Embracing Change (24 page)

Joel felt his heart soften even further. Sarah hadn’t let on what a bad state she’d been in. “How did you convince her to leave?”

“We reminded her of Luke’s final request. His parents kept his ashes, wanting her to take them to New Zealand, and eventually she agreed.”

Joel looked at the woman in front of him and saw beyond the smile and calm exterior. “It must have been incredibly hard, sending your only child to the other side of the world. And in such a fragile state too.”

“It was better than watching her wither away here.” She smiled sadly. “But it was gut-wrenching, make no mistake.”

Joel liked this woman. He could see where Sarah had got her looks and strength of personality.

“Did she tell you we’re planning to move to New Zealand?” Diana asked. “Our papers are with immigration at the moment.”

“Yes, she did. It’ll be fantastic if you come over.”

“She showed us her photos of New Zealand yesterday. It’s a beautiful country.”

“The best.”

She chuckled. “She also showed us a whole bunch of pictures of you.”

Joel was surprised. “Maybe there is hope,” he said, smiling.

“More than you can imagine,” she replied. “I know my daughter. She’s been missing you. I can see it in her eyes, the way she talks about you.”

Patience appeared at the door. “The room is ready, missus.”

“Thank you, Patience.” She turned back to Joel. “Let me show you where it is, and then I’m sure you’d like to shower and settle in.”

Joel picked up his bags and followed her down a thickly carpeted passageway.

“Here you are.” She led the way into a comfortable room with a double bed and a couple of chairs. “There’s an
en suite
shower ...” She opened a door to reveal a smart wetroom. “I see Patience has already put fresh towels on the rails, so you should be fine, but if you need anything just ask.”

“It’s very good of you, but are you sure I’m not inconveniencing you? It’s right before Christmas and I’m sure you’ve got plans. I can easily book into a motel …”

“After coming all this way? I wouldn’t hear of it.” She paused in the doorway, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “And when you’ve freshened up, we must work out how we’re going to surprise Sarah, hey?”

Chapter Thirty Three

I asked Dad to take me to court today. Dlamini has a hearing and I want to see him again. I want to look into his eyes and know that I am stronger.

From the journal of Sarah Johnson

Thursday 18th December

Sarah sat on the hard wooden bench next to her father. She’d seen in the morning newspaper that Dlamini had a court hearing today in connection with the recent hijacking, and had immediately decided that God had presented her with an opportunity she must not miss. “There are no co-incidences,” Luke had once said. So when David Johnson had strongly questioned the wisdom of attending, she’d insisted. “I need to see him again, Dad. I can’t explain why. It’s something I have to do.”

It was warm and muggy in the courtroom and the air smelled of old wood and paper and perspiring humanity. She didn’t pay too much attention as the court was called into session. She just wanted to see him; to see if he’d changed, to see if his eyes were still cold and lifeless. To face her demons.

He was led inside wearing an orange jump suit, hair cropped close to his head. He was slightly taller than she remembered and still heavy-set. He stared across the room as the court official read out the charges. Sarah felt an icy cold grip her spine. His eyes were just the same; blackened pits of hatred. They rested on her for a moment, then moved onto her father before coming back to her. The evil smirk on his face widened to a sneer.

David, seeing what was happening, took hold of her arm. “Are you okay, honey? We can leave any time you want.”

“I’m alright, Dad.”

It turned out to be a short hearing. Dlamini was remanded into custody until a future date could be set for the hearing. He locked his eyes on Sarah as they led him out, full of evil and menace.

She shivered again. “I’m glad he’s locked up,” she whispered to her dad. “So glad they caught him again!” Not wanting to push through the throng of people, they stayed seated for a few minutes, allowing reporters and weeping relatives of the deceased policeman to file out.

It was as they stood to leave that Sarah realised a young black man in police uniform was standing at her shoulder, an older woman at his side. They looked vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place them, until the man addressed her father.

“Mr Johnson?”

“Yes.”

“My name is Thabo Dlamini. This is my mother, Rachel. Her English is poor so I’m speaking for her.”

Sarah stood absolutely still.
Dlamini?

“How can I help you?” Her father’s voice was controlled but she knew he recognised them too.

“Sipho is my brother. My mother wanted to speak to you before—at the other trial—but she was afraid to at the time.”

The woman said something in Zulu.

“She says she wants to apologise for the pain Sipho has brought you.” He looked at Sarah, his eyes dark pools, alight with sorrow. So different from his brother’s … “I’m sorry, too,” he said sincerely. “You can’t imagine what grief he’s brought our family.”

She nodded, uncertain, wondering where he was going with all this.

“My mother says she knows we cannot undo what is done, but she wants to invite you to our home. She wants to talk to you about Sipho and explain how he ended up like this.”

Sarah’s father took over the conversation. “I don’t think that will be possible …”

“Hold on, Dad.” Sarah looked at Thabo. “Where do you live?”

“Soweto.”

“Sarah. It’s not a good idea.”

Thabo persisted. “It would mean a lot to both of us. I’ll be happy to escort you out there. It’s safe these days. Many tourists come out, and even stay over.”

“Nowhere’s safe!” David interjected. “Come on, Sarah.”

But for perhaps the first time in her life Sarah ignored him, looking across to the mother. She was a diminutive woman, dressed in a faded cotton dress with a scarf wrapped round her head and trainers on her feet. She kept her eyes lowered and her posture spoke of subservience and hope.

“I want to go, Dad.” The certainty rose up in her. “I need to understand what happened. You can come with us if you want to.”

“You’re certainly not going on your own.” He pulled her to one side. “Why do you want to do this, Sarah? Wasn’t it enough to come here today?”

Sarah could see the concern in his eyes but stood her ground. “It’s important to me, Dad. I want to know what turned him into a monster.”

“But it’ll drag up all the memories and pain. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just forget him?”

“That’s just it, Dad. I can’t forget; but maybe if I understand, I can forgive.”

I sound like Joel
, she thought, shocked at what she just said.
Is this You, God? Are You answering my prayer?

There was a long silence before David turned to Thabo. “When does your mother want us to come?”

“Would tomorrow afternoon suit you? I have the day off, I can pick you up here at 2pm?”

Sarah’s dad raised his hands in surrender. “Are you
sure
you want to do this, Sarah?”

“Absolutely.” Joel’s words ran through her mind, as they had a hundred times since he’d shouted them.
Why don’t you go home to South Africa and get it out of your system once and for all? Go look Dlamini in the eye and see who’s the stronger …
They’d been flung out in anger, but she had a feeling that something greater was at work here.

Maybe God had wanted her to come and level with her past; to deal with the wells of bitterness and fear that still lurked within.

They stopped at a mall on the way home and after picking up a few groceries, her father resumed their conversation over toasted bagels and salad. “We don’t have to go tomorrow, Sarah. We could just stay home and Thabo would assume you changed your mind.”

“That would be rude, Dad, and you know it.”

He sighed, sipping his latte. “You always were stubborn.”

“I can’t explain it. I just know it’s going to be helpful.” She looked across the mall and changed the subject. “The decorations are beautiful this year.”

“Yes they are. Your mother wasn’t going to put our tree up but she asked me to get it out last night. I think she wants to decorate it with you.” He smiled as he looked at his daughter. “You should have seen her when your e-mail arrived. She was beside herself with excitement.”

“I can imagine.” It felt good to be loved and wanted; it helped deaden the pain of Mandy’s betrayal.
I wonder if she told Joel what she read—if they’ve been laughing about me together?
She checked her email several times a day, hoping for at least a few lines from Joel, but there’d been nothing.

Concentrate on now
, she told herself.
Concentrate on what’s happening here.

It was mid afternoon when they returned home. The gate shuddered open and her dad stopped outside the garage. “You go ahead, honey. I’ll bring the groceries.”

Sarah walked into the house and almost bumped into her mother. “Hey, Mom, how’s your day been?”

“
Very
good, thanks,” Diana said smugly. “Where’s your father?”

“He’s coming now with the shopping.” She looked suspiciously at her mother’s flushed cheeks and the excitement dancing in her eyes. She’d never been good at hiding secrets.

“What’s going on, Mom?”

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“Well? What is it?”

“As soon as your Dad comes through, you can have it.”

“Dad!” Sarah shouted. “Hurry up, Mom’s teasing me.”

He appeared, a confused look on his face. “What’s going on now?”

“David, you sit there, and Sarah you stand here and shut your eyes. Open them only when I say you can.”

There was the sound of doors opening, and whispering. Sarah tried to imagine what her mother was up to. Maybe she’d bought a kitten or a puppy. Maybe it was something to wear or ...

“Open your eyes, Sarah.”

It took a few seconds to absorb what she was seeing. Joel was standing before her, dressed in cut-off shorts and a new blue T-shirt, his arms full of red roses.

Joel?
Really?

Sarah felt dizzy, as though in another time and space.

“Sarah, I … I’ve come to say I’m sorry.”

Joel!
It really was Joel! Sarah could barely breathe.

He put the flowers down and opened his arms. “I’ve been a total idiot. Will you forgive me?”

As she almost flew into his embrace she was only vaguely aware that her parents had left the room; of the sound of their car as it reversed down the driveway.

Joel pulled her closer. “I love you, Sarah.”

Her senses were full of his touch, the familiar scent of his cologne as held her tightly. “Oh, Joel.” She buried her head against his chest. “I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry too.”

He gently tipped her chin up and pressed his lips onto hers, sending waves of pleasure through her body as he kissed her passionately. “I never want to be away from you again,” he murmured. “The last few days have been torment.”

Sarah leaned back and looked up at him. “How did you get here? What happened with Mandy? Did Mom know you were coming?”

“So many questions,” he teased. He took hold of her hand and led her to the settee. “Your parents have gone for a drive and Patience has the afternoon off, so we’ve got time alone to talk.”

Sarah felt the pain of the week roll away as they sat hand in hand, each sharing their part of the story.

“I’ve got a letter from Mandy for you,” Joel said. “She feels terrible about what she did.”

Sarah nodded.

“And I’m sorry for not believing you. I should’ve known better.”

“Did she tell you how much she read?”

“Only that it wasn’t much.”

“And did she tell you what I wrote?”

He smiled. “No. Only that I’d better get on the next plane to Johannesburg because someone who loved me was on her way there.”

She smiled at that. “I can’t believe you came all this way to see me.”

“I came to my senses,” he said simply. “I love you, Sarah.”

“I love you too, Joel.” This time she leaned into him and offered her lips as he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He pushed back in the settee. “Better keep talking.”

Sarah suddenly thought of the morning’s events. “Did Mom tell you I was at the courthouse for Dlamini’s hearing?”