Enlightened (23 page)
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
The bloody clock seemed to be so loud tonight as I once again sat a vigil beside Nathan’s bed. Talk about time dragging. Minutes, hours, and days had never passed so frigging slowly. I sat by Nathan’s bedside twenty-four hours a day, only leaving his side to use the toilet, take a brief snooze on the sofa, or have a shower to try and wash away the feeling of dread that the small hospital room was starting to give me. I hadn’t breathed fresh air for days and the only daylight was filtered through the tinted windows, not that I really looked outside. Talk about claustrophobic. I had the four walls pretty much memorised, from the noisy clock which always told the correct time but whose second hand bounced repeatedly back and forth between fourteen and fifteen seconds, to the vinyl floor which squeaked under my shoes, and smelt of disinfectant, which although clean, made me think of nothing but illness.
The positive news was that Nathan remained in a stable condition and the doctors were very pleased with the reduction of the swelling to his brain, but I found it hard to focus on these optimistic elements because he still just lay there unconscious and unresponsive, which was soul destroying for me. I tried to stay upbeat for him, constantly speaking to him softly and holding his hand while I reassured him that I was there and that everything was going to be all right, but inside I just felt numb.
Initially Nicholas had been convinced that my presence would be like a magical balm to his brother and wake him from his unconscious slumber like some sort of fairy-tale. But he’d been sadly mistaken, and as the days passed I’d watched as Nicholas’ hope faded and he’d withdrawn into himself, barely speaking to Rebecca or I until he was almost as quiet as Nathan.
No, there had been no miraculous recovery from my presence. In fact it was almost two full days after my arrival before Nathan showed any signs of life at all. My heart nearly exploded in my chest on Sunday afternoon when his fingers gave a tiny flick as I’d held his hand and whispered soothing things next to his ear, but to my near devastation the doctor checked the rest of his vitals and then put it down to a muscle reflex and nothing more. I knew the doctors were growing increasingly concerned about Nathan’s inability to wake up, and as each day passed Nicholas and I seemed to go a little crazier too.
Just after eleven o’clock on Wednesday night I slipped into the en-suite toilet and was sat with my head in my hands having a good old fashioned cry when I heard Nicholas laugh. My head snapped up at the sound of the happy noise, seeming so utterly bizarre after days of moping around in desolate silence and I instantly frowned in confusion. The television wasn’t on so it couldn’t be that, and wondering what on earth Nicholas was doing, I quickly finished up, zipped my jeans, and washed my hands thinking that perhaps Nicholas really was starting to lose the plot.
As I returned to the softly lit main room I found Nicholas standing by Nathan’s bedside looking like an ominous shadow in the dimly lit room. Flashing a glance at me he grinned, causing my concern to deepen, but then his next words totally threw me. ‘Here she is, brother,’ he said, and to my astonishment I saw Nathan’s head turn slowly in my direction. My heart nearly jumped from my chest in excitement at his movement. His eyes were narrow and sticky but open nonetheless, and the sweet smile that curved on his lips when he saw me nearly broke my heart in two.
I squealed like a little girl, I couldn’t help it, and with tears of happiness flooding down my cheeks I dashed to the bedside where Nathan was reaching out for me with his good hand. Only the sight of his bandages and vast array of tubes stopped me from the temptation of flinging myself fully onto him. ‘He’s not become any easier, Stella,’ Nicholas joked dryly, ‘As soon as he opened his eyes he demanded to know where you were. I didn’t even get a hello.’
‘Hello, Nicholas,’ Nathan croaked with a smile towards his brother before turning his head back to me, ‘Hey baby …’ he said grittily, reaching up to wipe a tear from my eye, but it was a pointless task because they were surely falling faster than his sleepy, uncoordinated hand could ever clear them. Seeming to come to the same conclusion, Nathan gave up and simply cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb in circles across my skin which caused me to make the most ridiculous moaning noise in relief. ‘I love you, Stella. So fucking much,’ Nathan murmured, apparently unable to help himself and at that point my heart really did try and hammer its way through my ribs. Did he really just say that? Nathaniel Jackson saying the ‘L’ word? Wow, the bump on his head must have really scrambled his brain.
‘Oh God, I love you too, Nathan. I’ve been so scared,’ I sobbed, a watery smile spreading on my lips regardless of the tears that were still soaking my cheeks.
‘I’ll get a doctor,’ Nicholas said with a roll of his eyes as he stepped away towards the door.
‘What the hell happened?’ Nathan’s voice was dry and scratchy as he eyed the cast on his arm curiously and then titled his head back at me. ‘Did I piss you off or something?’ he joked hoarsely. The relief from hearing his attempt at humour made me laugh almost hysterically and I sunk forwards and scattered gentle kisses all over his battered but beautiful face. ‘I’ve been going out of my mind,’ I murmured, ‘I love you so much.’ Even though I’d only said them seconds ago the words just fell from my lips again. For the past few days as Nathan had remained unconscious I’d been so terrified that I’d never get the chance to say them to him again that I couldn’t hold back any longer. I would probably say them a thousand times in the next hour and it still wouldn’t seem like enough. He opened his mouth to speak, but I put my finger to his dry lips. He clearly needed a drink before he spoke again but I didn’t want to give him one without the doctors permission, so instead I set about trying to explain what had happened.
‘After you left my house on Friday you must have gone shopping. As you were driving out of the shopping centre a truck smashed into you.’ I ran a hand across his brow and down over his cheek with light fluttering touches of my fingers to reassure myself that this wasn’t all some sick dream and that he was really here and awake. My contact made him hum happily and turn his face into my palm and a long overdue sigh of relief slipped from my lips, making my shoulders sag.
Nodding slowly as he processed this Nathan blinked slowly several times as if his mind was working in half speed, and then frowned, ‘Everything’s pretty hazy. What day is it?’
‘Wednesday.’ Once again his big blues fluttered with those long, lazy blinks. Following his gaze to the clock on the wall I glanced at the time and after seeing that it was now gone midnight I corrected myself, ‘Actually, it’s Thursday morning.
Very
early Thursday morning. You’ve been in here nearly a week.’ Clenching my teeth I rushed to say the next words that expressed some of the fears that had been spiralling in my head all week. ‘I’m so sorry, Nathan, if we hadn’t argued that day you would have stayed at my house and this would never have happened.’ Tears started leaking down my cheeks again, but as Nathan seemed to run my words through his mind I watched as his eyes lit up as if recalling something. Shifting his palm from my face he wiped a couple of tears away with his thumb before lowering his hand and placing it gently on my stomach and rubbing soft circles.
‘I remember the argument …’ His eyes were clearer and more focused as he found and held my gaze, ‘I was in shock, I acted like a complete idiot,’ he rasped, ‘I’m sorry, I love you so much, Stella …’ he said again, his repetition of earlier making my heart skip several beats in my chest. I’d wanted to hear those words from his lips so desperately for so long that I didn’t think I would ever get sick of hearing them.
Looking down at my stomach he very nearly grinned. ‘You’re getting a little baby pooch,’ he murmured fondly, rubbing the slight bump of my tummy, but then flinched as the muscle movement crinkled some of the cuts on his cheeks. Pushing his pain aside he continued to stare at my stomach and rub gently with his hand. ‘Christ, a baby …
our
baby,’ he murmured, sounding in awe. Before he could say any more a doctor strode into the room, followed by Nicholas and a sleepy-looking Rebecca who had been napping in the empty room next door.
Amazingly, even though it was the middle of the night, a team of specialist doctors and nurses appeared from nowhere over the next ten minutes. That’s obviously what hideously expensive private healthcare gets you, I suppose. The gathered medical team proceeded to spend the next hour running test after test, before finally looking content and announcing that Nathan was firmly on the road to recovery – news that obviously caused a simultaneous sigh of relief to escape from me, Nicholas, and Rebecca. The majority of Nathan’s tubes were removed before the doctors left us to our thankful celebrations, promising to come back again at nine o’clock in the morning to check on Nathan again.
The relief in the room was palpable, but so was the fatigue. Nicholas, Rebecca, and I had barely slept a wink in recent days and after a few more minutes talking with Nathan, Nicholas and Rebecca bid their goodbyes and headed for the door and a much needed rest.
Nathan gingerly removed himself from the bed before stretching out his muscles and lifting his eyebrows in surprise. ‘Actually, I feel surprisingly good,’ he stated before flashing me a wink and limping towards the bathroom.
Rolling off my shoulders in relief I drew in a long breath and walked towards the door to close the blinds. My eye was caught by the sight of Nicholas, who was still in the corridor outside speaking to an older lady with greyish blonde hair swept back in a loose chignon. Even from a distance the tension in his body was clear; his hands were clenched into fists at his side and his face taut, pale, and scowling. What on earth was the matter? Surely it couldn’t be any bad news about Nathan? But then as I watched them further I realised the woman was just wearing everyday clothes, admittedly rather tatty clothes, but she certainly didn’t appear to be a doctor.
Scanning the corridor I saw Rebecca was at the nurse’s station a few feet away flashing a concerned glance at him too, before nodding to the nurse and then hurrying to Nicholas’ side. I was just about to open the door to find out what was going on when Nicholas leant over the woman and growled something before pointing towards the stairs. The woman’s face briefly crumpled, before she seemed to gather herself, and after looking up and seeing me watching her she gave one final glance to Nicholas, turned, and pushed open the door to the stairwell.
Nicholas tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling for a moment before grabbing Rebecca’s hand and disappearing into a waiting lift carriage.
How very bizarre. I suppose after the tension of the last few days Nicholas might have bumped into her by accident and lost his temper? It was the only logical explanation I could come up with.
Just then the noise of Nathan coming back in from the en-suite made me turn, and the sight of him up and about and moving – all be it cautiously – had me smiling with relief and immediately forgetting the woman as I went to help him get back into bed.
It was like the news of Nathan’s good health had pulled the plug on my energy levels. I’d kept myself going for him over the last few days, but now I knew he was OK I suddenly felt the very conflicting emotions of complete jubilance counterbalanced with utter bone draining exhaustion.
‘You should go too, Stella, you must be so tired, it won’t be good for you, or our baby’.
Our baby
. Regardless of my need for sleep I couldn’t help but grin at his words. Gosh, the way Nathan said it made my insides positively blossom with warmth. ‘No, I’m staying here,’ I told him firmly, ‘I’ve been sleeping on the pull out bed,’ I said, jerking my head in the direction of the couch which I turned into a bed at night – not that I’d really slept a great deal. “Tossed and turned while frantically worrying” would have been more accurate. ‘I’ve not left this room for three days, Nathan, I’m certainly not leaving it now.’
The smile Nathan gave me was incredible, almost bright enough to light up the room and certainly powerful enough to make my legs weaken. ‘Come here,’ he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bed. With some difficulty he then somehow shifted himself across and patted the empty half with an irresistibly beseeching look on his face.
‘No, I shouldn’t, you need to rest, and besides, I might hurt you.’ Although by God I was tempted, I’d been so terrified I was going to lose him that I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do than climb in and snuggle up to him.
‘You’ll hurt me more if you don’t get in,’ he murmured, placing his good hand over his heart in an exaggerated fashion, but there was a hint of warning in his tone, a hint of the old Dominant Nathan seeping back in that I just couldn’t help but welcome. The return of Dominant Nathan meant he
really
was feeling better. ‘Besides, I don’t pay through the nose for private healthcare for nothing. Look at the size of this bed, there’s plenty of space.’ He did have a point, the bed was frigging huge, probably bigger than the double in my flat.
Seeing my continued hesitation Nathan raised his eyebrows, ‘Please?’ he added in an alluring tone, which was so sweet that it finally wore me down.
‘OK, but just until you fall asleep, then I’ll move,’ I said, trying for a firm tone but just ending up sounding really frigging excited. Grinning at my acquiescence he lifted the blanket to allow me to crawl in beside him, letting a small giggle of happiness escape my lips as I snuggled in closer to his warm, solid chest. After dreading the worst for the last few days I finally felt the tension and stress leave my body in a long, low breath as I relaxed into Nathan’s familiar one-armed embrace. I felt like I’d arrived home after an arduous journey, and it was an utterly amazing place to be.
‘Ugh, too many layers separating us,’ Nathan grumbled in mock irritation as he fingered the sleeve of my T-shirt. I felt like pointing out that he was dressed too, but then I felt a flutter of sickness as I belatedly realised that he hadn’t really had a choice, had he? He’d been unconscious and I’d had to helplessly look on as the nurses changed his thin hospital pyjamas every day.