Esrever Doom (Xanth) (37 page)

Kody got down beside Naomi. “Are you in control?” he asked.

“Kody,” she said. “Kiss me.”

He smiled. “Naomi, you’re not dying. I did not just kill you. You are no longer a ghost. You are alive again.”

She looked around dazedly. “Can that be so?”

“Maybe you had better kiss her after all,” Yukay said. “Zosi permitting.”

Kody glanced at Zosi. She nodded.

He put his mouth to Naomi’s mouth. She remained naked, but this was not a romantic ploy. He kissed her.

She fainted.

“I think we have seen what you Mundanes would call a miracle,” Yukay said. “The dead have returned to life.”

“But will it last?” Zosi asked.

“She swallowed the chip,” Kody said. “If her system digests it, and it becomes part of her, maybe the effect will last.”

“Her beauty is certainly gone,” Ivan said. “That NoAmi might have been bad, but she was almost blindingly pretty.”

“Or it’s like the flip of a switch,” Yukay said. “Once the change is made, it stays made. NoAmi might try to take back the body, but her bit of soul would not be able to dislodge Naomi’s larger portion, now that she has possession.”

“Let’s hope so,” Zosi said. “I like Naomi.”

“Even though she has a thing for Kody?”

“It means she has good taste.”

They laughed, though it was more relief than humor. “If she turns pretty again,” Kody told Ivan, “let us know instantly.”

“Got it,” Ivan agreed.

Then Yukay and Zosi got to work finding and putting clothes on her, while the men and Zap returned their attention to Sniffer.

“I can do that,” Naomi said.

“You don’t need to dig,” Kody said. “Just rest.”

“No, I mean I can fetch Sniffer out more readily. Hold my tail.” She changed into her serpent form, sliding out of her new clothing. She slithered to the hole and down into it, headfirst.

Kody jumped to grab her tail. He held it as the rest of her disappeared in the hole. He was faintly surprised at how firmly singular it was, instead of the two legs she had before; sometime he would have to watch more closely as she converted, to see exactly what changed how.

After a moment the tail wriggled in his grasp. He hauled it up, and slowly the serpent emerged. Her jaws had hold of one of Sniffer’s hind wheels; she was dragging the little robot up. She did not let go until all of her was out and Sniffer was safely back on the ground.

Ivan came to tend Sniffer, putting in more sticks, checking the slightly bent antenna. “No real damage done,” he reported.

Yukay and Zosi checked Naomi similarly as she changed back to human form, and re-dressed her. Then, reorganized, they followed Sniffer toward the Bomb.

Sniffer came to a great gnarly old beer-barrel tree, its foliage thin and worn, its beer long since tapped and gone. It was just a hollow shell. It reminded Kody of one of the African baobab trees.

“Inside here?” Kody asked.

Sniffer beeped negatively.

“In the foliage,” Yukay said.

They looked up, but didn’t see it.

“Boost me up,” Yukay told Ivan. “I’ll find it.”

Ivan heaved her up, one hand on her bottom, obviously not turned on. Unless he held his chip, he had no appreciation of her body. She scrambled up into the foliage. In a moment they heard her yell. “I’ve got it, I think.”

Soon she was down with the object. It looked to Kody like nothing so much as a television remote control unit. But it pulsed with power. Could this really be it? The fabulous Bomb that they had scoured all Xanth for?

“It seems to be set on Button Number One,” Yukay said. “Can we simply turn it off?”

Kody took it, but found no power switch. There was only what resembled a channel-changing button. So he depressed that.

“Squawk!”

“Oh, my!” Ivan breathed.

Yukay turned to him. “What do you see?”

“A beautiful woman.”

Yukay turned to Zosi. “True?”

“True,” Zosi said.

“Then we have done it! We have turned off the Bomb!”

“But I didn’t turn it off,” Kody protested. “The power light remains on. I think I merely changed the station.”

“Station?” Yukay asked.

“The setting. I think it is now doing something else.”

“But the Curse is gone,” Ivan said.

“I don’t trust this,” Kody said. “I want to know exactly what it is doing now.”

“Squawk.”

Kody looked at Zap. “You have an idea?”

GERM

“I don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, Zap, I’m sure you have something in mind, but I need more information.”

“Play Nineteen Questions,” Yukay suggested. “We’ll run it down.”

They did. Yukay was good at it. It turned out that Zap had very fine eyesight. So fine that she could even see floating germs in the air. Some of them lived quite rapidly, so that it was possible to see them evolving. And they were evolving backward.

Now they understood. The Bomb had shifted its reversal magic to a new venue. Now it was making living things live backward. All of them were getting younger, rather than older.

“But this is great!” Yukay said. “We won’t have to see ourselves grow old and wrinkled. We can return to the prime of our youth.”

“And zombies,” Zosi said. “If they live backwards too, they will be healing rather than constantly sloughing off parts of themselves. This can solve my Quest!”

Kody shook his head. “Where does it stop? When you return to childhood, and finally get undelivered by the stork?”

Yukay closed her eyes in seeming pain. “Bleep! That’s no good either.”

“This device must be from the Demoness Fornax,” Kody said. “Whose association you said is reversed substance. That’s what I call contra-terrene matter. CT, SeeTee. Antimatter. The exact opposite of normal matter. Naturally her creations reverse things. This is a gift horse we are going to have to look in the mouth. I doubt we can afford to allow it to run on any setting.”

“We must destroy it,” Yukay agreed grimly. “And I’ll bet it is indestructible.”

Kody turned the device over. On the bottom was a panel. He slid the panel aside. Beneath it was a flashing red button. “I think it has a self-destruct button.”

“Squawk!”

“I take your point,” Kody said. “A device this powerful must have a huge amount of energy. When it destroys itself, there may be an explosion that takes out whoever pushes the button, plus a good bit of surrounding landscape.” He slid the panel shut. “I think we need to think about this.”

The others nodded. This could be no casual decision.

16

B
OMB

“At least let’s try some other settings,” Yukay said. “Just in case there’s one we like.”

“How do the rest of you feel about that?” Kody asked.

“Why not?” Ivan asked.

“Squawk,” Zap agreed.

“Yes,” Zosi agreed faintly.

“Should I vote?” Naomi asked. “I did betray you.”

“You did not betray us,” Yukay said. “You sacrificed your life to stop from doing that. Now you have it back. You are one of us.”

Naomi looked at the others. They nodded. She looked directly at Zosi. “You know I have a thing for Kody. I can’t help it. I want to flash him, and, you know. So maybe I should go away.”

“We’ve been through this before,” Zosi said. “Stay.”

“But—”

“If you keep arguing, I’ll tell him to kiss you.”

The others laughed. “Let’s
all
flash him,” Yukay said, hoisting her skirt. “Panties galore!”

Kody looked away and scrunched his eyes shut. In one and a half moments, when he judged it was safe, he opened them again. Three skirts were just dropping back into place. Ivan stood frozen; he had not blinked in time. He had not yet completely adjusted to the disappearance of the Curse, so was careless where he looked.

“Which one of us got him?” Yukay asked.

“Does it matter?” Zosi asked in turn.

“Yes! By rights it should be me.”

“I think it was. He’s facing you.”

“So he is.” Yukay went up to Ivan and snapped her fingers. “Wake!”

Ivan woke. “Huh?”

“Caught you looking,” Yukay said.

Then Naomi nodded too. “Then I vote yes.”

So they were agreed. Kody pushed the switch.

Nothing seemed to happen. But of course none of them trusted that. They simply needed to figure out what the change was. What had been reversed?

“Kody,” Yukay said after three-quarters of a moment. “You’re holding the Bomb. Shouldn’t Naomi have it?”

Kody was surprised by this, as it seemed to relate to nothing. “Why?”

“She’s the leader of the Quest, isn’t she? So she should have it.”

“I suppose I am,” Naomi said. “I hadn’t realized it before.”

“But just moments ago, you were uncertain whether you even belonged in the Quest,” Kody said.

“Moments ago I was evidently confused,” Naomi said.

“Squawk.”

They looked at Zap.
REVERSAL

“It reversed the leadership!” Yukay exclaimed. “Putting the least certain one in charge.”

“Did it also demote Kody?” Zosi asked.

“No,” Kody said. “But I am immune to the effects of the Bomb.”

“And this must be happening throughout Xanth,” Yukay said. “The king must be at the bottom, and the lowliest laborer will be king. I don’t think that’s wise.”

Kody pushed the switch again.

“Oh, I’m glad that’s over,” Naomi said. “I had no idea how to be a leader.”

“But what effect is it having now?” Yukay asked.

“And why did I ever think I liked Kody?” Naomi asked. “He totally turns me off.”

“I agree,” Zosi said. “I hate him.”

Kody felt his jaw dropping. “Zosi—”

“Don’t touch me!” she snapped.

“Squawk!”

“OMG!” Yukay said, employing an unXanthly interjection. “You’re right, Zap. It reversed feeling! Making friends enemies, and lovers into haters.”

Kody quickly touched the switch again.

“Oh, Kody, I’m sorry!” Zosi said. “I don’t know what came over me!”

“You love him most,” Yukay said. “The reversal made you hate him most.”

“Don’t go back to that one!” Zosi said tearfully.

“I can’t. The button seems only to go forward. If we find a setting we like, we can stay on it, or maybe loop back to it.”

Yukay looked around. “I never noticed before how ugly this landscape is.”

“Revolting,” Naomi agreed.

“Squawk.”

“Right, Zap,” Ivan said. “Xanth is a garbage dump.”

“Now it’s reversing scenic appreciation,” Yukay said. “This was a lovely region before the switch.”

Kody considered. “The landscape looks the same to me as ever. But of course I’m no judge, being immune. It strikes me that this Bomb setting is less onerous than the others have been. Maybe we should leave it here for now.”

“I wonder why it’s called the Bomb?” Yukay asked. “So far it hasn’t exploded.”

“I seems more like an aerosol bomb,” Kody said. “Diffusing its poisons into the environment, accomplishing its purpose more subtly.”

“And exactly what
is
its purpose?” Naomi asked.

“I see it as a Demon plot,” Yukay said. “Or more likely a Demon game, a wager of some sort. Toss in this disruptive thing and watch the ants scurry around trying to deal with it. Did you notice how we had four actual Demons show up together, besides the Bogeyman, and not one of them ever mentioned the Bomb or the Curse? Probably because that is for us to deal with, to settle their bet.”

“And the Quest put in the hands of the one person immune to the Bomb’s effect,” Naomi said. “That can’t be pure chance.”

“It can’t be,” Yukay agreed. “So he can’t be corrupted by it. Not only is he immune, he isn’t staying here. So he just wants to get the job done and go home.”

“I do,” Kody agreed. “Except that after coming to know the group of you, especially Zosi, I’m not so eager to go home yet. I don’t believe I ever associated with women in this manner before.”

“What, only as sex objects?” Yukay asked.

“No, not at all,” Kody said, nettled. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Squawk.”

He looked at Zap.
TEASING.
Oh. The griffin sometimes seemed to be more alert to human nuances than the humans were.

“It’s the way of the Quest,” Yukay said. “An unlikely group of folk get together, and by the time they’re done, they’re fast friends, and some even marry. We’ll always be friends, even if we never see each other again.”

Zosi did not comment, but her tears started flowing.

“Oh, Zosi!” Kody said. “The end of the Quest is not necessarily the end of our association. NoAmi pointed out that the dream pass the Night Stallion gave me must be to let me re-enter
this
dream, to visit Xanth for a few hours when I sleep in Mundania. So I can see you again.”

Zosi was speechless, so Ivan spoke. “Can this be trusted? NoAmi was our enemy.”

“She was your enemy,” Naomi agreed. “But she was not a liar. I know that much about her. Anyway, it’s just conjecture. It does seem to make sense.”

“She was using it as a reason for me to give up the Quest,” Kody said. “That I could return without completing it.”

“Oh, Kody!” Zosi said, coming to him. “That gives me reason to stay alive.”

Which in turn would enable the completion of
her
Quest, as she governessed young Plato until he could make new zombies. It did indeed make sense. But mainly, it meant he could be with her regularly, if only a few hours at a time. That was enormously better than losing her forever.

“It occurs to me,” Kody said, “that not only was my selection artful, but that the tools I needed to accomplish my Quest were also rather conveniently put in my hands. The chessboard, for example, and the sword, and of course my magic talent. To make sure it was possible. So the Demon wager would be fair. I was set up for this in every detail.”

“The way of the Quest,” Yukay repeated. “Demons set these things up, then watch them play out without interference.”

But he still intended to complete it. Obviously just stopping the Curse was not enough; he had to find a way to permanently nullify the Bomb.

“So I think I need to use that self-destruct switch,” Kody said. “But I fear it will blow me up when I do. What I don’t know is whether that will represent the completion of my mission, so that I’ll wake in Mundania, or whether it will mean I die here in Xanth, and therefore in my Mundane body too. Regardless, I think we need to find some real estate that can be spared, so that no one else gets hurt.”