Effortless (47 page)

I laughed at her comment and nodded goodbye to her. Yeah, the
car was pretty hot, and pretty fun to drive too. I’d never tell
Kellan, but I’d taken more than a few long drives in it.

Anna got quieter on the ride over, playing with the zipper of
her light jacket. I smiled over at her reassuringly, sort of
reminded about how I’d looked and felt when she’d been driving me
against my will to see Kellan, over a year ago. I’d been so nervous
that night, the night we’d gotten back together, not sure if he’d
want to see me, not sure if I’d be able to see him, but that had
all worked out for the best, and I was sure this would too.

When we pulled up to the doctor’s office, Anna let out a long,
unsteady exhale. I put my hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I’m right
here, Anna.”

She smiled at me, nodding . “Alright, let’s do this.”

“Doing this” turned out to be a little boring. It mainly
involved waiting and filling out paperwork. Anna seemed
uncomfortable by all the other pregnant women in the lobby and
focused on her issue of Cosmo instead. I looked around at all of
the blossoming bellies and tried to picture my sister that way, or
me even. Life was so chaotic right now, it was hard to imagine
having a baby in the middle of it. Feeling sympathetic, I grabbed
Anna’s hand while we waited.

Once in the office, we waited some more. Anna stared, horrified,
at a diagram posted on the wall of a baby inside a womb. “Oh my
God, Kiera, look at the size of it!” She looked back at me, her
beautiful eyes as wide as they could go. “How the hell is
that
head supposed to come out of
this
hole?”

She pointed down at herself and I shushed her for her very loud
comment. “I don’t know, Anna, but women do it every day so it must
work…somehow.”

Closing her eyes, she leaned against my shoulder. “Yeah, and
it’s going to hurt like fucking hell.”

Bumping her shoulder with mine, I twisted my lips. “Do you think
you could tone down the language, you are holding an impressionable
embryo after all.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “It can’t hear me, it doesn’t have
ears yet.” Her eyes widened a bit. “Or does it?” Looking down at
her stomach, she murmured, “Sorry kid…Mommy’s got a potty
mouth.”

I bit back my grin, amused that she’d referenced herself as a
mom. She’d never done that before. I wisely didn’t comment on it,
though. Anna was in a fragile enough state right now.

I hopped off the table when the doctor came in and Anna
immediately grabbed my hand, forcing me to stand next to her. We
went through dozens of questions with her and then she brought out
a machine that looked like it was used in some torture chamber…or
sex shop. Anna eyed the female doctor curiously. “Uh, where does
that go?”

The doctor held up a phallic-shaped wand connected to a portable
computer. “You’re too early for a traditional ultrasound, so we’ll
have to take an internal one.” She smiled as she warmed up the
machine. “Ready to see your baby’s heartbeat?”

Anna sat up on her elbows, the paper lining beneath her
rustling. “You can see that already?”

The doctor nodded and, curious, Anna let her do whatever she
wanted with the odd machine. Moments later, my sister saw her first
glimpse at her child. Surrounded in a sea of black, a tiny gray
speck blinked at us repeatedly, like it was saying hello in Morse
code. Anna’s jaw dropped. “Is that…?”

The doctor nodded, pointing at the speck we could clearly see.
“Yep, that’s the heart, strong and steady…perfectly normal.”

My eyes teared up watching it and Anna squeezed my hand. When I
looked down at her she had one hand on her stomach and tears in her
own eyes. “Oh my God, Kiera…” She looked back at me, wide-eyed.
“There’s something alive in me!”

I chuckled at her response and gave her a quick hug. “Yeah, I
know, Anna.” Leaning down, I kissed her head. “And it’s going to be
beautiful, just like its Mom.”

She laughed and a tear rolled down her cheek. I think it was the
first happy tear I’d seen from Anna lately, and seeing it, gave me
hope.

Anna perked up even more after her doctor’s appointment. I
spotted her looking at baby clothes when I took her shopping one
afternoon, and eyeing infants in strollers as we passed them by. I
even found a “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book in the
kitchen. Of course, I’d found it in the freezer, so I figured
something in there had freaked Anna out. She used to hide scary
books when we were kids. When I was nine, I’d found Stephen King’s
“It” in my sock drawer.

She wasn’t quite at the acceptance level yet, but cruising into
her ninth week, she was getting there. And only I knew about it. I
had a feeling she’d hold off as long as she could on telling
people. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d decide to tell our parents
by showing up at their doorstep Christmas morning, baby in tow.
Assuming she kept it, of course.

I didn’t like to think about the possibility that she wouldn’t,
but thinking about her dilemma, helped detract my head from mine.
Conversations with Kellan lately had been quiet. Ever since Jenny
had confessed that he was actively engaging someone else on the
phone, I didn’t know what to think. Sure, he could be talking with
just about anybody, from someone at the record label to a friend
back in Seattle, but my heart told me that that wasn’t it. My heart
told me it was a girl.

But he didn’t act like he loved me any less when he talked to
me. He didn’t act cold or distant. He acted like he was completely
in love with me still. Wishing he could be with me, he huskily told
me how much he loved me. We’d even made love again, over the phone.
It wasn’t the same as being with him, but it did help to keep me
feeling close, even if I wasn’t sure if we were.

And, needless to say, I hadn’t told him about Denny. It seemed
almost pointless now, since Denny had been back for so long. I
wasn’t sure what was going to happen when Kellan’s tour ended and
he went to L.A. to work on his album, but I
was
sure about
what was going to happen with Denny and me.

Nothing…nothing was going to happen.

Even if Kellan and I broke up today, and God, I hoped not,
nothing would happen between Denny and I. The feeling just wasn’t
there anymore. Nothing more than friendship and fond memories
remained. Even Denny’s lingering bitterness over our breakup had
dwindled.

We were just…comfortable again.

So when he came into Pete’s one Wednesday evening, looking to be
on the edge of tears, I was naturally concerned for my friend.
Ignoring my waitressing duties for a moment, I sat beside him at a
table. Handing him a beer, I quietly asked, “You okay?”

Wrapping his fingers around his bottle, he shook his head. “No,
no I’m not.”

I frowned at seeing his normally jovial dark eyes looking so sad
and soulful. Gently placing my hand on his arm, I peered around to
look up into his face. “You want to talk about it?”

Sniffing, he looked up at me. His eyes searched mine for a
moment. Scratching the hair along his jaw, he sighed. “Yeah,
actually, I think I do. Can I come over after your shift?”

I smiled, patting his arm. “Of course. I’ll see you there.”

He nodded, his smile still sad, and I leaned over on a whim and
kissed his cheek. His smile softened as he looked up at me and I
grinned, happy that I could ease his heart, even just a little bit.
Scuffing up his longer-than-I-was-used-to hair, I stood and left
him to his drinking.

Jenny was frowning at me as I stepped up to her. “I saw that.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Anything going on?”

Knowing that she meant if anything was going on between us in a
more than friendly way, I dryly told her, “No, nothing like
that
is going on.” I frowned and looked back at Denny.
“He’s sad, and I was trying to cheer him up.”

She looked over at where Denny was staring at his bottle. “Hmmm,
yeah, he does seem sad.” Twisting to head over to him, she stopped
and quietly added, “I know things are…strained, with you and
Kellan, but don’t do anything…rash…by ‘cheering’ Denny up a little
too well.”

I gave her a wry smile. “I wasn’t going to, Jenny, but thank you
for that.”

She smiled as she sucked on an apple lollipop. “No problem.”

I shook my head at her as she bounced over to Denny and wrapped
her arms around him. He gave her a small smile. It brightened a
little when Jenny stuck a sucker in his palm. Wondering what was
going on with my ex, wondering what was going on with my current, I
finished off the rest of my shift in self contemplation.

The apartment was empty when I got back. A note from Anna said
that she was spending the night at a friend’s house. I smiled at
seeing it. It was yet another sign that she was coming back to the
bubbly personality that I knew and loved. I also hoped that by
“friend,” she meant a girl. The last thing Anna needed right now
was to drag another guy into the mix. Her life was complicated
enough.

I was just setting my bag down when the door was knocked on.
Sighing softly, I walked over and opened it. Denny’s glum face
peered back at me. His dark eyes darker by the slight circling of
exhaustion underneath them, he looked worn down.

Frowning, I motioned for him to come in. Dressed in his work
clothes still, he loosened his tie after slinging his jacket over a
kitchen chair. Running a hand back through his hair, he twisted to
face me. “Thanks for letting me come by, Kiera…I didn’t know who
else to talk to.”

His accent thickened as he spoke and I stepped up to him,
tilting my head. “What’s going on, Denny?”

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes. “It’s nothing,
really…nothing I should be worrying you about.”

Cupping his cheek, I made him look at me. “It’s bothering you,
so you should talk to me about it. I’m your friend, Denny.
Regardless of everything, I’m still your friend.”

Sighing, he gave me a one-sided grin. “Yeah…I know.” Glancing
over to my ugly orange couch, he tilted his dark head. “Can we
sit?”

Exhaling slowly, I nodded. “You want something to drink?” He
shook his head and started walking over to the couch, so I followed
him. Once he sat, he leaned over his knees. My heart started
surging a little as his posture and mannerisms reminded me of
another conversation we’d had on a couch. A conversation that had
been really hard, for him and for me.

Shaking back the awful memory of Denny asking me if I was happy
being with him, I put my hand on his knee. “It’s okay…what is
it?”

He glanced up at me, his eyes sad. “It’s Abby…”

My heart filled with lead as I considered all of the things that
could have happened between them that would make him look so sad.
Had she left him? Cheated on him? Did another woman betray him?
Him, the most loving, wonderful man I’d probably ever met? It
seemed ridiculous to me and my heart instantly hardened against
this woman who’d caused his face such pain.

And yes, I didn’t miss the irony of feeling that way,
considering I’d caused him the most pain of anyone.

“Oh, are you two…over?”

He gave me a quizzical look, then shook his head. “No, she
just…had a problem with her work visa.  She can’t make it over
here yet. It’s going to be a few more weeks until they get
everything straightened out.” He sighed, looking down at his hands.
“We’ve been apart for so long, I just wanted…” When he looked back
at me, his eyes were moist. “I wanted to see her.”

My heart softened as I realized that she hadn’t hurt him, not
intentionally. He just missed her. No, I was the only one that had
caused him pain. Abby, she was everything he deserved to have.
Putting my arm on his leg, I grabbed his hand. He looked down at
our fingers, but didn’t make a move to disentangle us.

“I’m so sorry, Denny. I know how excited you were for her to see
your new place.”

Closing his eyes, he nodded. “Yeah, she was supposed to be here
this weekend. I was going to have everything ready…make her a great
meal, fill the house with her favorite flowers, light all the
candles…”

He looked over at me, his face apologetic for describing his
romantic intensions. It knotted my stomach, only fractionally, and
I gave him a warm, encouraging smile. Slumping in sadness, he
quietly added, “I just want her here.”

Rubbing his thumb against mine, he stared at me for a long time.
When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, his accent thick. “I
think I hated you after you cheated on me…for a long time
actually.” My heart sunk and my eyes welled as he continued to
stare me down. Shaking his head, he said, “But I think I should
thank you now.”

My jaw dropped as my eyes went wide. “Thank me? God, Denny…why?
I was horrible to you.”

He smiled, looking at our hands. “Yes, yes you were.” Peeking up
at me, he gave me a goofy grin. “But I’d have never gone back home
if you hadn’t hurt me so much. And if I’d never gone back home, I’d
never have met Abby.” Looking past me, his smile widened as he
thought of his lover, wherever she was. “And she…is a miracle to
me.”

Oddly, that sentence didn’t hurt me as much as it would have a
few months ago. Oddly, it made me smile and we were both grinning
at each other goofily. “I’m glad you’re happy Denny, that’s all I
ever wanted for you.”

He nodded at me, then frowned. “Well, I’d be happy if I could
get her here…”

Leaning in, I felt comfortable enough to give my friend a hug,
knowing neither one of us would be hurt by it. He laughed a little
and hugged me back. Letting go of my hand so he could get both arms
around me, he squeezed me tight. I chuckled as I held him,
comforted that I could still comfort him.

Pulling back, I tilted my head and told him, “If it makes you
feel any better, I got kissed by a girl a couple of weeks ago.”

Giving me a playfully devilish grin, he leaned his head against
mine. “You have my complete attention. Let’s talk about the
kiss.”

I was giggling when I heard the door open. Wondering why Anna
had decided to come back, I loosened my arms and looked over at the
door. I stopped giggling when I saw who was standing there. I think
I stopped breathing. Denny immediately dropped his arms from around
me as a cold voice filled the room.

“I felt bad for missing our anniversary. We had a short break in
the schedule, and even though Matt’s irked at me that I took off, I
just had to come out and see you.”

My jaw dropped as Kellan stood just inside my apartment door.
Eyes narrowed, his midnight blue depths stared at Denny and I like
he wanted to set us on fire. “I wanted to surprise you.” His jaw
tight, he spat out, “Are you surprised…? Because I know I am.”

I instantly scooted away from Denny and stood up. Knowing how
bad that moment looked, I held my hands up to Kellan. “I can
explain.”

Walking into the room, Kellan slammed my door shut behind him.
He pointed at us with a hand holding a bouquet of flowers; they
vibrated as his hand shook. “You can explain?” he yelled. “Explain
what exactly? The fact that
he
is sitting in your living
room and not thousands of miles away, or the fact that you had your
hands all over each other!”

Tossing the flowers to the floor, he strode into the living
room. I immediately put my hands on Kellan’s chest, afraid of him
and Denny getting too close together. Glaring down at me, Kellan
pushed his body against my hands and seethed, “I’m listening…start
explaining!”

My throat completely closed up on me as Denny slowly rose from
the couch. “Kiera…I told you to tell him…” Denny murmured.

Kellan’s eyes snapped over to his. “Tell me what? Tell me about
the kiss? Is that what I heard you say?” His eyes flashed back to
mine, cold, enraged. “Is that what you need to tell me, Kiera…or is
there more?”

Shaking my head, tears blurred my vision. “No, Kellan, he didn’t
kiss me.”

Kellan’s eyes narrowed and he pushed me off of him. “Then you
kissed him?”

I swallowed, wishing this was just a horrid dream. I should have
told him, I should have told him on that very first day I ran into
Denny. “No, Kellan, I didn’t kiss anybody…”

Kellan walked up to me, pressing me back with his body until my
legs pressed against the couch. Even knowing that he was extremely
mad, even filled with guilt and fear for our relationship, his
proximity excited me. My rough breath matching his, I resisted the
urge to touch him as he leaned down and snapped, “But someone
kissed you? Who?”

Denny stepped up to Kellan, placing a hand on his arm.
“Kellan…relax, mate.”

Kellan snapped his head to Denny and shoved him back, hard.
“Don’t fucking call me, mate! Why the hell are you with
my
girl?”

The possessive accent on the word was so clear, it seemed to
ring in the air. I put a calming hand on Kellan’s chest but he
ignored it, focused on Denny instead. Stumbling back a step, Denny
managed to catch himself before falling. Slowly straightening, he
glared at Kellan. “Right…
your
girl.”

Kellan sniffed, his jaw flexing hard, along with his fist.
Knowing someone was going to start hitting someone else, I grabbed
Kellan’s face and made him look at me. “A girl at school kissed me!
Okay?”