Erotic Refugees (19 page)

“
Not sure,” Eoin said,
turning to his mother. “Weren't Bill and Áine coming by
today?”

“
Oh no, that'll be later
on, after dinner. When your father gets back.”

“
Ah, okay,” Eoin said.
“So we can go for a drive? You can watch Damien?”

“
Oh I doubt he'll even
notice you're gone. As long as he has that cat to torment he'll be
fine. Just be back by six.”

Eoin stood up, relieved to a
ridiculous extent that he was leaving the house for a while. “And
the biscuits. Just, you know, take it easy—”

“
Why don't you count
them?” Adrian suggested. “Or I know, let's just take them with us
and lock them in the boot!”

Eoin glared at him. “You're not
much help.”

“
Well, it’s my job to
torment, what can I say? Right then, let's get you into the car and
I'll show you some of the ugly lumps that people have been busy
blighting the landscape with around here. And”—he winked—“some fine
countryside.”

“
So the sisters have been
on your case then?”

Eoin grunted in reply. He was
sitting happily in the passenger’s seat, gazing out the window as
the fields and hedges slid past. It really was so ridiculously lush
in Ireland, an unruly explosion of plants and trees and grass
everywhere you looked. It was always a pleasant surprise to
rediscover it every time he came back.

“
Well they have nothing
else to worry about. Jen's still pining after that Darren who's
long gone, and Maura's Alex is about as controversial as a bowl of
chicken soup.”

“
It's just, they won't
shut up about it.”

“
And they won't either.
But just ignore them, they'll have found something else to go on
about the next time you're home. Somebody will have gotten a
tattoo, or bought a parrot, or whatever else passes for excitement
around here.”

Adrian adjusted the rear-view
mirror. They were driving along a small road with the sea flashing
into and out of view to their right. The window was open a crack
and the cool air breezed in past Eoin’s face carrying the barest
whiff of ocean.

Adrian nodded towards the
dashboard. “Have a rummage in the glove compartment, there's a few
items I brought along for the trip.”

Eoin popped the little door and
had a look inside, sincerely hoping that it was booze. His parents
were both teetotallers, which was a shame because if any house
needed some alcohol it was absolutely theirs. He pulled out a small
black purse.

“
You mean
this?”

“
Yeah, well, there is
that, although I meant the bottle of rum. Of course, if you're into
that instead, sure, fire away.”

Eoin shook the bag. “And this
is?”

“
Oh that’s just a bit of
pot.”

“
Aha.” Eoin shook it
again, not really having expected that answer. “Pot. Right. Isn't
that, like, stupid and dangerous to have in a car?”

Adrian reached down and shifted
gear. “Don't worry, if we get caught, I'd just use the escape
hatch. I never had the chance to try it out.”

Eoin stiffened. “Escape
hatch?”

“
Yup, right under your
left foot. See that square in the rug? Just press down on it
hard.”

Eoin lifted both his feet as he
studied the floor. It took a while to spot the hatch and when he
did he stared at it with deep suspicion.

Adrian nudged him. “Go on, it's
only a hole.”

It popped into Eoin's head that
Rob usually gave similar advice only in a completely different
context. He chuckled to himself and only returned his attention to
the floor when he felt Adrian looking at him.

“
Right, so if I just
stand on it…”

It took a bit of pressure and
the little hatch swung down. Eoin couldn't see the road passing
underneath but he could hear a change in the car's vibration. He
lifted his foot and it clamped shut again.

“
Anything you don't want
goes out there and hopefully falls under the back wheel, getting
nicely mangled. Or that's the theory anyway.”

“
So you made this because
you smoke so much pot that you think you might actually be stopped
by the cops?”

“
Nah, of course not, I
just like making holes in things. But if you want some, go right
ahead. I mean, I can't really smoke it while driving, but if
you—”

“
No, I'll
pass.”

“
It's only a bit of pot
Eoin, it's not heroin cut with, um, heroin, or whatever the kids
are into these days.”

“
No,” Eoin said again. “I
won't give Jenny the smallest chance to mess things up for me.
Because I know if I get into trouble for drugs, even a bit of pot,
she'll try and take him from me. She's said she would, and I
believe her, alright? So no, and you don't need to mention it
again.”

Adrian glanced at him and then
back at the road. “Eoin, my dear brother, you really are full of
crap sometimes. You think she'll really try to take the kid? Now
she knows how much work it is being a single parent? And sure, she
said lots of stuff when you broke up, but she was pissed at you! So
don't be planning your life around that, is all I’m saying.”

“
But she's the mother,
mothers always get the child—”

“
Yeah, if the dad's a
raving drunk or a rapist, maybe. No offence, but you're uptight and
dependable and a bit boring. You've got a stable job, and a flat,
and you pay your bills and you feed the ducks and you haven't done
any prison time. So despite what Jenny says, no-one is taking your
kid. Got it?”

Eoin nodded as he worked the
floor hatch idly with his foot. It all sounded logical when
somebody else said it but when it was bouncing around inside his
own head, in his own voice, it never seemed quite as
convincing.

“
Listen,” Adrian said as
he turned the car onto a smaller road. “It'll all blow over and
it'll all fade away. And one day it'll be gone and you'll wonder
what you were worrying about when you could have been doing other
stuff instead. Like getting laid. or smoking my pot.”

“
So what is this, your
pot-smoking Buddhist phase? Look, just give me some rum, that'll do
for me.”

Adrian swung the Merc up a
single-lane road. He made a sharp left and manoeuvred into a tiny
parking area at the foot of a stony slope. They grabbed the rum
bottle and the special pouch and opened the doors. When they
stepped out the sound of the crashing sea was very loud and very
close.

They ventured to the edge where
the ground broke into bare rock and fell horribly away. There was a
metal fence in place but Eoin still left a good stride between him
and the precipice. He stood on his toes to glimpse the water that
pounded the cliffs hard enough, even on this calm day, to make the
ground rumble. He swallowed and backed off.

Adrian led the way along a
small path that skirted the edge. After a while he swung off and
climbed directly up the slope, leading the way to a shallow cave
covered by a rocky overhang. There were no traces of humanity, not
even an old crisp packet, and Eoin understood this wasn't a place
people came to very often.

They settled down with their
backs to the rock wall. Their feet, stretched out before them,
reached almost to the lip of the cave. From this high vantage point
they couldn't see the cliff or the path below, only the sky and the
Irish Sea on its way to the horizon.

“
I suppose a touch of
this can't hurt,” Adrian said, pulling a joint from his little bag.
“It's fairly mild anyway.” He lit it with his petrol lighter and
sucked greedily. With a sigh he settled back against the rock as
the yellow smoke curled from his lips.

Eoin watched him for a while
and then, without a word, reached out for the joint. He hadn't
tasted marijuana for a long time and began to reacquaint himself
with the feeling of having his head turn in two directions at once.
He nodded in satisfaction and realised he should probably come to
Ireland and hang out with Adrian, and his special bag, a bit more
often.

On their slow and cautious way
back to the house they passed through Dundalk to pick up some
shopping. Eoin took the opportunity to visit an Internet café. He
was due a reply from Maria/Middle Mum and maybe something else had
turned up in his mail, from Rob or Alice, or maybe even—oh the
guilt—from Anja.

He noticed the red information
text on the start page as soon as he opened Diamond Date but didn't
think to read it. There were always red texts appearing on the
start page with words like “new” and “exciting” on them and Eoin
just filtered them out. He logged in and immediately saw the pert
little number 1 indicating a new message. He cracked his fingers
gleefully, wondering who it was from, and moved the pointer to open
it.

Then his hand stopped and he
stared at his profile. The smile leeched from his face. No, it
couldn't be. He leaned closer, feeling everything become fuzzy and
surreal. Shaking his head, he looked again and found it really was
there.

On his profile, directly
beneath the “single status” option where Eoin had chosen “have own
children” was a new drop-down box. It was circled in red to
indicate its newness and it bore the words “ledig barnvecka”, or
“child-free week”.

Eoin gaped at it. He looked
around to confirm that nobody was playing a trick on him, but there
was only one other customer in the place and he was busy with
something of his own. When he looked down again he saw it was still
there.

He edged the mouse towards the
drop-down and clicked it, revealing the options “doesn't apply”,
“odd week”, “even week” and “other”. He closed it and opened it a
few times and then sat back in his seat, feeling deflated.

They had, quite simply, been
scooped. Somebody else had taken their idea and ran with it to
Diamond Date, who had done it more simply and, more importantly,
done it first. Which meant everything they'd created and planned
was already swirling on its merry way down the toilet. All over
before it had even begun.

Chapter
21

The second Eoin returned to
Stockholm he called an emergency meeting of the project team. It
was Damien who picked the location of the meeting and, in his
wisdom, he chose “park an' big slide.” Eoin, having worked out by a
process of elimination which park that was, duly called the meeting
to order on a black and white chequered picnic blanket in the shade
of a horse-chestnut tree.

“
Fucking bad timing, if
you ask me,” Rob said as he rummaged through his picnic bag, which
was plastic and contained mostly beer. Milly thrust a pity chicken
drumstick at him. He shifted a can of beer into his left hand and
took it with a grateful nod.

“
No, it was more than
that,” Milly said. “It wasn't the world's best idea, but it was
good enough, and it's too much of a coincidence that somebody else
thought it up just now. I think one of us let it slip to somebody,
who told somebody at Diamond Date. And they just took
it.”

“
Nah,” Rob said. “No way,
that's just … ye think?”

Milly took a bite from her own
drumstick and moved it in a slow thoughtful circle. “I don't know,
but it gives us somebody to be angry at. So who did you tell?”

“
No-one who'd nick it.
Eoin, told anyone?”

“
Well no, not unless
Damien's been spreading it around at day-care. I'll ask him when he
gets off the slide.” He paused. “I did tell Alice
though.”

“
I shouldn't know this, I
suppose,” Milly said, “since you haven't told me, and I’ve never
met you before. But is this the same Alice you had some big fight
with and now you're not talking to?”

“
Now hold on there,” Eoin
said. “Of course it wasn't Alice that spread this around, I know
her, she wouldn't—”

“
Like ye knew all about
that thing with Andy, yeah?”

Eoin was thoughtful. Would
Alice do that, just for revenge? No, it felt wrong, not like Alice
at all. Although maybe she'd changed, since it had been a painfully
long time since they'd talked. He would really have to go sort it
out soon. Or maybe just give her a little longer to come to him,
and apologise, and do all the fixing for him. Which would, when he
thought about it, be much, much handier.

“
Put it like this,” Eoin
said. “I'm ninety percent sure it wasn't Alice. What about your
friends, Andy and them? They heard the whole thing too.”

“
No, not the lads.
They're a special bunch, but they'd never do that.”

Eoin cracked open a baguette
and sliced some Brie onto it. “Not even by accident?”

“
I bet if ye asked Eamonn
about it today he wouldn't remember a damn thing. The rest of them,
well, let's say it's like Alice, somewhere around ninety
percent.”

“
And your sister?” Milly
said. She drew her legs up and crossed them in front of her showing
off her orange-spotted tights. “Can you trust her not to gossip
about things?”

“
Well, no,” Rob said
shiftily. “It's all a tad tricky with Karen now, so let's say I'm
not hundred percent with her either. But who'd she tell in Sweden?
And who the hell does she know at Diamond Date?”

“
A few suspects then,”
Eoin said. “All of them a bit unconvincing. We might have to accept
we won't ever find out who did it.”

“
What I'd like to know,”
Rob said, “is how long they've known for? I mean, they must have
been planning this for ages. Diamond Date's a huge site and you
couldn’t make a change like that in a week or two. Hey Damo,
lookin' good!”