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. I thought she looked
mortified at herself, and I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.
Being rejected was no easy thing.

Stammering, she stepped back from me. “Sorry, oh God, I’m sorry.
I thought you…I’m sorry.”

Sighing that I was misleading to even my own sex, I shook my
head. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think…” Exhaling, I
switched to blunt honesty. “I’m not attracted to girls, Cheyenne.
No offense or anything, but I like men…even philandering ones.”

I sighed sadly as she flushed bright red. “Of course, I knew
that…I really did. You have a boyfriend and you love him. I was
just…caught up in the moment, and I’ve really liked you for a while
and…” She closed her eyes and dropped her head back. “God, I’m an
idiot.”

Chuckling at how similar to me she actually was, I shook my
head. “No, you’re not, and it’s fine, Cheyenne…really.”

Groaning, she looked back down at me. “So, do you never want to
see me again?”

I blinked, tilting my head. “Why would you think that?”

She flung her hands at where our moment had just happened.
“Because I totally took advantage of you.” She gave me a sad smile.
“Because I like you.”

I looked down, shaking my head again. “Of course, I still want
to see you,” I looked up, “as a friend and schoolmate, but that’s
all we’ll ever be…I’m sorry.”

Her eyes watered but she smiled. “I know. I’ve always known it
wouldn’t happen. I guess I just…hoped.”

I nodded at her, not knowing what else to say. Maybe having had
enough embarrassment for one day, she grabbed the door handle.
“Well, I should go.” She pulled open the door, then raised an
eyebrow at me. “We’re still studying next week…right?”

Containing a sigh, I smiled. “Sure, yeah.” I knew from now on
I’d have to be more careful around the girl. I didn’t want to hurt
her in any way. But, you can’t help who you fall for. I knew that
from experience.

As she walked away, I considered one good thing from the
encounter—she’d stunned me out of my moment of agony, that was for
sure. And I could now cross “being kissed by a girl” off my bucket
list.

I was still stunned when I got home after my shift at the bar. I
hadn’t mentioned the kiss to the girls at the table, and really,
when I’d returned all they’d cared to know about was why I’d left.
Jenny hadn’t told them about our conversation and I thanked her for
that later.

I was wondering if Cheyenne was going to be a problem at school
now, a new one to replace Candy, since her path had finally
deviated from mine. In fact, last I heard, Candy had went and
gotten herself pregnant. Seemed to be going around these days.

That thought that was reaffirmed to me when I opened my bedroom
door and found a pregnant girl sitting on my bed. Surprised that
Anna was still up at this hour, when she’d started going to bed
pretty early lately, I sat beside her.

Face sad but serene, she looked over at me. “I’ve decided.”

“And?” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

She looked over my face for long seconds that felt like years.
Lifting one corner of her lip, she finally said, “I don’t know if
I’m going to keep this baby or not…but I won’t kill it.” She
shrugged, looking down at her hands in her lap. “I can’t,” she
whispered, her palm moving to rest on her abdomen.

My eyes watering, I threw my arms around her. “I’m so glad,
Anna.”

She nodded as she held me back, and I stroked her hair
soothingly, like mom used to do when we were little and frightened.
“It will be okay, Anna. I’m here. I’ll help you with
everything.”

She smiled at me when we pulled apart. “I made an appointment
with the doctor for next week. Could you go with me?”

Nodding, I pulled her in tight again. “Of course, or course I’ll
go with you.” Pulling back again, I raised my eyebrows. “Can I tell
people? Kellan? Jenny?”

Anna immediately shook her head. “No, not yet.” I frowned at her
and she sighed, slumping. “Look, I don’t know if I want to raise a
baby, Kiera, and I don’t want a million people giving me their
opinion right now.” She looked up at me, her bright jade eyes
determined. “I want this to be my choice, and I want to make it,
before the world condemns me for it.”

Sighing, I stroked her hair. “Yeah, okay…I won’t say anything.”
She was silent a moment and I added, “Don’t you think Griffin
should know? Shouldn’t he have a say?”

She stared at her hands, not able to look at me. “I know you
won’t approve of this, Kiera, but if I decide to give it up for
adoption…” she looked back up at me, “Griffin will never know that
he was the father. I’ll never admit to it, and I’ll deny it if
anyone says otherwise.”

Seeing the firm decision already in her eyes, I shook my head.
“Why, Anna? Why wouldn’t you want him to know?”

Looking away from me, she shrugged. “It’s just the way it has to
be, Kiera.” Looking back up, she shrugged. “If I do keep it…I’ll
tell him, okay?”

I nodded, hoping I could talk her out of this one. My feelings
about Griffin aside, he had a right to know he had a son or
daughter in the world. I wasn’t sure what he’d do with the
information, but I felt like he should have it.

Maybe seeing my inner monologue in my eyes, Anna narrowed hers.
“I’m serious about this, Kiera. You can’t tell anyone.”

Sighing, I shrugged. “I won’t…I promise.”

Feeling satisfied with that, she stood and left me alone in my
room, my head swirling with the drama that seemed to gravitate
towards me, like I was some pain-filled planet, pulling angst
around me.

But my sister’s mood lightened some, the stress around the house
easing as well. That next week I did meet with Cheyenne, inviting
her over to work together on our projects. She was taking an
advanced poetry class in her last quarter and I was taking an
advanced expository writing class. It was tough, and in the middle
of it, and my other classes, I was also working on getting three
letters of recommendation and coming up with a critical-writing
sample for my degree requirements.

Even though I enjoyed school, I was very tired, and ready for it
to be over with, in a month and a half.

Equally swamped with her own workload, Cheyenne felt my pain.
Laughing, we joked about the poetry paper I’d turned in last
quarter, that, really, barely classified as college-level material.
Sitting across from me at my rickety card table, our books and
papers spread between us, Cheyenne sighed and leaned back in her
chair.

I started working on my paper when she spoke. “Hey, sorry
about…kissing you last week, you know?”

Glancing up at her, a flush filling my cheeks, I shook my head.
“Don’t worry about it.”

She bit her lip and looked down, getting back to work on her own
stuff. “Yeah, well, thank you for not freaking out and refusing to
ever talk to me again…that would have really sucked.”

I laughed a little at her comment, then shook my head. “I’ve
done so many impulsive things that I’ve regretted later…” I sighed.
“I completely understand and I wouldn’t make you feel bad about
it.”

“You? Impulsive?” She giggled a little. “Do tell.” Throwing a
pencil at her, I frowned at her amused expression. It sort of
reminded me of Kellan’s. 

My sister bounded into the room a couple of seconds later,
dressed in sweatpants and a baggy shirt. She wasn’t huge or
anything yet, but she was trying to hide the slight bump she did
have. I had no idea how she was going to explain it away to her
work when she got bigger. Her plan for now was letting them all see
her constantly eating, so she could blame any chubbiness on
over-snacking. Yeah, that might work…for the first few months.

Sucking on a lollipop, that I knew was actually something she’d
found at a store called a “Pregger Pop,” that supposedly helped
with nausea, she widened her eyes at me. “You got kissed, Kiera?
I’m so telling Kellan.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, silently telling her that she owed it
to me to not say a word, and she flushed, quickly saying, “Or
not.”

Cheyenne started looking a little uncomfortable and I rolled my
eyes at my sister, wishing she had just a little bit more tact. The
poor girl felt bad enough as it was, she didn’t need Anna rubbing
salt in the wound.

Looking properly chagrined, Anna put a hand on Cheyenne’s
shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it…everybody kisses Kiera.”

I smacked Anna’s arm but Cheyenne giggled and playfully
responded with, “Yeah, well that’s because she’s so cute.”

The both of them started laughing as I shook my head. Was
everybody’s favorite past time embarrassing me? Anna leaned over
and kissed my head at seeing my expression. While I was happy that
she was bouncing back some, I wasn’t thrilled that she was picking
on me again.

She smiled down at me, then frowned a little. “Hey, it’s time to
go to my…thing.”

She shrugged and I knew what she meant—her first doctor’s
appointment. Inhaling deep, I nodded and started packing up my
stuff. Cheyenne took the hint and started packing up hers, too.
Walking us down to the parking lot, Cheyenne smiled at Kellan’s car
as I opened it. “That car is hot…see you later, Kiera,” she
drawled.