Embracing Change (21 page)

A scuffling noise was her first clue that someone was already in there. Slowing her pace, she carefully pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect.

Mandy was on her way out, barefoot and dressed in her Air New Zealand uniform. Guilt clouded her face and her creamy skin looked flushed. “I misplaced my tights,” she said. “I was just checking your drawers for them, sorry.” She slipped past Sarah and disappeared down the passage.

Sarah stood confused for a moment before moving across to the chest of drawers and pulling open the top drawer. Her underwear lay untouched inside, folded and rolled, splashes of white, skin, and vibrant pink, trimmed with lace and satin. She pulled the other drawers open one by one, her eyes wandering over the contents. Her shorts were wrinkled, as though someone had been digging under them.

A sick feeling rose up as she yanked open the bottom drawer. Her shirts were bunched up and the corner of her journal was peeking out. A terrible sense of betrayal washed over her.
Mandy—reading my journal? Exploring the place where I record my innermost thoughts and desires, the place where I write my dreams and fears? How could she do such a thing?

As the shock subsided, a fresh stream of thoughts filled her mind
. Is this the first time, or has she done it before? How much does she know?

Sudden indignation overcame the shame and hurt. She slammed the drawer shut and ran down the passage, but she was too late. Mandy was reversing her car down the driveway. Sarah watched her through the window, fury surging up inside her. She stalked down the passage to Mandy’s room and threw the door open. The air was lightly fragranced; perfume and makeup were strewn across the dressing table. A pile of clothes and pyjamas were tossed in the corner.
A sure sign of guilt
. Mandy always left her room pin neat.

Sarah’s rage ratcheted down a notch. Maybe she
was
looking for her pantyhose, and yielded to a moment’s temptation? She hadn’t been out of the house for more than a few minutes, so Mandy wouldn’t have had time to read much.

She slammed the door and went back to her own room, opening her journal to the last entry, trying to imagine how the words would sound to Mandy.

I’ve been walking on air since Saturday night. The ball was amazing and Joel treated me like a princess. Our friendship grows stronger each time I see him and I’m hoping it will eventually develop into something more. I often think of the kiss we shared and wonder if he does too. We see each other once a week or so and I live for those times. I feel so alive and fulfilled when we’re together. The only thing I don’t like is the way he tends to preach at me. He says I need to give my heart to God and deal with unforgiveness and hatred. I’m better than I used to be but somehow I can’t take that final step of handing everything to God. Maybe I’m afraid that the bitterness is stronger than love.

Her cheeks flamed with humiliation. Of all the entries for Mandy to read. She felt she’d never be able to look her in the eye again.

She was locking the journal in her suitcase when Joel knocked on her bedroom door. “Is everything alright? I saw Mandy racing down the road, and you’ve been gone for ages.”

Sarah bit back the words that threatened to spew out. No point in making accusations and dragging Joel into it, much as she wanted to explode and pour out venom about fake Christians and hypocrisy. “My phone wasn’t where I thought it would be, but I’ve got it now.”

The day didn’t go well from the start. Joel was unusually tired and Sarah was having trouble concentrating, with all her thoughts focussed on Mandy.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“I’ve told you already. To the Christmas tree exhibition at the Arts Centre.”

“Sor-ry.” She dragged the word out.

Joel tried to lighten things up. “Can you believe it’s only ten days till Christmas? You must come along to the Christmas Eve service. It’s fantastic and we …”

“I won’t be there,” Sarah cut in.

Joel looked at her. “What’s wrong, Sarah? You’re being really grumpy today.”

She couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’m sick of Christians who don’t live what they preach.”

Joel’s eyes widened in surprise. “What have I done?”

“Not you, Mandy.”

“Mandy?”

“She’s a snoop!”

“A snoop?”

“Stop repeating what I say!” Sarah snapped. “I caught Miss Perfect reading my journal.”

Joel’s expression deepened to shock. “Did she have it in her hands?”

“No, but she’d been in my drawers looking for her pantyhose, and the shirts covering my journal were wrinkled.”

“You must be mistaken, Sarah. Mandy wouldn’t do something like that.”

“The guilt was written all over her face.”

“Did you ask her about it?”

“She didn’t give me a chance.”

“So this is based on a wrinkle in your shirts? I think you’re being very presumptuous.”

“And I think you’re being very biased. You should have admitted months ago that you fancy Mandy.”

“That’s rubbish, Sarah. I’m just saying that you’re judging her. Mandy is a strong Christian and I know she loves the Lord dearly.”

“And I don’t? Is that it?” She grabbed her bag from the floor. “Stop the car.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going home.”

“Don’t be silly!”

Sarah grabbed the hand brake and yanked it, causing the car to spin wildly for a moment.

“Sarah!” Joel slammed on the brakes and pulled over as she threw the door open. “You need to grow up!” he shouted after her. “Stop wallowing in self-pity and face your demons. Why don’t you go home to South Africa and get it out of your system once and for all? Go look Dlamini in the eye and see who’s the stronger …”

His words faded as Sarah turned the corner, heading for the nearest bus stop.

Back home, she went over to the chest of drawers and pulled out the ticket that nestled safely in a document folder. A friendly voice from the airline answered the call, and was understanding as Sarah explained she needed to get back to South Africa as quickly as possible.

“How would this evening suit you? It’s peak season but we’ve just had a cancellation.”

“This evening?” Sarah repeated the agent’s words. That was so soon!

“Yes. You’d have to be at the airport two hours from now.”

Thoughts of Mandy blurred her mind, filling her with humiliation. Then she thought of Joel, the words he’d hurled at her, the fact that he hadn’t believed her. “That will be perfect, thank you.” She wrote down the details, hardly believing what she was doing.
Christmas is family time.
I’ll be able to think more clearly at home
. Aware the seconds were ticking by, she threw armfuls of stuff into her suitcase and powered up her laptop to e-mail her parents.

That done, she scribbled a quick note to Jade before calling a taxi:

I’ve gone home to South Africa. Not sure for how long. Things happened today and I need to get away. I’ve parked my car round the back—feel free to use it—and my rent is paid for the next four weeks. Please tell Mandy to regard it as my notice period. I’ll let you know what my plans are. Thanks, Jade … have a good Christmas.

Chapter Twenty Nine

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

—Ephesians 4:26

After their exchange of angry words, Joel turned his car round and drove home, foot flat on the accelerator. “I can’t believe she did that, Lord. She could have killed us both! How stupid and immature.” The only response was a still small voice in his heart.
In your anger do not sin.

He twisted the keys from the ignition and stomped into the house, only to be met by Shelley carrying her leash. He softened his tone somewhat. “You want to go for a run?” Personally, he felt like punching a hole through the door, but that would be ridiculous. Instead, he stripped off his jeans and put on some old shorts. “Let’s go.”

The Labrador threw herself into the back seat and drooled alternately over the windows and Joel’s neck. “We’ll go and look for possums in Bottle Lake Forest, shall we?” Shelley gave a sharp bark, approving of whatever her master ever said.

The forest was almost deserted and Joel found himself calming down, as he’d hoped. The solitude and endless rows of pine trees were like a soothing balm. He prayed as he walked, Shelley snuffling under bushes and bounding after the odd rodent that scampered past. “What’s happening, Lord? Have I got too involved with Sarah? Why can’t she see the truth in what I’m telling her? If only she would give herself fully to You; learn that she can trust You in everything …”

The only reply was the chirping of insects and the still small voice.
In your anger do not sin.

He slithered down a slope covered in pine needles and threw a stick for Shelley. She brought it back a minute later, water running in silvery streams down her body. “You found the creek, did you?” He rubbed her ears. “Come on. We’ll have to go for a run now. You’re not getting in my car like that.”

He set off, feet pounding the packed earth path as he wound through the trees. It felt good to be pushing his muscles, feeling the burn as he forced them uphill and tested them to their limits. A half hour later, he leaned against a tree, panting as he followed the trunk with his eyes. It was perfectly straight, growing tall and strong towards the sun. Then he looked around and saw hundreds more trees that looked exactly the same. “I’m lost, Shelley. You going to help me out here?”

The dog sat on her haunches and gazed dolefully at her master. After a few minute’s rest, Joel turned and tried to retrace his steps, but everything looked the same. He couldn’t see anything that looked familiar, or an opening that might be a clearing or car park. Just forest, and narrow winding paths in every direction.

“What now, Lord?”

In your anger do not sin.

Joel kept walking, his mouth dry and legs leaden. After another ten minutes or so he spotted a jogger on a track in the distance. He called out, but the regimented trees absorbed his voice. In desperation he cut through the forest and started walking down the track he thought the jogger had been on. Nothing. He could feel his blood sugar dropping and he was becoming more uncomfortable as the minutes passed.

The still small voice stirred again.
Are you ready to listen now?

He sank onto a log. “Yes, Lord. I’m sorry for being so angry. I shouldn’t have lost my cool with Sarah. She says I’m always preaching at her and here I go and cause a big fight.”

What are you going to do about it?

He pulled out his cell phone and dialled Sarah’s mobile number. It went on to answerphone. Next he tried her home phone, but that too was picked up by a machine. “Alright. Help me out of here and I’ll go and talk to her.”

He started walking again, mouth parched and feeling slightly dizzy. Within five minutes, Shelley alerted him to the fact that someone was approaching from the other direction; a young woman with a spaniel. “Hey!” he called out to her. “I hate to admit this, but I’m lost. Could you tell me how to get out of here?”

“Sure.” She looked him up and down and handed him her water bottle. “You look like you could do with a drink.”

He gulped some water down before handing it back. “That was just what I needed.”

She smiled. “The track’s a little tricky to follow so I’ll take you back to the main path where you can follow the signs.” She turned and led the way confidently, brushing off his thanks. “It’s a pleasure. Enjoy your evening.”

Joel flopped into his car, thoughts crystallising as he prayed. “I need to apologise to Sarah. I’ve been pressurising her to become a Christian and that’s not right. And siding with Mandy was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.” He turned the key in the ignition, replaying the conversation in his mind. Had he really been so harsh?

Switching the car off, he dialled the house again. Jade answered, sounding subdued. “Is Sarah there, Jade?”

“She’s gone, Joel.”

“Gone.” The word took a while to sink in. “Gone where?”

“Back to South Africa.”

A sick feeling curled his stomach as he recalled the words he’d shouted at her.
“Why don’t you go home and get South Africa out of your system once and for all? Go look Dlamini in the eye and see who’s the stronger!”

“Joel, are you still there?”

“Has she really gone? Has the plane left?”

“Yes. I looked up the timetable for the airline and she took off about twenty minutes ago.”

Joel smacked the steering wheel with both fists. “I’m coming over.”

“I’ve got a meeting, but Mandy will be here.”

“Perfect!” Joel fired the engine up and revved out of the car park.