Esrever Doom (Xanth) (34 page)

“I made a deal with Demon Xanth,” Demon Earth replied. “He knew there was Demon-level interference in his domain, but did not know who was responsible. He needed an exterior investigator who would not reveal that he was searching for the miscreant Demon. One who would be immune to the effect of the Bomb. I provided that person in the form of a dream. Physical folk can be tracked, but not dream folk.”

“But then is Kody really at risk? Won’t he simply emerge from the dream if anything happens to him here?”

“If he dies here, he dies in Mundania. That provides him motive to make his best effort.”

Indeed, Kody thought sourly.

Yukay might have nodded, though she did not move. “Then he is at risk. Your claim is as valid as the others. I am unable to choose between them.”

“Is there another reasonably objective and sensible mortal?” Pluto asked.

“The man Ivan has no direct ties to the woman or the child at present risk,” Xanth said.

“Agreed,” the other three said. Kody realized that their spoken words must be only part of their total communication.

“What would each of you do with the Bogeyman, if you had jurisdiction?” Ivan asked without moving.

“I would put him in a vise and squeeze him until all his information relating to his appearance and action here in my domain emerged,” the Demon Xanth said. “Thereafter I might treat him unkindly, depending on my mood.”

“I would take him to my domain of Hades and make him the servant-man of my son, on pain of losing a finger or toe any time he balked,” the Demon Pluto said.

“I would take him to my domain, the chill planet Eris, and slowly freeze off that member with which he threatened my friend,” the Demoness Eris said.

“I would take him to my domain of Mundania and throw him into a prison for incorrigible rapists and child molesters, and let them have their way with him forever after,” the Demon Earth said.

Kody realized that the Demons were serious. They had the power and the ill will, and they did not fool around with wrongdoers.

“These are all worthy punishments,” Ivan said. “I am unable to choose between them.”

“Is there another reasonably objective mortal present?” Demon Earth asked.

“The griffin, being nonhuman and possessing a soul, is about as fair-minded as any,” Demon Xanth said.

“Agreed,” the other three said.

“Squawk.”

“Good point,” Demon Xanth said. “Technically, the mother has to give the child to the Bogeyman.”

“I did not!” Princess Eve said hotly. “I would never do that.”

“I will replay the sequence,” Demon Pluto said. “It occurred in our vacation residence in Xanth, Castle Windswept, an hour ago.”

The scene appeared inside the castle. Princess Eve, dark eyed, dark haired, and breathtakingly lovely as ever, was hurrying to make arrangements for the reception of a royal visitor. Plato was playing with something he had dug out from the garbage. It looked like half a squashed toad. In a moment he had animated it. The thing leaped just as Eve was carrying a vase of flowers to the family room table, and she almost stepped on it. “Eeeek!” she screamed. “Plato, I’ve told you a hundred times, not in the house!”

“Ninety-seven times,” the boy corrected her amiably.

“Take it out! If you don’t behave, the Bogeyman may get you.” She shook her head. “What would Princess Wenda think if that rotten thing jumped into her lap? She’d never agree to take you for a play date with her youngest!”

“Don’t want a play date with a girl,” Plato said truculently.

Eve made a gesture as of tearing her hair out in handfuls. “Oh, I wish Zosi were here to governess you. She’d make you appreciate the value of girls.”

“Never.”

“Remember, she’s a zombie.”

Plato reconsidered. “Yeah. She’s fun.”

Eve looked at the squirming dead toad in his hand. “
Now.
”

The boy knew better than to argue further. He took the undead toad out and let it go. Then he saw another dead thing lying in the grass not far away. He went to it and animated it. Then he saw another farther from the castle. He continued walking and animating, paying no attention where he was going.

The sequence ended. “Now we have the answer,” Pluto said. “She did not give him to the Bogeyman. He lured my son away without cause.”

“But she did mention the Bogeyman,” Demon Earth said.

“She said ‘may.’ That’s supposition, not permission.”

“It’s a technicality. It was a definite threat.”

Demon Xanth glanced at Zap. “Verdict?”

“Squawk.”

“More indecision,” Demoness Eris said.

“We need another suggestion,” Demon Xanth said.

“Squawk.”

“Now that will do,” Demon Earth said.

“Let them settle it themselves while we watch,” Demoness Eris agreed.

“And wager on the outcome,” Demon Pluto said.

“So be it,” Demon Xanth said.

Then the motion of the group of them resumed. Zap got there first, striking with beak and talons. The Bogeyman dropped the boy and let go of Wenda, who caught Plato before he hit the ground. He fended off the griffin and poised a fist to strike back. Obviously he was neither afraid nor weak.

Kody was next. He caught the poised arm and hauled it back. It felt like a two-by-four rather than flesh and bone. Indeed, this creature was tough.

The Bogeyman turned on him, poising the other fist.

Zosi caught it. The stroke hauled her along, but was slowed enough to allow Kody to dodge out of its way.

Even with his arms encumbered, the monster was far from helpless. The Bogeyman’s face came up to Kody’s face. His ratlike mouth opened wide, wider than any mortal man could manage, showing horrendous pointed yellow teeth. He lunged at Kody’s face, those teeth snapping. But Kody, getting belatedly smart, flipped a chip into that gaping orifice.

The face paused. Then the mouth snapped shut, as had happened with the dragon, its impetus reversed. The Bogeyman couldn’t bite his head off.

Ivan dived for the creature’s legs. He hauled them up, and the Bogeyman was toppled to the ground. But still he fought with demonic strength. Kody feared the creature would not tire, and would overcome them all before long.

Kody let go and drew his sword. He chopped at the thing’s exposed arm. The sword dug in slightly. He chopped again, but again made little progress. Two-by-four? More like concrete! The thing was truly invulnerable.

Through it all the four Demons watched impassively. They did not help or intervene; they merely waited. Kody realized that this was part of their nature: to let mortals sort things out without interference, to settle some obscure wager. It was their way of randomizing the decision.

“I think we have a problem,” Ivan said.

“I’m not going to let this freak eat the child,” Kody said. “Or molest Princess Wenda. There has to be a way.”

“There is no way,” the Bogeyman said, speaking through his shut mouth. “Soon you will all be mine.”

Kody pondered. The Bogeyman’s body was odd in several ways, apart from its ugliness and invulnerability. It looked almost as if it had been assembled piecemeal, like Frankenstein’s monster. Then he got a notion. It wasn’t sufficient to light a bulb, but it was worth trying, just in case.

He took hold of the creature’s arm again, holding it firmly. He still had the strength to do that, at least briefly. Then he flipped a chip at the shoulder joint.

And the arm came off. The chip had reversed the connection.

Well, now. Kody kicked the arm away from the body. It rolled and stopped, flexing at the elbow joint, like a severed serpent’s tail. Then he oriented on the other arm. In a moment he had reversed its fastening too. Then the two legs. The thing was now largely helpless. Still invulnerable in whole or in parts, but unable to move.

“What about the head?” Yukay asked.

“Don’t you dare!” the Bogeyman said.

Kody flipped a chip at the neck. It disengaged and the head rolled free. “Bleep!” it swore. “When I get myself back together, I will make you utterly sorry! All of you!”

“Then we had better see that he never gets back together,” Yukay said. “How can we best do that?”

They considered, and decided that they should bury each part by itself, far from the others. “I can dew it,” Wenda said. “One by one.”

Kody handed her an arm, which still flexed on its own, its fingers clenching spasmodically. That gave him the creeps, but he didn’t say so. Wenda took it and disappeared, doing her traveling thing.

“We can bury the torso right here,” Yukay said. “That’s apart from the limbs and head.”

“I will get together again,” the head said grimly. “In time.”

“Maybe in several centuries,” Yukay said. “If we don’t find a way to destroy your parts first.”

“My maker will come and make you sorry.”

“Oh? And who is your maker?”

But now the head was silent. That was too bad, because it could have been highly significant information. It occurred to Kody that the same person or thing that had sent the Bogeyman could have sent the Bomb.

They used the legs as spades and dug in the ground. The work was slow, but steady. Wenda returned and took the other arm for distant burial. Then she returned for one leg, and the other. Finally, as they were ready to bury the body, she came for the head.

“You’ll never get away with this, woodbottom,” the head said.

“One more chance, before I throw yew into the sea for the krakens to play with,” Wenda said evenly. “Who sent yew here to consume innocent children?”

The head was silent.

Wenda took it and disappeared. The others dropped the torso into the hole and used their hands to push the dirt in over it.

“The issue has been settled,” Demon Xanth said. “The Bogeyman did not get the boy.”

Princess Eve ran to swoop up her son. “Oh, that scene reminded me,” she said. “About that play date—”

“Of course,” Wenda said. “My little girl loves ooky things. That’s why she was unadoptable.”

“She does?” Plato asked.

“She sticks her fingers in and licks them off,” Wenda said. “Ugh! I’ve told her a hundred times it’s unprincessly, but she keeps doing it.”

Plato looked at her.

“Well, maybe only ninety-seven times,” Wenda confessed. But the boy was satisfied: the play date might be worthwhile after all.

Princess Eve looked at Zosi. “That scene also reminded me—”

Zosi burst into tears.

“She’s working on it,” Kody said quickly, putting his arm around Zosi. “First she wants to be sure I succeed in my Quest.”

Princess Eve gave them both a long, thoughtful look. Her talent was knowing anything about nonliving things, but she seemed to be getting a fair notion of their case. “We hope you do too.”

“Meanwhile, I won the wager,” Demon Pluto said. “One percent of a status point from each of you.”

“Agreed,” the three others said morosely.

“You bet on our son’s life?” Princess Eve asked her husband sharply.

“It is the Demon way.”

“Not when it’s your son. Give those points back!”

“But dear—”

“
Now.
” There was that in her tone that brooked no denial, even by a Demon.

The Demon Pluto made a resigned gesture with one hand. The three other Demons snapped their fractional points out of the air, smiling.

“Lady Eve, we like you,” the Demon Earth said.

“You’d like me less if you had married me,” Eve said bluntly. Demon Pluto nodded faintly.

They laughed together, including Demoness Eris. Then all four Demons disappeared. Their scene was done.

“Thank yew so much for helping me save the boy,” Wenda said to Kody and the others. “I wood have been in bad trouble without yew.”

“You’re welcome,” Kody said.

“It was nice to meet you again,” Princess Eve said. “I really appreciate what you did.”

“You’re welcome,” Kody repeated.

“This way to Castle Windswept,” Princess Eve said, and she and Princess Wenda started walking, each of them holding a hand of the boy. Soon they were gone.

“Wow,” Ivan said. “I understand Demons are so powerful that a sequence like this occupies only one percent of their attention.”

“Which accounts for that one percent of a status point,” Yukay said.

“Yet even so, Demon Pluto’s mortal wife bosses him around.”

“That is universal, in marriage,” Yukay said. “See that you remember it.”

“Warning taken.” He shook his head. “I know in real life she’s a beauty. I saw her in Hades. But with the Curse it’s hard to imagine how Eve could impress Pluto.”

“Demons are immune, I think,” Yukay said. “They have their own domains where it doesn’t apply. Meanwhile, what an experience we just had: four Demons came on the scene and interacted with us directly. I rather doubt that has ever happened before in Xanth.”

“And provided me with significant information about my presence here and the nature of the challenge,” Kody said. “Is it a foreign Demon responsible for the Curse?”

“That seems likely, now,” Yukay said. “I suppose it could be one of the four we just saw, but I find that hard to believe. They came across to me as essentially people, unimaginably powerful, but still people at heart. Maybe it’s because they married mortals, and got half souls. A soul makes a huge difference.”

“Squawk,” Zap agreed.

“They married mortals?” Kody asked.

Yukay counted them off on her fingers. “Pluto married Eve, as we saw. Eris married Jumper Spider, who had acquired a soul. Xanth married Chlorine, a mortal girl. And Earth—um, I don’t think he married, actually, but he had a serous interest in a mortal woman. About the only other Demon who has seriously interacted with the Land of Xanth is Fornax, from whom we got Counter Xanth.” She paused thoughtfully. “Her nose might be out of joint about that.”

“Fornax? Isn’t that a stellar system?”

“A foreign galaxy. One with reversed substance. But to Demons physical things are only real estate. Still, I wonder.”

“Assume it is Fornax,” Kody said. “Who wants to get back at Demon Xanth in a way that can’t be traced directly to her. Does that make sense?”

“Too much sense,” Yukay said. “I think we had better assume that that is what we are up against: a vengeful Demon who must act indirectly.”