Every Breaking Wave (12 page)

Her tone was skeptical and the enthusiasm was waning from her voice.

“No, Amy…I don’t mean we’re in a relationship,” I said, framing the word with air quotes. “I just don’t think we’ll be doing a whole lot of dating…as in going out together to get to know each other. I’ve got Noah and I don’t think that’s where Jeremy and I are right now.”

“What are you saying then?”

“I’m not even sure myself. I think we’re just going to see where things lead.”

“And have a little fun while doing that I hope?” she nudged me again, the playfulness returning.

“Who knows?” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

“I’m proud of you, Beth,” she said and I openly scoffed.

“There’s nothing to be proud of. When I run a marathon or win teacher of the year, then you can be proud of me.”

“Stop being so…” she said, closing her eyes as she struggled to find her words. “Stop being so you!”

I glared at her and she glared back, puckering her face the way she used to when we were kids that always made me laugh. It still worked like a charm and a second later we were both cracking up.

“No, seriously,” she said a few moments later when we’d collected ourselves. “This is a big step for you. Huge actually and I think you may finally begin to realize your worth.”

Her words stung my heart and she was looking at me seriously, her face completely devoid of the silliness from only moments before.

“You, little sister,” she said, staring right at me as she pointed to me. “You are special and you deserve to be treated as such and loved to the point it hurts.”

“I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself, Amy,” I said quietly.

“Maybe I am, but who gives a shit? I’m not saying Jeremy’s the one, but he’s a good guy. I can see it on your face and no matter what happens, you’re on your way to loving yourself again after that asshole of an ex-husband of yours destroyed you. That’s all that matters.”

Her arms were around me a second later, hugging me tightly. Amy was right. I didn’t know the future with Jeremy or if he was even in my future. All I knew was how I felt and how he’d made me feel and it was a feeling I didn’t want to soon forget.

Eleven

Amy left the next morning and I hated to see her go. Noah wanted Spencer and Brent to stay longer, but truthfully, as much as I loved my nephews, I’d be glad to have our house return to the quiet little place I’d grown accustomed to.

Jeremy showed up just as we were finishing our breakfast to perform the weekly mowing. It felt a little strange to have him tending to the house like an employee when he was hardly that anymore. He wasn’t even just a friend anymore, he was more than that. Still, the grass did need to be cut and I really didn’t mind watching his muscles flex under the weight of the weed whacker.  I knew I should jump right up and go say hello, but something kept me at the table, watching him as he worked. Noah wasn’t as patient as me because as soon as he ate his last bite of Cheerios, he got up and ran outside. I quickly followed, wanting to make sure he didn’t run up on Jeremy.

I hadn’t even showered yet. My hair was still in the messy bun I’d slept in and I was wearing my sweats and t-shirt. I hadn’t even had the notion to wash my face before bed so I was certain I looked like a tired raccoon.  For some reason though, I didn’t care and I didn’t think Jeremy would either.

Almost like he could sense us approaching, the weed whacker stopped and he turned around, flashing me that smile that always did me in, dimples included. There was something different about the smile this morning. Maybe it was because it was accompanied by his traveling eyes that moved up my body, looking at me approvingly. I don’t know how he could find someone dressed so slovenly attractive, but something told me did.

“Hey,” he said, his timid voice telling me he was as curious about our new relationship as I was. My eyes settled on his mouth, my lips telling me to go plant a big one on his waiting lips, wanting to feel them again.

“Good morning,” is what I settled on instead.

Noah gave him a big hug and Jeremy patted his back before he wandered off to watch a butterfly that had landed on one of the hydrangeas.

“How’s the arm?” Jeremy asked, gesturing to my cast.

“It’s fine,” I told him and then I noticed his smile transform into more of a smirk.

“I know it’s green and all, but I think it may actually clash with the Green Monster.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“Fenway Park.”

“I know the Green Monster is the wall in left field, Jeremy. What does my cast have to do with it?”

“Well,” he began slyly. “I told you Bill would love you forever and me too, of course, for winning the game that humiliated Chester.”

“What are you getting at?” I asked, folding my arms and looking at him curiously.

“He called me this morning, offering me Red Sox tickets for tomorrow’s game as a thank you. I was wondering if you and Noah would like to join me?”

I stood in silence for a moment, not quite knowing what to say. A road trip with Jeremy with Noah in tow? It could be a recipe for disaster or great success.

“Boston’s not exactly a day trip.”

“Which is why we could get a hotel, separate rooms of course, and maybe go to the aquarium or the children’s museum as long as we’re there.”

“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?” I arched an eyebrow at him, one side of my mouth rising up in a grin.

“Of course I’m serious. Bill says the boat will be ready on Monday and I’d like to spend some quality time with you and Noah before I’m no longer available at your beck and call.”

“You haven’t been at my beck and call.”

“I have. You just haven’t realized it.”

We locked eyes, both of us grinning like stupid teenagers.

“Okay,” I finally said.

“Okay what?”

“Okay we’ll go to Boston with you.”

“Excellent,” he grinned triumphantly. “Now, I need to get back to work. Go inside and stop distracting me.”

“I’m distracting you?” I smiled coyly, surprised at my boldness and his eyes moved over my body again.

“You come out dressed as adorably as you are now and you don’t think I’ll be distracted?” he said, taking those few steps that separated us, stopping when he was close enough that I could smell his cologne or body wash or whatever it was that made him smell so good. “I’m very distracted, Beth.”

His hand rested on my arm and I could feel the warmth where our skin met and when I looked into his eyes, only inches from mine, I had to stop myself from leaning in and devouring him. I had to remind myself we were in public, completely on display for any prying eyes, especially the eyes of my son.

“Then I’ll go inside and stop distracting you,” I whispered and his hand left my arm, moving to my chin, gripping it gently as his eyes focused on my mouth for a moment before moving back to my eyes.

“You’re so damn cute,” he said and before I could register what was happening, he’d planted a kiss on my lips, chaste and sweet to pacify the immediate longing, but all it did was tease me and show me there was so much more I wanted.

~~~

If I wasn’t already convinced that Jeremy liked me, I knew by the end of our drive to Boston that he did. I was fairly certain he was going to be up for sainthood too. Noah was in rare form on the drive. He’d been excited to go, but by the second hour in his car seat, he’d had it. We’d stopped at a rest area for snacks and a bathroom break, which, of course, Noah refused to use and when told we still had an hour to go, he wouldn’t get back in the car. It took Jeremy and me both to get him into the seat and strap him in, him yelling at us the whole time. It took everything in my power not to cry in frustration, but once we were finally ready to go, Jeremy looked over at me after buckling his seat belt and starting the SUV. I was biting back tears and Noah continued to whimper in the backseat.

“Hey,” Jeremy said softly, taking my hand and leaning in close to me over the console. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry about his behavior,” I choked out. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Don’t be.”

He’d raised my hand to his lips, kissing it softly before pulling onto the interstate to tackle the last hour.

Luckily Noah eventually settled down and occupied himself with his tablet and other than spilling a bag of Cheetos all over Jeremy’s backseat, we made it to the T station without any major catastrophes. Noah was still crabby when we walked onto the platform to wait for the train to take us into the city. I never understood why he couldn’t be like other children and sleep in the car. At least he would’ve been quiet and rested then.

The sight of the train seemed to turn his attitude around and he was like a different child after that.

We went to the aquarium first and Noah loved it. While we’d been to the one in Mystic, Connecticut, he’d been younger and watching him and Jeremy in the touch tank and checking everything out made me almost forget the nightmare of the trip in.

The game was at seven and we were all tired. Noah definitely needed a nap. I needed to rest and even if he wouldn’t admit it, Jeremy needed a break. We’d gotten a hotel downtown. I didn’t even want to think about the cost, but Jeremy refused to let me pay for mine and Noah’s room. I’d tried to protest, but he insisted and I finally gave up trying.

Noah crashed while watching an episode of
SpongeBob
and I was surprised when I nodded off myself and even more surprised when the sound of my phone woke me up.

I sighed when I saw it was Darren and I carefully crawled off the bed, going into the bathroom and closing the door, hoping the phone hadn’t woken Noah.

“Hello?” I tried to put my annoyance aside when I answered. “Be mature,”
I always told myself when it came to dealing with my ex.

“Hi, Beth.” At least I got a greeting this time around. “Can I talk to Noah?”

“He’s napping right now.”

“He’s napping right now?” There was confusion in Darren’s voice. “It’s nearly four o’clock. He doesn’t nap this late.”

“We had a busy day.”

“What’d you do and why do you sound like you’re in a tunnel?” he asked, obviously noticing the echoing from the bathroom.

“Why are you hounding me, Darren?”

“I’m Noah’s father, Beth. I agreed to let you take him to Maine for the summer. I have a right to know what’s going on in his life.”

I sighed, trying to keep my cool. Darren had a point, even if I didn’t want to agree with him. He
was
Noah’s father and he could’ve raised a big fuss about me bringing him to Travers Cove for the summer, but he hadn’t. I didn’t want to do anything to piss him off so that he would demand I bring him home.

“We’re in Boston.”

“Boston?” Darren exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing in Boston?”

“We’re going to the Red Sox game tonight,” I said and the line grew so silent I thought the call had been dropped. “Hello?”

“I’m here,” Darren said and then there was a pause again before he spoke. “You’re taking Noah to his first game?”

“I got some tickets and thought it’d be a fun overnight trip,” I told him, leaving out the part that Jeremy had come with us.

“I always planned to take Noah to Fenway for the first time, you know that.”

“I’m sorry, Darren, but I didn’t know that. You talked about taking Noah, but I didn’t know you called dibs on his first time,” I said calmly, but he would’ve had to have been an idiot not to pick up on my sarcasm.

“Can you just tell him I called and that I’ll call him tomorrow?” he asked, but I could hear the edge in his voice.

He was angry. Part of me felt badly. I didn’t expect Darren to be this upset about it, but obviously he was.

“I’ll tell him and I’ll make sure to get some good pictures to show you,” I said, hoping my gesture of goodwill would make him feel better.

I shouldn’t care how Darren felt, but I knew if I was looking forward to something with Noah and Darren ended up sharing it with him instead, I’d be hurt too. Darren may be a cheating bastard with no regard for the sanctity of our marriage, but he’d always be Noah’s father, which meant a part of me would always care about him.

“Thanks.”

His voice was curt and then the line was dead. I sighed, setting the phone on the counter and then staring at myself in the mirror. Being divorced co-parents was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I wanted to get it right. I didn’t want Noah to suffer for our mistakes, but more and more I was starting to feel like a complete failure.

Before I had any more time to wallow in my guilt, the phone rang. I was afraid it would be Darren again, wanting to add one more zing to our conversation, but I was relieved to see it was Jeremy.

“Hey. Are you guys ready to go?” he asked after I’d picked up.

“Not quite,” I sighed. “We’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“You okay?”

“I’m just a little groggy. We’ll be out soon,” I said and hung up the phone. 

I hated lying to him, but he didn’t need to be burdened with this problem.

I woke Noah, who wasn’t as grumpy as I anticipated, slipped on our Red Sox t-shirts and walked out to the hall where Jeremy was waiting for us. He was leaning against the wall, doing something on his phone, his head down, his face hidden by the faded Red Sox cap he wore so often.

“Sorry to keep you,” I said and his head whipped up, his dark eyes peeking at me from under the brim of the hat.

“You two must’ve been beat,” he said as we walked to the elevator, Noah reaching up and taking his hand.

“We were,” I said as we began our descent, stepping out onto the street a few moments later.

“Are you ready for your first time at Fenway Park, Noah?” Jeremy asked as they continued to hold hands as we made our way to the T stop.

“Yes!” Noah exclaimed and by the smile that spread on Jeremy’s face, I couldn’t tell who was more excited. 

It’d been years since I’d been to Fenway Park, but it was just as electric as I remembered.  The energy and smells of the food vendors on Yawkey Way brought me back to my childhood when my parents brought Amy and me to a game every summer.  I watched the smile on Noah’s face as he looked around, holding mine or Jeremy’s hand and I was glad to be with him to share in the experience.

We were going to grab a bite from a restaurant near the ballpark, but Noah quickly became enamored with the vendors and began begging for a hot dog. I couldn’t deny him his first Fenway Frank and Noah ate it eagerly, sitting on the sidewalk while the crowd began to descend onto Fenway.

I was worried Noah would get fidgety and want to leave, but he didn’t. He watched most of the game, mainly from mine or Jeremy’s laps. He couldn’t stop laughing when someone started bobbing a beach ball around the crowd and he started dancing during
Sweet Caroline
. I’d nearly forgotten about his hellish behavior on the drive up. Kids had a funny way of doing that: driving you to your breaking point one minute and with one look, they’re completely forgiven.

I was surprised Noah made it through the whole game, but he was so tired when we shuffled our way out that Jeremy scooped him up, Noah nearly falling asleep as he rested on Jeremy’s shoulder while we made our way back to the hotel. I got Noah cleaned up as best I could without requiring a full bath and then he slid into bed without any arguments. I read him a story while Jeremy sat on the other end of the bed. As I read the words, my eyes would drift to Jeremy, noticing the way he watched Noah. I didn’t think it would be easy to fall for someone after the way Darren had hurt me. I’d tried forcing myself not to by pushing Jeremy away, but the more time I spent with him, seeing the way he treated my son and the way he treated me, I was starting to realize it was easier than I thought because it was already happening.